The Criminal Element

So we're seeing a gradual resurgence (though I don't know how long for) of the intellectual discussions on here, so I figured I might as well keep it up for at least one more post.  Today let's talk about the criminal element.  This is an exciting topic, since it's actually pretty close to what I studied in university.  That being said, I am by no means an expert.  I don't know about other towns, but where I live, drug users and the mentally ill are over-represented in the prison population.  They commit the most crimes and usually have the highest rates of re-offending.  I think the relationship between drug use and mental illness is correlated, but certainly not causal (heavy drug use will typically result in increased levels of mental illness, but drug use doesn't necessarily cause mental illness).  It also means that when searching for their next fix, these people tend to hurt the innocent (and non-drug users) and drag them into their circle of suffering.  But putting that aside to one minute, even those who aren't involved with drugs, the ability to commit a crime and hurt someone else has to be rooted in some sort of mental illness right?  There's elements of sadism, sociopathy, psychopathy, selfishness and what not in there.  Why can't people empathise and not hurt others?  Even seemingly innocuous things like shoplifting and so on are things which hurt other people. 

Let's also talk about the 'justice' system.  I use quotation marks because I firmly believe there is one justice system for us and another for the privileged few.  Those who know people or are considered powerful can quite literally get away with murder.  The rest of us get no sympathy as either perpetrators or victims, and I think that's something that's inherently wrong with the legal system.  Any group would prefer to protect its own, and that's what invariably occurs when anyone even loosely involved in the 3 arms of government (legislature, judicature and executive) under the Westminster system get caught up in criminal matters.  On another point, I don't believe the current prison system works to rehabilitate prisoners.  Rather it's more about punishment, but I think it also has the undesirable and unintended impact of institutionalising even more criminal behaviour.  If someone gets put in jail for negligent driving or shoplifting, why should they be sharing company with hardcore murderers and rapists and so on?  Not only will you be creating more victims, but you put them in a situation where they are surrounded by other criminal elements, of course that stuff is going to rub off.  So what is the alternative?  Put them in a situation where they are surrounded by only good people setting wonderful examples?  Hmmm, that's an interesting thought actually.  But the current system is based on one of fear, and ensuring that those who have committed crimes are forgotten by the community for as long as their sentence, and it doesn't really get to the root causes of criminal behaviour, or addressing them.

My last day of work for the week, and I for one am excited.  Yes, I know I have a job interview tomorrow, one that I am woefully unprepared for, but I'm looking forward to it.  I've never winged it before, and I'd be interested to see how I can handle myself under such pressure.  I've also got a lot of crap to get done tomorrow, so there is the slight chance there will be no post tomorrow, and perhaps no posts over the weekend.  But hey, you get what you pay for (hahaa)! 

Things are never so straightforward.  Perhaps I'm leaving it too late, but I could always be blindsided.  And then what?  There's nothing left on the other side.  I've got so much to read and prepare for tomorrow.  And I just can't be bothered really. 

I'm done with today.

Joaquin out.

Budgeting For Surprise

Jeez, these subjects make even less sense the more I post.  The issue is that I don't want to repeat anything I've already used, so of course things have to get more obscure as more time passes.  In the future, I doubt they'll even consist of words.  Probably more random numbers and things in other languages.  I'm sure stuff will be even more difficult to navigate around here! 

I love reading the stats on this blog, particularly about the audience that frequents this site.  We've got a good cross section of Americans, Australians, and surprisingly a lot of Russians.  We've even got people in South Korea checking things out, it's wonderful.  I'm glad I've been able to reach out and get so many of you to read my words, it really means a lot.  It would be nice if any of you have differing views on what I've written, or even if you agree, to comment on some posts.  I know that's a bit difficult, because the other set up this Disqus system on the blog to filter out spam comments, but this was before google brought in their own spam filters to blogger.  So I know commenting is actually a little bit hard to do.  In fact I probably don't even get notified if there are comments under this new system.  It's even harder with the other not blogging anymore, since I don't know how to change the code to get rid of Disqus and just rely on the native blogger comments system.  But don't worry, before the other heads off overseas, I'll get him to start blogging again while he's gone and write some new music.  It would be nice to engage with some, or even all of you, if possible.  Maybe I'll have to review comments (if there are any) manually when I undertake the gargantuan task of the 10 year blog intro/retrospective next September.  If I could code, I'd think about changing the look of the site, but I quite like what the other has done with it.  It's definitely eye catching compared to other blogs on blogger, if I do say so myself.

