Welcome to the Panic Brigade - Rule #1, Don't Think Twice

So, she's:

nicer than me (check)
friendlier than me (check)
more sociable than me (check)
more likeable than me (check)
better looking than me (obviously)!
younger than me (by a LOT)!
different to anyone I've ever met (check)

But goddamn, she's smarter than me??! Now that, THAT is just the ultimate kick in the teeth! So yes, maybe I was doing a spot of google/facebook stalking (so sue me, they shouldn't have taught us investigative journalism in uni) - and goddamn, a UAI that almost matches the dux from my college, all these academic awards and honours. I can't get over it. Like gah??! Que??! Shite, seriously, is there any more punishment that I can take in relation to this? I'm already not sleeping and not eating properly. It's only a matter of time before I wind up in hospital! But I never would have guessed. The thought had never crossed my mind. But it's there, in black and white, reputable websites and everything.

Shit! Ahhh! Did I mention previously that this was obsession? I just don't get it. This has called into question EVERYTHING. Did I think I had it all figured out before? Someone once told me that you don't really know a goddamn thing till you're 30. Anything before the is just like some stupid 18 year old thinking they know all and then being schooled over the next few years.

She has the brightest future available to her. The question is, is it going to be one without me in it? Who knows, the world is a rapidly changing place. Where is my life headed? I don't know, looks like the long road to nowhere.

"Things get so crazy, crazy" - Rob Thomas - Matchbox Twenty "Push". Too true.

I'm counting down the days here.

So YES, like I said, I updated the patented JRL (Joaquin Rate List)! You can find it at: http://dropc.blogspot.com/2004/12/great-fun-to-be-around-you.html

Haha see, it did happen eventually!!

Is blogging cathartic for me? I have no idea. I just keep doing it cause I have to. I will also aim to get the other to start blogging again.

Have a nice day folks! This could be the last one for 2008, but you know me, I'm bound to have more pointless stuff to say soon!

Oops!

Have you ever called someone the wrong name while in the middle of an intimate situation? I'm about to. That's what this obsession is doing to me.

It's not good, especially when you see it happening BEFORE hand.

Ahh, where is this all going? Maybe it's just a passing phase.

Yes, I know I know, the JRL update will come soon, settle down!

Have a nice day folks!

I could keep it all inside...

Maybe things would be better off that way.

I have been trying incredibly hard to get up early to get more done, but it's just not happening.

As a result, I am getting less done, and the days are just passing me by, not good!

I'm also having the strangest dreams. Last night I was flying around my home town (no plane, all under my all power thank you very much) - listening to a dance remix of Motor Ace's Carry On. Yeah, don't ask!

There's no hyacinths in December, so I had to settle for roses. Then again, I don't know if she would have known what they signify anyway. The whole background and legend behind those are so apt. I guess I did die on the way to impress her, and now I'm paying the price and I have to keep my mouth shut till I can get out of there. Now I'm going stir crazy, stir fucking crazy!!

Ahhh, my favourite part of the day is the split second after my alarm goes off and I'm trying to get my bearings. I don't know where I am, who I am, what I have to do, what my obligations are. It's the best.

Until the next one, have a nice day folks! Woo, we're creeping up (slowly) to 500 posts! Should be good!

You might have to take care of that someday soon

Yes I know that.

I can't sleep anymore. I'm just thinking about her!!!!!!!!!!! Oh god, this is awful, I can't think straight. I had so much planned for these holidays, but it's all being wasted by walking around here in just a full on daze. I don't know what I'm doing.

So did I ever mean it when I say those three words? I bloody well hope so. Then again I thought I knew who I was. Maybe I don't know a goddamn thing.

Coming clean isn't going to be easy. But I do need a shower. How apt.

Been playing guitar like a fiend lately, it feels good.

Hmm maybe the truth comes out when I'm out of there. We'll see what happens!

Till then, have a nice day folks!

Can we do anything that we want?

So it's near end of year. I have completed the blog introspective! It took me two and a half days, and it was honestly insane. I have changed so much over the past 4 years that I can't even recognise my earlier posts. That's kind of scary. How have I changed? I don't know, I just know I'm not the same person.

I should also take this opportunity to apologise to Blogger! I have ranted and raved previously about how crap it is, but they have worked hard and addressed all the issues that I used to have. I now find it to be a great, easy to use system.

Ahh holidays. I'm looking forward to no shaving, slacking, movies, tv shows, games (it was also going to be no showering, but that wouldn't fly if I wanted to continue to exercise in public).

Yes, so this year has been lacklustre blog wise, but you have to understand that this time is all about transition for the other and I. New challenges, and the crushing nature of reality on our former heady spirits.

Now that work is over for a while, I know that it'll be a good time for me to try to get her out of my head. However, I know that I will miss her incredibly, and that I will have to see her again shortly. She is amazing, and now she knows it, let's see what happens. This shouldn't be happening!! I'm in my mid 20's, she's still a teenager! But there is just something there, something I can't explain.

I've found that previously my posts made a lot more sense, now I guess that things are WAY more cryptic. Reading back I can't even decipher what the hell I was saying before. I guess lack of time stops me from telling the whole story.

This may be the last post of 2008, so if so, happy new year. But if not, I shall post soon! Yes yes, I know you're all hanging out for JRL update, it shall be with you soon! Have a nice day folks!

Is it time to start blaming you?

Cause I don't know what time it really is!

Sometimes when I see things like this happening, my dread is well founded. Today was no exception. Too many revelations. Too many meanings being changed on the choice of a few select words.

But when it all pans out the way you expected it to, there is some relief. If it went another way, well then...it just wouldn't happen! Hahah!

I guess it's up to me to have the last laugh now. All I have to do is just find the right joke.

I think I may begin my blog introspective and post before the year is out. OH! I almost forgot, I will also update the JRL as soon as humanly possible! Have a nice day folks.

Conformity Ain't Originality!

No sir, it ain't.

Dread, like THE big feeling of something negative is impending, and it edges itself closer to you. This unknown sense that something is about to happen, and you know it's going to be bad. You need to adjust accordingly, but if you underreact you get hurt, and if you overreact, you look like an idiot.

Dread and fear now hand in hand. Dominating my mind. Paralysing me. Am I in control here? It sure doesn't seem like it. I need to be saved here. I wish it was anxiety, I know what that feels like, I can get over it, it's tough but it's not crippling. This is beyond anything I have known before.

So when did I even have this duality? I don't even remember, I'm sure I pinpointed it somewhere in a past post but now it escapes me. I've always spoken to myself (on the inside) as far back as I can remember, but now there's the same voice with differing opinions. Is it a conscience? Is it just me playing games with myself?

The last time I felt this sort of sick dread, I KNOW I posted about it, so you can go and find out for yourselves. I told my friend one time that this dread is akin to facing a mortal wound. What is this wound for? I enjoined no battle.

The next few days should be interesting. Have a nice day folks.

"I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed, I'm lost but I'm hopeful"

Oh shit!!!!! I didn't think her name would be coming back so soon. But I open my mail and there it is. Is this a sign??

Some guidance please, God?

Lucky I don't use twitter, or else I'd have 30 million thoughts a day.

"Did we squander the chance? In the rush of the race, the reasons we chase are lost in romance. And still we try..."

At times like this I'm reminded of Kaki King's Doing The Wrong Thing. Thoughts of her just running through my head, I can't concentrate. This is turning into an unhealthy obsession.

I'm sure I had plenty to say, but as usual, I cannot remember. I need to return to having physical blognotes, so I can write down thoughts as they come to me, no matter where I am!

I think I'm going to watch some movies this weekend, that'll be a nice way to relax, and hopefully get her out of my mind. Ahhh! The softest skin I've ever touched, stunning in every way, turning heads wherever she goes.

Ahhhhh dichotomy. Good vs bad. Are we at our very core bad? And we must fight to be as good as possible? Or are we neutral and we must decide as every case arises?

Temptation is obsession and vice versa. Hmm, I will just aim to relax today.

So I probably have the emotional age of someone who is 16. I probably didn't develop emotionally well and now it's all coming back sevenfold in this adult world. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe I just want it all. I can just always rely on my ever trusty friend apathy to guide me through this, hand in hand.

Karnivool's cover of Sleeping Satellite by Tasmin Archer is FANTASTIC. I have to say, one of the best covers I have ever heard in my life.

It's overcast today, I wish it was raining. I love it when I'm walking and it's overcast and then I get home and it starts raining.

That is all. Have a nice day folks!

So let it be what it'll be (pre-empting the buzzer...)

So what has the time between my last post and this post brought me? Just a sea of violent thoughts. Just random, extreme violent thoughts. Everyone, everywhere, I don't even know why. It's just like some sick curiosity (what would happen if...)!

So what else is news? Not much to tell you the truth. I had one of the best dreams I've ever had in my life, and what's good is that I woke up just after I came out of that sleep cycle, so I remembered it very well and I can still remember it well now, and it was just the best.

In a lot of my dreams I'm in houses I've never been to (or even seen). I'm not a specialist when it comes to architecture, but I can appreciate a good building like art.
In this dream I went to a beautiful house, which was probably impossible from an engineering and physics standpoint, but damn it was just supreme.

I wonder if in death we can revisit our dreams. That would be the best. Some of mine have been fascinating but utterly confusing. I would like to go back to see if I could understand them better. That would be an alright death indeed.

I'm all about the nostalgia now. Case in point? I was walking home from work and I got caught in the draught of some woman who was wearing this perfume that reminded me of my childhood. I don't know why! I can't even remember what the smell was anymore (I made a mental note, but that didn't last obviously). I guess the nostalgia is probably due to the fact that I've realised my life has just turned to shit. I remember some anecdote somewhere where some guy was making an analogy between life and a dung beetle. Just endlessly pushing a pile of shit uphill. That's it's sole purpose.

I guess this period has also been characterised by extreme bouts of low self confidence. I remember one day I just felt like giving up (not LITERALLY), but just staying in bed and not giving a damn, but of course I just went into auto-pilot and just acted out the whole day. It was weird, like I had no faith or confidence in my abilities, or anything that I usually trust in myself - the things that make me ME.

