Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Freed Up, Afraid About The Beat Up

Sometimes you just get shocked out of complacency.  As Sloane mentioned (quoting Eminem), snap back to reality.  It's never a slow combination of things.  It's always rather everything happening at once.  Just everything at the same time.  You don't know how to react because you're already so numb to the world.  Was someone else talking about a soma holiday?  I don't even want to think about it.  It already brings up bad memories.  Why fear mediocrity when mediocrity is king? 

Am I slowly unravelling?  Is this me at the end of the rope?  At the end of my tether?  Before acceptance comes desperation.  What were the words of Gray Fox?  I remember.  Everything is moving slowly, almost in slow motion.  I thought I had something to say, because I have been thinking lately, but in the end it all amounts to nought anyway.

It's all about the comparisons in how we live.  Finally getting somewhere with guitar after so long.  It's good to see my dropbox get updated now and then.  I've done enough work for today, so I'm going to use the rest of this hour to blog in my sleepy and confused and irritable state.

The free market is a weird beast.  With these 'bubbles' what sets them off?  How can things change overnight?  Seemingly unimportant events are later recognised as the trigger points for financial collapses.  It's all artificial.  It's irrelevant and it means nothing.  Money only has value because we agree to its value and hoard it likewise.  If we all just stopped one day, that would be it, the system would change.  But all it takes is one person, and for them to turn another and another, and it would all fail. 

I need quiet time at home.  That's all!!  Nothing more.  Things fall apart.  Oh those wicked hearts of darkness.

Adequacy of capability.  What the hell am I even talking about?

It's dark out.

Joaquin out.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Fleeting Moments Are Made Of This

And that was just your life.  Irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.  What's the point of memories?  Feelings are useless.  If that's the case, there is nothing greater.  And we all fall down, we have to eventually.  And gravity always wins in the end.  It was a complete struggle of a weekend.  I've got things to get done today, and I'll get to them in a moment.  Need to get back into the habit and look after myself.  That and I'm retreating into myself again. 

The eyes of the world are in one place at the moment.  Or so it seems, at least.  And yet I'm not there.  I'm not looking.  It's always about playing catchup in a roundabout way.  Things always make sense in one way or another.  Who is looking after me?  We are all lost in translation.  And nobody remembers all the words they're not allowed to say. 

Flying through traffic, I'm unstoppable, no matter what I'm driving.  It's all a blur as it goes past me. 

Ahh so many things to do, so little time.  This is gonna be a non-post I'm afraid.

Joaquin out.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Where I Am, Where I Was

Isn't quite the same thing.  It's all about the illusion of progress.  Monotony is the cancer of creativity.  Breaking out of the box, thinking in terms of sounds.  Improve and get better.  I'm at the end of my rope at the end of the short week.  I've still had to do work, it wasn't as lazy as I was hoping. 

I'm a little bit of a defeatist lately.  I discovered some guy I went to Journalism school with, Andrew Bucklow, has sunk to depressing lows.  When we were in University, his stuff was really good, thought provoking, good student journalism really.  He was the only one out there doing some pretty hard hitting stories, while the rest of our stuff was just pedestrian.  But now I see that he is writing celebity gossip and entertainment 'news' for news.com.au and it is awful.  He is the one who should have gone somewhere! That's a crying shame, and it is indicative of our Journalism school.  Camden was right, they turned us into a bunch of tabloid spewing unthinkers.  That right there is the death of thought.

I don't know why rich conservatives are so against illegal immigrants coming in and working for very cheap.  In a capitalist democracy, it makes sense that the free market will reward jobs to those who are willing to work for less money.  People like that cannot get rich unless they are saving on costs somewhere down the line.  So they only have themselves to blame in the end.  The system is set up to allow that sort of behaviour to happen.  If you're really against it, then denounce capitalism and start paying domestic workers a higher working wage.  The cost of living is killing most people, and it's all about companies gouging people in the wallet, all to please their shareholders who are other companies.  I wonder what would happen if we outlawed Superannuation funds so that they didn't wield so much influence in the investment sphere?  Would things become fairer for everyday people? 

I'm tired, oh so tired.  I could just sleep for eternity.  Somewhere along the way, my youthful optimism died.  World weary and full of cautious dread.  Man I want to just take the day off and just sit in a music shop and audition some guitars.  That would be pretty sweet.  I'm looking for some signature tone.  Blergh, it's only 11am!!  What the hell am I supposed to do with the rest of my time?!  I just want to be home and asleep, but it's not like I can enjoy my holiday either.  Always at the beck and call of others, that's my life. 

Ahh now things make a smidgen more sense.  Only a tiny bit though.  It's all a bit by bit thing.  Day by day. 

I don't think I have anything to add today.  I'm not feeling well.  Can I go home already?  Well no, not for at least 5 hours more. 

There is a disturbing truth about the Juris Doctorate program compared to standard LLB degrees.  If you want to work internationally, most places will prefer that you have a JD component, but the fact is they do less work and are less trained about legal concepts than standard lawyers.  So why waste your time with a law degree when more employers are concerned about JDs?  It makes no sense!  I could have just done an easy degree then slotted into JD and then finished that in my regular time and I'd have more qualifications!  That's a load of crap really.  Why would anyone bother?? 

