Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Evaporating In The Struggle

Looking back on these past few posts and realising that I have failed miserably to be free of you. Maybe I just love you too goddamned much. Not like you will ever know anyway. You're starting your new life, which should make it easier to forget me. Then in time, maybe I can forget you too. We shall see what happens. I write about you almost everyday. I was glad you couldn't see me yesterday, because I would not know what to say. Perhaps I only love you because I hate myself. Maybe I deserve better? Maybe you're the best? God I miss you so much. Sensual love, we are so intense. Like a fuse that's already been lit.

I went three days without playing guitar across the weekend and resumed yesterday, and I was absolutely awful. Somethings things are a bit odd with instruments like that. I've had days where I've played poorly, and then not played the next day, and then come back and played flawlessly. I wonder why that's the case? It's not really
explained by anything (at least that I can come up with).

Certain songs remind me of certain places. Hanson - Mmmbop reminds me of the southside of town. Why? Because I remember in the mid 90's, Songland Records would have constant ads on repeat about how they had the Hanson CD, which had apparently sold out everywhere else. Hole - Celebrity Skin reminds me of the middle of town, next to the dam, because I remember going there in a heavy storm once to see them open the dam gates. It was wonderful. All Saints - Pure Shores reminds me of the beaches in Langkawi, the private ones where hardly anyone was and we were free to enjoy the water for as long as we liked.

Really must get back into the jamming goodness with the other! It has been far too long since some riotous melodies have penetrated our souls. It's simply amazing that we can just play and fantastic stuff just comes out, from nowhere.

But what I aim for these days are lyrics, and they are hard to come by.

Stuck in day dreams, I just want to be home on the couch watching movies.

The thing about the extreme Northside of town is that it is far away from the city and there is no infrastructure to support mass transit of people from the northside, which is growing at ridiculous proportions, as well as infrastructure to support the suburbs as a district unto themselves (i.e. like a Belconnen or a Woden or Tuggeranong). I believe that in the future this will lead to an increase in crime on the northside and potentially in the city, as the isolation felt by the youth will become apparent. Not such a great thing that I will probably be moving that side in the near future, but hey, I can always just buy a shotgun and a sniper rifle - good for CQB and the long range good times!

Dreary rain at the moment. I used to enjoy it when I was in Sydney, but not so much here. Am I missing Sydney? Well all the good people left work, so I'm sure I wouldn't like it anymore. I haven't read my posts from that period in a long time, but I do remember that they were quite depressing. But surely it can't be as bad as things are now?

Destination Unknown by Alex Gaudino is a brilliant song. It explains my state of mind at the moment. I think I remember being at the other's place and just listening to the song and loving it.

I need something more. I want something else - to get me through this.

Joaquin out.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Hoping The Phone Doesn't Ring

In a way, some part of me hopes that I don't see you again. That we can always remain cordial acquaintances, because I'm not sure if I can be your friend. The thought of you with someone else is enough to stop my heart beating in its tracks. It also bothers me that you work 4 days a week. Are you back here on the weekends? The thought of you being in the same city as me, even unknowingly, and without contact makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I mean, what do you do? Do you think of me like you used to? Or has the tyranny of distance tempered your feelings for me? There's a lot more meditation to be done on this. I'm going crazy. It's just this growing sense of injustice and pure bitter outrage about how things have ended up. It simply should not have been this way. Story of my fucking life. Oh I'll get to the bottom of this, you better fucking believe it. Just sick to the pit of my stomach. I can't do this, I don't want to go on like this.

My teeth hurt from all the grinding from the stress. But I'm just looking forward to writing and continuing on. I'd really like a new computer! That way I can play some good Shogun 2 Total War, and hopefully enjoy the full benefits of ADSL2+ when or if I buy a house. Because I live in the city, somehow my exchange is marked regional, as
opposed to metropolitan, and as a result, only expensive, second rate ISPs (i.e. Telstra, haha) operate ADSL2+ from there. I'm with Internode, who provide an excellent service, but I am paying a substantial amount for a line speed that is somewhere between Cable and ADSL2+.

Joyce Or Beckett?

Very existentialist sort of mood this morning. Questioning my own purpose here.

I do consider myself a moral absolutist. I tend to have strong opinions about things, and it is rare that I would change my mind on anything - even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. But that's not to say that I can't have my mind changed. It has happened on more than one occasion!

So I've been thinking, does anarchy only exist in ordered/structured societies? So let's think about it, if everyone was an anarchist, wouldn't that become the dominant paradigm, and therefore, democracy or communism or any other ordered system would technically become the new anarchy? How very post-modern! In a natural world, anarchy may reign supreme, but it could never be identified as such without an ordered system. Without a point of reference, it is nothing really.

I think one thing I really need to learn how to do is look forward to the bigger picture. Think long-term strategy and what not.