Crisis here. She's incredibly beautiful. Like one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. Her body, it's like a perfect hourglass. But the best part is her personality. She's so friendly, so affable. Always smiling and laughing. I've never known anyone like her. I enjoy talking to her so much. That and staring at her like a slack jawed-yokel too, of course! The whole point and joy of youth just exhudes from her. That could be because she's almost 6 years younger than me! I'm not that old either, so that age gap is pretty big. She's just...wonderful!

This should tide you over until the next one! And yes, the patented Joaquin's Rate List (JRL) will be updated soon!! Have a nice one folks.

"It hates me like you hate me"

When I get up in the mornings to exercise, I notice that there are no sounds coming from the corridors and other rooms on my level. When I come home from work, everyone is already home. Am I working such crazy hours that this has turned into my life? When do these people go to work? I leave for work relatively late in the morning, so I'm just wondering what the hell these people do, and where they do it. Oh well, it's not like I associate with them anyway.

I like being where I am. I'm so divorced from the outside world (well most of the time). I can't hear traffic or people on the street (not like my last place). I can't even tell when it's raining!

11:11, and so it goes...

I realised today that I had never spoken to her before, or been within 1 metre of her. So when the time came I was pleasantly surprised, and scared witless. She's incredibly beautiful and everything that I find wonderful. This is very dangerous.

Got plenty to do this weekend, so that's it for now. Have a nice day folks.

Hit me with your best shot...come on

I'm actually sort of amazed by the variety of songs that Pat Benatar has, and the range of her voice. I've never noticed that before, but oh well!


What is there to report? Not a lot really. Just blerghtacular.

I really hate it when people jump to unshakeable conclusions despite having no concrete facts. All just tenuous guesses. Ahh!

I'm playing a lot of counterstrike, it's very cathartic. Mmmm more shooting please!

Enough for now. Till I have something of some substance to say. Have a nice day folks!

When anxiety attacks! To decode perhaps...

Yes yes, before you go on, the update to the patented Joaquin Rate List (JRL) is coming soon, I promise! I just have to get around to it, then everything will be right with the world again.

I watched Jurassic Park last weekend. I love that movie, I'd forgotten how good it was. It's such a nostalgic trip back in time to my youth, and I was lost in fantasy again, not crappy crappy reality. In fact, when I was younger and all caught up in the Jurassic Park hype, I wanted to be a paleontologist. Haha I wonder how that would have turned out? Now look at me!

In fact, those were good times, I remember watch Jurassic Park 2 at a friend's place. The place was gigantic and somewhere in the basement was his brother's computer with all these pirated DVD's and VCD's, and we stumbled across that and just watched it in the dark, and I enjoyed it (crappy movie), but the whole ambience was something that doesn't happen anymore really.

I can't do anything, I have no concentration, no energy, no zest for life. I can't do anything at home, it's just pointless I might as well be homeless, as long as I have a mattress to stay warm and sleep, I'm pretty much doing the same sort of thing.

So I've seen the sights and taken a trip that I hadn't done in 10 years, and it was awesome, even despite being in the lap of decadence. I'll need to do it again sometime, maybe when I have some time to spare.

I also saw something incredibly odd! It was this ball of orange over the city, like BRIGHT orange, just flying around. It was too bright to be a plane (and too slow), but it was too fast to be an animal. I tried to catch it on my camera phone but it didn't come out at ALL in the dark, so now I'll have to try and take my actual camera to see if I can catch it next time, so people don't call me a creepy UFO person! What do I think it was? I have no bloody idea, but I'd like to know.

Anxious? I don't really get the attacks anymore. Not since university was over, anyway. But now I'm starting to develop "word salad". I just keep trying to say stuff but I speak in gibberish, or nonsensical sentences that I KNOW don't make sense as I'm saying it. Where the hell did that come from?! Could I please make it at least 12 fucking months without a psychological problem?! Is that too much to ask?

I was going to try to watch a movie, but I'm about to pass the fuck out. I guess I'll sleep and watch a lot of movies early tomorrow. Have a nice day folks!

Missing legato on the uptake

Which wasn't all that hot to begin with.

So where was I? Well nowhere really, since I just started for today!

My building is odd. Apparently there's this whole other side of the building that I was totally unaware of. Not only that, but it's meant to be the "rich" side. Apartments are bigger and there's meant to be more views. However for some queer reason they don't have a 6th floor?! How is that even possible??! Is it just an empty void?! Didn't know snobs could be snobbier!

In another development, I'm also getting up earlier, and my sleep time has fluctuated, as a result, I keep passing the hell out at about 8ish for like 30 mins to an hour. This is soooooo bad for wanting to get stuff done in the evening, and for trying to get to sleep on time cause I just dont' feel tired then! I must fight to turn this around.

But new eps of Hustle at 9:30, so I must do what I can. Have a nice day folks!

"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

And it was well founded!

Like yesterday, the signs were ominous and I knew that things were going to be bad this week.

Off to a flying start already. I just know it's going to go down further and further from here.

11:11 struck me like a ton of bricks.

Let's see what happens from here, shall we?

One for December.

Have a nice day folks!

"I'm a million different people from one day to the next"

Things are just incredibly odd. I can't even explain it, not even in a botched illogical way.

I'm going to take some time off later, and then, I can start another introspective into this blog, once again reading through all the posts from the start till now, and seeing how the other and I have changed over time. It should be a hefty read (barring that "lost month" damn it!!).

I also discovered I had some notes in my blognotes which I neglected to post about the last time I actually read my blog notes (which was a hell of a long time ago now, since I seem to blog off the top of my head). But this city has WAY too many cars. Cars that don't seem to follow road rules. I think that's one of the signs of a civilised society, following road rules. But they don't here, so go figure. They'll do their best to speed up when the light first turns green and people are still finishing crossing the road, then catch up to you and beep at you. If that ever happens to me, I'm just going to turn to the driver, walk slower and maybe even blow a kiss, or just shake my head.

Oh yes, an addition to Joaquin's Rate List (JRL) should be coming in several posts or so, it should be a good update!

I seem to be in a haze lately, like I'm not actually here. Sort of like I'm dreaming while I'm awake and doing things. Sort of like there's no consequences if I act out of line. Hmm I wonder what would happen if I did though! Haha, I'm sure it would all come crashing down.

So I pigged out today, and since I didn't exercise very much yesterday, I had to go all out today, and now I am very sore indeed.

What weirds me out is when random nonsensical (and the most obscure) dreams come back to you in reality. Sometimes something so vivid or even something STRAIGHT out of the dream will catch you unawares and all of a sudden you're right back in your dream and then you start losing your grip on reality. Suddenly you don't know what's going on. I had a moment like that today and I have to say I was almost scared to death. My heart was pounding, I was sweating and it all just seemed too strange for my liking.

On a lighter note, now that the weather is heating up, a LOT of women seem to be wearing these short white wrap arounds/dresses, or even white pants/skirts. I'm not that keen on them when these clothes are see through, because most of the time they are made out of VERY sheer material, and you can see STRAIGHT through them. I guess that'd be fine if you were wearing neutral underwear or something. But most of them are wearing black g-strings or in 3 circumstances I saw today, these BRIGHT FLURO BLUE undies!! Like seriously, what the hell?!?!? WHY?!! Why don't you just wear no pants at all?? It's the same effect, and at least you're not hiding behind some pretence of false modesty!! Sheeesh, I just find it funny. I think I need to find some time to get lost around here and explore what's around the corner.

Once I've broken my rusty cage that is... Have a nice day folks!

Low latency

From perhaps what could have been a heart wrenching situation has turned into a place of unknowingness. Hopefully things will turn out ok.

The :11's stalk me at ever corner. I don't know why this is.

I'm going to watch The Deer Hunter tonight, I'm hoping for some awesomeness (even if it is 3 hours, and I am watching MIB first, while playing some guitar) then I gotta be up for some exercise and meeting a friend in the afternoon.

The other has dropped off the face of the planet, I have no idea where he is! Hopefully it's all good.

I've been listening to some Paramore, and I gotta say, they're pretty damn good. Everything they're hyped up to be (for once)!

Anyway, I shall attempt to blog more later, for now some twang twang.

To Say Pain Is The Cleanser Could Be True

I am sooooooooooooooo sore right now. I walked 20kilometres today (12.5 miles) inadvertently, and I was lost. However, using a decent sense of direction I was able to find my way home.

So where was I? I don't even know where the fuck I was, all I know was that it was strange and isolating and I am now glad to be at home.

So this weekend was a write off in essence. I'm hoping to be productive next weekend.

However I did watch a few movies where I was. Amelie (good as always), Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (good yes, but not as good as what everyone says). I think this is due to it externalising. You don't think so much about the characters but you think of yourself and your relationships in the same circumstances. I also watched Wall Street, which was BLOODY AWESOME. I really loved it, rivetting stuff I must say.

I also was watching WAY too much foxtel. For our American friends, this is pay television. There is just WAY too much stuff to watch. As soon as something gets boring you can just see what else is on, and before you know it, it's like 3am and you're just screwed.

I was mostly addicted to the music channels, but the entertainment channels also got a good workout. I hope I never get it, because I know with the internet and that, I will never get anything done.

I'm aiming to leave work ASAP, as I don't think it's where I want to be. Well I don't think that, I KNOW that. The people are incredibly two faced, and the actual work we are doing has no bearing on society. In fact it's very artifical, like a B Grade Wall Street if you ask me. Where is Gordon Gekko? Haha!

"If you believe, we've got a picture perfect plan, then we've got you fooled, cause we only do the best we can". Too true.

I am rather tired but I'm sure I had so much more to say. Oh well. 2 days of cereal for breakfast and dinner (with no lunch) will do that to you. Then the 20k walk, well sheeit. That's just lunacy. Especially with no idea where you're going.

Till next time people. Too much stuff to do. I'm going to relax next weekend! Have a nice day folks!

Can you hear what I hear, it's calling you my dear, out of reach...

I always get this cold shiver from my back, as if there's a cold breeze right behind me. But there is nobody there.

Tomorrow should be an odd day. Let's see what happens.

All Saints - Pure Shores = awesome.

Who would have thought that mid 90's girlpop could be so good?