I was reading the other day that facebook had lifted their ban on certain decapitation and beheading videos.  This was apparently under the guise of getting people to condemn the videos.  I think facebook really dropped the ball on this one, because that's not what a social network should be.  It's about connecting with friends and discussing your daily lives.  It's not about news or current affairs, and it certainly isn't about controversial and horrific things like this.  It also harks to a certain double standard, where you can watch someone being brutally murdered, yet even the slightest sign of nudity on the site will get you blocked.  In response to the uproar, facebook have thankfully removed the videos in question.  But still, a bad show of corporate governance from facebook, I mean what were they thinking?  It's just the blind leading the blind over there.  No real leadership, just people looking to get rich from no real products.  I've seen the videos, one in particular is a mexican woman being decapitated with a knife for either cheating, or it's a drug related killing by the Los Zetas (the translations were conflicting).  It's absolutely brutal and disgusting, I can't believe people would put that sort of thing up, or do something like that, or even worse, say horrible things about it online.  We really are doomed, aren't we?

I'm in a weird situation at the moment.  I was lucky enough to get this Friday off before my birthday so I could just relax and enjoy time at home.  However I'm now the victim of a job interview!  It's for a role I don't even remember applying for and I don't even know if I want the job.  What a way to ruin the day off!  Haha, I know, white people problems, right? 

Has a part of me died?  Am I not the same?  Is it a sign of growth or minimisation?  I used to be able to hate.  It was fuel for the fire, it got me going.  I wouldn't say I've mellowed out, but it's more apathy.  I just don't care.  I can't even hate anymore.  Nothing gets me out of bed in the morning except routine.  And that's what's killing me.  My paradise is the poison.

Then it gets me thinking, what of the status quo?  Does it mean anything?  Can it be relied upon?  People are too fickle and give up so easily.  But that is counterproductive to the status quo, isn't it?  That's actually grounds for rebirth.  It can't be placed.  Maybe it'll make life easier?  No, I think it could make it harder.  Much harder, since I have no reason to understand it.  Well it's a weird situation.  What does it all mean, all this shit I've seen?

On the news this morning there was a report that a generation of students is being lost to poverty and illiteracy.  I would have to agree.  Not a lot is being done by Governments to address this facet of life.  Students who are brought up under terrible hardship find it much harder to thrive in schools when they have so much else on their mind, and they can't keep up.  How can you pay for books or uniforms?  Who is going to help them study?  Where is the stability?  But Governments aren't concerned with this, they prefer to focus on overextending themselves, passing too much legislation that nobody understands, and doesn't really impact anyone.  It's going to become a massive problem later in life as more people are impacted by this.  Schools (especially public) are terrible at increasing capabilities in literacy and numeracy.  People my age lack basic comprehension and spelling skills and it's holding them back in life.  These things should have been addressed much earlier, but so many fall through the cracks due to improper resourcing.  We have to stop this.

Crap, and it's just like that I run out of things to say!  I don't think there is meaning in this life.  It's just a random collection of things.  I guess not caring is helping me deal with things and rationalise.  I guess in a way I am a changed person. 

Damn it!  I set aside all this time in the afternoon to get some stuff done and now I have work to do!  How very annoying.  It doesn't help that tomorrow is my last day before this interview. 

What I don't particularly enjoy is how management and the good CEO's are meant to have the high level strategy and vision.  How can you do that when you're bogged down in the nitty gritty everyday?  And how can you expect to get to that level if you don't know the nitty gritty?!  To me I think anyone can do that sort of leading, it takes no real skill.

But anyway, this should all be interesting. 

Joaquin out.

Douchebag Tuesdays

It really is that time of the week.  After giving the gym a skip yesterday because I was just so out of it, I made a triumphant return today.  I head down and the place is absolutely packed.  I don't want to be one of those assholes who has to inform everyone about the nitty gritty of their workouts (I told you guys that Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays are cardio and alternate days are weights, with Sunday as a rest day), so I'll keep it brief.  In fact the only goal you know I have is to run 3km in under 10 minutes.  I'm still working myself up to that.  But I tend to find that you get a lot of new starters to the gym on a Tuesday as opposed to a Monday.  Why?  Well Mondays are right after the weekend, so people will sleep in.  Then expect to start afresh on the Tuesday before giving up.  It was packed everywhere, and one particularly hilarious bit was when some gigantic muscular guy was using one weights machine and I realised he was lifting less than I was.  Ahhh, haha!  I am awesome.  Reminds me of that time I totally outran and outclassed another muscular guy on the treadmill to the point where he almost collapsed and fell off the machine, despite running slower than me!  Hahaha!  I used to be such a slow runner with no stamina.  I wish I could go back and run all the races of my childhood.  I wonder how fast I could actually run then. 

