It's All A Bit Perfect

When you think about it, really.

The most important question is why.

Some people are just so damn unreliable that they should not be counted on for anything. That statement is just true of so many people I know. Then I ask, what are you good for? What is the point of this? What is this?

This month has been slim pickings on the blog front, but that can be attributed to focusing on cleaning up so that I can move, as well as to concentrating on reading old blog posts. I'm just starting on December 2004, so things are progressing slowly.

Not a whole heap to add, really. I've tuned one of my guitars to F# tuning and just been enjoying the greatness that comes with that. I feel like Johnny Marr.

Well onwards and upwards.

Probably no more blogging from me for the rest of the month, but we'll see.

Joaquin out.

Not Quite Winning

Didn't get much sleep last night. The pain in my legs was unbearable, and then I woke up and hands were covered in blood from a bloody nose I must have had in the middle of the night.

I'm still halfway through November 2004 in terms of looking back at the blog, just got caught up in a lot of crap yesterday and I couldn't complete it. However, onwards and upwards tonight, I say!

The gym this morning was insane. I was so tired that even jumping on the cross trainer first thing felt like death straight away. This wasn't helped by the bike and then run.

Find a needle in a haystack is easy if there are nothing but needles in it.

Sorry! Had more to say, but gotta run!

Joaquin out.

I'm Blogging!

Yes I am, here it is!

Haha, just having too much fun reading the old posts.

I'm currently heading into December 2004.

Join me!  They're great reads.

Joaquin out.

Where Am I? Where Are You? Where Are We?

Can't speak for the rest, but I'm in September.  September 2004 to be exact.

Things have just been too busy at work to blog, but I have been reading our old posts at home.  It's good!  If you're new to this blog, I'd suggest you start from the beginning.  Grab some tea, and hit it up when you have free time, cause it's gonna take a while to get through!

If there's free time, I'll get back on to making some new posts.

That's it for now, folks.

If you also can't wait for new posts, I'd suggest you also start from the beginning and see how we've evolved (or devolved) over time.  We can take the journey together.

Joaquin out.

Formula 0

Is there anything? I should have known it wouldn't last that long. I need to get back into the swing of things.

It was a busy day at work, so I don't have a whole lot to say.

I knew I said I'd commence the blog intro/retrospective, but I just don't have the time to go through everything at home, and I definitely can't look up this stuff while I'm at work! But it is something I'd really like to do.

Do I love drama? I need to put a stop to it.

Not everything is a constant, given that you learned everything through tv and movies, a pseudo world. A non reality. Nothing in particular. Does that even mean anything?

I'm amazed at what I've been able to get out of the way today, actually. Hmm, I've got a bad feeling about this. Thank you, Obi-Wan.

God I'm so tired.

Joaquin out.

The Streets Have Names Here

And thus equality and fairness and all those concepts are irrelevant. Oh the hypocrisy of the things we say.

And now I know what's down that road, the one I used to see when I lived there. I always wondered what was up there. It's a hell of a walk though. So let that be a lesson to you. Always take the road less traveled, thank you Mr Frost.

It's difficult when you deal in information as currency, that when nobody is talking, you are essentially broke. What does that mean? Just waiting and waiting, I suppose. Where is all this money coming from? There's just a lot I don't know. Could this be foreseen? I don't think so, well maybe from people smarter than me. Is it a
calculated move? Perhaps, but who gets the final say in these sorts of things?

The wind has died down, and in the stillness of the day, my thoughts become even more convoluted.

With all this anxiety and unsurety, I have turned into you. How publicly embarrassing. You might be even worse though.

What would Stefan think? That is a good question, one I haven't even pondered before. I need to think a little more.

A face only a mother could love. Jesus, what's going on there? And what's the story with all the hiding? It's all going pear-shaped, isn't it?

That's it for now.

Joaquin out.

Paperclip

Didn't get much sleep last night, but yet I'm still functioning. That's always a good sign. That's what too much caffeine will do to you. I really need to stop hitting it up on weekends as much as I do. One small bottle of vanilla coke is all that I need. But I had coke, lots of it, as well as two red bulls and it was just awful. Not even buzzing crazy, but just functioning, and feeling tired but not being able to sleep. It's such a passive drug.

Funny how it could have been undone with my own stupidity. I don't know what I was thinking at that point? Cause the normal thing to do would have destroyed me. Is this fate? Is this destiny?

Are mistakes bound to be repeated over and over again?

Fuck, I'm like 3 days behind on Tumblr, I'm going to need an hour at least to catch up. Hope there's some great stuff.

It's all a bit messed up at the moment, things aren't as clear as they should be. You need to cut through the complexity to get the answers you seek. Though some people are not very forthcoming. I've got a lot of questions.

Am I paying attention to detail? Or have I lost focus? I'm not seeing the bigger picture anymore, and I'm viewing the world with blinkered eyes. I don't even know when I made the transition to doing such a thing, I used to pride myself on that sort of thing, but these days, who knows, right?