I could do with a hit or three

First of all, may I just say YES, the other is back and blogging and everything is right with the world again!

I'm sure that the other will find a place to live very soon and it will be great. I do know what the other is talking about when he mentions the lack of connection to the world over some periods. When I first moved and didn't have a computer, things were great, and it just seemed like a had a lot more time in the day to get things done, and I wasn't being bothered by people at all. Maybe a return to that will be nice. Then again, I am paying a substantial fee to use this service so I guess I better make use of it.

What else? I honestly don't know. It's going to be difficult to say goodbye to the ones you love. That's always the case don't you think?

I love going through tv show junkets. As the other will attest, we get addicted to shows and must watch as much of it as possible in a short period of time. So now I'm watching the latest series that has just come out of the US, and everyone has just grown up, it's freaky!

That's it for now, better make something of this day. I've written 2 songs in 2 days, I'm quite proud of myself. The other has also sent over some riffs that I must say are incredible!! Hopefully the other will keep up his blogging ways. Have a nice day folks!

Eye to the telescope...

I see people everyday, making the same mistakes, over and over. Its a bit depressing. But I'm not judging, I've been there myself. Its a horrid cycle, and hard to break away from. Old habits die hard, and desires are hard to keep from clouding our judgment. But sometimes I wish I could spare some of them the cycle, if there was some way to use our words to explain what people take years to learn (some never learn, this is unfortunate), but I guess life is a process; and everyone needs to traverse the path to learn. Some just fall apart completely, to a point where there is no recovery. To them, I'm sorry my language is fallible, and you can't vicariously learn. I hate to see you drown, but there isn't anything I can do.

It isn't often that I find music that just jumps out at me, and grabs my attention. After the fall, I don't know exactly how I could have heard of them (yeah, I know they are aussie, and I live here, but still). There sound just appeals to me in a way that not many other bands do. I guess the music have to the other band recently that have had the same effect. So if you haven't heard of them, give them a listen.

There is always time for change, embrace it, ride the waves...

I know its been ages...

I know that it has been forever since I've made a post, but its all for a good reason. Life has been moving fast, and I needed every second of it to make it happen the way I could be proud of. The thesis is done now, and so is Uni for me. At least for the time being, time to tackle the real world for a change.

I am now part of the work force... Now its a common shared reality for both the other and I. I can't say that I have much to complain about in that department. Work is good, the kind of things that I want to do, so its not so much of a chore. I also take a lot on my plate, just because I feel its so much easier to be busy, than to not be. Time goes by faster when you're busy, and you get a lot done anyways. Its not like because you're free, you can leave work early; so might as well make the most of the situation that your in. This is my philosophy as least...

Now that I am more relaxed, I can come back to this trusty blog.

For the next few days, the primary mission is to find a place to live. There are a few down sides to this though. 1) its a lot of effort, but it has its rewards (Hell I've lived on campus for way way too long and its time to depart). 2) This means that there is going to be a period of time when I don't have the internet, and this is my greatest annoyance. But it will give me a that break from the cyberworld that we all need from time to time. I'm thinking of getting a ps3 to fill that void. But I think it'll give me an opportunity to do things that I don't end up doing, squandering all my time on the net (well not all my time, but you know what I mean). Every year whenever I used to go back home for a while, I would have a space in my life when I'm disconnected from the world as I know it, and it has usually been a good experience. I don't think I would ever take that break if it wasn't forced upon. Life throws some interesting curve balls, just have to learn to live with it.

Alright, this is where I shall halt for the time being, I'll get back into gear soon enough. Its been a while since I've written what I'm thinking in my head space... I might have forgotten how to verbalize my thoughts... Is this possible??

Tick Toc, bitch - the clock always wins in the end

It does. Time is just running out. I'm not sleeping enough lately. It's stunting me emotionally now I seriously feel like I need to cry for no reason or that I'm about to just drop dead, which may be a relief.

I don't want to do anything anymore. But so much to do, it just never ends. I need some isolation and some quiet and just to be away from people and mundane shitty problems which have suddenly consumed my world.

I had the oddest mexican dish today. It contained the usual salsa, beans cheese etc, BUT it also had cauliflower, apple and carrot - all in the same dish. Like seriously, what the fuck? It tasted ok, but the sheer novelty of it made me not like it. What would Gordon Ramsay say?!

I took a nice walk today and saw some nice parts of the city.

What? I had shitloads to say, but it's 5:30am, and I haven't slept, and I have a fucking packed day of shit shit shit. Time is just running out out out. We're all fucked. Ahhhh.

You know 3am by Matchbox Twenty? Touche. Give or take 3 hours...hahaha! Anyway, let me go and pass out for hopefully 8 or so hours.

I'll comment on my city walk later on, but knowing me, I'll forget what my point was supposed to be. Oh, woe is me. Yep.

Hang me up to dry

I wish I was at least holding down the fort, but that's not even a luxury I can afford anymore.

That may seem totally random, and guess what? It is!!

There's a fort in the middle of nowhere just a bit out of town. It's visually stunning, I'd like to visit it someday, but it's a fair distance away. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Just a huge stone structure in the top of a hill.

Weekends aren't mine anymore. They are mine, why do they keep being taken away? Oh time time time, just slipping away.

Anyway, I'll try to post a bit more when I'm actually lucid.

Lonely and dreaming of the West Coast...

Maybe I'm going through a phase.

I'm hearing all these old songs which I really liked at the time, but sort of stopped listening to.

Now upon hearing them again, I'm just playing them on repeat as if they're the greatest songs ever.

Case in point:

Everclear - Santa Monica
Third Eye Blind - Semi Charmed Life
Motor Ace - Carry On

Fuck yes! That's the stuff right there.

Don't buy razors in the midnight lull

Some things are just funny.

Like how I had an idea to blog, but as soon as this page loaded, I totally forgot what the hell it was!

So where does that leave us? In a position where I need to wash the dishes and sleep pretty damn soon.

Decided to start exercise regime again, and BOY am I out of shape. After like 3-4 pushups I just could not go any further, I had to keep stopping and starting and damn, it was brutal to know that just a few years ago I was fit.

I think the mid uni me could kick the shit out of me now, and that's really quite scary!

The past, as much as we try to elude us, it just keeps searching and finds us.

I keep looking up people I used to know in Google and the results are sometimes shocking and sometimes hilarious.

Anyway, time for dishes. Have a nice day folks!

The Crash Of Emotional Waves

Alright, get a hold of yourself!

Hahah - those who got the reference should call me, as we should be friends!

Ahh Vanilla Coke, haven't had that in a while, oh how I have missed my dark mistress. So smooth, with a little twist. Pure brilliance.

Paid a visit to the DFO (direct factory outlet) with a friend today. Oh my god. I have never seen so many fat girls in tight outfits before. It's where the poor uglies go to be seen and to attempt to look trendy. No wonder it's on the outskirts of town! I was actually walking around looking disgusted! Buttt in terms of items, it's actually not bad, so hats off to them.

I saw perhaps one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life today. I was getting my hair cut when she was working in the retail area (adjacent to the place where I get my hair cut), and goddamn, I actually gasped! I usually am pretty unmoved even by the very attractive, but this woman was something else.

Anyway. What else is new in thought town? I don't know, I thought I had something to say, but I guess not! I think life takes a turn for the weird starting from tomorrow/today, so let's see how that works out.

Got my hands on the acoustic, and ahhh, so sweet. Despite the neck feeling like a bloody toy, the sound is just spectacular.

King Crimson's Sleepless wafts over my speakers. Stunning.

Till I have something non-lacklustre to say! Have a nice day folks.

A broken watch is right twice a day..

One of the best lines I've ever heard.

Thought I'd share that with you, cause I'd never heard it before!

Till next time.

I'm treading just a little bit

I hate it when things don't pan out like they should. Cause I thought it was better that way. Now I am utterly screwed. When things finally net out, it's going to be interesting what the result is.

Moot point. I'm going to die without doing pretty much most of the stuff I wanted to do. Boohoo! Haha.

Oh I knew this day was fucked when I poured juice on to my cereal. Go figure.

Next!

See you at the crossroads...

I think for a little while at least, I'll try to blog more often, but with sparse comments. e.g.

There's a dude at work who looks like Brandon Boyd from Incubus (even down to the tribal earring). Whenever I see him I feel like breaking out into "Drive".

Haha, I love it!

Gluttonoscopy

I'm in dire need of one. Not feeling so well!

Routine interruptions and my weekend goes out the window. I spent most of today asleep in bed. Luckily I've gotten most of my chores done.

I also watched Gladiator, which is a pretty good romp as always.

I hope I can get my stuff out of the way tomorrow, or things won't be looking good for the week ahead, which may be quite large. But more on that some other time.

I can't remember what the catalyst for the thought was, but I remember thinking something as a response. Wait a minute, that makes no sense! I came up with the answer and now I can't remember the question (or the original thought or reference). So you will have to try and understand as best you can.

So what if humanity is not destined to survive? Maybe we were meant to only be here for a finite point in time. What if God just wanted to see how much we could accomplish? That it's all just a test? And here we are, at a stalling point. We advanced so much, and then....it kinda just fell flat. Artificiality (if that is even a word), is taking over. Maybe time is running out, and it all just sort of fizzled. Like a cheap firework.

I need to start writing songs again. So many MUSICAL ideas, but nothing in the way of lyrics. Before I forget themes, I better get started on them.

I also better get some practice in before I play tonight and HOPEFULLY get up early. Too late. Weekends not long enough. Have a nice day folks!

Making up for lost time

Stupid daylight savings!!!! I had a pretty big task that I needed to get done today. So I got up at 2 thinking I was fine and ready for a nice day ahead. But, crapola, I hadn't changed my mobile clock, and it was really 3pm!! Crapzorz! So I had to get stuff ready in a hurry, and I haven't really even started my task yet!

Shocking. Lost hour, lost time. I need it back!! I can just tell it's going to be another late night!! Damn it. Outlaw daylight savings I say!!!

So tonight's agenda? There Will Be Blood. M2TW, and dinnre somewhere in there. Hopefully not as late as last night...as well as the task I need to get done, damn it! I'll get to it in a bit though.

