Thursday, February 28, 2008

Anarchy. Sweet, sweet anarchy...

*sighs* My first post and I have no thoughts to share. I think I'll just thank Knaves for inviting me in. By the way, he apologizes for his absence and he'll get back to blogging tomorrow. He just moved back and is busy settling in... again.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Or is it? (Kill me!! Strangle me now!!)

P.S. A word of advice... don't do drugs. If you happen to come across any, just drop 'em by my house and I'll *ahem* destroy them. *shifty eyes*

Monday, February 18, 2008

Always With The Last Word

In High School and parts of College, a lot of teachers said I had the tendency of always getting in the last word and talking back. To them I say "fuck you". With a graduate entry job, my salary has overtaken theirs! Yes I do get the last word here!

Was having even more strange thoughts today like I'll never get to set this alarm clock again, I'll never do my daily 70 Man Free Battle in Shen-Mue, I'll never look up the news or weather for my city again. It's an odd feeling.

Depression and apathy don't go hand in hand do they?

Well it's time for me to leave. Let's see what awaits on the other side. Joaquin out. Have a nice day folks!

Left High And Dry

Leaving in a few hours! I'd like to be able to feel something, hopefully upset, but still nothing.
Think I might take care of a few things before I leave. So until I'm able to blog next, have fun folks! The other should be able to entertain you with good entries when he gets the chance. Joaquin out!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Odd Thoughts At Even Times

I had a haircut yesterday, and it's pretty different to usual. I look like the bastard child of Alex Kapranos (singer from Franz Ferdinand), and Damon from Blur (circa early 1990), and let's throw in a bit of East 17 for goodness sake! Hahah, it's alright though, and it'll grow out.

I had a really strange realisation the other day, and it was 11:11 am, but now I can't remember what the hell it was. Haha, the other would love it (on both accounts)!

Have a nice time folks!

The Slippery Slope Of The Future

Leaving tomorrow. I wonder how things are going to be. But that's not for me to know until it actually happens. Work will be strange, when I met a few of the new people before, they seemed like very uppity snubs. We'll see what happens I guess.

I thought I had a lot to say, but I guess not. I went to the local shops to get dinner. Strange as it may seem, but I rarely go to the local shops. It has everything and it's rather large, as it has to cater for numerous suburbs. Even then, it's not really a mall so I'm not there that much. There are all these young attractive ladies all of a sudden! If you've read this blog over the years, you've noticed how I've constantly raised against the talent there, but today yowza! The day before I leave, haha figures. But I guess I don't want to be here for that.

Today I realised I wouldn't even get to say goodbye to this town. Would have liked to have taken a drive around town and seen the streets I know so well. I'm moving to a city where I don't know the streets, only vague landmarks and a semi decent sense of direction usually takes me where I want to go, I've still been lost a few times.

Reminds me of what the other said a few posts ago about no fairytale endings, so true. You have to do what you can while you can.

Every other word is guess. Nothing is certain. I still need to shave and shower! I'll get on to that in a sec. Hope the other is living it up on his vacation before coming home, he also better blog all about it!

That's it for now, have fun folks!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Addendum: In This Era

It's important to always remember never to place your happiness in other people's hands. You will always be let down.

I love this picture. I took this several years ago in Sydney. I particularly enjoy how it looks highly rendered. This gives it a sort of artificial quality, as if it were created in a machine, but it was a live shot from the hotel window where we were staying. This is from my old camera. As I figure out how to use the new one, I'll post more random pictures. Joaquin out.

Eras End All The Time, As Do New Ones Arise

This is going to be my last substantive post for a while. I need to actually find a place to live, and you know, generally not be homeless. I also need to get the internet, and to haul my computer up there whenever the hell that'll happen. I guess I'm going to be without technology bar my mobile phone for a while to come. Should be an eye opener, as I don't use my mobile phone that much so it may as well count as a completely technology free period.

However, this also means that the patented Joaquin Rate List (JRL) won't be updated for a while at least, which is a shame, but there aren't that many more new additions so I'll save that for a worthy update.

I forgot to mention that last time I was interstate, I bought Kiss Kiss Bang Bang on DVD. For those with half a brain who can actually track down my profile, it is one of my favourite movies. This purchase made me rather happy. However, the DVD, while being generally awesome, does not have ANY special features. What the hell?! In this day and age, you'd expect DVD's to be LOADED with special features to the wazoo, otherwise you might as well just hire the movie! But it is well loved I suppose, and I have never seen it in high quality before. I guess what's sad is that we actually require special features - the film just isn't enough anymore. But on the good side, I only paid 10 dollars for it so yay!