The Other is leaving (again)! to head back interstate to live and work, which isn't good for me! But at least the other will be doing something he wants to be doing by way of programming and coding, so that's pretty cool. But I will be losing a friend in music, which is always a shame. Best of luck to him though, I do aim to catch up with the other before this month is out, as well as at his new place.

I don't think I had anything to add yesterday, so you'll have to excuse it.

But that's it for now, take care.

Joaquin out.

Are We All Lost?

It's strange being back here.

Do I feel like a god or do I feel insignificant?

So what happens with today? I should have used my time better. Regrets aplenty.

There really is a lot of people in this city. At least it's warm.

It couldn't be and it wasn't. It was very interesting though.

Hmmm it's all so welcoming but there are so many red herrings.

If I still lived here, it never would have been. But if it was and it ended the same way, things would not be good. This town is too big for the both of us.

I wonder why I'm anxious. All my fears are marching through the front door.

There isn't a lot going on. It's all a bit too quiet. I can hear bjork though!

What can be said for it?

That's it for now.

I'm tired. Need to sleep.

Joaquin out

Vaguely Interesting Title

Introductory statement, usually tied to title.

Morose and self serving statement.

Something sad, mildly pathetic.

Non-sequitir and cryptic sentence.

Closing statement.

Trademarked ending.

That's enough of that. I have nothing to do at work today. I came in and straight away wondered why the hell I was doing this. I don't understand why I come in when I have no work to do. It's a bit of a joke really. Paid way too much to do way too little. It's a perfect match.

But hey, I get to blog on a day when I thought I wouldn't be able to, so that's always a good thing.

Reading the what if on XKCD again, and the point made about the insane complexity of ecosystems and climate systems is an incredibly apt one. We are where we are due to the evolution and structural makeup of the planet over millions upon millions of years. That's got me questioning, when is a period of time no longer a blink of an eye? I guess it's all relative to how long you're around. But yes, the delicate ecology of the planet is based on countless complex systems interacting together. Deserts in one place can be created from
temperature differentials caused by heavy rain in another part of the world. Perhaps the planet only came into being due to chaos theory? Wow, what if existence is founded on anarchy? That's a thought. Any change to the balance and it would all be completely different. So the fact that we're here and things are the way they are is truly amazing when you think about it.

I hardly watch movies at the cinema anymore. This means that I haven't really seen any new movies. That's ok, I'm happy to watch them a few years after all the hype has died down and I'm free to make up my own mind as to its merits.

Damn I really need to stop listening to techno and dance music while doing work, it's totally altering my perception of reality here!

Feeling a little worse for wear today, I shouldn't have stayed up past midnight playing Metal Storm. DAMN YOU!! It's taking over my life!

That's it for today, folks.

Joaquin out.

Coming Over The Horizon

I was just watching the shadows strewn across the buildings until the clouds moved and the sunlight came in quickly and to me it seemed like the world had come alive for a few minutes. But now it's later in the day and the shadows have come through again and things return to their natural state. This is probably my last post for the week, as I probably won't get a chance to do so tomorrow before I head interstate, and it's nigh on impossible for me to blog out of town, but I shall give it a try. Maybe blogger+ but with random thoughts and a non-structured narrative. We'll see how things go.

How quickly the day can change. My body is all sore and unresponsive. I wonder why it takes so long to recover these days. I suppose it's all just a part of getting older and it's all downhill from here.

Metalstorm on iOS is hands down the most addictive game I've played on there. The execution is brilliant, and as I've said before, the gameplay is very similar to Ace Combat 2 and 3. It's just a bit weird having to start all the way from the bottom and have a crappy plane to start off with. I'm used to my old X fighter and having a 4 missile setup! I was the fastest thing in the sky! Now I'm getting smacked around, haha, it's nice!

Sleepy erections are the worst! They mess with your head and strike you from wherever! Had a weird lunch today where I struggled to stay awake and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Hoping not to nap when I get home, or else I'm going to have messed up sleep tonight.

90 seconds or 90 minutes, what does it all mean? I would just like to go home and sleep.

I was just thinking before that I think I had much more free time before. Though I was incredibly busy at work, I think I was living life more productively. I would come home, play games, eat dinner and go to bed. On weekends I would watch movies into the late night and do my chores on Saturday morning, leaving the rest of the weekend free. These days I have set stuff I actually need to do everyday, but it seems like I'm not actually accomplishing anything. If I was still there, I guess things wouldn't have happened the way they did. We all would have been much happier. But who knows, right?

What do you associate music with? Memories? People? Experiences? It's funny how noise can work like that. In fact, just how senses in general are tied to specific memories and experiences, and it's all so subjective. The human mind is a funny and exciting thing.

I just want to go home and sleep and not have to care about anything.

I'm sure I've said this a million times before. And I'll probably say it a million times more.

Joaquin out.