So, without even so much of a whimper, it seems we've passed 4 years on this blog!! I had totally forgotten, I am incredibly sorry! But it's been a good 4 years. Even if the posts have started become sparse and not so packed with content (from me anyway), we will do our best to keep this going!

Anyway, up up and away. Have a nice day folks!

Is this a sign of things to come, or just a wooden spoon?

I won't even bother apologising anymore, cause this is how my life is and I'm sure the other can attest to that.

I'm glad the other is having a grand time with his new job. He's told me that he's enjoying it, and that he will blog once he has time (and after he is finished with his thesis writing)!

So what's happening in other developments? Not a lot really. So here I am, making pasta and blogging at 12:37am, how exciting??! Hahah, like being back at uni...well not really, since I used to eat dinner at like 6pm everyday!

My life is pretty regimented, and I know that may sound boring, but that's how I like it. Routine makes sure that I'm on top of things and that there are no insane surprises around the corner.

But this weekend I have been mixing it up, and it is a nice welcome change. Been getting into the guitary side of things, been getting back into my King Crimson, oooh yeah, so good!

But the constant reminder is there, 11:11! I see it all the time!! I don't know why, it's not like I'm a clock watcher, but when I'm at work, I look at the bottom right hand corner, and there it is, 11:11, staring me back in the face! I wonder what it means? The other has started something I tell you!

I like my (home cooked) pasta a certain way! 3 hits of salt while water is boiling. Then once the pasta is cooked, chuck it in a bowl, then some grated cheese, then pasta sauce and then pepper, it's the tops!

I've been playing Diablo (what a blast from the past)! This was one of the first games I played in High School, and it was a lovely challenge. I remember playing it over Modem and the multiplayer was good fun. But playing it now, it's NOWHERE near as fun. Maybe I got too good. Diablo went down in under 20 hits, and it was nowhere near the same amount of satisfaction that I remembered last time. I guess my guy was just too far advanced. But it was some decent nostalgia while it lasted.

I have Diablo 2, so I better get into that soon. But I've also been enjoying Battlefield Vietnam! Such a crafty lil game. Nowhere near as team based as BF2, but still a rip roaring good time. But goddamn, I better get back into M2TW! My poor egyptians have just been idling for yonks!! I can't play my expansion before I've finished that game (for the 2nd time, you'll note that I've already done it with England). What will I do if I haven't completed them before Empire Total War comes out?! I don't know how I'll like it, I'm not too familiar with colonial battle strategies, so it's going to be entirely new to me. And Grand Theft Auto 4 on PC soon, I can't wait!! Ahh too much stuff! No time!

I don't know if I've mentioned, but my friend at work gave me more than 1tb of tv shows and movies! It's seriously nuts. Like ALL the shows I've missed over the years, as well as movies, it's just friggin' spectacular. I've calculated that with my work schedule, it would take me 3 years to even get through 10% of what he's given me, which is quite scary!

Tonight I'll hit up first few eps of Secret Diary of a callgirl (I didn't watch first 2 eps), and watch the Hayley Westenra live in New Zealand performance! I've done 17 gig this month! I'm so close to my limit!! But soon I shall be back to zero, and I can download like nuts again. Yee-haw!

Anyway, I best be off! Have a good day folks!

Sometimes the days just fly by

Indeed they do, and as such, I have lost a lot of time. But then again, it's not like I had anything to say.

The other has a job as well as his thesis to tend to, but he has informed me that he will blog once he is on top of everything.

So what's new with me? I'm now in a jazz band. This is quite scary, as I have never played any jazz and we will be playing our first gig pretty soon. I better step up on the practice regimen!!

Hahaha. Oh well, it's late and I have stacks of chores to do. I'll post a bit more later on. Have a nice day folks.

On my own two feet, is where I thought I would stand, but it's actually where I come undone...

Apologies for the lack of posts lately, as well as the diminished quality of some of my entries. I wish I had a legitimate reason, but to be honest, I have nothing to say, and I have no time to say all the things I wish I could say.

There's just nothing there. Family is a burden. I'm getting sick. I'm so behind at work. Things just aren't working out. I'm feeling cold. I better go to bed.

The other has procured himself a job, so congratulations to him! It sounds like a really good one from what he's told me. He's also informed me that he will blog once he has settled into his new routine, which I look forward to.

Anyway, I best be off. Till next time.

Technically Knocked Out, But Not Quite...

People in this city are whacked. When you're walking across the pedestrian crossing at the lights, and the lights are flashing red (to denote that the light is going to go green), people start honking their horns at you, even if their light hasn't gone green!!! There's a 2 second delay between the pedestrian crossing going red and the traffic light going green! Next time, I'm just going to stop in front of the car and shake my head at the driver and slowly walk off!

My head is so big, I've never noticed that before!! Hahaha. I bought a 1 terabyte external today so I should be sitting pretty for a while. Gradually getting through episodes of Dexter so I'm very happy (but the twist in the first season everyone saw coming a mile away...at least I hope so)!

Will aim to get some awesome gameage and movieage in soon! Things are better than ok, so hooray. Until next time folks!

Empty Words and the return of skill

I have nothing to say. Or I probably did, but I can't remember. It's almost 1am and I have work today. Things are going to be crappy, I can tell. Olympics are on, they don't show as much gymnastics anymore which sucks! I remember in Sydney and co they showed STACKS of gym, as well as weightlifting and shooting. They need to bring back Roy & HG, so we can see some more of the other sports besides swimming.

I also want to see the absolute BEST that humans can do. So let them take drugs. I want to see someone run 100m in 6 seconds! The Roid-Lympics, come on, make it a reality!

My guitar skills are now spectacular thank you. I'm also freezing my ass off. Bed time for me. I should have stuff to say in about a week's time! Have a nice day folks!

Baby I Swear It's Deja Vu

I have been getting massive waves of Deja Vu lately. It's really scary, because as soon as it happens I know it's Deja Vu and I start freaking out. Luckily I haven't had a panic attack since university so I'm all good with it. But I do however get flashes of The Matrix in there (that one is for the other).

It's really cold here, and my hands are frozen. I can't even feel the keys on the keyboard here. I went shopping yesterday and I managed to procure myself at least a month's worth of dinners there, and all for relatively cheap, so I am incredibly happy!

Also did my tax return, should be getting about $4,000, which will be great. I hope I didn't mess up, cause I didn't know what I was doing!

I thought I had something interesting to say mid week, but when I got home I totally forgot about it. I might have to start writing my notes down via hand again!

I don't know if I've mentioned before, but I think my skills are back. However, despite possessing the same technical skills I had before, I can't remember a lot of the songs I used to be able to play! I might have to start concentrating on those again, and getting my retention skills back to where they used to be.

I also saw a second car accident in as many weeks here! Again, right in front of my place, I love it when it rains, people always drive terribly.

I honestly don't have time to update the Joaquin Rate List (JRL) as of yet, BUT I will aim to do that some time next weekend.

Ahhh time, it's too fleeting. I was talking to my friend the other day, and he said something I found hilarious. You're not really ready or prepared to do anything on the weekends until Sunday night, when it's time to get ready for work anyway. Ahh so true, the irony of it all, it made perfect sense.

Haha, just realised again that almost every paragraph starts with the word I! Sorry about that again, I will try not to be so self absorbed. But hey, it's a blog!

So what's left? Oh yes, an essay on the women of this town. Let's see how this pans out shall we?

I think I've been here long enough to notice the inherent differences between the areas here. There's a division (known to everyone), of geography, which lumps people into different categories. Anyway, sometimes an individual or two can be the exception to the rule, but so far I haven't noticed any exceptions while I've been here! So what do we have? The Eastern Suburbs (The Affluents), the North Shore (The Snobs), The Shire Girls (The Partiers), The South West Girls (The Bohemians) and finally, the Western Suburbs Girls (The Trash). The Affluents go out in style, no matter where the hell they go. To the shops to get bread, or to go to work or even when they're out doing nothing in particular. Consumed by consumerism I guess, all about what you're wearing. The thing about them is that they're functional, like they can function in any social setting and can mix with others. I don't know too many, but I guess they can be bitchy, because they think they have an entitlement to everything. I guess I'll have to meet more.

The Snobs are interesting. Despite heavy divisions between those that go to Private, Selective and Public schools, the common thread that binds them is their utter hubris to all others in the city. They honestly think they're better than all others, as if it were an unshakable truth. It's pretty disturbing, as they expect others to treat them like royalty, and even though they're from the same area, privates won't talk to publics and vice versa. I don't know why that is. I guess it's more of a mental thing, as the North Shore (as a whole), isn't as affluent compared to the East, so they've just got the mentality of snobbiness, while not having the money or class to fall back on.

The Shire Girls, ahh the shire girls. Towards Thursday and Friday, and all over the weekend, the city just becomes swamped with these types as they decide to get loose and just party like psychos. They're the ones you usually see on news reports about underage drinking, drugs etc. The Shire is referred to as God's Country (colloquially at least), so I guess they come to the City for the Devil's Playground. Just trolloping about in minimal clothing in the middle of winter, while their parents think they're the cream of the Earth. Gold.

The Bohemians scare me. You may meet a few here and there, and they just talk utter crap. I don't know what the hell it is. At least back home they were a minority, here they tend to be a huge mass. I don't know why they tend to talk about subjects they have no idea about. So you read a chapter on the subject for university, that doesn't make you an expert!

The Trash, hmm. I don't know what to say about these types because I don't think I've met any. Everything I've heard about this group has been from other sources. I guess I might have to make a trip there some time to get a better idea!

Anyway, I betrter finish this one up. Till next time. Have a nice day folks! Joaquin out!

It's just till these tears have dried...

What a crappy day. It's not good feeling inadequate and just plain wrong. Stressed to the max. I wonder if I'll even sleep tonight.

Whenever I see that girl at the train station, I have a bad day. I think she's trying to kill me.

Even I know that...

Inspiration does not equate with motivation. I am inspired, but I'm not motivated to do anything, creatively or otherwise.

My guitaring is going good. My technical skills are back, although I have forgotten most of the songs I've ever learned (from other artists). So I want to get a lot of those back, then I can get cracking on my own stuff again. I've been looking into it, and I think it's very possible to take things further, but more on that later.