The future is uncertain.  That's the only guarantee.  It's a big big world out there.  I want to make my mark.  On it.  On you.

There's nothing to speak of, there's nothing to think of really.  Just keep plodding on and rolling on and hope one day it just stops and I won't mind.  Okay, I'm giving myself some research tasks for the weekend.  I shouldn't even be here.  This is all just a terrible mistake.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It's All Relative Or Indicative

Or perhaps it's all gone a bit too far.  Helping hands one minute will be the ones that stab you in the back the next minute.  The truth is a construct.  One person's truth may not necessarily be the same as another's - and you know what?  From both their perspectives, they could be right.  What do you do in that case?  Is someone's truth better than the others?  I guess it comes down to whoever has the flashiest story.  Whoever can wow the most people.

The truth is, the truth is however you view it.  The 'truth' can be wrong depending on timing and even context.  Then what are you left with?  Not a whole lot, really.  Looks like my days of privacy are now over.  After having private space for so long, I've now got someone behind me and so it makes blogging that little bit harder.  But I'll get there, it's only a minor obstacle to the path of progress.

I've got some things to get done this morning in terms of work so I'll hit those up first and get back to some more of the good stuff.

Everything becomes dark gradually.  I've lost the zest.  I've lost the joie de vivre.  I really feel like everything from here is just the downwards slope.  I'm slowly dying.  I can feel it, I know it.  Maybe that's why life exists.  Maybe that's why we grow like we do and expand.  If death is the only result, we have to do our best to overcome it, and thus we keep multiplying.  You don't know.  You just don't know.

Even after my diatribe yesterday about being tired, I still wasn't able to sleep until well after 11:30.  Needless to say, I'm still not with the program today.  In fact, I'm sure it will just get worse and worse as times wears on. 

Everything is done for the day, so it's all just a matter of getting on with the other stuff I had planned.  What is it with these people?  Just look at how we live.  The way we do things.  In time, the future will laugh at us, I can guarantee that. 

I'm just totally locking into sound here.  Music and all that.  Just need to get on a roll.  That's what I want.  That's what I need, in fact.  Do I have anything to say?

Just trapped, lost in my own thoughts.  How I think or feel is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things though.  But how to live?  Living was not worth it.  It's not worth the price to pay.  What's always bothersome is that you need so many ducks to line up to be lucky.  It's always the luck of the draw, really. 

All just self-sabotaging really.  Or am I?  Other factors are at play.  I'm enjoying reading, but damn I should have ordered my next set of books before I finished my last one!  I'm now sitting there with nothing left to do in the evenings.

Up on the get go.  Yeah!

I'm done for today.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I Swear It Was, But It Wasn't Enough

It never is.  It never was.  I'm really struggling to find time here.  Everything is just falling by the wayside.  I'd like to live without responsibilities and with more freedom.  But it hit me the other day that I was going wayyy down the wrong path a long time ago, and this is where I have wound up as a result.  Am I even me anymore?  Is this stuff going anywhere?  Is it building to something?  I'm just left with doubt.  These preoccupations.  I'm restless and out of it.  It doesn't help that I had a sleepless night (insert bassline here courtesy of Tony Levin), but it's also really cold.  Bitingly cold, where it just hits your bones and it paralyzes you in place.  You don't want to do anything.  You don't want to get up.  You just take the hit, you're on the ground and that's where you want to stay.  None of it is leading anywhere.  There's no payoff.  But am I growing as a result or is it doing irreparable damage to my mental state?  It used to be fuel for the fire, but there's nothing left.  Should have done so much more on the weekend, but I couldn't.

On top of everything else, I'm now sick.  Great!  Great times for all.  Things are not going well.  That's all I can say really.  This is all being taken from me.  But what I have to ask you is whether it was mine in the first place.  Do I even get to blog anymore?  I'd like to, so long as I get up to the point where I'm going to get to the blog intro/retrospective in September.  I think that will probably take me to the end of the year to complete.  But until then, I want to keep blogging!  I have things to say, even if it is only in relation to this blog.

It rains, even in my dreams, it still rains.  I run into people I haven't seen or spoken to in decades.  It's all so transitionary, this life.  We were young once.  We will be tomorrow's elderly and dying.  It will happen to tomorrow's youth, too.  I need some deeper meaning.  I need some purpose.  Well that's what I wish anyway.  It's no longer there, and I don't think it ever was.  I wonder whose dreams I inhabit.  What do I do?  Am I just a bystander?  An extra in the background?  All these experiences and memories within the past few years have done nothing but destroy me.  It's totally changed my outlook on life.  Not necessarily for the better, either.  That's my life.  There.  It's going by and it's going down the drain.  What have I done to me?  There's always a time to act.  Time.  Time precious time.  Some more of that, please.  Please?