Do I have anything to say? Not really.

Everything is boring. I'm bored with life. What's going on? No, I don't want to talk.

Blogging is going at a pretty terrific pace at the moment, with almost an average of a post a day since the new year. As stated before, I've been pretty keen on the stats page in the dashboard, but it doesn't tell you how many visits your blog has had in total. Because if I just access dropc.blogspot.com, I'd assume that this doesn't count as a pageview? Regardless, we have about 5k pageviews so far, which is
pretty good. Hope you've all learned something from the chaos that comes out of our minds.

Joaquin out

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I Will When I Have The Time

And right now, that's all you need to know.

There's a lot of investigative work to be done...

Joaquin out.

Friday, February 24, 2012

They Don't Want To Know Me

Absolute weirdest dream last night. I'm not convinced that I did meet the devil in my dream, in some sort of grotesque Exorcist type strangeness. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well last night, and I am incredibly tired today.

At least Good Game is back on tv! I was worried when they stopped putting the shows up in WMV format, but MP4 format plays on the tv, so I'm a happy little camper.

Made a shocking faux pas today where I inadvertently implied that a female friend was fat (right to her face)! What's worse is that I didn't even realise what I had said until she noted how offended she was. Yikes! Totally not my intention, but I apologised, but who knows how that one will pan out.

Feeling kind of violent lately, I don't know why. I was in the lift with some guy and all I could think about was jumping him and knocking him out. How very odd.

Let's talk about sexual politics! Bettina Arndt recently released an essay (yes, I'm still miffed that anyone would write essays outside of an assessable environment) regarding women who dress provocatively for attention. Arndt states that women do have a right to dress as they please, but they should not kick up a fuss when they attract attention from everyone. Essentially, the essay states that some women will
dress provocatively to attract attention from men - but only the right kind of alpha men. If attention is given by your typical Beta male, then a fuss will be created by said female. However, the article also went on to say that Betas know that they do not have a chance with said woman and tend to act quite aggressively and will leer and get grabby. This is very interesting behaviour being exhibited. Speaking
from personal experience, if a woman is dressed rather skimpily, I will look (yes I can't help it), but only for a second and then look away! But apparently when alphas are presented with the same behaviour, they are apparently invited to do so and further flirting can occur. How very interesting! I don't consider myself an alpha
male, not in the slightest sense. But what is interesting is that women will spurn advances from other men and call them inappropriate, but it is not as if women can just be "on show" for alphas. The rest of us are here too - not that I would be the kind to leer at our physically touch a woman wearing seductive clothes. But the idea is, of course we are looking at you! As Les Femme Anomaly said, women have a right to wear what they want, but if you wear something skimpy, don't be surprised if guys are going to look at you, but it's another thing to be harassed. Amen.

I guess I'm still reeling from High School and College rejection where the bad boys reigned supreme with the women, and going through my late teens to 20's and going on 30, I have to say that on the whole, alphas do get the girls. But they don't stay with them. So essentially, men on the whole are hardwired to desire women that they can't have. Then women on the whole are hardwired to desire men who can be with any
other woman. Ah the tragedy of man - God, how you make fools of us all.

This weekend will be devoted to more house hunting - oh fun fun fun!

Hmm let's get in some MW3 MP though, I could really do with shooting a few people.

Should also really start getting into a bit more guitar action. Something new, something original. That's what I want.

Is it just me, or is Liam Neeson in everything these days? The guy's wife died not that long ago, yet his output is still massive, I just don't get it. Take some time off and grieve, man!

I liked how Dave's Subaru Impreza RS had bucket seats. He would drive slowly, but going around corners, I loved the feeling of being planted to the seat.

Joaquin out.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Calling A 30 Year Old Woman Cute

A Pen, Some Paper & A Good View: that's what I could do with. I'm feeling uncharacteristically creative - too bad I'm stuck at work!

I've gotta have a consumer tirade here. Uncle Toby's Muesli Bars (I only eat the choc chip soft ones), as well as their Plus range of cereals are normally quite good. However, over the past few months, I think they have changed their recipes and started adding additional things to the recipe, or substituted ingredients, because they now taste horrible! What's worse is that they haven't informed their consumers, so you are still paying the original price but getting inferior goods. Shame on you Uncle Tobys. On top of that, my wife likes to eat Carman's Kitchen style muesli bars. They have done the same thing! I thought they would have had some ethics being a smaller company driven by providing top level goods, but it seems they are
also driven by profit and screwing the customer over. Go back to the original recipes!! Stop putting these new oats or seeds in there!!

I wonder why we had a tendency to break things during sex - almost all of it yours. You took it as a sign of the intensity and destructive nature of our relationship. Glasses, vases, photo frames, even the windscreen of the car. That being said, it was enjoyable, and totally indicative of the passion and self involved nature we had. I'm telling all of you - if you haven't had sex like that, then I'm afraid you haven't been wildly in love.