In other capitalist news (jeez, if you're a communist I apologise heartily right now), I finally managed to get my parents to buy stuff for me. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I haven't celebrated a birthday since I was like 16, which is a long time ago now. As a result I don't get presents, and I usually don't ask for anything at other times (even when I did really well at university). However, I figured since my profit margin (after tax and expenses) is going to be so low interstate, that I might as well call in all that good will. So what was purchased?
A fujifilm slimline 8 megapixel digital camera (I haven't had a decent, working digital camera in a LONG time).
A complete scale and chord reference book (chunky as hell but looks interesting and fun).
Sunglasses (I've never owned sunglasses before, and this pair looks really cool, and they actually protect you from the sun, as opposed to cheap ones).
An acoustic guitar (yes, you heard right, an acoustic guitar)! After many years of saying so, I have finally scored me an acoustic guitar. The other would be proud of me. It's an Epiphone AC100 model with a cutaway. Strings are thick as hell, but I enjoy that for a more brighter sound, and the action is nice and low (although my fingers are a tad demented right now). It's a very well made and good sounding guitar, and the people gave us a nice discount.

What I've learned is that retail people love my Dad for some reason, he always makes absurd discount requests and they give it to him. If I'd made those same requests, you can bet dollars against pesos that I'd be escorted out the mall!

So, inspired by the recent resurgence in our blog, I went back and read all the other's blogs too. It has been nothing but an absolute delight to read both the others posts, and I'm happy I've been there for the growth and the fun stuff, as well as the not so fun stuff. I say, some of the wit and comedy in some of the posts had me in stitches for a while. It also means that with my introspective a little while back, I've read all the posts on this blog in 2 weeks! It's been fabulous.

I forgot to mention last time about how stupid Valentines Day is. It's a really pointless day for everyone. It really doesn't say a lot about love if you only take one day (one that is predetermined in the calendar) to show someone that you care about them. Companies make millions off this crap. As a result, I've decided to somehow start up my own pointless commercial day in my lifetime, where idiots can spend more money.

As you've gathered from the first paragraph and my previous post, yes, I am leaving soon. It feels like I'm facing execution by firing squad, and I'm living out my last moments before being lead out to the fields. I'm eerily apathetic about it. I like that analogy you know. I once told the other and I's mutual friend (let's call her RenaS), when she liked some dude that she should just ask him out. When she told me about nerves, I explained that making your feelings known to someone is like facing the firing squad. You feel that pressure, tightness in your chest, shortness of breath, sweating, pulse racing, not knowing what lies on the other side, and disjointed rapid thoughts. But in the end you have to bite the bullet and just do it.

What's worse? Doing something REALLY bad in the heat of the moment, or doing something not as bad that you thought out/planned before (pre-meditated)? Ahhh doing the wrong thing, I feel like listening to Kaki King's song with the same title, but it's on my external HD, not my normal one.

I saw Rendition (strange spoiler ahead, skip this paragraph if you're planning on seeing it) the other night, a really fantastic movie, with perhaps one of the best uses of an irregular chronological narrative that I've ever seen in a movie. Then yesterday I received a call from a number I couldn't recognise on caller ID. Then when I picked up all I heard was some dude speaking in a really random language straight away, he didn't even say hello, or stop as if to signify that he's greeting me. 20 seconds later, after trying to recognise the language (I couldn't even pick a part of the world that it sounded close to), I just kept saying "hello" then after whatever time he just stops and goes, in broken english "sorry, wrong number". Hopefully I won't be a victim of extraordinary rendition. For those of you who have seen the movie, you'll know what I'm talking about! The victim in that movie was taken away for a lot less!

