On paper I may be nothing, but...

Somewhere along the line, I think I lost the reason for writing here. There were some people who complained about me writing about my emotions and feelings. To them I have a simple solution, if you can't stomach it, don't read it, I'm not forcing you. I think I have the right to write about whatever it is that I want to write about. So from now onwards, I tell the others this, write about what you want, and don't give a shit about the people that don't understand. They are too small minded to know anything. A bunch of people recently asked me if I had written anything lately, and then I realized that there quite a few people out there that genuinely like reading what I have to say, so why should I not do something that I like doing?? Today I pulled up a blog from the same day 3 years ago, and had a read. I realized that its not only a recollection of what I did, what my sentiments were, but I could also relive some old memories, and on some level, that shows me how far we have come. So this is not the fake sound of progress, but a true testament to that. So I once again take pride in my writing, and write for whosoever wants to read what I have to write. And as the title says, there is always an anarchy in my head, and writing about this anarchy helps keep it in order...

I caught myself in the middle of a long highway (the airport road) today, right in the middle with traffic going in each direction with great sense of urgency. In my ears, 3 Libras - A perfect circle was playing. It was a night time scene, and the lights were just absolutely breath taking. It was one of those moments that I wish would have never ended. The wind was blowing in every direction, as the cars passing by (well most of them were trucks) sending my now longish hair in every direction. The music, and the scene just seemed so perfect, that I stopped for a while, and didn't cross the street. I think there are these little events in our life that make our life worth living, in that moment I felt on top of the world. More often than not, once we find ourselves in a situation like this, we have to move forward, and don't take the time to take it all in. But I've decided that when I come to these events, I would take the time, and make the most of it. "You don't, you don't, you don't see me..." cried Maynard's voice in my ears, and I was absolutely loving it. I wish there was a camera from above to capture this moment, but I guess it will always remain a memory in my head, and now within this blog. There is so much beauty in this world, but often we ignore it, and we let our petty problems get in the way of noticing these wonderful sights...

As I said yesterday, I've come to believe in a lot of things that I previously didn't believe in. This does not mean that I let everything to chance, we control what happens, but there is still some force out there that lends a hand from time to time. As I was coming back on this strange vehicle called a CNG (really it stands for the fuel that this vehicle runs on - compressed natural gas - it has become the name of the thing itself) there was this big oil tanker that had toppled over in the middle of one of the buzyest (for the life of me I can't spell the word right now, nothing seems to look right buziest? buzziest? buzzyest??) roads of this city. In the western world, there would have been immediate rescue teams there to control the danger. Here the traffic made its way through somehow within this chaos. As I passed by it, I was taken back by the horror that lay before me, and was shocked at how dangerous this was. They should really have closed off the road. I could smell the stench all the petrol or kerosene that had spilled all over the roads. I had a lit cigarette in my hand (I had no idea before I passed by it that there had been a spill, I'm not that reckless). It crossed my mind, that a single cigarette could send all of these cars exploding into this night time sky. There has got to be a hand of something that stops from disasters from happening. Much worse could have happened (and who knows, after I left, something could have happened) but it didn't, and things like these remind me that there has to be some force holding this world together in one piece.

After reading the prince, I've learned a lot of things. Most of which I might forget over the coming future, but I guess there will always be somethings that you will remember. One thing that struck me is that he says that generosity must always come with cruelty, without which generosity is not appreciated. I recently had also come to this conclusion. It is not worth it to always be nice to people, if you constantly shower them with what you can offer them, then they start taking those things for granted. I have seen this happen in my own life, people take you for granted if you always do certain things for them. It is in my nature to try and do what I can for the people I can, and in turn I often expect them to do the same. Firstly, it is my fault for expecting that, people never do what you expect, and I should not expect people to be like me. That is my biggest mistake at times. The more you do for people they more they think its the norm for you to do those things for them, and they don't appreciate it. It makes me sad, that I've realized that I have to change my ways, and in many ways, I feel like I'm losing some of my innocence. I would like to believe that people have good intentions in their heart, but oh so often I've seen it to not be true. Not everyone has to fear this from me, the people who have always appreciated what I have done, I will always continue to do whatever I can for you, that is my word to you. But I'm not going to keep taking a beating from some people, its just not good for my head. Alright, I guess I've vented a bit with that one :P.

There are people in this world who get married to people in the weirdest ways. I honestly (no lies) came across a persons CV that had sent it to another person in asking their hand in marriage. I find it hard to believe that people still get arranged marriages, but a CV?? After taking to another friend of mine, he tells me that he once came across a CV that said that his father owned 3 houses in this city, and that one of them were going to be his. I find it really disturbing that people get married on these merits, but then again who am I to judge if it works for them. I guess in many ways I'm a lost romantic, and I believe in love on some level, though I know that love is just not enough sometimes. I'm definitely never sending a CV to anyone in attempts to get married to them, they have to get to know me in a way that I'm used to. I think its most important to know what the people are like, and not what they are like on paper...

Alright, I could ramble on for hours about the things that have been going through my head, but I think for today I'll stop here. I've been reading "tuesday's with morrie" - Mitch Album and am quite into it at the moment, so I think I'm going to get back to it. I've realized that I quite like reading about life, life is quite interesting, and we should contemplate more on what it is what what it is for. Maybe that is why we have this life?? I'll leave you with that thought...