I saw Jimmy M today. I have not seen him since that magical first night I spent with you. That night when I realised I could easily fall in love with you. We were at that bar that I have never been to, and we were wildly drunk and whispering in each other's ear and getting closer and closer throughout the evening. He was on the other side of the room with his friends and looked over at us and he gave me a look of envy and nodded his head. I probably should have bought him a drink. I wonder what he thought today when he saw me? I bet he was reminded of you and what must have become of you after that evening. Only you and I, and a select few others know the answer to that.

Noticed that Napoleon Total War and Shogun 2 Total War have gone on sale in stores. Now I have to say that the new gunpowder related elements in Empire and Napoleon (at least in the demo I played) are against the general idea of the Total War series. It makes things too easy. This is a shame, since I still need to finish Medieval 2 Total War's expansion packs and hit up Empire Total War. But I really want to play Shogun 2 - which apparently is the best in the series. That's saying something, because Rome Total War is one of my favourite games of all time. But I also need a new comp to show off the goodness. Ahh GTA5, I can't wait for you! Let's troll Los Santos!! Though I will admit that I'm a bit sad that San Fierro won't feature, I loved that place. In fact that's where I base myself out of - well there and the desert so I can access my Harrier Jet.

More tomorrow!

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Something For Payola In Jackson County

Uncharacteristically busy day today! Luckily, I still found the time to blog...

Further to my previous post about buying a house, it is just astonishing to see what ridiculous fees and payments banks will levy against you when buying property! Loan establishment fee? So you want my business, and I'm handing you money, but for the sheer privilege of dealing with you, I have to pay you even more?! Goddamn, that is ridiculous! Then mortgage insurance! The house is your bloody collateral, why do you require even more money? All just greedy profit makers really.

What saddens me about this is that no right minded person can ever really own anything. Prices for cars (and houses) have jumped exponentially, but salaries haven't exactly caught up to them. Therefore, everyone has to apply for a loan to buy these things, so in order to live decently, you are automatically subscribed to a life of debt. How fucked up is that? Nobody is really free if we have banks consistently in our pockets just to live our lives? If people work hard and save, they will still never be able to own a home in cash straight away. That is reserved for your top tier bastards, like CEOs and Politicians and what not. If you're reading this, please rise up and fight this system.

I'm on a recruitment panel at the moment, and it just depresses the hell out of me. There are so many inexperienced and inadequate people applying for roles!! Not just that, they all have law degrees. How can such stupid people get degrees in such a field? Oh my god, Law has become the new Arts degree! Someone have mercy on our souls, this is just too terrible. Law degrees are a dime a dozen and it means
nothing now. These people are all pathetic.

You want a snapshot on the state of humanity? Look out on to any busy road. People cross the street in areas not designated as crossings. That's not the issue - watch the cars. If someone crosses the street, even if a car is far back, it will always speed up to scare the pedestrian into crossing quicker. So this is what's become of us now.

She would always say that she was afraid that something bad would happen to her soul because of what we were doing. That always threw me in some way. Was she rotting from the inside? But what's more important is that I am starting to feel the same way about things. She is my drug. We would talk about it and I would try to appease
her, but I always felt that somehow it was all falling on deaf ears. But she's gone now, and I hope that her soul can be renewed and purged of my influence.

Is it just me, or are girls afraid to orgasm? Bear with me for a minute here, every time I have been intimate with a woman, a whole negotiation and support network procedure has to be established before they can be convinced it's ok to have an orgasm. On several occasions, girls have just freaked out and had to stop continuing. Why can't they just lose themselves in it and seek pleasure? Women -
interesting things they are!

Here's a thought - democracy killed evolution. In nature, alphas reign supreme, and are followed due to fear and admiration. In a fully democratic society, doesn't resentment weigh in as a factor and therefore, alphas cannot rule? If this is the case and betas and omegas are reigning supreme, then surely we as a species have
fundamentally changed?

Food for thought, really!

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Draining Blood From A Stone, We All End Up Alone

What is this I'm pulling out of you?

The other and I have been on Google+ for some time now. In fact we were both on there when it was still in Beta. I gotta admit, it is very different to Facebook, but I find the interface quite difficult to use. Typically Google is quite good at understanding what users want, or predicting what is better, but I find the whole thing to be too hard to understand. There is too much lingo, and I don't understand what the different features do. The tutorials are quite lacking, and overall, it's just not an enjoyable experience. Facebook has changed substantially from what it used to be - and yes I do know,as I was on there in the (good old) days when it was restricted just to university alumni. So whatever changes occurred from that point
were not too much of a stretch from the initial easy to use experience, even if the whole experience became inferior as a result of the changes.