As I've been reading over the old posts, I've noticed that there have been a lot of comments along the way. I stopped reading them a LONG time ago, when under the old template, we got mostly spam comments. After I turned on the spam filter for comments, we still got the occasional spam comment, so I stopped reading them at all. However, I discovered that there was actually a lot of legitimate comments on there. Ones that I should have replied to or addressed on the spot. If I had the time, I would go back now and address each one individually, but time is definitely not on my side. Sorry for not realising, but I guess I also stopped giving a fuck what people thought a while back, and now it's even worse, so go figure.
That's just the inner cynic in me, so for all the nice comments and kudos we have received, I'd like to say thanks to all those who took the time (even if it was a few seconds) to let us know, it's a nice gesture of you.
One was troubling though, as in one of my comments (I was taking the smack out of evangelical megachurches), and this person thought I was taking the smack out of Christianity. They misinterpreted my comments and then labelled me an anarchist emo! Well I'd like to say now that I do believe in God and that's that, and I am definitely not an anarchist, and I'm sure as hell not an emo. Just because the blog contains the word Anarchy does not mean we are necessarily anarchists. In regards to their comment, I won't apologise for someone misinterpreting what I said, but I will say that I would never bring anyone down for their beliefs, as it is an extremely personal thing that doesn't belong in the public domain. I'm sure there are others out there in the blogging world who don't think the same thing, and openly mock everything, so I guess you have to realise that there's stuff out there, and you assume the risk when you read blogs. I was referring mostly to culture and extremism being intertwined, and not just in one faith.

My training starts next week and I will get to meet everyone who is starting this year too. When uni started I was a pretty different person, and I started off by just openly hating on everything and relying on anger and rage, as well as utter contempt to do better than everyone else around me. This worked wonders for me and I got really good grades. However my attitude cooled off later on and I became a bit more easy going to others. But now that's all different, I'm in a new stage. The place I work for is an elite place, and they hire a lot of great people. The problem is that it's incredibly competitive. I need that fire to return, I have to beat them all, I have to win. I must hate them. But the corporate world is a different place to the world of academia, you need to be sociable to get ahead, and I don't know how I can reconcile the two without being two faced. Fake smiles here we come!

Well that's it for a while. Have fun folks, and stay safe. Until next time, Joaquin Out, have a nice day folks!

The thought that counts...

I thought I was going to write up a nice blog entry for the missing entries on the last few days, but then realized that my head is too blah at the moment to write anything coherent. So, I'll save you guys from reading some abysmal poetry, and try and write this one up later on when I have time. I'm leaving this place, goodbye Bangladesh. Malaysia first, then on to good o' Berra...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

"I'm On The Pavement, Thinkin' 'Bout The Government"

Greetings all. I'd apologise for the delay, but since I did warn that I'd be away for a while, I'd feel it's unwarranted. Let me just say that it's absolutely fantastic that the other has decided to blog again (and regularly too)! It's always a great read to see what's on the other's mind, because I think he's always got something interesting and worthy to say.

I have a fair bit to say this time around, so let's jump into the deep end, and see where we end up shall we?

It's good to see (umm need to think of a proper nickname, oh there is) Laetitia on blogger! Good to see that the blogs are coming semi regularly, you better blog while you're overseas, bitch!

Market dynamics are very interesting. The other is an economics genius (as his ridiculous grades at our uni show), but it leaves me with a lot of unanswered questions. The stock market is interesting to me, and for a while I've been playing a lot of Fantasy Stock Exchange (FSX) on Facebook, and I have been doing exceptionally well (a PROFIT margin of 10 million dollars plus - from 40 million dollars capital). I did hit 60 million net at one point, but a few bad shorts hurt me in the end. The game engine is a little whacky at the moment, with a few bugs in the latest build, but once it's fixed, I'll be sitting pretty (I'm currently locked into oil and other commodities since you need to trade when the US market is open), so I've been tanking for a while. But on to my point, where does my money go?

When I short something and it rises, I know that I'm paying for the inflated price of the share, and that goes towards the company. But when normally bought shares tank, where does that lost margin go? Does it disappear into some black hole, or is that going to someone else on the market? One suggest an infinite market size (which may not even be possible), and one suggests a, well, maybe not limited size, but one that can be measured and defined, which makes more sense to me.

Also, insider trading is rampant. It's highly illegal in most (if not all) countries that have markets. But within business circles, it's an open secret that insider trading is the key for individuals making massive gains on the market. When I did research into it (for an essay and presentation), there is a whole school of thought that states that insider trading needs to be made legal, as the market is so dependent on a free market/lassaiz faire approach, that the world markets would collapse if people strictly stopped insider trading.

Doesn't matter anyway, 95% of the time people will get away with it because insider trading is incredibly difficult to prove, and the people who engage in it are the type who can afford the best lawyers money can buy.

