Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Wheeling & Dealing, Lost All Sense Of Feeling

That's not a very good way to end up.  90 minutes to go until I'm out of here and I'm still wondering where this day went.  It's all gone to work.  There's just so much stuff to do in such a short amount of time.  But at least blogging will eat some time up because I'm a little over it at the moment.  The dark clouds move in and engulf us all.  But we must soldier on.  Sorry about last night, but yeah too much to do and not enough time, so had to cut back on things.  More of the same.  Here goes.  Brain frazzled, brain frizzled.

Joaquin out.

Monday, May 26, 2014

If 3 is 5, Then 5 Is 3

Some people get it, and I suppose they even act on it, even if it is not well thought out.

Now where was I?  Not that I was making sense anyway.

Sorry about this one, just been a busy day at work and had no time to post.

There's always tomorrow.

Le Sigh.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Great Unrealistic Expectations

I'm a little under the weather today, but I am plugging by because I have so much work to get done.  I'll be alright.  I'm looking forward to just travelling tomorrow and reading my book for most of the trip.  Then back on Friday to relax.  My fitness is coming back gradually, which is a good sign.  Maybe I'm getting used to this cold weather.  All I need to do is get some work done, and get through today.  I'll read more tonight!  I haven't played a game of anything in ages, which isn't a good sign.  I should do that before I back up my hard drive.  I may not be able to blog until I'm back, but I'll see what I can do.

You're getting older.  You can't fight the passage of time.  I understand that we may be viewing time wrong, as it may not be a linear concept in reality.  It may loop back on itself, and we could even find ways of penetrating it.  But if that's the case, why do we age?  Why is it that we cannot stop the course of events in a causal situation?  Maybe it's all interrelated, and maybe it's not.  There's more pondering to be done, but I want action, can we actually crack through the constraints of our very existence?  Now that's an interesting question I think.

The problem with the Australian Government increasing university fees is that it allows universities to profit directly from students.  That's inherently wrong, because universities are now regarded as private businesses, rather than places of learning.  I've already ranted about the HECS system, and how I hope they hang the bones of the person who devised the system.  But the idea of coming down on Universities so that students suffer is outrageous.  There is the idea that universities are a hotbed of liberal/leftist movement and this worries conservative governments because they don't want educated people challenging them, or to inspire others to do the same.  But nothing is further from the truth, I went to a pretty left wing school, and I have to say that they advocated a common sense approach to life.  Well now this has gotten students angry, to the point where they are verbally and physically lashing out at Members of Parliament who are visiting on campus.  Good on them.  That's real democracy I believe, because the people must speak and they cannot be suppressed.  Maybe this is where the revolution starts.  I can't wait.  The older generation had it so good.  They worked for a decent wage, commensurate to the cost of living.  People could buy houses at the ages of 22 and what not, with no help from their parents.  This generational wealth has passed on, so they could buy more houses for cheap and amass portfolios and then grow to become rich.  This leads to their children becoming rich by proxy, without having to do anything or prove anything, because their wealth is all tied to real property.  And it goes on and on.  While the rest of us, who have not been so fortunate enough as to rort the system, must save and scrimp to buy a house in our 40s if we are lucky, with double incomes and no kids.  That has to end, because the younger generation are being priced out of property, education and jobs.  They will tear the laws of unfairness down.

The concept that real property can be tied to the market and have value is ridiculous.  Not just that, it's intended to keep rising!  Property prices in Australia have risen pretty much exponentially over the past 15-20 years or so.  Those who bought before the bubble are now sitting on goldmines.  And they use this leverage to buy other houses for investment and charge exorbitant rents, even though they are negatively gearing their properties.  It's not a stable system.  It needs to collapse.  Property is ridiculously overvalued.  You used to be able to afford a house on a single salary, after working for 3-4 years.  Now, you could save for 20 years or so on two incomes and no liabilities, and not be able to afford somewhere in the inner city.  That doesn't seem right to me. 

Things only hold value because humans recognise it as such.  If tomorrow we turned around and said money was useless, the rich would have no power over anyone.  Maybe we would all be happier, because the chase would end.  This is a whacky system of values and judgement calls that we all have. 

The problem is that now I have money, I can't really spend it.  I don't even know what I'm saving for.  I just see the balance increase slowly.  Way too slowly.  I've got a wishlist of things I could buy, but won't.  I'd just buy a new computer, a ridiculously powerful one, for like $6-7k.  I'd also get a powerful laptop that could game if I needed, but I would use it primarily for just net usage.  I'd also buy a Samsung Galaxy S5 as my mobile phone.  And I'd also buy a 2 door sports car coupe, a fast, zippy one.  And I would also buy some games consoles so that I could play some of the great games that I've missed over the past 10 years or so.  I could do all of that now, but I won't.  That's just life.  All these grand plans, so why even bother?  Haha, just assume everyone is taken, so why even bother? 