If they are really trying to compete with Facebook and do a better job, I think Google has to make the whole system a bit more intuitive, so that all users can get maximum use from the different options available.

Oh well, at least they are both still better than Hi-5! That was an awful social network.

Aren't condoms just the strangest things? I find them awful in terms of sexual enjoyment. I'm sure most guys would have to agree with me that it takes some of the fun out of sex. You lose a lot of the feeling and sensation, but they do serve an important purpose!!! Don't forget that! I mean, with advances in technology, can't they make thinner yet still protective condoms?

Prophylactics, they are funny things! I guess condoms are so popular because of their relative inexpensiveness and their comparative ease of use. To be fair, there really is no such thing as safe sex. Female based prophylactics still result in skin to skin contact, so the chance to catch an STD still exists. I prefer unprotected sex - but my circumstances are different to most, since I'm in a relationship! But if I was single, I would not sleep with anyone, regardless of whether there was protection available.

One thing I will never understand is why women must be told when a guy is about to climax? Every woman I've ever been with - "tell me when you're about to come" - what the hell? Why?? Can't we just enjoy the time together? Weird, weird stuff.

Not making enough time to write lately, not that it matters. I think I've got writer's block, words don't flow like they used to. Might need to work on that.

We're looking at buying a house. We were looking at properties over the weekend and I realised that this is it, I've gotten older and have settled down. Dreams are crumbling down all around me. I'd like to travel. I'd like to see things, I'd like to experience things. Also, as an interesting side note, when we've viewed a lot of properties online, there's always a room set aside for just guitars! Surely not
all these people are playing guitar? And not only that, a lot of the setups are quite good! Nobody can be better than I!

Getting older, nearing 30 - I'm running 2km a day, which isn't very much, but my legs and knees absolutely cane for several hours after. So this is how it starts, I guess? The slow descent into death?

Modern Warfare 3 has become interesting, I've started progressing through the campaign and it is just ridiculous the level of things they've provided in the game. I'm still reminded of Modern Warfare 1 where in that first mission you insert on to a freight ship in the middle of heavy rain, and I was just gobsmacked at how fantastic it was. But I'm still illing from the days of the Chernobyl mission. God, I'm sure my testicles retracted into my body at the suspense of the first stealth mission, and the brilliance of the bottleneck strategy when waiting to extract from the exfil point. Pure. Awesome.

Samurai X (or Rurouni Kenshin) is not as good as it once was. The second arc in Kyoto was absolutely fantastic, some of the best anime I've ever seen in terms of story and execution. But the third arc has no consistency, and there is no overarching story line. The Christian swordsman, Shogo Amakusa was a welcome diversion, but it has faltered after his departure. I need to finish it however, since I need to watch the OVAs!! I've seen the prequel one, but not the one that
wraps up the series.

Malcolm In The Middle is a horribly underrated show. In ways I felt like it was describing my life. The series ends in a very interesting way - I won't spoil it, but suffice to say, Malcolm realises that there is more to life than flaunting his intelligence. I wonder if that is actually true!

Things are just falling apart.
I need some laughter, or just the chance to get away from it all.

Fuck, I need to sleep!

Joaquin out.

Monday, February 20, 2012

A Month In Spain Just To Choke On A Chain

Things are interesting when you are on fire like this. You sit around wondering whether you are normal like other guys, and I suppose, biologically speaking, we all are. But it certainly doesn't feel like it when your desires are enflamed so often. We would talk quite often about how we seemed different to others. She was quite different, and I think to some extent she realised it, but did not want to admit it.
We were matched like that. Then began a journey to some very dark places. Visiting the depths of my soul that I didn't know existed. You don't know what you're capable of until you have gone there. Pain and pleasure become intertwined, and co-dependence becomes the name of the game.

Oh addiction, such a powerful mistress you are. Unnatural desires take hold of me and I'm left all alone. Where are you? What are you doing? I miss you, so, so much.

I remember when I was in school as a youngen that I would watch bullies do their thing, and realised they were little sociopaths. They acted without morals or conscience. If they hit someone or swore at someone, they would just continue as it is if is a normal thing. I knew I had a soul because I would always question how someone could do something bad to someone else and not feel bad about it? Whenever I
did something bad to someone, I always felt guilty, I always second guessed it, I knew it was wrong. Kids who don't feel like that need to be exterminated, because they are tomorrow's killers and career criminals. I don't think people like that can be rehabilitated when the damage is so deeply ingrained in their psyche. Goddamn, there are so many awful parents out there.

But on an unrelated note, I wish I could do something bad and not feel guilty about it. But that's just not the sort of person I am.

Let's get a little more salacious in some future posts this week!

Joaquin out

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Identification Of The Nothing

The problem isn't so much having nothing to say. I do have things to say, it's just that I don't know what to say.

Should there be something? Yeah, I'm sure, but it exists only as a figment of my own mind.