I saw on the news before I left, that people are at their happiest in their 50's and 60's, and extremely unhappy in their 30's and 40's. This was due to people realising that a large percentage of their life was over, and most of their dreams have gone unfulfilled. The reason for the happiness later on is due to finally knowing oneself, not settling. I thought this attitude was so sad, and existential. I'm also hoping for my dear life that it doesn't happen to me. But the more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that I can't pull myself away from the crowd and maybe their claws will grab on to me and I'll go under too. Better not happen I say! But should I be sowing those seeds right now? Who knows? Life is short. Over like tomorrow!

Australia is the victim of cultural cringe. The vast majority of television and songs you hear on the radio, and the most common culture that's emulated here is the American culture. Ever since the 1960's-70's, Australia has started to copy more and more American culture. We covered this in Comms class, and I'm sure the other has gone over it too. However, there has been a sort of funny result, Australians want to see more Australians on tv, but under American contexts and ideas. Case in point? American shows being bought out and re-made for an Australian audience. So you think you can dance, and Top Gear (before I get angry letters, yes I know TG is a British show), are just a few examples that spring to mind. But the problem with this? Australia just simply does not have the large population required to make these ideas viable. All our versions of these shows seem second rate, and in some ways it seems embarrassing, I hope they don't broadcast them overseas.

Yesterday brought the formal apology from the Australian Government for the Stolen Generation. For those that don't know, look it up, cause I'm sure if I explained it here, there would be lots of misinformation and conjecture, and would cause offense on a sensitive issue. I'm glad it came, it was a long time coming. The conservative government of previous times angered many by bringing the focus on to issues on the peripheral, and trying to say sorry without saying sorry, and not accepting any wrongdoing occurred. This in my mind is pure insanity. When you go back through history, it is painfully obvious that these things occurred, but others (cough cough, conservatives), still want to be oblivious to the truth. People say that about the holocaust, they're called holocaust deniers, and in many countries, it is a serious offence to voice that frame of mind. It seems the conservative government here (known ironically, as the Liberal coalition), are cut from the same cloth. Are they that sick that they'd flat out reject this happened? How can they say one injustice occurred and not another? This is blatant hypocrisy. It also goes to show why I hate conservatives so much. However, I do feel that on some elements, conservative politics just can't be beaten, fortunately (or unfortunately, however you depend to look at it), this arena only seems to be the economy. Why the hell do conseratives consistently run better economies than liberal/progressive governments?! It makes no sense if you ask me!

Under our Liberal/Progressive Government, the Reserve Bank of Australia has raised interest rates, and will do so again in a few months. The idea is to stop inflation, and allow external growth. However, this also brings internal growth to a grinding halt. How can the economy grow when people are struggling to survive and pay back loans? The Conservative Government were sneaky bastards 2 elections ago, and conned everyone into thinking that the Government has direct control over the RBA and therefore can determine interest rates, and that under a Labor (the progressive Gov.) fronted country, interest rates would skyrocket. Morons believed them, and they won that time. This time however, people saw through the lies but now that the RBA is raising interest rates, it all seems so fishy, given that the economy was doing so well before. The bubble couldn't have burst, and why count on external growth when the world market looks to be headed into recession? It just strikes me as weird, given that the last few appointments to the RBA are all buddies with the previous conservative Government, and there's no doubt in my mind that words were said that interest rates should be lifted under a new Government to make them look bad. It's just not logical I say.

Was in Sydney for the past week looking for a place to live. The rental market is meant to be awful, but not as bad as it is here. However, here everyone I know seems to find a place! In Sydney I applied for 6 places and have been rejected from 3 already! What the hell?! Most of the time it's due to lack of rental history. This brings me to the employment catch 22 situation -
"What experience do you have?"
"Well I need to have a job to have experience" -
How the hell can you rent a place after you just moved out of home? It's basically impossible for me! Again, it comes down to how you look on paper. As the other mentioned previously, on paper we are not much. But goddamn it, in person we are fabulous, and we're the best and we're all spirit. Why isn't that how things are decided? It's not like I can't afford these places, because I can easily, but damn it none of it makes any sense.