One foot in front of the other, I walk.  I don't move.  I stay still, and my legs move the Earth around me.  It comes to me.  We are not helpless.  This has been a good effort, and now with the tick tock of the clock I have to get my butt in gear and focus on other stuff.  Here's to more in the future.

Existential fatalism, where art thou?  In fact, why art thou here?!  2 hours to go, I can do this!  Just power on and get it done!  Ahh, who am I kidding?  I'm finding it hard to stay motivated. 

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Reality Has A Tenuous Grip On Me

I guess I'm hard to hold on to, haha!  Sorry Sara Bareilles.  I saw it and I just had to run with it.  Well with the loss of technology, I suppose I can be a bit more productive with life on a day to day basis.  Some people just make the worst impressions, especially when they come across as lazy, or when someone just rubs people up the wrong way instantly.  That's not how you get along with people.  I'm not like that at all.  This is countless.  I know more than I think I do, but it's still not enough.  Never enough. 

We are here today, yet gone tomorrow.  Just think of it!  All you know right now, that will be gone.  There is blackness, nothingness.  Not even the recognition of nothing.  That's scary!  Especially since the sum of your consciousness only comes about due to existence.  You don't even have that from your birth, because you don't have memories of when you were that young.  Maybe only from a few years old onwards, but not any earlier than that.  And just like the replicant from Blade Runner, your memories are all lost in the ether, just like tears in the rain.  In the end, all you can do is just let go and accept it. 

I've been having a grand time with guitar.  Still playing half a step down for the time being.  I'm going through all our existing songs and just seeing what sounds better half step down and making notes.  It's been going well, I even wrote a really nice chorus progression with some very obscure voicings for chords, but still listenable.  Got a fair bit to get done today, so I can try blogging and working simultaneously, but we'll see how it goes.  Being aloof and confident do not go hand in hand.  This is just one of those days that's getting away from me.  Luckily (or unluckily) it is a long one for me, so I can work it all off.

Why on Earth do people have names?  Despite all differences across culture and manners and language and religion and race and what not, one thing that stands true is that people are given names.  Why?  Do we need to be identified by others?  Do people need to identify others to maintain some relevance in life?  There is just so much to do.  At least I have another 3 hours before I can get out of here.  All I want to do is just go home and read my book.  Nothing more!! 

All the places I think I've been, all the places I've never really seen. 

Joaquin out.

Monday, May 19, 2014

What Else Is News?

That's always the fallback option I suppose.  Trying to keep the conversation going, trying to let momentum get in the way of awkwardness.  On top of that, the news these days is basically listicles and celebrity gossip.  There's nothing of import, or if it is, they bury it in quick 20 second segments, or in the middle of the papers, sandwich and overshadowed by everything else.  So I ask you, yeah, what else is news? 

What strange dreams I have.  3 distinct dreams, all different settings.  It's like something out of a tv show special or something like that.  It's strange what the subconscious can come up with.  Because that's definitely not the way I would have imagined it.  But of course the mind comes up with a lot of unexpected complications and hidden agendas.  All very revealing, because you face the tug between what you believe and the complete opposite.  If only the dream world was real, and this the sad, boring alternative fakeness.  Then again, if we were dreaming this, why would it be so dull and monotonous?  There's your answer, unfortunately.  This is probably real.  That's a shame.

I don't like people who say that growth and fairness are not dependent on each other.  They should be, it's the sign of a more enlightened society.  Let's talk about a more hypothetical situation.  In fact, it's not hypothetical, it's very real world.  Logging and mining.  So the mining industry pretty much saved Australia from a recession during the global financial crisis.  But mining has a significant impact on the environment!  We go in and destroy the Earth, and this is usually on the lands of Indigenous people who we continue to treat unfairly.  We dispossess them of their land, and profit from their suffering.  Is that right?  I don't care if regulating the mining industry or logging/timber industry leads to job cuts or loss in profits.  That's not fairness, and that's not the right sort of growth that should be encouraged.  People should focus their talents in other fiels that aren't as destructive. 

People who believe in any form of discrimination should be beaten about the head.  If you believe in one form of it, then you automatically agree with all other forms of it.  If you don't, then you're a hypocrite and a liar.

Stupid technology!  It never works when you need it to.  I'm sure I'll come up with better things to blog about this week.  This is all just a warm up.  But I've still got 30 minutes to blow before I can get out of here.  One thing is for sure, you can't be too certain of anything - hahaha!  That sentence makes no sense.

Well, here goes.

Joaquin out.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Driven To Succeed/Defeat

I like how that's interchangeable.  Time really is getting away from me.  It's like a carrot dangling right in front of me that I try to reach out to, but it's always just out of my grasp.  Get me out of here.  Yes, I know the advice is to enjoy every day of the week and not just look forward to the weekend.  But most of the time, the weekend brings freedom that you simply don't get during the week.  They're not the same thing, and you can't equate them.  My time is being wasted anyway.  The problem is if you play the long game, you may end up not knowing enough.  I have something which is better than nothing. 