Daniel Merriweather, please make more of a mark in Australia. You are probably the best singer we've ever produced.

I need some sleep.

Joaquin out.

Friday, February 17, 2012

There's Always A New Generation

One to make the old one feel obsolete.

I'm reminded of the theme song to Degrassi: The Next Generation, in particular some of the lyrics.

"If I hold out, I know I can make it through".

I don't know if I will. But it is made easier for others if I make them believe that I can.

Joaquin out.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Letting It Rock, Just Might Let It Roll

The price of admission is only your soul.

And I could not just keep away. Existence is unbearable in this state.

Travelling for work starts up again tomorrow. I kind of enjoy the break to the monotony of everyday desk work. But travelling halfway across the country to attend a 3 hour meeting is not all so great. At least I get to transfer and see more cities. Decided to go back through the old stomping ground of Sydney as opposed to Melbourne this time around. A bit of change can be good.

It finally happened - after 7 years or so of clean operation, my hotmail has started randomly spamming people in my address list and it's a pain in the ass!!! I'm hoping my account wasn't hacked. But I've changed all my passwords (including facebook that was linked to my hotmail), and things should run a bit smoother. Should also probably run a scan of the computer just to make sure I didn't download anything whacky.

In the market for a new computer at the moment. I've been doing some rough crunching, and with a new i7 chipset, it looks like it'll be around $2700 from a pretty cheap place. That's still pretty effing expensive!! Oh well, it should be a beast and can handle my next set of gaming goodness.

Still wondering if I'm going to make it myself. Haha, I'm reminded of a time in the late 90's when the other procured a CD burner at the computer fair, and we went back to his place to install it. It was an internal drive, and with no knowledge of what we were doing, proceeded to install the drive and hey presto, it was down! Haha, it's almost self explanatory.

People who live in a class based society confuse me. It is human nature to want to be treated the same as others, if not better. So if you belong to a lower class, why would you accept your place there? I'm surprised that any class based society has survived into the 21st century. You really would expect more wars, because the lower classes tend to outnumber the upper classes. But upper classes never fight, they tend to rely on the lower classes to fight their battles for them. Even against their own people. Oh, the evils that money and mistaken belief lead us to.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Random Non Sequitir: Musings On Past Advice

Angelo used to say that every girl felt different - at a very biological level.

No girl was the same as another, and that you should remember them all.

Then I met you, and promptly forgot everyone else, even myself, as I began to live for you. To live to experience you.

You felt the best.

You tasted the best.

My blood burns white hot as I just recall the sensations, and the hedonistic desire we cultivated and satisfaction we enacted on each other.

Without you, I never would have picked my penchant for the darker side of lust and desire. You introduced me to a whole other level of power and contentment in your arms.

Even if I blabbed to the whole world that we were together, nobody would believe me.

But the question remains - are you a bad person? Would others look at this situation and say that you are an awful human being and that I deserve someone better?

Well you can't help the way you feel, can you?

Joaquin out.

To Feel The Flow Of Nature, To Give Oneself Up To Rapture

I think of you.
I think of you and my heart races.
Cause I miss you when I don't want to.

I hated when you said that some people may just be phases in your life that just come and go.

Don't I mean anything to you?

God, the way you feel, the way you taste. I can just be walking down the street and I'll be reminded of you and will just be utterly paralysed.

I want to let go, but I just cannot. I want to be in your life, I want you to be in mine.

I'd love to just grab hold of you and hug you.

Maybe time can heal these wounds. But I think you can do without me more than I can do without you. What goes on in your mind? I want to know. I want to break you open and find out.

Right now, I wish I was dead.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Too Many Things & Other Dreams On A Whim

Valentine's Day today and they were handing out roses in the city (fake of course), with packs of condoms attached. Is that what we've come to? The sexualisation of everything now? It's meant to be a day about romance and innocent fun, but I guess if we are going to push things too far, this was the natural consequence. I suppose others will say that it sends out a good message to be responsible, but hey if we are doing this, why not give out condoms with easter eggs?

Whoever markets this day must be making an absolute killing! Strawberries have gone up incredibly in price, they are just fruit!!

It appears that my landlord has ripped me off for the past few years by having not had the heating unit in working condition, which is apparently is a standard clause in the rental agreements. Looks like I'm going to have to take them to court on this, which I am very happy to do!

I am looking for fun and a bit of danger in my life! No drama though, don't really need that.

Isn't it odd that I just want to sleep all the time? Even if I'm not tired, I just want to be in bed and hope that when I sleep, that I just won't wake up. Ahh to be so lucky.

Private Detective (sic) commented on the post below in regard to my annoyance at the country code appearing in the URL. Apparently, it is to know where the blog is being moderated from, as well as being a new thing in Google's revised Privacy Policy.