I have a crazy feeling I'm either going to be homeless when I move, or I'm going to be living in the ghetto. Wonderful. The more I think about this bullshit the more apprehensive I am. This job was just so pointless, as is this whole moving fiasco. I'm barely going to have any savings, depending on where I live. If I had just taken a job here I would have saved SO much, and the work would have been cushy and I would be happy. But on the advice of others, who had no idea how tough it would be, I am now wilting under the pressure of the real world, because I'm telling you, it's incredibly heavy. I feel abandoned, which comes with its own sense of fucked up freedom I guess. I hate Sydney, hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it! I've said this a million times, but I'm one of the young people who actually love my city. And here I am, moving interstate to a city I hate with a passion. It has no redeeming qualities. It's like that ever since the First Fleet arrived, there has been no planning whatsoever, everyone just took up space wherever the fuck they could, and the people of today are paying the price. Our city is a totally planned City, and everything is easy to deal with. Over there, it's congestion, crime, and nonsensical topography 24/7.

A week was long enough. I always said before that it's a nice place to visit, but not to live or stay for an extended period of time. I was already feeling the isolation and despair. I feel like I've just signed away the next 40 years of my life for certain unhappiness and struggling. What of that? Is there anything else left?

Net result? I think I'm starting to lose feeling, which isn't a good thing at all. They say that it's better to feel the wrong thing than to not feel at all. There's an awesome song in that.

Props to T Boy for all the poker shows that I can now watch after studying each day. I've fixed my body clock, so it's early to bed, early to rise for me. It kinda sucks, cause I get more done yes, but I can't finish my downloads ever. Sydney doesn't really do cable internet in rental places, so I'll have to get ADSL, which is expensive as hell and unreliable. Hooray for that! I think I had more to say but now I can't remember!

Oh yes, props to blogger for having this autosave feature! IE just had a spaz and died, and I came back and my post was still here, so well done folks! I'm out, this has been a monster. Have a nice day!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Break and then take a walk...

Its really been an eventful day, this 5th of February. Got woken up today by a Mister DS (one of my oldest friends) by an annoying phone call :P. And he wouldn't stop calling, so I just put the phone on silent, as I knew that we made plans, and he would show up at my door sooner or later as he was supposed to, so I'd sleep in till that time came around. As I suspected, around 11 he came in and made sure that I was up :P. So we made our way across town to get the things that we wanted to get done, done...

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, but the traffic in this country is absolutely crazy, and today was a testament to that. It took more than an hour to go about 13 km in distance, and due to that the poor boy missed his driving lessons. As he said "Sometimes I wonder why I'm learning how to drive, then I have to go through all this shit traffic." The irony of it all...

Its been a while since I've really played any cricket, but I still enjoy the sport, and sometimes I wish I could get my old form back, so that I could play some more serious cricket. Went to see the second half of a final match in a local tournament. DS was supporting a particular team, so I was also hoping that that particular team would come out on top. When we heard the score they had made, we were a little doubtful, but at the end of the day they were the champions for good reason. I realized one thing, in this country there is absolutely no space for people to play any sports, and places where there is space, there is a lot of politics. No wonder at the top level we are so crap, the youth don't get the opportunity to try out their skills. In an over crowded country like ours, its gotta be hard to find a balance, but we must find someway to give our younger ones some hope.

We went say many many of my old friends today, and it made me feel really good inside. These friends, most people I know who belong to my so called 'class' would never consider them as friends, but some of these people are good friends of mine. The way they treat me, is something I feel honored by. A lot of them are shop keepers, and other such people across this city. I think its important to maintain these friendships, they are sometimes better people in their hearts, than the ones that we consider worth of our time. I will always be the kid that all sorts of people know, and I don't think that takes anything away from me. And that is why all of these people remember me, and I will not forget them either.

As I was reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" I came across something that I always believed in, and always found that it brought me happiness. Giving people what you have. I know I don't have a lot to give in the modern day sense of the word. Your time is something that you can give to people, and in any way that we can in our lives, will bring us happiness. Ask me for worldly things, I may not be your best bet, but if there is something I can do for you, you bet I'll do my best. I guess to most people thats not as valuable...

Jester had an interesting observation, or a statement really today. For girls we men will do anything, sometimes even turn into one... I'll leave you with that thought, I'm dead tired, and I need some good sleep.

"Every night I sleep, I die. Every morning, I'm reborn." - Mahatma Ghandi

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

On paper I may be nothing, but...