This day is not going well.  Just let me get out of here.  I had a fair bit to say today but there's just no time.  Time, what a theme to recur throughout this blog.  What a marker.  But am I the only one that's aware of it?  I'm not the only one who knows what's going on.  If only I could be so lucky.  Not everyone is like that though.  My brain is fried, literally fried.  I can feel it on the pan and the heat is rising.  Just rolling from one state to another.  Superstate.  Not quite solid.  Not quite air.  Hahaha oh good memories of Alex Mack.  That was a great show. 

No, we're not special.  Just a pile of bones held up against gravity somehow.  At least only for a short while.  Should have known this would all be much more trouble than it's worth.  Nothing is worth it in the end.  None of it matters, so what's the point?  Nothing changes day by day.


Joaquin out.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Starving For Food For Thought

There's still plenty to think about in this day and age.  I just need stimulation.  Gotta stop being so lazy and just roll with it.  Sometimes it's all just a bit too much to take.  You can't turn off the mind, no matter how hard you try.  Or at least I can't.  That's just something I'm not equipped to do.  Life is all about things just being taken from me.  Gradually, in a slow turn of events.  Not slow enough that I don't realise it, but slow enough so I can see it coming, feel it and be defeated by it.  We need more ideas, something to get us out of the rut we're in.

But can I contribute?  Do I have anything to add?  Is there no value in anything that I say.  This connection isn't just biomechanical, or at least I hope not.  Because there's nothing metaphysical in that.  Is there any analysis?  Does it all fall on me?  Is it even about me or someone else?  There are just so many questions.  Is there anything for it?  Just leg it and see how it goes, I suppose.  But the be all and end all is what can happen over the space of a week.  Time changes people.  Not enough I'm afraid. 

Okay, I've finished all the work I had set for today.  Just going to sit here and blog nicely.  It's all connected isn't it?  Don't touch my social media!  I don't have anything to add. 

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Your Mind Will Lead You Astray

Because it's complete anarchy in there at the moment.  A little bit of irresponsibility in the morning can go a long way.  No I can't do this anymore.  I give up.  Well and truly.  I checked out a long time ago, the rest of me should be following suit right about now.  I need a vacation.  I feel like a slow heart attack is coming on.  I am not here.  This is not real.  None of it is.  It would explain why I'm jonesing like this.  This is withdrawal from reality.  That's the thing, there's so many obstacles that I'm up against, all trying to defeat me.  The only way I can win is if I bend the rules and get a bit reckless.  I'm warped, I'm being crushed under the weight of my own expectations compared to my own wasted potential. 

Just throw me in the trash, cause I'm worthless and useless.  I cannot believe it is only mid week.  Get me out of here.  None of these memories are real.  There's no truth behind them.  Perhaps I know what I'm doing, but more than likely I do not.  Time for some answers. 

Anyway, I'm done.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Clean Air? Don't Care

It's not as far away as you may think.  Wow, I logged in last night to blog and noticed that a lot of pages are getting hits.  Well the days when I actually used to post about good, cerebral stuff that was interesting.  Now this is all about nothing.  Just the empty pages of my life.  And I'm dragging you to view it, kicking and screaming.  Hell even I'm kicking and screaming, and I'm the one writing it.  Is everything interconnected?  Maybe, but nobody knows how to connect the dots.  In fact, I doubt anyone is even looking at dots.  Time takes its toll on you.  Everything that I once believed in so passionately has been changed.  It's all been erased, replaced with uncertainty and dark space.  All in a short space of time.  How is that even possible?  Can that even happen to anyone else?  What an extraordinary turn of events, because that's not right.

Slept early last night, but still woke up tired.  Tonight I'm gonna aim to sleep even earlier.  No chores, just totally get into bed after dinner and stay there.  I don't want to face the world or anyone.  I've lost all motivation for this life.  Can't my being just be made redundant?  I'm not fitting in with this planet. 