Ok, why do people need to know where this blog is being moderated from? It should not matter, the internet is a free place of open ideas. The laws should not apply here. When there is something you believe you cannot stomach, use your bloody discretion and avoid it - rule 101!

Google is no friend of freedom or free speech. Once it went public, it all went downhill. Sure, Larry and Sergey became rich and were able to implement a lot of new ideas, but the sheer nature of corporate finance does not lend itself well to innovation. Why? You are always at the mercy of your shareholders. If you do something that's going to be controversial, you will lose funding, or your company will take a hit on the market because nobody is nuts enough to touch you. Imagine if Galileo was the CEO of a company while making his discoveries? Do you think they would have done well after the Catholic Church came down on him? These new privacy principles instituted by Google are a sign of weak-willed corporate executives, who have failed in their directive to "do no evil". They have bowed to shareholder and lobby/stakeholder interests that have dictated that if you say something that someone doesn't like, they will name your ass in a second and you will be open to litigation.

So thank you, Google. I use your products and support your company (and have since the late 90's), and this is how I am repaid? The internet is like nothing before, and now it is open to regulation by countries and laws pertaining to certain things (eg. defamation) can be fought over using the internet as evidence. The legal system has not properly recognised the value of technology (when has it ever?), so the best way to apply the law is to make an argument by analogy, which is not appropriate when it comes to technology.

It makes us all less frank and fearless. I've said things on here knowing full well that they were wrong, or controversial, and if I'd said them in public, or on any other forum, I would be in a shitload of trouble. If it happens to me, I'll just rely on this being a blog - a web log. A diary if you will. A diary to myself that happens to be online, for my own musings. Reading this diary is tantamount to knowing where I keep my diary, and deciding to hold me accountable just because you do not like the things I say on it.

And dear Google: rule number 1 of regulation - if you change the rules of the game, then consult, consult, consult. When that's done, consult again! This isn't bloody opt-in, my life is on here, I cannot just give it up and move it over. It's like we're being held hostages for someone elses poor decision making skills.

I really hate it when I am reminded of you. I don't like driving near your suburb, which is hard because you live so close. I'm kind of glad you're gone, but I still have to go by the places where we enjoyed the sunshine together. Made love in. Kissed in the rain. Hid out in the darkness. Lived out our fantasies and adventures. Now you're gone. I think I see you from time to time, and I feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I really wish we'd never met. Then I would never know what I was losing. Never know what I had given up.

Joaquin out.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Blogger Problems & No Resolutions.com.au

Why oh why has Blogger started adding the country code top-level domains to the website now? I demand that it be removed! I quite liked it being dropc.blogspot.com and NOTHING else. I don't care if it's a redirect, I don't like the way it looks. It's aesthetically displeasing to have anything else there!

Come on, I expected issues like this before, but not the service after it was purchased by Google. This is the sort of stupid, immediate-future yet backwards thinking expertise that I'd expect from Facebook, not from these folks.

Joaquin annoyed and out.

Running Out Of Patience, Running Out Of Time

And time is up for several. Tick tock. Tick tock. Hell, let's even let Ke$ha have some fun - tik tok tik tok!

I've come to hate most things related to you now. I can't stand to be touched by anyone. I don't like being massaged, even when I'm sore and in dire need of one. I hate having sex, because everytime I do, I imagine you.

It dawned on me in the pool today, that I have died and this is hell. I watched Antichrist the other day, which had some very interesting points in it.

You are a bad person, I know that. So I've made the decision to pull away. You will never know, and what's more, you will not care. That will just prove to me that I was right all along.

I could just die from relaxation right now.

I'm looking forward to some lazy days at work ahead.

Schemes and plans and strategies.

Let's begin the game.

Joaquin out.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Fuck This Day

All I want to do is stay in bed all day and not eat anything.

Nobody brought me any drugs. This means you all suck.

Ah depressed haze, where have you been?!

Pride & Intoxication Are Wonderful Bedfellows

If you behave like a spoiled bitch, and it will come back to bite you.

Tell me, is it ever justified to hit a woman? A strange incident tonight, when 'she' was quite drunk and then began to pour water over my brand new shirt in front of my friend. I was happy to let that pass, until she did it again all over my pants and shoes (mind you this is all deliberate), and then proceeded to slap me in the face quite violently. At this point, I'd had enough and pushed her right into a parked car. Her face was slightly bruised and her mouth was bleeding. I was proud of myself. I will not stand idly by and be humiliated in front of my friends like that, regardless of the past we had together.

I only regret that my friend was there to witness it and look after you after I'd had enough and went home. Because if I'd stayed 10 more seconds, I'd have shattered your face all over the fucking pavement. Stamped on that beautiful face of yours until all that was left was a bloody stump of what you used to hold in such high regard. Aren't you so deftly afraid of being ugly? Oh well, at least you'd get that nose job you always wanted!