Somewhere along the line, I think I lost the reason for writing here. There were some people who complained about me writing about my emotions and feelings. To them I have a simple solution, if you can't stomach it, don't read it, I'm not forcing you. I think I have the right to write about whatever it is that I want to write about. So from now onwards, I tell the others this, write about what you want, and don't give a shit about the people that don't understand. They are too small minded to know anything. A bunch of people recently asked me if I had written anything lately, and then I realized that there quite a few people out there that genuinely like reading what I have to say, so why should I not do something that I like doing?? Today I pulled up a blog from the same day 3 years ago, and had a read. I realized that its not only a recollection of what I did, what my sentiments were, but I could also relive some old memories, and on some level, that shows me how far we have come. So this is not the fake sound of progress, but a true testament to that. So I once again take pride in my writing, and write for whosoever wants to read what I have to write. And as the title says, there is always an anarchy in my head, and writing about this anarchy helps keep it in order...

I caught myself in the middle of a long highway (the airport road) today, right in the middle with traffic going in each direction with great sense of urgency. In my ears, 3 Libras - A perfect circle was playing. It was a night time scene, and the lights were just absolutely breath taking. It was one of those moments that I wish would have never ended. The wind was blowing in every direction, as the cars passing by (well most of them were trucks) sending my now longish hair in every direction. The music, and the scene just seemed so perfect, that I stopped for a while, and didn't cross the street. I think there are these little events in our life that make our life worth living, in that moment I felt on top of the world. More often than not, once we find ourselves in a situation like this, we have to move forward, and don't take the time to take it all in. But I've decided that when I come to these events, I would take the time, and make the most of it. "You don't, you don't, you don't see me..." cried Maynard's voice in my ears, and I was absolutely loving it. I wish there was a camera from above to capture this moment, but I guess it will always remain a memory in my head, and now within this blog. There is so much beauty in this world, but often we ignore it, and we let our petty problems get in the way of noticing these wonderful sights...

As I said yesterday, I've come to believe in a lot of things that I previously didn't believe in. This does not mean that I let everything to chance, we control what happens, but there is still some force out there that lends a hand from time to time. As I was coming back on this strange vehicle called a CNG (really it stands for the fuel that this vehicle runs on - compressed natural gas - it has become the name of the thing itself) there was this big oil tanker that had toppled over in the middle of one of the buzyest (for the life of me I can't spell the word right now, nothing seems to look right buziest? buzziest? buzzyest??) roads of this city. In the western world, there would have been immediate rescue teams there to control the danger. Here the traffic made its way through somehow within this chaos. As I passed by it, I was taken back by the horror that lay before me, and was shocked at how dangerous this was. They should really have closed off the road. I could smell the stench all the petrol or kerosene that had spilled all over the roads. I had a lit cigarette in my hand (I had no idea before I passed by it that there had been a spill, I'm not that reckless). It crossed my mind, that a single cigarette could send all of these cars exploding into this night time sky. There has got to be a hand of something that stops from disasters from happening. Much worse could have happened (and who knows, after I left, something could have happened) but it didn't, and things like these remind me that there has to be some force holding this world together in one piece.

After reading the prince, I've learned a lot of things. Most of which I might forget over the coming future, but I guess there will always be somethings that you will remember. One thing that struck me is that he says that generosity must always come with cruelty, without which generosity is not appreciated. I recently had also come to this conclusion. It is not worth it to always be nice to people, if you constantly shower them with what you can offer them, then they start taking those things for granted. I have seen this happen in my own life, people take you for granted if you always do certain things for them. It is in my nature to try and do what I can for the people I can, and in turn I often expect them to do the same. Firstly, it is my fault for expecting that, people never do what you expect, and I should not expect people to be like me. That is my biggest mistake at times. The more you do for people they more they think its the norm for you to do those things for them, and they don't appreciate it. It makes me sad, that I've realized that I have to change my ways, and in many ways, I feel like I'm losing some of my innocence. I would like to believe that people have good intentions in their heart, but oh so often I've seen it to not be true. Not everyone has to fear this from me, the people who have always appreciated what I have done, I will always continue to do whatever I can for you, that is my word to you. But I'm not going to keep taking a beating from some people, its just not good for my head. Alright, I guess I've vented a bit with that one :P.

There are people in this world who get married to people in the weirdest ways. I honestly (no lies) came across a persons CV that had sent it to another person in asking their hand in marriage. I find it hard to believe that people still get arranged marriages, but a CV?? After taking to another friend of mine, he tells me that he once came across a CV that said that his father owned 3 houses in this city, and that one of them were going to be his. I find it really disturbing that people get married on these merits, but then again who am I to judge if it works for them. I guess in many ways I'm a lost romantic, and I believe in love on some level, though I know that love is just not enough sometimes. I'm definitely never sending a CV to anyone in attempts to get married to them, they have to get to know me in a way that I'm used to. I think its most important to know what the people are like, and not what they are like on paper...