God bless Guitar Pro. I put the chords from Sara Bareilles - Love Song in it, and by switching the view (and instrument) to Piano, you can see how it's meant to be played on piano, which is wicked cause it's a song I'd love to be able to play. That and Bruce Hornsby - The Way It Is. I think I'll buy a cheap keyboard soon.

This weekend was odd. I haven't had time to do the things I want, but I'm still going to do them!

Watched Braveheart (again), and Rob Roy, which was fantastic. I'm going to watch Excalibur and Alexander soon.

The new John Mayer DVD was disappointing, to say the least. Very average. I don't like his personality, just the music.

I think I'll play some M2TW, I feel reinvigorated. I know I had an essay to do and an update, but this was just a quick post to let you know that I wasn't dead. I'll have those for you soon. Have a nice day folks!

Everyone's Stumbling

I stumbled this morning. I saw a guy stumble coming home today. Everyone is just stumbling.

I had the oddest feeling on the way to work, it was so disturbing. I felt like I was having some sort of out of body experience, and I wasn't really where I was standing. I was somewhere else, watching it all happening, but experiencing it first hand. O-D-D.

That financial plan of mine was insanely stupid. Looking back I realise I'd made a huge mistake somewhere along the line. It can still go ahead, but the rewards pale in comparison to what I thought the pay-off was going to be! Oh well, just have to keep saving, saving, saving I guess. At least I'm getting less tax withheld now, so I'm making a better saving, and it's all just lovely. Oh well, till the weekend! Have a nice day folks!

I Need To Hide Away

Just when I thought work was panning out and I'd be able to relax for a bit, I find myself smack bang in the middle of the biggest corporate deal in the commercial sector ever. Lovely...

Hopefully it should blow over soon and I can relax a bit.

I don't know whether I've mentioned it before, but people tend to sleep in 15 minute cycles. Yes, outside of those periods you have normal sleep, REM, deep sleep, etc, but these alternate in 15 minute cycles. Anyway, if you manage to wake up at the end of one of these cycles, you feel happy and refreshed. Any other time, you feel like death stirred up. This is why lunchtime naps or siestas do wonders for people. What sucks is that when I have a good night sleep and sleep early, I miss the window and I wake up and feel awful. When I sleep late, I always manage to hit the mark and feel fine, so what's the point?! It's very stupid!

Blood blisters are the worst! You usually get them from the most minor of injuries, but they are so annoying and painful later on, that you can't really do a lot. I'm having this with guitar at the moment.

I saw a HUGEEE accident yesterday. The biggest car accident I've ever seen, that's for sure. I was watching tv, when I heard two massive blasts. I walked to the window and saw that a car had swerved, hit another car and then crashed head on into a wall of the building right next to my apartment block. A nice silver car had just crumpled completely, half of the front was gone, as was the entire wall. It was sheer carnage, I loved every second of it! I wish I had taken a pic, but alas, not a camera nearby!

On my way to work, I can see this lovely apartment building with absolutely NOTHING in it. There are no curtains so you can see inside it. It's very nice, modern, and in a very exclusive area. Why is nobody living there? I also haven't seen any development signs there, so it's effectively just empty. Why don't I just move there for the rent I am paying now? Surely it's better than the nothing they currently have!!

I've noticed that near the Harbour Bridge, there's all these empty office spaces built into the structure that nobody uses anymore. These places would hands down be THE best for band practice and rehearsal!! You can be as loud as you want and it'd just get drowned out by car noise. But I wonder how those places are accessible.

I've been listening to Southern Sons. They're an early 90's Australian rock band. I can remember when I was a kid, I saw a promo on tv, and they had a song that I really liked, so I've effectively got the first song I've ever liked, and it's still good, even by today's standards!! Old school, baby!

I've switched to a new Deoderant. I'm using Lynx now, as opposed to Dove spray on. I used to use Dove Roll on, but I couldn't find it in the stores, so I bought the spray. That was ok, it was very fresh, but as it wore off, it didn't smell so nice anymore, and for the price, there wasn't a lot in the bottle! But this Lynx stuff is lovely, I smell like fruit, and it lasts for ages.

Yes, I know I promised an essay on the women in this city, as well as an update to the Joaquin Rate List, but they will have to wait until the weekend, when I have more time. I'm also keeping blognotes now, so you won't miss a thing. Have a nice day folks!

You recognize this shape, its the back of your hand...

Alright, I've been AWOL for a while, but there is good reason to it all. I'd been really busy getting done with things, and after that all got done, I spent a lot of time lazing around and doing not much of importance, so I'd been recuperating and preparing myself for the rest of the year, and now I think I'm ready to tackle it head on. We are done with the first half of the year, and on to the next. I always seem to do better second half of the year rather than the first, so fingers crossed.

I went down to Sydney for a bit, and caught up with the other. It was good to finally get a chance to meet up with him, and also to get out of this city. I'd been waiting to get out of here for a little while. But when I did get out, I realized something strange, I've gotten quite accustomed to this quiet little city (well I've lived in quite a few quiet suburban cities) and I think I have a preference for this one, strange. Got some nice pictures in, and the weather was a little warmer.

Through out life, I've been quite reckless, and quite fearless when it comes to the thought of death. It never bothered me, I was always at peace with the thought of it. After all, its just life, it kills everyone. I remember a lot of events in my life that should have killed me, but here I am, still in one piece. I count my blessings. However, as I was walking down to work the other day, I a strange sense of fear had crept into my existence, one I had never experienced before. The fear that if I were to die in this instance, then I would have accomplished so little to what I can do, and should do. I don't know what to make of this. Am I simply getting older, or just more fearful??

I've now grown my hair for an entire year. This was the objective when I started growing it. Partially so simply not be recognizable. And on the other hand, as Jester and I came up with during some discussion, to hide behind. Its quite easy to hide behind a lot of hair, kinda like an ostrich complex. Either way, its something else I've managed to do, and now I might change things around, just to keep things fresh.

Alas, its time for me to stop doing nothing, and start being productive again, so I'd better start working on that for the time being. Until next time...

Pippi Longstocking Is Coming Into Your World

I have a confession to make. I love long socks. Business socks to be precise. I'm telling you, in these winter mornings when you're freezing your ass off on the way to work, long socks are sheer awesomeness. They keep my legs so freaking warm and they feel so good! I'm telling you, if it wasn't weird for a guy to wear stockings, you can bet your ass I'd be wearing them on Monday morning! I wish they made thigh highs for guys (haha)!

Ahh socks. I only wore my first pair of ankle socks a few years ago, when Mini Moto bought me a pair for my birthday. They were an absolute blast!! I wore them as much as I could, but now I've realised I didn't bring them with me! But that's alright, cause I don't really get to wear casual shoes that often.

I've reminded the other to blog when he can, but he's getting caught up in Call of Duty 4, so his delay is understandable. I'm sure I've mentioned before how I played it at a LAN a while ago, and it was just superb!! I can't even explain it, please play it everyone!!

We can watch the world die. After all, with the place so full of decay, it's not hard to see it in front of your eyes everyday. I remember seeing a rat at the train station the other day, on the tracks. I feel bad that I didn't have a camera on me, because it would have been so apt.

I can type with gloves on, woohoo! They're pretty thick ones too, so I think that's an admirable feat.

As you've probably gathered, it's started getting cold around here lately, and as a result I've started wearing a second jumper when I'm sleeping and I say, WHAT A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE! I am soo warm, it's freaky. It's great, cause it has stopped my cold morning starts (where you wake up and you're shivering), or the "unable to sleep cause it's so cold".

I realise that I was meant to write an essay on women in this city, but I shall get to that another time. I'll also update the patented "Joaquin Rate List" (JRL).

Big note to the other, for the love of god, please listen to "The Getaway Plan - Where The City Meets The Sea". I honestly thought an Australian band couldn't do what they did, but they did, and it's fantastic! Anyhow, we'll see if plans come into fruition. I love meaningful gifts. Have a nice day folks!

A Prime Is Divisible Only By One & Itself...

What an oddly amazing concept. Anyway, I am eating a HUGE meal for dinner today that I cooked, and I'm thinking how the hell I'm going to cope. I eat small meals for everything, so I can't really cope with huge meals without a massive stomach ache. This also means I can't really do hot lunches anymore, without feeling ranky for the rest of the day.

How did this happen? Mofos don't tell you how accurate their serving sizes are! 5 servings per pack my ass. I put in enough to fill my bowl, and then I cooked it, and now it's practically overflowing. Why? Because they don't factor in the water increasing the size of everything!! Water gets absorbed by wheat based products moron!!

Trains are so interesting. I've noticed that it's school holidays so I don't get a lot of the kids that used to be on the train. This is good because I can finally sit down. It also means no more stinky kids on the bus. Not even private schoolers and their snooty ways are not immune from smelling like CRAP in the mornings. They can wreak out an entire carriage without any trouble. It doesn't discriminate either, the girls smell as equally bad as the boys.

There's also theeee angriest looking heffer I've ever seen who has started catching the train. She's just hilarious to look at, she reminds me of a bull in a wig on its hind legs. Speaking of, there's a lot of new faces on the train. I wonder why that is. I've gotten used to the faces of people (even if I don't know them), the red haired young professional, the chubby schoolgirl who sleeps on her boyfriends shoulder on the way to school, the angry old guy who pushes his way to the front of the line, no matter how late he is, the stinky private school boys who listen to ipods on the way to school. I haven't seen any of them in a long time. It's just the angry heffer and some middle aged business dude who seems to like staring at schoolgirls. Weird I guess, but that's a big city for you, I shouldn't really be surprised. I remember at uni, you could go the entire year without ever seeing the same faces again (even everyday...outside of class of course)!

I have had the weirdest feeling for the past several months! Like there's some sort of pressure on the back or the front of my head. Just a slight pressing. It's like foreboding to some sort of blunt force trauma to the head. What a way to go out. The split second between knowing you're in danger and knowing there's nothing you can do because it's all over. That, or being shot in the head, ouchies!