I was reading the other day that the author of horrible histories criticised the modern education system.  That's something you'll find as a recurring theme on this blog.  Terry Deary remarked that he thought schools were a waste of time and were a Victorian era idea to keep kids off the street.  He criticised standard testing, and the lack of relevant skills that are taught.  He mentioned they existed to create conforming machines out of people and destroy their spirit.  I completely agree with that.  Before you're taught that everything you thought was wrong, people are so much more creative and less critical.  That's a truism.  But he also mentioned that people should go to trade schools after primary and learn about what they're good at.  Now that's something I don't know I can agree with.  People are great and talented at a lot of things, but does that mean they enjoy them?  I'm not so sure.  What does it mean for people who want to try something different?  It also discounts people who can learn other skills and become adept at them.  I was never musically inclined when I was younger, but in University I took the initiative and got a guitar and taught myself.  Now I'm better than most people I know.  So what would that have meant for me when I was younger?  It also discounts the largest problem - in modern capitalistic 'democracies' you need people at the bottom rung of society to keep things functioning.  It gives them something false to aspire to.  The system doesn't work - who is going to pump your gas?  Yourself?  Yeah, right.

Ahh I'm so looking forward to putting in the laziest three days of my working life this week.  Such a shame I have so much on at the moment. 

It's a game of numbers.  It's one of tenacity.  Forget the self.  None of this is real.  It's all an elaborate hoax.  Or at least says those who know the truth.  But the truth is all relative. 

What the fuck is this?  Just seriously, what the fuck?  I expect to do some work in the afternoon, I get back from lunch and there's a whole pile of other shit to deal with!  It's not cool.  It's the endless cycle.  A moments respite, please.

I'm really just incredulous over the whole thing.  Only 2 hours to go until I can get out of here and I cannot wait.  I just want to be asleep on the couch, not existing if I can. 

All these assholes are the same, and they're doing the same thing.

Joaquin out.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Haven For The Few, But It Won't Be For You

What a crazy ass day.  I haven't been that busy doing silly, stupid things, for a long time.  But at least the day goes by quickly.  Only one hour to go until I'm out of here and happy.  4 days off, and another short week next week, I can't wait.  I'm going to sleep on time tonight and sleep in tomorrow.  Looking forward to it.  Maybe I'll even hit up some games over the weekend, it's been long.  But I will try to read more of my book.  Reading is a great activity, but the problem is it gets in the way of everything else - guitar, exercise, eating.  I just want to read and then I don't want to stop at all! 

They will take you apart eventually.  I'm walking into rooms where the walls are all mirrors.  Is there any way out?  You can only see yourself and it's a distraction.  Is what I'm seeing real?  Or am I stuck in an illusion?  That's the rub, I can't tell.  I'm stuck in questions with no results. 

The odds are bad, and the chips are down. 

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Fake Reality Of Life, Mired In Strife

Sometimes the dreams are way better than anything reality can conjure up.  No matter how hard you try or how lucky you get, sometimes the crazy unexpectedness of what happens in dreams cannot be matched at all. 

And that's all there is.  Is that all there is?  That's all there is.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Why Are We Doing This? Pondering/Wondering

Sometimes you need to be reminded, but then again you need to ask questions just as important.  Today is a whacky day, I can tell it's going to be.  It started off weirdly enough, I wasn't tired.  Tuesdays are usually the day when sleeping late on the weekend catches up to me and I feel exhausted, but I got up fine.  Of course post-gym I'm now ready to go back to sleep.  It's alright that I don't have a lot to do workwise, cause I've got a lot of other stuff I need to catch up on.  That's it, just catching up forever and always.  Never setting your own agenda, it's all based on other people's.  Just a bystander here.  I'm not important.  I disappear into the wind, and I'm carried on the waves. 

Started some half step down goodness on guitar on my own stuff.  Interestingly, not everything sounds better.  It'll have to be a little bit trial and error.  I wonder why it is.  Maybe I'm used to hearing some songs a certain way?  I'm sure I've got an objective ear and I can tell what of mine sounds good and bad.  I need a few more guitars!  That would make life a bit more easier in terms of different tunings. 

Oh life!  You are a weird, weird thing.  You would think that things get easier as you get older, but the fact is it doesn't.  Life becomes more complicated.  You have to think about stupid things like property renting or buying, life insurance, transportation and what not.  Budgeting.  All these silly frivolous things.  That's the rub - you have it best when you're young, but you're technically robbed of choice when you have freedom.  You have more choices when you're older, but there's no freedom.  That's the fallacy of life.  You look forward to something that will never happen.  It's delusional behaviour. 

Damn, a big problem is that I need to get going on some of my errands, but I'm totally spacing out.  That's not good because I'm bound to make a huge mistake. 

Are there any big problems to deal with today?  Are there any big questions to ponder?  No issues?  Can I think?  Am I coherent and rational? 

Isn't Yahoo news a joke?  Whenever there's a story involving someone of colour, the comments are always so insanely racist.  There's no real commentary, there's no debate, no informed discussion, it's always trumpeting on about why they hate people of that race.  One particular story from today is about some silly kid (who happens to be black) in school whose (white) teacher organised a group of older kids to beat him up because he was being unruly and disrepectful.  The story has nothing to do with race, it's about a stupid kid disrespecting his teacher, and a teacher behaving incredibly unethically.  Now all the comments are all about how the kid deserved it, and things like this only happen with black people.  Why is that?  Why do white people hate black people so much?  Why do they think there is such a fundamental difference between them?  Why are people so disenfranchised about their own lives that they even need to come down so ridiculously harshly on people?  Something is rotten in America, and that sort of thinking is spreading around society.  The fact is that race is a social construct.  At a genetic level, a lot of these firebrand racists would find they are more closely related to a lot of blacks then to people they think are 'more like them'.  And the pure stupidity and hatred of people means that even if that evidence was presented to their face, they would deny it and denounce science as a liberal construct.  How ridiculous.  But that's people for you.  They are idiots.  This is the culture and environment of fear that is presented by the conservatives to keep them in power, and to cause divisions between people. 