What concerns me is the hypocrisy of American justice.  Relatively minor crimes and the implementation of the three strikes rule has resulted in a large number of prisoners serving ridiculously long sentences.  America's prisoner rate is growing almost exponentially.  Let's not get into the talk of race or what not, but I do want to talk about the skewed facts here.  A lot of people (i.e. Yahoo commenters) and right wing idiots like to point out that African Americans are represented more in prison because they tend to commit more crimes.  What a load of crap and right wing media conditioning.  The simple fact is that if a black guy in America gets in front of a court for a minor offence (whether warranted or not, let's not bring the racism of the police force into this, aka the Government's sanctioned KKK force), they will go to jail for it.  Whereas a caucasian in the same position may get a slap on the wrist.  Therefore you can't rely on prisoner statistics to be an accurate representation of criminals.  They're looking at the wrong data sets.  Then you get all these incredibly wealthy traders being convicted of Insider Trading, banking CEOs engaging in deceptive conduct, yet they're all just given extremely lenient sentences.  There's no equity in that situation.  How can you be the land of the free and just?  Those in power, those with all the money are left to ride all over the rest of you, and you're expected to sit there and take it, because that's just how the system is, and if you don't support it, you're unpatriotic.  What a scam.  I call for a revolution.  A serious shift in how people view the world and how they interact with Government.  So tell me who deserves to go to jail for longer?  The guy who was caught with drugs in his glovebox, or the guy who defrauded everyday hardworking citizens out of 500 million dollars?  Yeah, that's what I thought.

Another interesting facet of life in America is the two-facedness and rampant fear and stupidity among conservative circles.  This is something Stephen Colbert lampoons so expertly in character (and we're going to miss him once he takes over the Late Show slot).  One example of this relates to Cliven Bundy.  For us Australians not in the know, he is a cattle rancher in America (Nevada to be exact) who was told not to graze his cattle on public land.  The relevant Agency sent armed agents to tell him to move off, but he apparently got a bunch of supporters who were also armed in protest.  Apparently he was all about not recognising the Federal Government and advocating for his freedom to graze wherever he chooses.  So of course the conservatives and right wing talk show hosts all bandied around him and called him an American hero and patriot for standing up to Government and what not.  Then things got a little strange as Cliven started making insanely racist remarks and the conservatives had no choice but to denounce his remarks and his cause.  Why can't Americans agree that right wing views and racism go hand in hand?  If you support those wild conspiracy theories and what not, then it's an easily very slippery slope to race hate and what not.  Why can't these commentators just outwardly say that they are racist and they hold racist views?  That's how all conservatives are, that's how they want to view the world, so why are people so surprised?

Been reading the latest stuff on the Glenn Greenwald/Ed Snowden stuff.  I won't re-state my views, suffice to say that Snowden and Greenwald are heroes.  But I feel that with Greenwald and the former Guardian colleagues collecting the Pullitzer Prize, they are sort of leaving Snowden out in the cold.  What is he supposed to do?  He needs proper asylum somewhere, or at least to be able to return to America a free man.  He exposed war crimes and Government level espionage on a grand scale.  Anyway, apparently the NSA were installing backdoor programs into American made routers.  That's gigantic news, and also very hypocritical, given that Americans were all up in arms about Huawei installing the same sort of software into Chinese made routers or telephony.  What a joke.  How can Americans stand for this?  Their own government is spying on them.  The biggest threat to security and freedom in America is their own government.  They want to keep all people under tabs, and remove any threat or opposition or voice of dissent.  This is truly a terrible time to be alive unless we can reverse the direction that history is currently taking.  We are moving to a totalitarian society full of facism and hate.  This is the tipping point.  This is the point where we need to stop and think about our actions.  There are people somewhere profiting from all this exercise of power and grose government ineptitude.  I'm angry, upset and betrayed.  And you should be too.

I'm jonesing big time right now, and I'm not even an addict!  Or a recreational user.  In fact, I don't do anything, so why the hell am I jonesing?  Ah cause I'm tired, that's why.  At least it's only an hour to go until I'm out of here, and it can't come soon enough.  I just need sleep.  Nothing more, nothing less please.  This has been a better effort than previously.  I guess the thoughts pile up after a while and then I'm forced to actually write something meaningful.  I don't really think I can accomplish anything today.  I don't want to talk about these theories because I will have to talk about silly things otherwise. 

I'm done with the day.

Joaquin out.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Words From The Man All Seem Like A Scam

I can't quite get a hold of myself.  Everything is obscured.  Whether it be my thoughts, or feelings, or just actually being.  This is what it's like to be a zombie.  Except there's no instinct.  It was brutal this weekend.  Every single aspect of it was drawn out, boring, or taxing.  But yet I heard the craziest piece of advice I've ever heard, from the most irresponsible person I knew.  I was shocked at how apt it was "life is all about choices" and yes it is, oh my god.  Yes it is.  And I can say that every choice I've made has been pretty much wrong.  Every. Single. Choice.  Wow.  What can you do?  It's like receiving a punch in the face so fast and so brutal, that your body doesn't even get a chance to register it.  You're there, then you're just out cold, all feeling gone. 

You're one step closer but still so fresh out of time.  Then what is left?  What I've learned is that it's all about timing.  And my sense of timing went on a long holiday.  These books don't come for free, you know.  Timmy always mentioned it's about height and visibility.  And I'm blind on the floor right now.  The complete opposite of everything.  Covered in my own filth, I'm a shadow of my former self.  Of course I'm impacted, of course I've been affected.  How can it not?  It's all changed.  Every aspect, every facet of me.  Remember to move.  That's the most important thing.  Keep an open mind and just think.  Think and think quickly.  There's still some more to go.  It's just a crappy time to be out and about.  I am struggling here.  Why the others?  It's just a lack of focus.  There's no build up.  No practice, and I haven't played any guitar in a long time.  Too long. 