World Youth Day is coming soon. For those not in the know, it's a Catholic get together aimed at teens and young adults. Problem? Approximately 250,000-300,000 more people to the middle of the city, in an already congested city! Whose brilliant idea was it to host the event here?? Peak hour on public transport, bloody hell, I can picture it now. Not only that, the police have been given extra powers to fine and arrest people who are a nuisance to any of the so called "pilgrims" who are attending the event. That is hands down one of the worst violations of rights in this country. Now there's (rightly) a backlash against it, and it's going to be interesting to see what happens when the event actually happens. If I get a whole conversion speech, I will be super pissed. If I see some hot catholic girls, I will say a prayer and forget the whole thing ever happened (haha)!

That's what I need to do for my next post! An essay on the women in this town. "This town is too big for the both of is". Indeed. Until next time, have a nice day folks!

Sometimes Questions Can Only Be Asked, Not Answered

Indeed. One of my pet hates HAS to be fuckwits who carry transport into other modes of transport! Case in point? Stupid kids who put their skateboards or rollerblades in the car to be driven to where they want to rollerblade or skateboard! Or even bigger morons, those who carry bikes on to buses or trains! Do you not know what the hell you're bringing on board?? If you're not willing to use it for the majority of your journey, don't bring it! If you're on the transport for a minor time, you might as well just go the whole way on your own transport! They're so large and cumbersome, they take up a whole door carriage on their own.

I've just been feeling weird at work lately. Like I'm stuck in some sort of haze. I feel like just running and jumping through one of our full length windows. Now THAT would be a sight! No siree, I am not enjoying it at all.

This place is just trash city. People leave their shit out on the sidewalk. I love the abandonment and lack of responsibility in picking up after yourself. There's monitors, tvs, couches, cupboards, full on built ins, mattresses and whatever just out on the streets. Oh how we masquerade as civilised people, the truth is just crazy. This city is already dirty enough with the sort of people that live here, let alone the goddamn trash they create.

I always hear sirens at my place, there must be a hospital nearby, but I look out and most of the time it's the police, haha oh how lovely!

I've been looking for new places to live, as my lease shall be up soon. I think I'll move closer to the city in to a newer place. It'll be more expensive I know, but I can have some real privacy and can just shut myself off to more. To shut yourself off in a small town is nothing, to do it in a city like this is something admirable. Some of these places look fantastic, I can't wait, and I'm going to harangue the person till I get a place and just lie my ass off as needed.

Once again, may I say God bless interest. I should have a nice healthy sum soon, which should be able to take care of some transport costs for a few weeks. But I'm not touching that, because I'm going to start my insane financial plan soon. If you see me in rags soon begging on the streets, you'll know it didn't work. Haha but have no fear, there's no real risk.

I think I'm starting to get sick, but that's alright, since it's only a cold. A few more hot showers and I'll be sitting pretty soon enough.

I've realised that too much time is taken up by tv! Monday nights especially! I have no time for anything else! Awful I say.

Props to the other for his huge list of music. I'm gradually getting through it! I'll have to add them to my proper folder, as well as to my mp3 player!

I'm thinking of getting an iPhone, but only when I can afford one on interest! Hahaha, what a loser I am. Ahh financial planning, it's an addictive bitch, kind of like a dog on heroin (oh the hilarity)!

I finally downloaded UTorrent. But I still have nothing to download!!! My accrued month is almost over! What the hell am I going to do? I need tv shows and movies, oh god, I still need to watch the old stuff I still have and haven't watched, gaah! No time for anything I swear.

I should hopefully be getting my guitars back soon! Yes, I shall be good again. Till next time folks. Insane news just has ways of throwing a spanner into the works doesn't it?

Shit, just as another thought came to add something in here, but then I changed song and now I'm perplexed! Ahh that's how life is, it's only going to get worse with time.

There's this woman at my train station who I find incredibly attractive. But it's been a while since I've seen her. I don't know why, but whenever I see her, I feel better about my day (even though it's only the start, and the inevitable shitness (!) that I will feel later on at work has not hit) instantly. Even when I've had bad days later, I've just always felt better compared to days where I don't. I wonder who she is. I wonder if I'm tied to her in any way. I hope this isn't a tenuous destiny thing.

Anyway, GODDAMN, it just happened again, I forgot what I was going to say, ah there we go! The curse of the 11. The other had it (if you've read several entries in the past), and now I have it. It's just always XX:11 for me. Don't ask me why. I think it has to do with the moods. When you're feeling like this, you don't find the 11's, they come and find you. For those of you who don't know, when you get stuck in one of these "things", you just find that the time is ALWAYS ending on 11 past. Sometimes I've even had the dreaded 11:11!

After numerous false starts, I shall actually end it here. Have a nice day folks!

Searching for things to say

But I've come up with nothing, so let's see how this goes shall we? This weekend was a total write off. I had a lot to get done, but Saturday evening I passed out at 630pm and woke up at 1045. So not only a late dinner, but it was a late night getting to bed. On top of that I got up late today, so I'm sure I'll feel absolutely awful for work tomorrow.

I watched a few good documentaries today! I'm glad, because it has been way too long since I've watched some good doco action.

Coles Group Ltd are the biggest bunch of liars ever!!!!!! Their packet pasta says it serves a family of four. I had some yesterday which was about 1 serving, and then I had another hit today...which was half a serving, and there was no more left in the pack!! You lying bastards, it's hardly two serves!! It's 90% sauce powder, 5% pasta, and 5% air!

I think I've got a cold, which is muchas crapias. We'll see how my scalding shower (due soon) will deal with that. I don't know how to deal with the rest of tonight. I can either play games or I can listen to music and youtube, ahhh the serious problems in life. At least it was a semi relaxing weekend, bar that infamous pass out episode, which seriously demented me!!

Hmmm I guess it's going to be music and youtube. I still have to shower! Got into a bit more Ninja Gaiden. The other will be happy to know that I beat the spear wielding samurai on the horse! Now I'm on some funky airship! Anyway, I'd better head off, want to maximise my time to get in some muzak and yt! Have a nice day folks.

It's About The Adequate

I really enjoy hot showers. Not just piping hot decency that 95% of people enjoy. I like mine scalding, so that I'm slightly red and cooked after it. I think it's a nice balance. In the mornings I'm very cold, and I'm still not used to this no heating thing. The other will attest to my wearing of 50 layers of clothing while at home. Also, when I wake up in the mornings, my blankets seem to suffer from "creeping blanky" syndrome, so my warmest blanket has moved over and I'm VERY cold. So every morning I start out shivering and snot nosed, and am slightly sick by the end of the day. Then my shower, it just clears up everything, and I'm feeling warm and it's just perfect.

I'm hoping my schedule is clearing up a bit.

My brother is supposedly picking up my guitars from home next week. I really can't wait. I'm looking forward to playing again, and getting GOOD. I'm willing to do the daily practice again, I want my skills back. Heard some of the other's latest works in progress, which I enjoy a lot. I'm also looking to expand my repertoire.

I think it's also about time I get some bloody torrents, so I can watch some damn tv, and some movies that I have missed and will probably never get the chance to see otherwise.

Also got plenty of music from the other which I'm sure will keep my occupied. Also gave him a few songs which I know he'll love.

Also a note for the other to watch Lipstick Jungle on Sunday, as I know he is a big fan of Kim Raver (formerly of Third Watch). Also a note for the other to blog!!! Also for Lofo to blog, yes woman, do it!

"You mean well, but you make this hard on me" - indeed.

Have a nice day folks.

I said Heaven ain't close in place like this

Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight! Yes, do so indeed.

It was good to have the other over for a short while, even if he did have to cut his trip short. But it doesn't matter, plenty of good times were had. Lots of gaming and lots of movies, it was like a semi return to the days of old at my house and his campus residence, up late doing nothing in particular. However, due to work and photography, we couldn't be up the whole night!

It was good to get back into the gameage, even if I got slaughtered at TopSpin tennis!

The movies on offer were quite good, cept for Shutter, which was downright awful!!

I think I will hold off here for now, but I shall try to hit up another entry soon. Have a nice day folks!

"You've Got A Nerve To Be Asking A Favour"

I thoroughly cleaned my apartment today. It was insane. It took me the best part of the afternoon to do it all. My bathroom had not been cleaned since I'd moved in, so yeah, the situation was bleak.

But I scrubbed and I scrubbed (and used approx 450 mls of Pine O Clean...UNDILUTED) to fix up everything and goddamn, I am pretty damn impressed with myself. It's sparkling in there I tell you!

The other is coming tomorrow so I thought I'd better get off my ass and start cleaning the place up. Our mutual friend is also coming around in July for some Nandos before she heads back to our hometown for a visit, and she's very fastidious about being clean, so it's better I do some now so that the next time I do it, it won't be such a brutal backbreaking task.

Work is just nuts right now, I won't even go into details cause I don't want to be one of those people who just talks about work 24/7, not only to people from work but complete randoms, as well as friends, cause I don't like them! Haha one more before I leave this alone (for the time being), but damn I keep having lewd thoughts about a girl at work every time I see her, it's not good!

ADSL2+ is just dynamite. On Winamp when I hit next and I don't remember (or haven't seen) the video clip, I can hit up youtube and watch the vid, cause there is no more buffer underrun, it just plays all the way through without stopping, it's spectacular!

I've been getting into TopSpin tennis lately, it's fantastic. Not as insane fun as WiiTennis, but more realistic and fantastic graphics.

NinjaGaiden is kicking my ass!! I've been able to beat that first boss, but now I'm being thrashed by horse riding Samurai, come on!

Anyway, that's it for now, it's not that late and I'm tired from all the chores today, so I'm going to try to have a massive sleep. Have a nice day folks!

'Tis A Loveable Fiend

Or is it? It's already Sunday night and it's time for another week of work. Is this how it's going to be? Just pure drudgery for a brief blur of "recreation"? I spend so much of that time doing chores that it's really just pointless.

Getting a computer was downright one of the stupidest things I've ever done. There was the massive dent in my bank account and now not only do I have less time to get chores done, I am just procrastinating like I'm back at university.

I don't even get time to play games anymore! I miss my Medieval 2 Total War! Playing on full specs on this "death star" is superb. Huge armies, full detail, no slowdown, it's sheer awesomeness. But alas I have not had any time to play which sucks.