Hmmm, time is getting away from me which isn't a good sign, but I'll get on to things as soon as I can wake up and be a little more lucid. 

Yikes, where is this post going?  None of us get what we want anyway.  Just think, stop and think.  Try to take a step back from who you are and look at how you view the world.  This is your consciousness right now, just sitting there, looking through your eyes and interpreting what I write down here.  That's going to end someday.  Isn't that strange?  This, everything you know, it will be gone, just like that. 

iOS 7.1 runs quite well on newer iPhones, but I'm noticing some weird stuff.  Firstly, the phone volume through headphones is really low, even if the volume is turned up to maximum (which will murder your ears once you get out of a call).  That's not happened with previous version of iOS.  Another thing is playing music!  If I play a song then pull my headphones out, regardless of whether I'm in a playlist or not, when I restart music, it'll always load up a new song.  With previous versions of iOS, it would resume playing where I stopped.  But then again, sometimes it would keep resuming from the same spot - no matter how many songs I had skipped to, or whether I was on another playlist!  Crazy stuff, they still need to iron out these bugs.

Okay, I think I'm awake and with the program, so I'll do my best to get this show on the road.

You know what's the worst?  When you try and try, but you still make a mistake.  It's a sick feeling you get down at the pit of your stomach.  Sometimes it doesn't even matter if you were actually right all along, because nothing ever changes that initial feeling of shock and horror, and a disbelief at your own abilities. 

I need something more.  Something more than this.  It's what drives us.  But I'm not driven.  This will never be the same.  This isn't how we find things.  It's what was left of us when it was finished. 

It's been a busy day, and in fact tomorrow will be even crazier, just looking at my calendar for tomorrow, it's gonna be even crazier.  May not even have time to write up an entry, but we'll see what happens.  Ride the wave.  Never the right one though.  But it'll have to do.  On the up and the outer.

Joaquin out.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Months Turn Into Years, Are These All Your Fears?

And what is there to show for it?  Festering at the bottom of everything.  It pervades everything you do.  I'm still a little lost amongst it all.  But then again, who isn't?  But I seem to be drowning in it.  There's a lot of things I need to get done, and the pressure should be getting to me, but I don't even care.  There's those I know who probably have what I need.  It's a lot more troubling when you yourself don't know what you need.  It was a strange weekend.  I had so much to do in terms of chores and errands, but all I really remember doing is playing guitar.  I'm a terrible procrastinator.  I've gone half a step down, and wow, what a difference it makes.  Just a semitone down, but it adds so many different dynamics to your existing pieces.  I'm getting a bit better.  I need to go through my entire catalogue and see how things sound now.  Where is my mind?  Where is my motivation?  What is it doing to you?  Does it make you want to scream?  I'm not mentally equipped to deal with any of this.  Ahh this blog is like therapy.  It's cathartic.  It's going to suck later on when I'm doing the blog intro/retrospective because I won't be able to write anything.  But we'll see how that pans out.

What's scary is when you can't recall whether a memory was from a dream or whether it actually happened.  I tend to get that a lot in terms of places, but not events or people.  It's certain places I've been, but it gets kind of messed up in terms of whether I've actually been there or whether I made the whole thing up in my mind.

So the Treasurer, Joe Hockey has announced that the Government is considering raising the retirement age up to 70.  That's an absolute joke.  A lot of people aren't even living that long.  That's a horrible truth of Government - they want your taxes, they want you to struggle for your entire life conforming to a system and they won't even give you anything in return.  By the time you've retired, you're too hold to enjoy anything.  Your life is over.  You probably have another 10 years from that point until the game is over.  What an absolute joke.  We're already in school for longer to get university degrees (and soon to be Masters degrees), we don't need to be working jobs that we hate for longer.  This older generation, what a disgrace.  They were able to enjoy the benefits of a free university education, as well as getting more value from their dollars in shopping, as well as from a time where both parents didn't have to work in order to have a stable and secure home life.  And now we are paying the price for their terrible governance and mismanagement.  What I wonder now is whether people impacted by this from my generation will stand up and take what they should be entitled to, in fairness to other generations that had it so good, or whether they will just fall into line like robots.

I'm missing my privacy!  That's for sure.  It makes it a lot harder to get things done, that you can bet on.  This life ain't hypothetical.  I'm feeling pretty tired.  Actually, scrub that.  Very tired, and I've still got over 3 hours until I can go home and not worry.  My goal for this week is pretty lame, it's to not fall asleep or nap before my actual bed time.  How sad is that?  Because when I do that, I don't sleep properly at night, and I'm buggered for the next day. 

Is this a scary routine?  Where nothing at all changes?  We are just doomed to repeat things on and on?  There's no difference in life.  There's no variation.  What has always shocked me in the Western world is the existence of sommeliers.  Isn't that the height of privilege?  Someone can be paid (and paid well) to help rich people choose wines to have with their meal?!  Jesus!  People are starving out there!  Look at us!  Don't save us, we don't deserve it. 