I could just fall off my chair any moment now.  The long term game is in.  I've got work to do, yeah, so I should get on to that.  The blueish hue of the lights ruins your mind.  But it's still not enough.  It's not enough to know.  It's not enough to be certain.  When all of us are being crushed by uncertainty at this point in our lives, what can you do?  I need to create my own certainty.  That's only possibly by not being here.  Things are so interconnected and silly.  I'm looking for the zero sum.  I need some days off.  I need sleep. 

It's all burned into my memory.  Like it's burned into my eyes and now I'm blinded.  Right in the rain.  Nothing makes sense in the absence of light.  There's just so many ways at looking at the problem.  I don't think I can do any more today. 

Lost cause, lost opportunity, use my picture in the dictionary.  None of this is going well.  This has dragged on for far too long.  Drawing blanks, thinking blanks.  With 45 mins left, what do I do?  How can I pass the time?  I'm just going to go home, eat and go to bed.  Nothing more.  Don't even think I can play guitar.  Everything is shutting down, you may as well pull the plug. 

I'm ready to go.

Joaquin out.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Hostile Sensitivities

I really need to get my shit in gear, seriously. Things need to be more thought out and I need to have some sort of scope of time. Cause right now it's irrelevant but that was all I was relying on.

This is no doubt a strange place. I could be here one second and gone the next. But I haven't had my "good day to die" moment yet. Hmmm. I don't have what I need.

So close yet so far, no need to explain how these things are. The light is leaving here, it is leaving us as a society. Only for the void to come in.

This is gonna be tough! I'm intending to get some blogging done while out tonight but I have pretty low battery so things may get interesting. Look at all these people, just living their lives without a care in the world. This isn't real life. This is an artificial joke. What can we do?

There are so many secrets out here! I'm almost in shock. Almost. This is gonna be a long night. It is going to be one of those nights. Not knowing a damn thing amplified by 10 fold. This is not good. What weirdness is this?
It's too dark for all this shit. I am old but perhaps not old enough.

These things will always strike the boredom in me. So all there is to do is write. Sheesh what would I do in a world before smart phones? Haha I remember. I used to write memos to myself on my old phone and then wrote up my blog notes upon reviewing them the next day or a few days after. That was never good. Because most of the time I forgot my point and the intent of my messages. And those are the most important things if you want to get yourself across.

Gotta get this poison out of my system. Luckily it's not an addiction but other things are. And that's a prison of itself. What would other people do?! What can other people do? At least it's cold. The nice kind.

Done and done. This could be it.

Joaquin out.

Pulling Up Stumps And The Drums Make The Thump

That doesn't even make sense. I don't know what it means, so I don't know why I'm using it as a title of a post. Then again, the titles here regularly do not make much sense. I'm not too keen on living right now. I just want to sleep. A sleep where I don't need to wake up. I really need the rest. But at least I can blog today. Sorry for no action yesterday, but I was just too busy with work to put down any thoughts.

Then again I don't think I have any thoughts to share these days. I'm just an empty vessel. There's no thoughts or feelings, I just am. Which makes it all the weird that I can't quieten the mind. Always running a million miles a minute. I can't even capture what thoughts or feelings I have because they're all so transient. I'm just completely out of it, I really need some rest.

But how many times can I repeat myself? It's all the same here. I don't want to be.

Whatever it is.

Joaquin out.

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Not Understood Yet, But Ready For It

But for what exactly?  I'm not sure.  My body is fatigued and it's only Wednesday.  I just need some quiet time.  You expunge the bad things from your memory, or at least you attempt to, but there's always the flashbacks, and that's something that can't be helped.  These cold mornings are killing me.  Constricting my lungs and suffocating me.  It's really unpleasant.  Maybe I need medication.  But we'll see.  Stuck in one of those moments where I can get off my butt and do something, but I sort of just want time away from everything.  It's tough because I actually have even more on my task list than what I originally had, so I'm behind on work for the first time in ages.  But that's ok, I'll catch up eventually.  Isn't it interesting?  That the same things we have experienced end up happening to other people.  A lot of folks are just wigging out, and I don't know why.  None of this is functional.  It's all an illusion.  Life is an illusion, some sick joke.  My circulation is so poor that I'm feeling cold all the time, it's not fun.  Let me just stay in bed all warm under the covers and just reading.  Reading is underrated in modern society, I think it's the best learning and recreational activity in the world.  Nothing else compares, not even close.