I've been getting back into the X-Box, as my brother has showed me how to use the system's harddrive, which has a LOT of games on it. Ninja Gaiden is brilliant - tough but fun and makes you think, that's how games should be. Also been getting into Madden 2004. The other will remember long nights at my house where we'd play till we died. It's such a great multiplayer game.

I also should be seeing the other next week as long as my schedule clears up, which should be good. Should be able to get SOME gameage in, since I will of course be working.

Ahh the Xbox hard drive, why hasn't gaming been done like that before? It's such an innovative idea, I can't believe it's taken so long to come into fruition. I just read a review for Metal Gear Solid 4, and it sounds too good to be true. I might have to fork out (eventually, after several price drops) for a PS3, with Grand Theft Auto 4 and MGS4. Hopefully they'll make their way on to PC soon enough. Anyway, that's enough talk about gameage.

I watched Snatch last night, which is an absolutely fantastic movie. The other will remember how we watched it at T-Man's house many years ago and I just loved it. Those were the days. No cares, no responsibilities. Every worry we had was purely superficial, especially when compared to the real world of today. Oh well.

I'm freezing my ass off and I still need to shower before bed. Try to come up with more interesting stuff later in the week. Have a nice day folks!

Deliberate Mistakes

Sometimes they are, you know. I thought I would have a lot to say, but as of yet I am still without a voice, without an opinion to share. I'll try to think of something more tomorrow/today, when it isn't so late. All herald the sleep in, yesss!

Kickin' the Habit...

I hadn't realized that the other was posting as of late. Good to have you posting again. I will come visit you sometime soon, even though it might be for a short while, and might not get to see much of you, but hey we are all busy. About the MSN habit, it was talking up too much of my time, and I'm a person pleaser, I sit back and talk to people for hours, and its very very bad... I've gotten a lot more done for myself as of late, I'm still always facebookable, and you will find me on chat there if you really need me. But hopefully I shall see you in a little while.

I'm putting together a studio of my own to do some serious photography (not that I haven't been doing serious photography lately, but more in terms of studio photography). I am getting there, and by the end of the month, it should be complete. But who would have thought that light stands cost as much as the freaking flashes??!!?? Hehe I have found a place in Sydney who has a good deal, and I'll have to make the most of that when I get my ass down there... Ahhh I can't wait to do some urban photography, this city is not very urban. I'm looking for some urban decay...

My music has become very mellow at the moment, and I'm quite looking forward to the new coldplay album to come out, the 2 singles that I've heard, I quite like, and now I'm waiting. I'm still stuck on meiko, and loving the sound. If you haven't heard of her, go give her a listen, its worth it.


Anyways, I thought I'd put up a little note, I gotta get my ass to work....

A Creature Of Habit

Routine now dictates my life. I do stick to routine whenever I can, even when it's stuff like bad habits. But I've come to realise that my life will continue like this until it is over.
A leads to B, which leads to 1, and then to 2, and then back to A again. A nifty little game it is.

When I went back, my routine was disturbed, I ate too much, slept too late, and I paid the price at work today, as I was uber tired. Now I have to attempt to get back on track. That's the problem with a routine as tight as mine, you don't have time for anything new. Is this the next twenty years of my life?

On my old computer I had a lot of USB things, but not much in terms of power points being used up. This time around it's the opposite. I have a full 6 plug adaptor, and it is packed to the rafters, and I need more space damn it!! I'm also too shitscared to daisy chain.

I need to have more time to do things I want to do. Even though it was a long weekend, I found that I was constantly up to something and I could not enjoy it as much as I wanted, and I do not feel relaxed or well rested.

Anyway, enough whingeing, it's past my bed time :). Have a nice day folks!

Tailgate...

Everyone has a moment when they are driving, when they stop looking forward for a second, and take a look at the rear view mirror, just to gauge how things are going. And that same scenario works for life as well. I guess maybe, I'm wondering what its all for, or maybe I just want to somehow realize that every moment before this moment, wasn't a complete waste of time. Does the existence of this precise moment, and all the circumstances surrounding it negate the presence of anything that was before?? What does it mean to face the daemons of our past?? Accept its existence and ponder upon it, or move on. And if we do chose to move on, should we throw away the mirror as well. Why I come to this thought. I'm writing this because there are certain people I once knew in another life, who managed to pop up, and I'm choosing to ignore their existence. I don't need reminder of what was, only what is... And so I verbalize that in this post.

When you have a pile of things to do, you think to yourself that this is never going to end. Like a vicious cycle, never ending. You either give up (which is never me), or you start chipping away one piece at a time. Soon you realize that you're close to the end, and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You've done more quite easily at a steady pace, than you ever imagined possible. Its aways when I get to the last bit of the thing I have to do, when I am the least motivated. I know I only have a few more days to go, and I just need to set my mind to it, but its often hard to come by. I'm looking forward to having sort-of-a break (I still have to do research, but nothing due in for a while, so I can do that at my own pace). I'm hoping to go down to Sydney at some point for a bit, and do some urban photography, and at the same time catch up with the other, thought I know that hes fairly busy, but so is everyone else, we have to make do with what we have. I gotta buzz him sometime and plan this thing out 11 more days, and then all the stuff will be done... Wish me luck till then....

Not quite the middle of that month of June...

So here I am again, about to set off between crossroads. Destination nowhere, original non-existant. The story of my life.

"My insides and outsides are falling apart" - indeed they are. I've eaten a hell of a lot since I've been back, and also had too many late nights, might try to reign that in tonight. I guess I'll have tape F1, wake up early and watch it and hopefully the news won't ruin it for me.

Oh Justin King, please reform The Apologies and make another album. I know the big label blues hit you, but you deserve fame, fortune and good times!

The real world is terrible because it instills things in you that you thought you'd never have to deal with. One such fine example is Finances. I've had to deal with my own finances, and structure it in a way that is unfortunately complicated for its own sake, but that's because it has to be. Three separate bank accounts which are all linked, god bless Interest and no bank fees. I've also understood more concepts from double entry accounting now. I've also set up an interesting financial plan, which I'm hoping works out, or else I might be a tad rooted.

I should really start to pack soon. I don't like packing on the day I'm leaving, no matter how long/short I am gone for. Because inevitably, I will forget something. Being overly organised is a trait I have gained from independence, which has also made me impatient, and less tolerant of others. I wonder if that happens to everyone on their own.

Work is at one of the biggest financial institutions in the world. As such, the end of the Financial Year makes things very hectic. I'm hoping it slows down at the end of the month, because it's quite stressful.

I actually did a proper warm up with guitar today, and it's starting to feel a bit more natural. I'm thinking it will only take a week of 30min-1hour daily sessions to get back into the swing of things. However, I'm a tad worried that I've just plain forgotten a few scales and modes! That's ok since I didn't rely on the ones I forgot a hell of a lot, but they'd be nice to have back!

Labels. How interesting. I think that's something that we as humans can define ourselves by (woo see, that was a label). We need to label everything. When you can't define something, it disturbs us and we have to disparage it until we can mark it in the "disparaged" label.

Justin King - Change

I can't tell which way to turn
and the voices in my head
is the choir insane?
And nothing's being said

This train is raging
The seams seem to want to tear
and it's quiet outside
and it's quiet in here

Hey, it's ok
it's just change
and it goes, like it goes.

I'll just stop it there, cause I've quoted from the second verse in previous posts. But as I've mentioned before, I've got the stuff set up at home now, so I'm going to be posting more. I think that's it for now, time to fit whatever I can get away with into my bag. I've gotten most of the stuff I needed to raid anyway. Until next time, have a nice day folks!

If Your Body Matches What Your Eyes Can Do...Then I'd Say Jenny Don't Be Hasty!

The other told me a while ago to listen to Jenny Don't Be Hasty by Paolo Nutini. I didn't like his first song that much so I was reluctant. But what the hey, I got it, and it was really good!! Kudos to the other for introducing me to that song. There's nothing I don't like about the song, the chords, the rhythm, the song subject (not one of the kiddies).

I've also gotten into Finger Eleven - Paralyzer. I first heard this song a LONG time ago, when it first came out in the US. I didn't like it at first, as I thought it was a Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out rip off done about harsher. But after a few more listens since it has hit our shore and I enjoy it immensely. I'd advise the other to listen to it.

However, my favourite song at the moment has definitely got to be Sara Bareilles - Love Song. Cynical lyrics and a swingy piano feel (with alternating bass and melody)! It's just the best. I was worried about the status of the piano, there hasn't been a super completely piano driven track that has appealed to me since Bruce Hornsby's The Way It Is. I'd also advise the other to listen to it, as I'm sure he'll love the lyrics too.

My callouses have all disappeared (I was wondering why I was typing so fast at work), so as now I'm back for a few days at home, I've discovered it's still painful to play guitar. However, I am still capable of playing decently, albeit with many mistakes. I think I might have to buy another cheap strat copy when I go back, as I still can't take my guitars with me. I even came up with a sweet new riff! Some of the knowledge is still there I tell you!

I've also gotten a psychotically powered computer in my apartment, with ADSL2+ internet, as well as a landline for my phone. So I'm currently sitting pretty at the moment. This also means I'll be able to blog more often, which is super as I've missed writing, as I know I've had stuff to say, but since it wasn't written, it has promptly been forgotten.

I'm glad the other has continued with the blogging and site maintenance, it looks as good as ever. I'm a little disappointed that he's decided to kick the MSN habit, but it is understandable. For me, I've gotten a LOT more done without a computer and internet. I didn't even mind the inconvenience of being uncontactable or having information at hand. You better ring me and or visit me other!

There will be a lot more to say soon enough, blognotes will most likely return! Have a nice day folks.

My Hair...

It's been quite a while since I've gotten a hair cut. It been almost 2 semesters now that I've been growing it. Everything has a reason, and I think I've explained this one with many different reasons from time to time. The last year and a half before this, I'd been walking around without any hair, to make things easier on myself. I don't think I really know why I kept that up for so long, but I think it felt good not to have to gel my hair up everyday in the morning. Possibly it was influenced by other peoples opinions, I've been quite a push over in the past. Whatever those reasons were, they are long gone.