I read today that the conservative government in Australia (the 'liberals') are planning to privatise the HECS-HELP system.  That is a horrible idea.  Not forgetting the fact that I think Chris Pyne (the education Minister) is the epitome of conservative high pitched squealing and whinging, despite being an privileged white man, but this is just insane.  For our American friends, the HECS system is essentially the concept that you go into debt to undertake university level education.  I've told you all before that particular level of education used to be free, and it is those people who benefitted from that system who are the ones who own all the houses and drive all the nice cars.  Is that a coincidence?  I think not.  Well anyway, if this goes ahead, of course private enterprise is going to profit so much from other people's misery.  They will charge exorbitant interest rates and young people will not be able to cope.  It will basically become the American system all over again and you'll get people heavily in debt out of uni, with no chances to gain jobs to pay it off.  Of course I wouldn't expect Government to sympathise.  I had it relatively easy!  I'm about to finish paying off my debt, and I was able to live at home and not work while I was in uni.  What about those who live on campus and have to work part time to fund their studies?  What about those who have families?!  We are just utterly screwed.

You know that most Western nations (Britain, US, Australia) operate under heavy debt financing from beneficiaries such as China?  Hence the term debt ceiling and what not.  Once your repayment requirements hit a certain amount, you will never be able to pay it back, and you essentially default.  The issue is that none of these countries are even remotely close to finding the profits to ever catch up on their debt.  What do they think is going to happen?  That they can just keep borrowing and hope creditors look the other way?  Is this part of China's long game?  It would be a master stroke on their behalf if they pull it off.  And it will be our own fault.  What sort of nation operates on the concept that you have to borrow in order to be profitable?  And it's the same with any nation around the world, us Western countries, despite being perceived as rich, and even poor African nations going into debt for neighbours, and the world bank under the guise of aid money.  It's sick.  The system doesn't work. 

How much does it hurt?  I guess when you were expecting another result, I guess it cuts deep.  But it's all character building.  Until there is success you just keep trying.  What are people looking for?!  I have no idea.  They're all making a big mistake anyway.  It just serves me to know not to get too caught up in anything, it's just not worth it.  I'm over it, anyway.

Alright, just a tad over an hour to go until I'm done.  Looking forward to it.  I just want to be at home and relaxing.  Well not even that.  I don't want to come in tomorrow.  I just want it to be over.  To not have to get up and just face the routine of it all.  We are too attached to this thing called life.  And for what?  20, maybe 30 years of real glory before we start to die from the inside? 

We are all rotting from the inside out.

Joaquin out.

Flotsam Jetsam

What does that even mean?  I don't know, and I can't be bothered looking it up.  Just recovering from the weekend damage.  I can't recall being so tired, I'm just getting older and not really with it.  I just wanted to stay in bed this morning.  I didn't know what was being said.  Just over it.  Over everything.  It's just a slow spiral, a descent if you will.

I recall back in college, Steph M was an awesome net coder and she made a forum for her friends that we could go and post on.  From memory, I think it was called the Ministry.  We thoroughly enjoyed it and we generated a crapload of posts and subsequent replies.  Topics ranged from studies, to life, and some threads on how we hated some girl in particular.  I also remember that there was some bad code (either deliberate or not) that allowed a few of us to access a hidden part of the forum and make posts that others couldn't see.  That was pretty cool!  I really enjoyed it, and it was good stress relief.  This of course was a good 3-4 years before the other started up this blog.  Well eventually all good things had to come to an end and the girl who we bitched about found out about the forum and she posted and got really pissed off, so Steph M made the smart decision and closed it down.  It was fun while it lasted.  But it also reminded me of another event from High School when either Jiminez or Mueller put up a forum for what was then our Tribes (old school computer game) clan.  We didn't play a lot, and I was late to the party with the whole Tribes thing.  We were all given nicknames and a short spiel on our strengths and weaknesses in the game.  Anyway, things eventually degenerated until it became about trashing some guy they didn't like.  Heaps of people joined in.  Of course, the guy in question found out and called the police.  They got involved and the forum was quickly deleted.  Funny how these things quickly escalate, isn't it?

I need to wash the aromas off of me.  Just air me out and hang me out to dry.  Shit, it's my birthday in 5 days.  Not looking forward to this.  My entire life is about other people and doing things I don't want to do.  Instead of doing things I want to do, I would rather make other people do things they don't want to do, just so they could get some sort of inkling as to what my life is.  There's just too much caffeine in my system to function properly.  I'm not even jittery. 

I want to just give up.  Just throw in the towel.  There's no safety net.  I'm sick of fighting for survival.  Just let gravity crush me and I can disappear into the Earth.  Some people can still shock and surprise you.  When does bad behaviour become habitual?  Just work and on and on.  Everything repeats and we all eventually die.  What a waste.  Made to be wasted.  How terrible.  Just like animals at the farm.  But at least they don't know what's around the corner. 