Alright, I could ramble on for hours about the things that have been going through my head, but I think for today I'll stop here. I've been reading "tuesday's with morrie" - Mitch Album and am quite into it at the moment, so I think I'm going to get back to it. I've realized that I quite like reading about life, life is quite interesting, and we should contemplate more on what it is what what it is for. Maybe that is why we have this life?? I'll leave you with that thought...

Monday, February 04, 2008

Look who makes a return...

Well its been a while, and I've missed writing down stuff. No need to make any excuses on my behalf, I've been having a bad time with life, and needed sometime to sort out stuff, so you'll have to excuse my presence. The other has been keeping you all busy with stuff to read, so I guess the world makes sense again :P.

Its funny, I created this blog, but I had to ask the other to invite me again, because I got rid of all the old email addresses I have, and all the older stuff that I didn't need. Maybe I was trying to be not exist in the cyber world, who knows. But here I am, I exist.

I'll fill you in in brief as to what I've been up to. Well I graduated, and now decided to do Honours next year, so I'm not done with school yet, and I don't think I want to be done yet either. I've been on a vacation for the last couple of months, and its about to end soon, and I'm looking forward to being back in Canberra. Till then I have to deal with the slow ass internet connection that I have here, but I guess sometimes its good to have a break from all the internet stuff that I end up doing.

I've had this external harddrive for the last 3 years, and now I can't seem to find anything that I need on it. This is what happens when you think you have a lot of space, you fill it up with things that you don't need, and don't fill it up properly, and now I have a million copies of files, and now I have to sit up and sort all this stuff out. Seems like fun??!!?? Hehe anyone care to help me out with it?

Newly married couples are starting to piss me off. I came across a few profiles on facebook, that are profiles of the couple! So if you get married, do you have to lose your individuality?? So do you not exist in this world as a singular being? Or are you simply part of the other. Damn people and their joint accounts :P

Over the last few months, I've realized that I know absolutely nothing about politics, well I know something about it, but not enough in my books to say that I know anything. I've been reading "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli, and I think thats a good starting point for me to enter this journey. If anyone has any suggestions on readings on this topic, please let me know. I've realized that it is not ok to not know about certain things. In this world, where information is increasing in volume, its not really possible to know everything about anything. The world is getting more and more complex, yet our brain capacity is still staying the same. I guess this is why we are more bothered about specialization these days, where as in the olden days, scholars tended to know about most subjects. So I've decided that even if I don't know everything about everything, I must try and learn as much as I can about the subject areas that I have to face on a regular basis.

Ok this is my first post in a longtime, so I'm going to write about the random things that come to my head at the moment. I have a lot of topics to talk about, and I'll start writing about them one at a time, as time allows me. I went into solitude for a while, and during that time, I've had a lot of time to think about a lot of matters, and maybe even came up with a few answers that help me sleep better at night.

When things get out of hand, sometimes the reason is hard to find. And if you contemplate on it too long, sometimes you get lost in a downward spiral that you just can't seem to break free from. Is existentialism so desperate?? I too fell into one of those holes, and and happy to feel differently these days. I'm so through feeling down and out, that sometime when I'm not feeling completely happy, I ask myself why am I not happy. But then again, no one is happy all the time. I guess in some way, I don't want to go back into that frame of mind, so any feeling that feels anything close to those feeling, freak me out that I'm going to head back into one of those frames. But no one in this entire world is happy 24/7. I just gotta remember that :P. But I've been good none the less.

I've come to accept that everything happens for a reason. Certain things in life are shaped by certain decisions, and circumstances. For instance, who knows if I'd be studying again if the circumstances didn't change. And now in retrospect, I can see why somethings happened, it was to make me not only stronger, but also for me to meet the people I did in the time being, and also to do the things that I have done. Every experience is a good one, because we learn from our experiences. We learn faster on fire as well. I will again talk about this topic on another day. I also take comfort in the fact that people will get what they deserve, karma. What goes around comes around. Not because I started watching ED, but because I see little signs of it happening around me all the time.

Ok this is where i'll stop for the night. Just to give you a heads up on what is to come over the next while. And just to stop and say hello, and that I'm back with a vengeance...