It's all being felt all the same.  But the game is lost if things change.  This is the one point where the status quo works in my favour.  GAH!  Hmmmmmm errrr.  Man I suppose I better get to work on this stuff.  Welcome to America, land of the free and missed opportunities!  Well I'm slowly getting through things. 

What is this post even?  It's bad because I hardly get to read posts back anymore.  I just don't have the time for it, and I guess writing posts in the way I do now doesn't really lend itself well to it.  But I'll eventually do it when I do the blog intro/retrospective.  Damn I wonder how long that'll take?? 

Jeeeez, what a busy day.

Joaquin out.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

From Here To There, What Am I To Do?

No, tell me, because I need to know.  I have to know.  This is a year of questions, absolutely.  I long for the year of answers.  Why can't it be here already?  There's no room for meditation or to suspend thoughts.  The problem is as soon as I'm even remotely awake, the mind goes a million miles a minute, and I shall never sleep again.  It doesn't end.  The thoughts creep and explore every avenue.  There's no respite, not even from myself.  I don't exist independently from me.  Whatever this is.  Put it to the test, put me to the test.  I think I've changed, but I don't know.  Am I better than I was before?  We all need some time to grow.  We both played the game, only I know the score.

Isn't it funny how reality in writing is deemed as 'non-fiction' - why is reality defined only in relation to fiction, or unreality?  Something doesn't sound right about that to me.  Everything should be defined in relation to reality, not the other way around.  You'd think it would be inherent, wouldn't it?  Or is the capacity for imagination such that it is automatically better than reality?  Though I guess if you go back through humanity's early days, all initial written communication focused on fiction before anything else.  Maybe humans are just big story tellers by default.  Which would also explain why news has taken the route it now has, it's dominated by gossip and no facts - all listicles and infotainment disguised as news.  It's not really about dissecting or analysing real issues.  It's about keeping you entertained and happy and unquestioning or critical.  There's a vast difference in creative writers and journalistic writers.  Yes, we attended the same communication classes initially, but we start to diverge greatly after that.  They learn how to weave a story, whereas we learn to hate all flourishes of language and prose, and we become more concerned with process and deadlines.  It's no wonder people make up sources or completely fabricate stories to produce something, just something.  Facts are not checked, all news is just gossip these days.  There's no network of contacts, no real way of verifying information outside of a quick scan of the Internet (if even that).  All the estates have failed.  Nothing is keeping the system in check or in balance.  So where are we?  Where do we stand?

Isn't it interesting that nature is an imperfect system?  Just through observation, go and watch a tree shed its seeds.  Now only very few of these seeds will actually germinate.  Why is that?  If nature was a perfect system, it would allow all the seeds to sprout, or it would reduce its production to pour resources into making more resilient or easier to germinate seeds.  But it is this current system that allows natural selection to take place, and for evolution to really happen.  So how does that explain humanity?  Think of us as seeds.  Not all of us are thriving.  In fact, a lot of us don't contribute to the higher order.  We can't all have a purpose, we are the seeds that don't germinate.  But we don't wither and die.  Humans have evolved to allow the seeds to multiply without germinating.  We keep multiplying.  That's not a sustainable system, because nature can't really work its principles on us anymore.  It's delusional to think otherwise.  Ergo, we've stopped evolving.  We have tamed nature and evolution unexpectedly.  The only thing that changes now is genetic variation and certain racial traits.  So where does that leave us?

It's going to be another busy day.  Doesn't help that I'm tired, but I'm less tired than I was expecting to be.  There's no fun for me.  Not in any of this.  There's no struggle.  It's all internal.  And just through that, there is no greatness.  People say they have the same thoughts, but I disagree, because if they did, their behaviour would change.  But why would anyone change?  That's not part of human behaviour.  There's only change if there's pain or death.  But nobody is thinking of the consequences, because then the initial part would be the same.

I think I'm done with the day.  Well not just that.  These clocks keep ticking.

Joaquin out.

Monday, May 05, 2014

A Shot In The Dark, Still Missing The Spark

But yet we still keep going, on and on.  The lyrics of the song still echo throughout my mind.  It's stuck on repeat.  I wish I was on fire, that would at least bring some warmth to me.  Everything is cold and stiff.  Going to be a long and busy week, that's for sure, and I'm not looking forward to it.  Top that off with two busy weekends in a row and things are looking very nasty indeed. 

Thrown out from the comfort of the womb, I am left in the cold unfeeling world of existence and life.  It will hit me even more tomorrow.  Let's see what happens, that's all we can do.  Death is the only inevitability.  Not even taxes!  Because at least people can escape taxes, and kids don't pay tax.  It's not all the same.