Better get on with the personal stuff!!  Only have 2 hours to go. 

Joaquin out.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Didn't Even Try

Just way too much on at work lately, so couldn't really write today.

I'm sorry.

Joaquin out.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Vying For First Place

You can try and aim, but there are always things getting in the way.  Certain skills are not transferable.  That's for damn sure.  Is what I seek out there?  I'm perplexed because there are two meanings behind everything.  And I'm definitely none the wiser.  Do I have anything of value to impart to you all today?  Well probably not, but when is that different to any other time?  That's not gonna stop me though.  Sorry about yesterday, but things were absolutely packed and I just had no time to string together a decent post.  But here I am, having made some time to actually sit and think and write and I have no idea what to say.  That's just how things go.

I made the decision a couple of days ago to pick up my electric guitar, which I haven't played in some time.  It was a great experience!  After a long time playing solely acoustic, it felt like my fingers were cutting through strings like a hot knife through butter.  Shredding like a genius.  Now I've gone back to acoustic and I'm loving it even more.  I think variety in practice is a good thing.  Still playing my own things at the moment which I'm enjoying. 

Winter is no longer coming.  It's here.  What is it about dreams?  Last night I dreamed that I was getting teeth pulled out by a dentist.  I could feel the pressure and hear the crack of my tooth as it came loose.  How strange.  Does that mean anything?  I should look it up.

I do have other things to get out of the way today, so I'll see what I can do. 

I think we need to start segregating based on political persuasions.  Why don't the conservatives go and live somewhere else in their 'protective bubble' and after a few years, they can realise that all their problems aren't caused by the liberal left.  Then what do they do?  Who else can they blame?  Who else can they be angry at?  The fact is that they're delusional and they will create lies and stupidity to forward their cause, just to be heard.  They can't accept reality.  The same problems that plague us all would plague them in their own 'utopia'.  If only we could carry out this experiment!  I want to see what happens!

Wow I just had a moment where I sort of forgot what I was doing.  Just who I was or anything to do about me.  I just had a whole "what the hell am I doing" kind of moment.  It's a struggle I tell you.

And things are getting crazier by the moment.  I need to know more.  I have to.

I'm done.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

Time, It Will Not Stop

Even at the end of the world, will time continue?  I remember a kid's show that poorly explained that time would continue.  They imagined that something would survive and therefore time would still exist.  But that's a really bad explanation.  I imagine a scenario when the Universe ends.  What happens then?  Can time still come forth?  If there is some concept of distance, time needs to be a factor.  Infinite density, wow.  Just imagine that!  And just like Ultimecia from Final Fantasy 8, I am forever going on about time and all the things it does to me.

It's been a really busy day so far, and things are only going to get busier.  But I still have a lot of things to get done.  Gotta try to get a move on, but there's no time to action anything here.  Not at the moment anyway. 

Hmmm I'm left confused but hopeful.  I'm thinking that I could be wrong, and the only way to be proved right is to wait.  But that's something I don't want to do.  It's all about waiting.  Paula Cole said she doesn't want to wait!!  Things don't work out that way do they?  The error was thinking I deserved it.  I didn't.  Sometimes you have to just claw tooth and nail to be heard.

Interesting.  All of it.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Buried In Faith, But Nobody Forgave

Still trying to get my body to come to terms with itself.  Don't get caught up in routine, because before you know it, too much time has passed and it's near impossible to change anything about your life.  Then is it nothing but a life wasted?  But so many of us will live without really living.  We just exist, lost as we are.  A little problem I'm having at the moment is annoying people at the gym.  They like to just stay on one piece of equipment and just slowly do reps.  VERY slowly.  Like 2 reps and just sit there staring off into space or texting people on their phone while listening to music that is way too loud.  Then they like to check themselves out in the mirror like vain idiots.  They seriously just sit there and admire themselves in the mirror, they're not even working out.  They stand in my way and just gawk at themselves like retarded monkeys transfixed by their own reflection.  Then they don't wipe down the machines after they use them!!  Ahhh so annoying!  I am only at the gym to stay reasonably fit, because of how poorly I normally eat!  There's no vanity behind it, trust me.

I have the weirdest dreams.  Do you ever have the sort where something awesome and exciting is going to happen, but then you get bogged down in doing mundane and boring things?!  Haha and you're aware enough to go "hey wait a minute, we're meant to be doing something fun!" but it never happens!  Wonder what that says about my subconscious.  Wow, if only heaven was our dreams.

All societies rise to fall.  Even what we westerners refer to as third world countries once had thriving dynasties and flourished at some point in history.  Now look at them.  The same thing is bound to happen to the West.  That's just the cycle of rise and fall.  Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.  Death is part of life.  It's the price we pay for existence.  But when you consider what happens after death from a non spiritual standpoint, death really is all around us.  We are buried or cremated and become part of the biosphere again.  Worms eat us, we rot and decompose and become part of the atmosphere and the soil, the ocean.  After spending our lives consuming, we are the ones who get consumed in the end.  And parts of us slowly find ourselves becoming part of other things.  Bricks, building material.  Cars.  Look around you, I'm sure there are actual remnants of dead people all around us!  Isn't that creepy?  I'm not talking about altered states of matter - because that is scientifically accurate, but it takes on metaphysical properties. 

