On top of everything else, I'm now sick. Great! Great times for all. Things are not going well. That's all I can say really. This is all being taken from me. But what I have to ask you is whether it was mine in the first place. Do I even get to blog anymore? I'd like to, so long as I get up to the point where I'm going to get to the blog intro/retrospective in September. I think that will probably take me to the end of the year to complete. But until then, I want to keep blogging! I have things to say, even if it is only in relation to this blog.
It rains, even in my dreams, it still rains. I run into people I haven't seen or spoken to in decades. It's all so transitionary, this life. We were young once. We will be tomorrow's elderly and dying. It will happen to tomorrow's youth, too. I need some deeper meaning. I need some purpose. Well that's what I wish anyway. It's no longer there, and I don't think it ever was. I wonder whose dreams I inhabit. What do I do? Am I just a bystander? An extra in the background? All these experiences and memories within the past few years have done nothing but destroy me. It's totally changed my outlook on life. Not necessarily for the better, either. That's my life. There. It's going by and it's going down the drain. What have I done to me? There's always a time to act. Time. Time precious time. Some more of that, please. Please?
I was reading the other day that the author of horrible histories criticised the modern education system. That's something you'll find as a recurring theme on this blog. Terry Deary remarked that he thought schools were a waste of time and were a Victorian era idea to keep kids off the street. He criticised standard testing, and the lack of relevant skills that are taught. He mentioned they existed to create conforming machines out of people and destroy their spirit. I completely agree with that. Before you're taught that everything you thought was wrong, people are so much more creative and less critical. That's a truism. But he also mentioned that people should go to trade schools after primary and learn about what they're good at. Now that's something I don't know I can agree with. People are great and talented at a lot of things, but does that mean they enjoy them? I'm not so sure. What does it mean for people who want to try something different? It also discounts people who can learn other skills and become adept at them. I was never musically inclined when I was younger, but in University I took the initiative and got a guitar and taught myself. Now I'm better than most people I know. So what would that have meant for me when I was younger? It also discounts the largest problem - in modern capitalistic 'democracies' you need people at the bottom rung of society to keep things functioning. It gives them something false to aspire to. The system doesn't work - who is going to pump your gas? Yourself? Yeah, right.
Ahh I'm so looking forward to putting in the laziest three days of my working life this week. Such a shame I have so much on at the moment.
It's a game of numbers. It's one of tenacity. Forget the self. None of this is real. It's all an elaborate hoax. Or at least says those who know the truth. But the truth is all relative.
What the fuck is this? Just seriously, what the fuck? I expect to do some work in the afternoon, I get back from lunch and there's a whole pile of other shit to deal with! It's not cool. It's the endless cycle. A moments respite, please.
I'm really just incredulous over the whole thing. Only 2 hours to go until I can get out of here and I cannot wait. I just want to be asleep on the couch, not existing if I can.
All these assholes are the same, and they're doing the same thing.
Joaquin out.
