Hoping The Phone Doesn't Ring

In a way, some part of me hopes that I don't see you again. That we can always remain cordial acquaintances, because I'm not sure if I can be your friend. The thought of you with someone else is enough to stop my heart beating in its tracks. It also bothers me that you work 4 days a week. Are you back here on the weekends? The thought of you being in the same city as me, even unknowingly, and without contact makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I mean, what do you do? Do you think of me like you used to? Or has the tyranny of distance tempered your feelings for me? There's a lot more meditation to be done on this. I'm going crazy. It's just this growing sense of injustice and pure bitter outrage about how things have ended up. It simply should not have been this way. Story of my fucking life. Oh I'll get to the bottom of this, you better fucking believe it. Just sick to the pit of my stomach. I can't do this, I don't want to go on like this.


My teeth hurt from all the grinding from the stress. But I'm just looking forward to writing and continuing on. I'd really like a new computer! That way I can play some good Shogun 2 Total War, and hopefully enjoy the full benefits of ADSL2+ when or if I buy a house. Because I live in the city, somehow my exchange is marked regional, as
opposed to metropolitan, and as a result, only expensive, second rate ISPs (i.e. Telstra, haha) operate ADSL2+ from there. I'm with Internode, who provide an excellent service, but I am paying a substantial amount for a line speed that is somewhere between Cable and ADSL2+.

Joyce Or Beckett?

Very existentialist sort of mood this morning. Questioning my own purpose here.

I do consider myself a moral absolutist. I tend to have strong opinions about things, and it is rare that I would change my mind on anything - even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. But that's not to say that I can't have my mind changed. It has happened on more than one occasion!

So I've been thinking, does anarchy only exist in ordered/structured societies? So let's think about it, if everyone was an anarchist, wouldn't that become the dominant paradigm, and therefore, democracy or communism or any other ordered system would technically become the new anarchy? How very post-modern! In a natural world, anarchy may reign supreme, but it could never be identified as such without an ordered system. Without a point of reference, it is nothing really.

I think one thing I really need to learn how to do is look forward to the bigger picture. Think long-term strategy and what not.

Do I have anything to say? Not really.

Everything is boring. I'm bored with life. What's going on? No, I don't want to talk.

Blogging is going at a pretty terrific pace at the moment, with almost an average of a post a day since the new year. As stated before, I've been pretty keen on the stats page in the dashboard, but it doesn't tell you how many visits your blog has had in total. Because if I just access dropc.blogspot.com, I'd assume that this doesn't count as a pageview? Regardless, we have about 5k pageviews so far, which is
pretty good. Hope you've all learned something from the chaos that comes out of our minds.

Joaquin out