I may have been drunk too, but it was justified. My only saving grace was that I was drunk, otherwise that push may very well have become a swift punch if I had been sober. Followed by another, and another, and another, until you had stopped moving and I'd be free of your curse.

God, I shouldn't have left! I wish you'd called your alpha male boyfriend, because I would have relished the opportunity, just half a fucking chance to tear him limb from limb like a wild animal. Sink my teeth into his flesh and taste his blood. He would become my prey as I take piece after piece out of him while he's still breathing. All right in front of you, now that's a twisted fantasy.

I could do with some drugs. Maybe something hardcore? Anyone want to do some drugs with me? Alcohol is too mellow, it only detaches you from things. Marijuana just forces you to intellectualise but not rationalise. I just want to feel good, maybe I'll get addicted and overdose? Oh, that gives me an idea! Let's do some drugs, haha! I don't really want to be here.

Two step plan now. Should it be three step? Where's the fun if there's no reveal? It's just like a magic trick you know.

Either way, whichever stage comes first, it will be a nasty surprise. Don't think I won't do what it takes to get through to you.

May your worst nightmares come true.

I'm looking forward to getting the fuck out of here for the weekend at least. I'll never see you again.

Oh yeah, I made it to the multicultural festival! Had some good food, saw some beautiful women.


Joaquin out.

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Focus & RAGE

Thankfully my internet has rolled over, and I am no longer shaped. Hello downloads and youtube and decent speeds!

I'm enjoying guitar quite a lot lately. I have stopped doing my regular exercises, and have gone back to the dropbox folder that belongs to the other and I. It's fun to play our own songs. They are good songs! We must finish a few, they must get out there, I don't care how, they need to be heard.

Did psychometric testing today for that role and it was fucking insane. I've never had a psychological onslaught like the one I got today. Questions that bordered on sheer lunacy - if I wasn't mentally stable before, I sure am now!! There were questions in there that did not make sense.

We were required to undertake a verbal reasoning test where you had to take what was written as the absolute truth, and you could not infer any reasoning that was not explicitly stated on the page. This made things impossible for me, because that sort of reasoning is where I shine.

It'll be interesting to see the results, too bad they don't disclose those things to you.

Let's go with a free form post for tomorrow.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The Scars On My Back Tell An Interesting Story

"Everyday's like talking in your sleep; love is like a sillhouette in dreams" - Kimbra, Cameo Lover

Just another day at work, just another day with nothing to do.

This is so good for my blogging form though!

The question is, do I have anything to say?

It doesn't even matter anyway, I can just run my mouth and you're forced to sit there and read it!

Then again, you aren't such a captive audience.

Hope you have enjoyed the latest round of JRL updates.

I don't really understand tagging posts, because my mind works in such a way that I cannot tag similar posts with the same word! I'll think of another synonym, how odd is that?

Why is it that when girls need to "find themselves" they totally shut themselves off? Can they not function with the rest of society while they need to "learn who they are"? That sort of thing is so common, surely it implies instability? Woo, controversial!

I wonder if you will ever learn to connect the dots and find this? The things I've said about you, how I really feel? I doubt it, because you're too damn scatterbrained.

All I'm left with is anger, and it's just so much to sustain that I am just an empty shell of what I used to be. I cannot wish you well. From all that you've told me - you are a terrible person. What sort of life did you have? How the fuck did you get this way?

I need some closure for my broken friendships. I've read somewhere that it is quite a common thing for female-female friends to just have the sort of relationship that can just fracture and/or disappear. But I think that is true of any form of friendship. What happened? Did I do anything wrong? Did you just change? Are you just a fuckwit? Those are questions I'd like the answer to. God damn it, the things I'd say to all of you if I ever saw your faces again.

Yes, I recognise that I'm a difficult person to deal with. That's not my problem.

Oh yeah, I got my motorcycle licence. I am awesome.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Dark Clouds Gather On The Horizon, You're Reaching For Another Glass Of Wine

Ok, so 1,500 words later, I have finally done it! The update to the Joaquin Rate List (JRL) is complete! It's available here.
For those of you who weren't with us from the start, it was a naive attempt from the younger version of me to write the definitive list of all the women I found attractive. And goddamn, that is now a massive, unwieldy list! I have kept up with it because I did not want to forget about anyone. It's also currently the highest viewed post on this blog.

So you had your problems, you had your addictions. In fact, you still have them. What will running away solve? It doesn't matter, because it will make my life easier without you in it. Do I remind you of your father? Is that why you sought my approval? Is that why you loved me? It's difficult when I don't believe a word you say.

I used to keep a livejournal when I was younger. I wonder what happened to it, cause I told some pretty funny stories on it. I have it bookmarked, but I can't recall what my login details are anymore, oh well!