What I'm really interested about is 3D printing.  For those not in the know, 3D printing is a technique where you can actually print designs or plans out in physical, three dimensional formats.  Isn't that crazy?!  We've really moved on!  At the moment, the cost of materials and printers are a little prohibitive, but there are companies working on lowering the cost so that it's more accessible to those at home.  But think of a world where we are no longer slaves to corporate bullying and having products shoved down our throats anymore!  People can create what they want, what they need.  That'll be an interesting thing.  I really hope it takes off and hits the mainstream soon, cause I want to see what happens.

What concerns me about the minimum wage in America is that it's so low.  How can people be expected to survive?  It would be ok if things like property and what not were lower, but looking at American houses, they're pretty much on par with Australia, which are vastly overpriced for what you get, especially compared to several years ago.  Just a few years ago, things were half the price!  It's sort of offset a little by lower food costs, but that's generally for food that's going to kill you soon.  A lot of the rich just wish the poor would just get better jobs and be better educated, but that's so ridiculous.  This gulf between us will get forever larger.  The problem is that the poor are really struggling.  A lot are working multiple jobs just to get by.  They're overqualified for what they do, but they keep getting pushed down.  But the system is set up so that some people have to be poor to support the rich.  They have to work cheap.  It's a system that has inequity built into it.  Nobody can start at the top.  They have to suffer and toil for some time - it's expected, and I don't agree with that.  A huge problem is the middle class.  They want nothing to do with the lower class, and they want to emulate the upper class.  That's no way to go on.  This division is what's tearing us apart.  Unless the middle and lower class can unite, there is no hope of overthrowing the blatant profiteering and greed and fascism of the upper class.  Mark my words.

So we've just signed a free trade agreement with Japan.  That's good for all parties, hopefully.  I'm looking forward to hopefully cheaper Japanese cars.  But knowing how people operate, I'm certain that prices will be lowered at some point, but then someone at either end will start gouging so that they can charge the same as they always did, or even more and blame it on some reason that doesn't exist, so they're really making a profit on the same goods.

Well I've got a myriad of things to do today, so might need to focus on that for a while.  What a wonderful state of perpetual hate we live in.  I have my day sorted.  Just gotta live it now.  I just want to go home and read, ahhh!  I'm just so disillusioned with everything in my life.  You name it, I'm disillusioned with it!

I think an issue with mainstream society not being vocal about progressive subjects such as minority rights (refugees, racially diverse and homosexuals) is because those who support it are afraid of being criticised.  While the bogan uneducated majority are all too vocal about their hatred and misinformed views, others remain silent.  They don't want to have to march to have their views heard, they don't want to be identified by the public.  I call this phenomenon mainstream malaise.  And why are there so many voices of dissent?  It's because life is moving too fast for them.  Conservatism relies on the status quo and that any change will most likely be bad (when it most likely won't be).  This paranoia has seeped into the minds of idiots, and it's what keeps conservative governments in power.  Ditto adding in that you can't criticise goverment or stupid policies, lest you be branded a traitor or unpatriotic.  This is also why change is so gradual.  Universal suffrage only happened a comparatively little time ago, same with race laws.  I mean those happened within the space of a lifetime ago!  Not even a full one!  It's hard for society to say we need more rights for minorities and others because everything seems to be happening at once for these morons.  And the problem with that is that you come up against stiff opposition, and you may even face a backlash.  Same sex marriage is now regarded as the "gay agenda" and what not.  And how will people understand?  We need to find a way to accelerate people's shift in attitudes so that we can all start being a bit more open minded and progressive.  Everyone is happier.  You can't blame problems on society changing.  That's just ridiculous.

Ok I have plenty of other stuff to do so I'm gonna have to end this here.

Joaquin out.

Monday, April 07, 2014

Getting On, Moving Along

These are strange times.  Times change, artificially and it all means nothing, despite the impact it has on everyone.  Was it beauty I found in summer?  The more I think about it, it may actually have been winter.  That was when the sun was rare and when it shone, it was unusually special and clear.  I can see for miles, but everything out there is what scares me.  I didn't get a lot of things done that I wanted to this weekend, but I'll make more of an effort next time around.  I just have to make it there.

The only thing worse than going to the gym is not going to the gym.  Because when those days of not going gradually notch up, going back to the gym makes it hurt all the more. Maybe I'll be a bit more with the program now though.  At least it's keeping me warm. 

What is this new crappery with the Apple store?  App prices in Australia have risen considerably, and iTunes was always a rip off.  Whereas songs in the US cost 99 cents, they cost up to 2.20 here, despite having near dollar parity.  There's no physical files, so logistical issues can't be the explanation for this.  Digital companies like to rip off Australia because they can get away with it.  There's no price regulator worth their salt here.  There are no penalties for gouging the public because we're willing to pay the prices.  It's not right.  And prices are not set properly.  A song I was looking at the other day was 2.20, which is fair enough.  But the instrumental introduction which runs for barely 60 seconds was also the same price!  What the hell?!  That's not scaled properly.  Stupid.  I hope it forces more people to Android and using the Play store.

Ahh coffee swilling assholes.  Where did they all come from?  They've taken over.  This town is full of them.

Time to make a break for it.  Gotta get out of it.  Time to simplify and start living life in a more personal way.  It's no longer mine, my life. 