First time I thought about growing my hair, it was because I wanted a change. Change from the norm that surrounded my life at that time. I had figured that I was going to go back to Bangladesh at the end of last year, and get a job. So the final semester of my University life was going to be the last chance for me to grow my hair, one last chance for a shade of rebellion before I plunge into conformity. Its quite funny, the last 2 years of my life I spent trying to conform to everything that I oh so dearly hate. I sold out for a while, lets hope that that was it for my selling out.

Life turned sour, and out went the conformity. I looked to my past and brought out everything that was me before these years. I reverted back to myself. My hair grew, with all the emotions that were seething in me. Longer and longer overtime. To me sometimes it feels like these locks are a sign of how long I've been walking down this way. Within them locked all the emotions that I've felt over this past year. Slowly letting it all grow out of me, an extension.

Over the vacation, Jester and I used to joke that I've been growing my hair just so I can hide my eyes behind them. Its actually funny, I think that it is a good place to hide. Hide from everyone who once knew me, and it worked, people don't always recognize me on first look.

Now its just become who I am, and thats why its still there... I don't think it needs a reason, its simply there...

Automatic Stabilizers

There are so many people I've come across in the past, who just aren't satisfied with who they are. Always want more to satisfy something that they are missing inside. To know inside that you're quite alright, or even better than that is important. Some have done so much to other people that they are guilt stricken an no matter what they do, a self loathing exists that they cannot dispel. It like an automatic stabilizer, or even a form of karma, just not in its traditional sense. Not enforced by a higher being, rather yourself. No matter what you do, you can't run away from your guilt, they will always be there. But if you do enough good things in you life, then there is form of give and take, judged only by ones own head. You can lie to a million people, but you can't lie to yourself. I've seen some 'shiny' people loved by all, living like kings, but behind closed doors, tears roll down their cheeks. They live their lives by others judgments, but never quite happy with their own. Constantly looking at the 'stars' of this world, looking for a hidden meaning, a loop hole, but there is none. Reading through self help magazines, reading all those self help books. Eventually, either they have to rectify their ways, or run a course which is distended for worse. To make amends with yourself is all you can do, you should try it before its made illegal.

This is something I've thought about quite a bit in the past. Met a few of them in my life time. No one can save them, they can only find themselves. Started thinking about it all over again, after coming across "low place like home - sneaker pimps." Kick ass song, and a top band, give them a spin if you get the chance...

Low place like home - Sneaker Pimps

You walked all over, in your blunderstones
In your own road movie, with your one armed man
Gonna make it to the problem page
Trouble-shoot your life
Gonna make it to the problem page
Need some time and space

Just to find yourself
I hope you find yourself
In a low place like home
Low place like home

You talked it over from your bedroom throne
Making sense of nothing, like your one armed man,
Read your future in the magazine, search your stars for clues
Read your future in the magazine, tells you what to lose

Just to find yourself
I hope you find yourself
In a low place like home
Low place like home

You fall all over, in your small town heels
Catching hold of nothing, like your one armed man,
Treat your life like a tragedy, self-inflict abuse
Treat your life like a tragedy, precious else to choose
Crucify yourself, I hope you find yourself

In a low place like home
Low place like home

(Lyrics from song)

It Just Wizzzed Past...

I think there might be something in the past that I've over looked. A hidden mean, a silent cliff note. Somewhere in there is a little statement that makes us all burst into laughter. Things go in circles, not always the same circle, but I think it just gets bigger and bigger each time it does a full orbit. Sorta like the rings on the trunk of a tree, or Fibonacci's sequence. It exponentially increases. There are certain things in my life that seem to happen around the time when things take a turn, certain events that mold themselves together. Today Weezer got me thinking about this theory of mine. I remember when the green album was there, I was someone else, someone with everything sorta planned out in front of him just not willing to take the chances that he needed to take. Afraid of what might be there if the doors were opened. Regardless the doors did open, and I found a life I never thought I'd have. Some good, some bad, but never the less a lot of memories. Memories I cherish, and memories I'm glad to have shared with the people that I have. I don't think many or any of those people are still hanging around. Maladroit, pain of a high school ended, life took a turn, did some seriously crazy things that took me to places and lengths that have taught me a lot of lessons. Took the time to figure out who I was, spent a lot of time on my own. Collected my thoughts, and started afresh. Life stayed static for a while, doing the same thing everyday that need to be done, with an ultimate goal in mind. A goal that I achieved, but not entirely in the manner that I had thought I would at that particular time. Years later, the next weezer album came out, end of 2005. My life took a complete turn after that, a roller coaster from which I still get motion sick from time to time, and something that I'm still recovering from. Regardless, life altering, personality shifting... In about 9 days time the next weezer album is coming out, and I don't know what to expect, or whether its going to make a difference or not this time. I guess all I can do is sit an wait. All I know for now is that my life is in extreme order, not something I'm entirely used to... Let me see where this is going to lead...

My best laid plans have left me open...

Its been a while I know, and its alright. For the last few weeks, I've detached myself from the world that lies outside of my room, cept for work and a certain overwhelming library. Its not you its me, or maybe I just lied, and its a little of both. Maybe I figured that the solution to the worlds greatest equations is simpler than we presume. Replace all the x's and y's with 0's and it will all add up to 1. Myself. The ultimate prime, 1. The most important number of them all, because thats one more than nothing, and one less than a lot of problems. You can't get an argument with yourself, you can't break your own heart, you can't really screw with your own head either, if there isn't anyone else screwing with it in the first place. Hows that for some insight. I'm sure my supervisor would quite agree with me on that one. In his words, 'women, the reason for all the failures in a mans life.' Ultimately might be one hellova thought.

Photography and work keeps me sane. There is beauty even within the most monotonous thing in the world. Canberra is getting old really fast, but you seem to notice a lot more if you look closely with a lens. A practice I'm getting quite aquanted with. Packing box after box, no matter how much you back, there are just as many people out there who are helping unpack the shelves. Supermarket, one of the greatest inventions of my lifetime. Its a therapy for my broken sould, an endless amount of time to think about whatever I may desire, and get my muscles worked out, and get paid all at the sametime. Beat that for multitasking.

I've even disconnected my MSN, who needs that anyways? If people really think that I'm worth the effort, then they can come and meet me in person, otherwise, I've had it with these virtual people. I'm living in the real, for once in my life, and not trying to escape by any means possible, so why not make the most of it. I'm not going out of the way to make things happen, they will happen in their own pace. What must be done now, must be done now.

There is a hole in my tea cup somewhere. No matter how many cups of tea I make, when I turn to take the next sip, it always turns out to be empty. Or maybe I'm just using that for a metaphor. I think that just happened on its own, I didn't intend to write such words of wisdom. I thought I loved coffee, turns out that I love tea even more, never been a big fan of bitter. And as I turn to take another sip, I realize that my cup is yet again empty, so I'd better get to the microwave, watch my cup spin around, till I have some more brown liquid to sip on. Don't let the rain wash you away... Night...

On a side note to anyone who has a clue about my 11 issue. In the episode "LOL" of californication while Hank is talking on the radio, the clock behind him is stopped at 3:11. If thats not enough, the other day I was watching Number 23, and he wakes up to see the clock at 2:11 (though it moves on to 2:12 for the movies plot line, but still, why did was it at 11??). And if even thats not enough, there are all these ads around town for telstra, and the time on the phone is static on 3:11... All over town!!

Mixed up the break with the accelerator...

Its been a while, and somehow a lot has been happening in my life, and left me neglecting my blog. As always, I'll be back at some point to write up whats on my mind.

Its been an interesting few weeks, busy trying to get things in order, and now reaching the section of the semester where I really have to get my ass in gear, and finish off these last few things that have to happen soon. This semester is my course work semester, as next semester, I don't really have classes, I just need to get myself to writing this paper. The work load is quite high, but its going to really test my skills. Even though I doubt myself from time to time, I know that I'm not a quitter, and don't leave things in the middle when I know that this is something I want to do.

In the words of Marshal McLuhan, the camera is an extension of my eyes. And god I love my eyes, I don't know what I'd do without them. The beauty would have been lost forever. I've been having a great time having the equipment that I need, and snapping up the earth in the way that I see them. The camera is wonderful, you can take slices out of your vision and preserve them for later viewing. Truly uncanny, and truly fascinating.

It think in some respects, my priorities have been in disorder, and now its time to shift them around to do what needs to be done. I don't necessarily think its the worst thing in the world. Only from a realization of this sort, can I be driven back into order.

I haven't written in a while, and this is a jump start on that process. I'll be back soon, in normal swing... Till then...

I Really Think It's Just A Matter Of Time...

I'll try to make this quick. I've noticed that ever since I've come back "home", I've fallen into old habits pretty quickly. Sleeping at 2am+ most nights, but I've been sleeping very well since there's absolutely no noise out in the suburbs. I know this is going to kick me in the ass on Monday morning, and I'll probably feel it all the way till the end of the week.

I remembered the day after I arrived that I forgot to submit my timesheet on Thursday afternoon, and now I'm hoping I can submit it before the next week rolls over on the performance reports due on Monday, or else it's going to show that I didn't work at all last week, which I'm sure I'll be grilled about. It's stopped me from enjoying being here, even though I must say it's pretty surreal. That's just the worst, when work interferes with your personal life, and it's not how things should be.

I have free time now and not knowing what to do with your free time is a scary proposition. It's fucked up everyone I know who is working full time this year! Oh well.

So yes, I picked up my guitar and boy, do I suck. It's not a great feeling when I KNOW that I was great at the guitar, and I've been without one for 3 and a bit months and now I'm just utterly shocking. I can remember some things but my execution is incredibly poor. Some basic things just take ages now and are pretty inaccurate. Even funnier, my fingers hurt HORRIBLY even after just a few minutes. What's worse is that I'm not even taking my guitars back this time, so it's going to be a while till I can get decent again. I think I might buy a guitar there too on top of a computer. Hello Martin or Maton or Ovation, yes, finally and fuck, I can afford one so why not?

Good to see you Lofo today (I can't think of a proper name for you just yet)! Make sure you blog more! Dakota sucked. Make sure you send me that dance song before I leave! Have a nice day folks, Joaquin out.