There's been a bit of controversy at the moment with the IOC complaining that Brazil hasn't done enough to be ready for the upcoming summer Olympics.  What a joke.  The IOC is one of the most corrupt organisations on the planet.  They make the Governments in Asia and Africa look relatively tame in comparison with their corruption, because at least those Governments aren't all pretentious and don't claim to be about anything else.  The IOC receive cash and gifts and free travel and accommodation to view provisional host cities, and the places that do the most favours are granted host status.  While I agree that the Olympics are a good thing, I think the whole way these nations are selected, and the resultant costs that follow on are completely out of control, and a joke.  Those who give the best gifts or grease the wheels the most will get the hosting title, not necessarily the best location, or most capable.  We are seeing this now in Rio, with massive budget and manpower problems.  Of course that would happen!  They don't have the experience in putting together an event of this magnitude and scale before.  On top of that, there's problems with poverty, drugs and crime.  I'm sure just like Greece and China, they will overcome the problems temporarily and put on a good show, because that's what happens at every Olympics.  The problem is that the Olympics come with a massive cost problem.  The infrastructure and logistics creates billions of dollars of debt instantly, which will most likely never be recouped.  LA is still paying for their Olympics from the 1980s!!  The Olympic ideal is good, all of humanity putting aside their differences to celebrate together and test what humans can really do.  But it's more about business these days, and profiteering.  How can you put a place like Rio into debt like that?  It's irresponsible!  But then again, does that mean the Olympics can only be held in first world white countries?  That's not right, because it doesn't represent a global perspective.  But the idea of the Olympics now just wreaks about what's wrong with modern society.  A wonderful idea, corrupted by business men and dollars becoming the key factor, so that corruption and bribery becomes King.  Nice.  If the IOC was ever independently audited, I can guarantee you, nothing good could come out of it.

Finally got my new books and I can't wait to get started!  The Slash biography was okay, but incredibly uneven in places.  Slash plays guitar like a genius, but he really is a bastard as a person.  The general idea I got was that he's not sorry for any pain or hurt he has caused by his general behaviour or his addictions.  That's not a sign of growth or reflection.  But I've now got the Arnold Schwarzenegger bio and the Duff McKagan one.  I've started the Duff one first because it's shorter, but just reading the intro spiel, it's already a fantastic read.  He certainly has a way with words.

Well I suppose I'd better do some work!  Got so much to do.  I need more sleep.  It's gonna hurt me tomorrow.  Come on!  Do we really need a consensus?!  Seriously??!

Nothing works.  I'm in no condition for any of this.  Why do we so willingly spend our lives wasting it doing jobs we don't like?  We only get one life, yet we just waste it on work and non important matters.  It's all so unfulfilling.  I'm so very tired, I want to go back to sleep.  It's only 2:30!!!  Still some time to go before I'm out of here, how ridiculous. 

With an hour to go, I don't think I can find anything more to say, so let's keep it here.

Joaquin out.

Saturday, May 03, 2014

(You've Got) The Body Of An Uncle

I'm just going to take it easy.  It's been a busy day, and I want to try and get something down so I can post it.  I'm just about ready to fall asleep at my desk.  I wonder why tiredness strikes at work and never at any other time?  Have things returned to normal?  Didn't I have this problem before?  Yeah, probably.  All that's left to do is overcome it by sheer force of will and tenacity.  The clouds gang up on me and they come after me in such a large force.

I would like to just sit still and think for a while.  The world doesn't allow any of us to do that.  Or at least those of us who live like this.  And we shouldn't.  I'm very excited to see that the conservative government here has incited so much rage, that even some friends who were previously apathetic are now vocally political.  It's good to see.  If only more people could band together and start a revolution.  But all we do is change under the existing paradigm, so that status quo is essentially maintained.  All that matters is what goes down on voting day, and that's a simple fact. 

Words don't hurt because they're meaningless.  In fact, neither do actions, because I'm numb to it all.  Numb numb numb.  Yeah yeah yeah!  Hahaha.

There are some important questions to answer.  I need sleep.  Like right now.  The rain is coming in.  I'm hopelessly ill equipped to deal with it.  2 more hours of this stuff?  How am I supposed to drive home if I'm half asleep?  I probably won't even make it. 

I'm so cold.  Figuratively and literally.  I can't even realise the own luck in my life.  Or am I just forcing myself to think it is better than it is? 

Joaquin out.

Thursday, May 01, 2014

May Day/M'aidez

Mrs Quarrie In The Dining Room With The Iron Bar.  I haven't played much Cluedo, but when I have, I've always one.  I don't know why that is.  I don't think I have a very curious mind, but to me the answers become very apparent very quickly.  It's all about guessing the correct combination between the perpetrator, the location, and the weapon.  When you narrow things down and use some deductive reasoning, things become very simple.  It's a fun game and the length is pretty short, especially when compared to Monopoly, which can drag on for days in some slower matches.  I enjoy those classic board games, there's a reason why they're still popular after all this time.  Take your digital versions and shove it, I prefer the real thing.