I've been reading the Slash biography.  I'm only 50 pages in, and he's only just now picked up the guitar at 15, but he's already living a crazy life.  It's addictive stuff, I don't even want to work.  I just want to read more of it!  It's great.

So yeah, we're coming up to 10 years of non-stop blogging action here at Anarchy Inside My Mind.  I think after June or July or so I may stop with the near daily updates to allow me some adequate time to conduct the blog intro/retrospective.  I really want to get through each post in detail and start tagging things properly.  Considering the amount of posts there are, I imagine this will take a few months to get through, so for a while there may be some radio silence from my end.  I'm also looking at trying to get Disqus out of the blog code and just relying on the standard blogger comments system, since it's been vastly improved since we switched over.  Hopefully more people will feel compelled to comment, and I'll actually be notified this time around!

It's been a while since we've done controversial opinions on here.  We used to them quite often in our early posts during university and it's something I miss a fair bit.  I think all people should have the right to commit suicide at any time.  It's the sign of an enlightened society.  Nobody should be forced to live, not if they don't want to.  Now we get into some murky territory with people who are depressed and go off and commit suicide.  Because people are so adamant that people should live and have a chance to turn it all around.  That's a bit of a misnomer, because we make fun of people who are old and white and rich and male legislating on behalf of everyone else, so why do we let mentally healthy, living people make the same call?  How come others are told to live in a liberal society?  We are so quick to say women should be allowed to abort foetuses.  We like to create arbitrary lines saying that some can live while others can die.  That's not how things should work.  If you want the right to abort, others should be allowed to die if it is their choice.  Physically healthy young people should be allowed to die if they feel that they cannot go on.  If they feel they are of no use to society, then society would have no use for them.  Now that's controversial, baby!

Got a fair bit of work to get through today, so I should focus on that for a while.  3 public holidays this month!  I can't wait.  Just want to sit at home and veg out like the lazy person I am.

Is this a fair society?  Where some guy who quits school at 15 can just go to a building site and earn far more than someone who goes to University and obtains post-graduate qualifications?  That's not right.  This is a society that does not reward that which they claim to promote.  Education is not what it used to be, that's for sure.  And these cashed up bogans who are working jobs that used to be underpaid are now the ones living it up.  Miners, tradies, the list goes on and on.  Scum.  All of them, just scum.

Damn, this review is just taking ages.  I have other personal things to do!  Time is running out.  Gotta get a move on. 

What I don't understand is the current propensity in jobs to favour project management expertise.  What kind of bullshit is that?  Why do people need credentials in project management?  That's essentially just DOING YOUR JOB.  That is beyond silly.

Does it all seem to get away from you at some point?  You realise it can't be done.  Pretty much none of it can be, and do you just give up at that point?  You don't think you'll get old.  You think you don't age, but you do.  You get older.  The aches and pains start.  Then one by one, they start dying.  All the people you know.  You may even be the first one.  Then one day, you're all just wiped away by history.  The consequence of your existence is zip.  Bupkiss.  Nada.  What are you doing with your life?  Hell, you don't even need to do anything.  Time will take care of you.  Time will dispose of us.

Joaquin out.

Saturday, April 05, 2014

Bottled Skin, Thinking Is A Sin

What do you do when you're over it?  You've simply had enough and you just want to throw in the towel?  There's no will to do anything anymore.  Look at yourself.  Just look in the mirror.  One day you're going to wake up and see the lines on your face growing.  The glory of youth is leaving you.  You have one foot in the grave already.  You will be dead.  Your friends will be dead.  Everyone you know will be dead.  That is the illusion of life - that you are immortal, that you are invincible.  You are every bit as vulnerable as everything else.  Why is there even a survival reflex?  Seems a bit greedy if you ask me.  Everything in mankind's existence is a terrible folly.  There are no real accomplishments here.  We are held together by the flimsiest of strands. 

Onwards and forwards, the fallacy of progress sounds loud in your ears when the only real outcome is death.  Death and nothingness.  What a cruel joke.  Life is the cruellest of all states, because none of us get to share it equally.  We don't all have great experiences.  We have to force ourselves to create happiness.  Often at other people's expense.  There is no fairness in it.  All of life is decided on the throw of a dice.  That's sad, that's just tragic.  The bird eats the spider.  We are irrelevant.  This planet is irrelevant.  This whole universe is irrelevant.  And guess what?  So are you.

Joaquin out.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Do You Dream?

Are we really just glorified monkeys?  Opposable thumbs, some tools, a diet change and here we are?  I wonder what our next step of (d)evolution will look like.  Doesn't matter, I won't be around to see it anyway, and neither will you.  If we are really just animals and there's nothing special about us, then how tragic of the human condition to invent our own uniqueness.  To invent feelings and emotions.  To potentially invent God.  Wow.  The concept of the self as distinct from instinct.  How horrible that the brain can come up with those things?  It's what paralyzes us.  It's what keeps us awake at night.  Why would the human condition invent itself a world of fantasy?  I guess even delusion is better than reality.  Our own brain is our own worst enemy.  We are seeking truth and understanding in an empty world.