Here It Is

Argh!! Motherfucking fuckity fuck. Shit, goddamn and every other fucking cunting profanity you can think of. I can't believe it. What I had been waiting for. Right in front of me and I let it slip through my fingers. The perfect opportunity. God, why does doing what you want and doing the right thing have to be completely different?

All those feelings of anxiety and inadequacy have come back. I could have done something about it, but no. No, it was not to be. Do I get another chance? I mean how many chances do I have to squander before I can show that I'm up to it?

Goddamn, why?! Why is this happening? I'm not happy right now. Do I just sit here and grin and bear it?

I didn't want to blog today, but I guess I had no choice. Not after this.

Just to emphasise the point, let me quote some Smiths "punctured bicycle, on a hillside desolate - will nature make a man of me yet?"

I'm so sad. Oh woe is me rah rah rah.

I don't know how you can carry on like that when you know the truth? Acting like nothing happened.

Enough of this shit for today.

Joaquin out.

Snapshot

What's it to you? It's all a bit funny how it's working out, isn't it? Not the long term, but always the short term. Should have figured. What does it take to make it alright?

Spent this morning at work looking for something that we didn't have. Sigh, but I guess that's how it is. But enough about that, I don't want this to be a blog dedicated to whingeing about work related stuff.

I actually do not have a lot to say today. In fact, I don't even know if I will have much to say for a while, as I think I might get underway with the blog retro/introspective. As I mentioned earlier, I don't know if I'll blog about it, as I'm not sure I'll have anything worth saying at all. I also recall that it takes a hell of a long time to get through everything. I'm not even sure when was the last time I undertook it. Considering the explosion in posts this year, I think this might take a very long time to do, especially when coupled with the fact that I barely have any time for anything when I get home.

Let's figure out life later. I have things to do.

No more red herrings.

Joaquin out.

Why Not Curve The Burl?

Because it probably wouldn't be as good as curling it? Well that's just what I assume anyway. Busy morning has given way to a lazy afternoon. I'm feeling alright. I've gotten up to some very nice guitar playing, and have even discovered that a lot of my half finished ideas can be completed when combined with other half finished
ideas. Nice! The problem now is just remembering all of my own songs. When they don't have proper titles or lyrics to go along with it, then I don't really recall what I can play unless I have the song tab open in front of me, but it's not a case of having it there so I remember all the bits - I can just look at the first few chords and remember how the song goes.

Been listening to the new Matchbox 20 song. Need to get the new album. I didn't like the song, it's very different to their old stuff. It's quite hipster like in execution, barring Rob Thomas' delivery, which is great as always. But I think they've lost their drive. The great "balls out" music they used to have, like Oasis. Speaking of, I need to get the Beady Eye and Noel Gallagher High Flying Birds. That and some new Mandy Moore. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking but she has gone all adult contemporary now. I wonder what else is worth getting these days?

It must have been a mistake, right? Well perhaps, but there's no way of knowing for certain. It must have been one hell of a weekend. I don't know why I get upset about things I couldn't have possibly have had knowledge about until well after the fact. But isn't that everyone? I wonder what this evening brings, and this weekend. Have to head away from home, AGAIN. That sucks, cause this past weekend was so damn relaxing. Even if most of it was spent on sleep, I enjoyed it. Excessive history, that's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what's causing this. People are just too goddamn unreliable when you need to count on them.  Now I'm just even more confused.  Yesterday was a red herring.  It wasn't a mistake, it couldn't have been.  Rely on primaries, not anything else.  That means that yesterday there was half a shot.  That doesn't matter, anyway.

I've been thinking in relation to all this friend stuff, and I think the difficulty now is that when you're prospectively looking to make new friends you subconsciously ask yourself "is this person going to be there in 30-40 years time" and the answer is almost invariably no. People don't really give each other the chance.

Hmmm, feeling very tired now. I just want to go home and eat, watch some Community and sleep.

That's it for now folks.

Joaquin out.

Inception Going On Over Here

What the hell?

I have slept a total of 24 hour this weekend.  6 hours at night, a further 6 hours in the day, for both days!  Wow!  Haven't done that in a while, just hope it doesn't mess me up for the week ahead.

Didn't realise I was so tired.

Though I think it was pretty bad sleep, cause I woke up with a headache numerous times, and I was struggling to see in colour as soon as I woke up.  Maybe I was slowly running out of oxygen?

Either way, it was a total inception like thing where I felt like I was out longer than I was.

Is it just a mistake of technology?  Who knows.  I'm hoping it was wrong, otherwise there could have been something I could have done about it.  There's still more time left.  Who even knows what next weekend brings?

Motor Ace comes to mind at a time like this.

Guitar time.

Oh yes, Metal Storm on the iPhone is easily the best game I've ever played on it!  It's right up there with Ace Combat 3 in terms of fun and excitement!  Super hard, too, I like it.  Highly recommended.

Joaquin out.

What's Going On Inside That Mind?

Because I don't know.

I think it's nothing.

How long was I asleep today?

Don't feel like facing the world.

My guitar chops are hot.

More playing.

It's all very strange at the moment.