What's going on in my life at the moment? Not a whole lot. Got my test for my motorcycle operators skills test tomorrow. I'm not 100% sure I can pass. I can do everything fine, but I don't know if I can do it consistently. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

That's it for today, Joaquin out!

Monday, February 06, 2012

The Sun Shines On My Face, But All I Feel Is The Chill Up My Spine

Song of the moment? Friendly Fires - Hurting. Get this song now. That's an order!

Do you know what my favourite app is on my iPhone? It's a pool game, which was free to download. I play it often because it's quick and easy. Who says you need to spend money to have fun on your phone like that? It's quite ironic really!

My internet has been capped for a few days, so I'm living speeds that are right up there with my dialup days. I didn't have a 56k modem when we had dialup, so in fact, I was living with 33.6k ultra slowness! Oh well, it's only for a few days, they really need to learn how to give faster net for people on supposedly regional exchanges - despite living in the middle of the city!! Goddamn, you know you're in trouble when Australia's crappy 3G internet runs faster than your home net!

I've realised that you are a bad person. A deviant, and I do not know how I could have possibly fallen in love with someone like you. We couldn't have really made it work, could we? No matter how dynamite we were together...

Alas, you will be gone soon, and you shall promptly be forgotten. You did not know that your choices would lead you to this point, did you? But you run away from that which you cannot understand.

Ever slept with someone who was just incredibly good in bed? Sorry, but it is an odd thing to happen! I can only cast my mind to the thought of "I wonder how many dicks have been in that mouth?" Needless to say, it is not highly conducive to losing oneself in the moment, haha! Were the previous ones better than me? Am I just filling the void left by someone previously? Yeah, yeah, I know that it's totally a guy thing to react in this manner, and that it's impossible to want a (I can't believe I'm quoting Ludacris) "lady in the street but a freak in the bed".

Just sitting at work and watching the shadow of the clouds streak across the cityscape and it's absolutely beautiful.

Ok hipsters - as requested and long overdue, the patented Joaquin Rate List (JRL) is been updated with quite possibly its biggest update ever. To find out what all the fuss is about, head here.

I'll let you all know when it's been updated.

Thank you and good night - Joaquin out.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Sex With Pets (Not Literally...)

Ever had sex with someone who owned a pet? That shit is not cool. Especially the ones who let their pets roam free. Let's talk about the girl who would let her dog just walk around while we did it. It would sit there and watch us - I was the only one who noticed!! That's sooooooo bloody uncomfortable. I guess I should have said something, but I assume that's not the sort of thing one would stop sex for?

Then that girl who had the cat, and it would jump INTO the bed and sit on my leg from time to time!! Or it would sit right next to us and just watch us, sometimes even fixated on our privates! I was paranoid that I was going to get swiped or bitten, I had a bad experience with a cat when I was younger. Talk about weird!! It honestly feels like there is a person there watching you. I don't know how some people can be so comfortable doing that sort of thing with the pets able to see. I'm just not that much of an exhibitionist. Well that's not exactly true, there may have been relations of that sort outdoors, but it was a secluded area! On a weekday!

Not to mention the time that girl and I were getting 'handsie' with each other in a crowded park. I did notice the cyclist who almost rode straight into the lake while he was too busy checking out what we were doing. Riotous!

The other has been busy attended fantastic concerts, such as the likes of Incubus and so on. I have been attending pretentious parties with your regular charlie churchers. Talk about awkward!

Missing out on the multicultural festival ONCE again! It's a fantastic festival of good food and good dances, and let's also not forget the gorgeous exotic women. I have missed it for the past 10 years. I have been away EVERY single time and just when I thought I'd make it this time, another spanner in the works and I'll have to be away. Goddamn it!!!

Best tweet the other day on Seth MacFarlane's stream - "It's impossible to look cool when taking off a condom". I thought about that and I have to agree, every time I've had to take one off, it's just the epitome of anti-cool!

Joaquin out.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Harry Potter & The Sexless Relationship

It's the one JK Rowling doesn't want you to know about!

If You Have A Hairy Back, You Are A Bad Person - don't ask me why, haha!

Some interesting job opportunities on the horizon. None of which I can speak about at the moment.

People who don't believe in climate change must be the ultimate idiots. How can someone be so blind and clueless as to what is happening? Climate change isn't just about global warming, it is about variance in temperatures when compared to previous trends. Look at summer, this is actually quite close to autumn in terms of heat and
general disposition! Spend two years in this city, all climate change skeptics will change their tune, just you wait and see!

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Make Yourself Into Something New

The fortnight ahead is going to be insane.

Prepping for job interviews, psychological tests and motorcycle licence test all on the horizon.

I better get busy with things.

Posts may be sparse, unless something interesting crops up that I absolutely must blog about, or if I am bored at work!

Your tax dollars at work, baby!

Joaquin out.