There's a big furore at the moment about the government deciding to introduce a levy to help alleviate the country's debt.  It will be levied on people earning $80,000 and up, which has of course caused a lot of outrage.  I think levies are outdated and should be made illegal.  They hark back to the days of rampant monarchies needing funds from the people to fund their stupid wars.  What I've never understood is how people stood for that back in medieval times?  Why are people so attracted to the idea of being close to the crown and to power?  If people are taxing things you worked so hard for, would it not make sense to stand up and revolt?  It's just the crown, if enough of you banded together, you could easily overthrow it!  Though I'm perplexed that the conservative government is taxing the rich, that's a bit rich!  But I wholeheartedly disagree with governments expecting the people to bail it out from its prior financial mismanagement.  It's regardless of the fact that it was a different government previously, government is government.  If something major happens, then government should find other ways to save money from existing budgets.

Oh yes!  Sorry about not being able to post yesterday, it was one of the busiest days I've ever had, and I had no time to string together any notes at all.  So I'm making up for it today.  I can't believe it's May already!  But I'm realling aching for it to get past June so that I can do my taxes.  Haha is that bad?  Not really, cause once all my debts are actually cleared, I will be earning so much more money, and I can't wait!  Then again, it's not like I have anything I want to buy.  In fact I don't really want for anything, so I'm quite lucky like that.  I watch the money pile up, but there's not really anything I'm doing with it.

Can I talk about an incredibly serious issue?  East Timor has had a very dark history, with prior Indonesian colonisation and horrible mistreatment and massacres of people.  Australia has been deeply involved in this for some reason, most likely because of Indonesia's involvement.  But it's not clear whether we were helping East Timor gain independence or whether we were covertly helping the Indonesians, it's all very sketchy and the people of Australia have not been told the truth.  So let me tell you about a massive oil reserve to the north of Continental Australia.  It is gigantic and it is worth several billion dollars.  So of course Australia re-drew its international borders to claim the reserve, and cut East Timor out, despite the reserve being clearly in East Timor's territory.  How absolutely disgusting.  East Timor does not have the means to fight this kind of bullying and outright greed.  There must have been some deal - did we offer more aid?  They don't deserve to be treated like this.  Australia should hang their heads in shame, and the problem is most of us are not aware of this ridiculous theft.

Everything else, anything else except this.  But it's this which I am currently living, it's this which I'm currently experiencing.  I've got no time for anything anymore.  The next few months are going to get away from me, and it's going to eat me alive, slowly, from the inside out.  Sometimes it's all too much, but I cope somehow, I cope.  But there will always be something to write about, that much you can count on.  Remember the times when I couldn't blog?  Sheesh, I sure do!  Wow, I can't believe it's coming up on 10 years since the other started all this.  It's insane.  When you factor in the blog, it feels like yesterday.  But disregarding that and including my life, I would believe it's been 10 years.  I've felt it.  My 20's killed me, that much I can tell you right now.  It's been a violent shift in how I view the world, and what I believed before seems to have disappeared without a trace.  How drama and action packed. 

I've gotta hand it to Western Digital, they're my hard drive manufacturer of choice.  On my current comp I'm using 2 Caviar Green 2Tb hard drives, and the other day I got a reallocated sector count error on my primary drive.  Okay, that's that one gone.  What's worse is that the warranty ceased 2 weeks ago!!  What bad luck is that??!  But I did contact them, and they thankfully agreed to an RMA, and that's incredibly nice of them.  However, I was reading up on that drive, and it appears that it is prone to failure, and RMAs are quite common.  I'd hope they're not manufactured to die after the warranty period expires, because that's not right.  At least the other drive is working, and I was able to back everything up already.  But that's good service so props to them.  Hopefully the new drive won't suck.  I would be interesting in getting a new computer, but maybe not for some time.  I'll wait for prices to fall.  I'm just not keen on having to re-download and re-install everything, cause it was a pain with the current setup.

The business of it all.  The busyness of it all.  Busy busy busy.  No time for anything else.  No time to forgive, no love to give, no life left to live.  Oh I like that!  I should start writing lyrics again.  Can a missing piece of the puzzle still make sense?  Absence is presence as yet defined.  To me that strikes as something that the other used to say.  I remember the good ol' times.  The other baked and lying in bed while I played some Battlefield 2 on his computer.  Or when we cooked up a storm and drank a lot of cheap wine and played some awesome Tom Clancy games with his housemates, then went back to the other's place where he passed out (after throwing up) and I played Command and Conquer: Generals on his computer in a hilariously intoxicated state.  Those were the days.

Are we the sum of our memories, in reality the sum of our past?  Pointing down over and out.  At least all my work for the day is done.  Just gotta sit here and run out the clock.  A personal foible of mine is to see edits on wikipedia before they're moderated out.  Haha I love some of the hilarious (sometimes defamatory) things said about people and things and organisations. 

Not back in the game, not yet.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  Hmmm.

Joaquin out.