Did you all enjoy the JRL update yesterday?  Haha I know I did.  But after that, I'm thinking there probably won't be an update for a while.  I mean come on, how many more names can be added?  But I'll keep a lookout.  Things are incredibly busy, and I'm going to have to put in some long hours over the next month to get on top of things, but there's no sign of it letting up.  Still 3 hours to go!  Arghhhh!  It's been a productive day though, I'll give you that.

More time tomorrow, we'll see.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Distributive Or Retributive?

They are entirely distinct things.  I guess I should be paying more attention to what I'm doing.  But it's never what I expect anyway.  And why should it be?  I'm slowly picking up readership here with some solid posts, but I don't know how long I can keep up that kind of momentum.  I'm pretty sure I've covered all the intellectual discourse I possibly can over 10 years.  Now it's all just the mundane - there aren't even talking points! 

Guitar is slowly getting done.  Overall I'm happy with my progress.  I'm trying my best to get back to where I once was in terms of playing skill.  More ideas are flowing through, but execution is definitely lacking.  I just need to play without regard to accomplishing anything.  Things will improve on their own.  I've got a fair few things to get through today, so it'll probably be a quick post.

But to help pass the time, I've done you all a favour and updated the Joaquin Rate List (JRL)!  Yesss!  These ladies just keep coming, and all I can do is keep posting about them.  So check out the latest additions (HERE).  Haha, let's call this one the blonde update!

And wow, in the space of less than an hour, the amount of work I have to do has just exploded.  It doesn't bode well for the other stuff I want to get done, because that requires considerable time and effort.  I think everyone needs a place like blogger.  On facebook and twitter and tumblr you're likely to run into people you know, but you want a space where you can just be you without having to worry about the consequences of upsetting someone.  That's what makes this platform so grand.

Let's take a look at how life has changed.  200 odd years ago, people were getting married in their teens and early 20s.  Now that sort of thing isn't happening until people are in their mid 30's or older.  Why is that?  I think it's education related.  People are now expected to be in school for so long before joining the workforce (because you can't join a job without a degree pretty much these days).  So people are forced to stay in school longer, study longer, and then they get started on life much later.  There's so much demand to succeed and competition against other people that it's almost unfathomable how so many of us remain alive in this sort of social climate.  Yet here we are.

Wow, I've barely done any of my actual work today, and time is running out!  Let's call it a day for blogging!

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Coffee Club Isn't Culture Club

I will never understand the western obsession with coffee.  To me, it appears to be 21st century slavery by another name.  There's all this talk about fair trade coffee and what not, but the simple fact is that if you consume coffee or chocolate, it is most likely being sourced from areas where the workers who pick the coffee beans and cacao are being treated absolutely horribly.  They work many hours for very little pay, especially when you factor in how much profit the big multinational coffee and confectionery businesses are making.  The way economics and free markets are driven, fair trade coffee is generally more expensive, so of course there will be other operators who will seek to maximise profits by ensuring that employees are paid less.  Therefore, nobody really wins, except the lazy fat coffee drinker/chocolate eater who isn't really concerned about the plight of your average brown/black person in some third world country.  So long as they get their fix, they couldn't really care less.  Ok, chocolate I understand, it's sweet and it comes in so many varieties.  But I can live without it.  If tomorrow, someone took every chocolate bar away from here I would still survive.  But coffee?  Man, people can't function without that.  I don't drink coffee, I don't see the fascination.  It's so bitter, tastes like ass and people are drinking cup after cup and getting all jittery about it.  I think it's the caffeine dependency kicking in.  It's just like any other drug, you get them hooked and they can't see the forest from the trees.  You take coffee away from westerners and there would be rioting in the street.  People would die!  Why not just take coffee out of the equation and just inject caffeine directly into your bloodstream?  Is that going too far?  People don't care!

I'm a little zombified today.  Didn't get much sleep last night cause it's a return to normalcy, or whatever the hell that is.  Anyway, it's not something that I enjoy.  There's no routine.  Or if there is, it's not good.  Also didn't end up playing a whole lot of guitar which kinda sucks.  Maybe more tonight.  I need more time to just sit and play without any objective.  It'll be good that daylight savings is over this weekend, I'm looking forward to extra sleep and generally laying about the house.  I've already explained how stupid daylight savings is, so I won't cover it again.  Stupid daylight savings. 

There needs to be no hesitation, it just has to be there.  There and then that's it!  Wasn't I impeded before?  Perhaps, but we all come to grief in one way or another.  I've learned some good lessons from the most unlikely people.  There's chances and opportunities out there.  You just have to know where to look.  And I guess that's half the problem. 

And just like that, I'm running out of time.  Too much to do, I should have completed all my stuff while I had the time.  But yeah, that's the story of my life, isn't it?  Gosh, it's only 11am!  I want to go home!!  Damn, I realise that last night I forgot to link to the JRL in my most recent post.  That's ok, I'll fix that up some other time.

Here we are, abandoned just like always.  There's nothing to do.  I could fall asleep right here if nobody spoke to me.  What I need right now is a slap in the face and a nice warm bed to sleep in.  This is all stuff I've learned before.  But nobody is affording me the opportunities.  All I need is time.  And time is something I don't have.  Time is something none of us can buy. 

All day, everyday, making an April Fool out of you.  Now is the time to decide.  Decide then act.  There's no two ways about it. 

Things be getting crazy!!

Joaquin out.