What's on the surface is not the same as is in my mind.  I'm dead inside, dead inside.  Just wipe me away out of here.  Cause I'm so tired.  I can't persevere.  I can't do this.  I just can't.  Just let me buy the farm, no deposit necessary.  90 minutes to go. 

Had a weird dream last night that I was playing a turn based strategy fighter but in real life - using toys!  But they actually spit fire and acid and attacked other toys!  Crazy shit, haha!

I'm done.

Joaquin out.

Problem Solver Extraordinnaire

But never the important ones or the big ones.  Just the trivial shit nobody really cares about.  Sigh.  I guess woe is me.

I'm done.  I'm not feeling well.

Joaquin out.

Being Detained By U.S. Customs And Border Protection : A Victim's Account

Let's go for something a little different today!  I don't know if I mentioned, but I visited Canada a few months ago to see a few friends.  I had to transit through the US because it was cheaper than flying direct to Canada.  Keep in mind I was only there for a couple of hours to transit.  I wasn't leaving the airport or anything like that.  I was smart and read ahead and paid for the ESTA and was looking forward to catching up with friends I haven't seen in a while.  The flight was a bit of a pain, since it was close to 16 hours by air from Sydney to Dallas Fort Worth.  I enjoyed a lot of movies, but didn't really get that much sleep in.  We arrive at Dallas Fort Worth and I was immediately astounded by how poor the facilities were.  Really Qantas?  You want to use this as a main hub?  It's not a good look!  Then we get shuffled into the immigration processing area and that line was HUGE.  In any country anywhere in the world, I have never waited more than 20 minutes to be processed.  Here, I stood in line for 90 fucking minutes.  At least there were various international hotties to perve on while I waited, and I also had my music.  My iPhone actually lasts a fair while when it's in flight mode!  As we got divvied up into the lines for each immigration officer, I noticed I was behind a man with an Iranian passport who was sweating profusely.  I thought he would be in for a spot of bother.  While waiting, I noticed with incredulity that everyone had to have their fingerprints taken and a photo taken.  Ok, we're off to a good start - treating everyone like criminal suspects when they've just arrived in the country.  Nicely played, United States.

So when I was waiting for this Iranian fellow to be detained, I realised he went through the procedures and they let him through.  Ok, interesting.  I then go up with my chirpy attitude and Australian passport.  I get my picture taken and do the fingerprinting and the fellow looks at my passport and asks "how long are you here for" to which I reply "oh I'm just transiting for a couple of hours".  Then I notice him take a closer look at my name and he says "follow me".  Well fuck.  I should have realised that when your name is "Joaquin" of course the authorities are going to be suspicious, especially when you're traveling under a passport where people are expecting your name to be "Steven" or "John" or just generally less ethnic sounding.  He jumps out of his booth and directs me to a contained area with armed guards that is very secure.  I look around me and I spot various ethnic people, mostly dark skinned (and for some reason a young white girl in her mid teens by herself) all sitting and waiting.  We are all placed in a room that's set out like a movie theatre, except flat, and instead of a screen we are given some plexiglass barriers behind which to watch various TSA people ask batshit stupid questions.  A middle aged man gets up and asks in broken english whether his wife can use the bathroom.  He is promptly yelled at and told to sit down, which he does.  Ok, not exactly the friendliest of people.  There's a sign saying no phones - obviously so you can't record the stupidity that is taking place.  I open my book and decide to plod on from where I left off on the plane.  After a while, a range of ethnic surnames are announced and one by one, people march up to the protected perspex booth that has the holes cut out way too low (even for me, and I'm average height), so you automatically have to bow down to your American overlord superiors in order for them to speak to you.  Gradually people are asked questions which would have already been answered via the ESTA process. 

People eventually file out and I'm the last one left.  The white teenage girl apparently had some out of date travel documentation and she's let go.  My name is called and I march up to the desk.  You people are damn lucky I have selective photographic memory!
"So what are you doing here?"
"Umm I'm transiting through"
"where are you going?"
"Canada"
"what for?"
"for a holiday to visit friends"
"where are they from"
"Excuse me?"
"Where are your friends from?"
"Australia"
"are you traveling by yourself?"
"yes"
"Back in Australia what do you do?"
"I'm a lawyer"
(look of panic and realisation) "ohh...so what firm do you work for?"
"(NAME OF EMPLOYER)"
"Do you have a business card to verify that?"
"I'm on holidays, why would I have a business card?"
"People take business cards with them everywhere"
"Ok no I don't"
"if I google your employer will I get your name as a hit"
"yes"
"where are your parents from"
"(NAME OF COUNTRY)"
"ok, what countries outside of Europe have you been to?"
"(NAMES A LOT OF COUNTRIES)"
"What languages can you speak"
"(NAMES SEVERAL LANGUAGES)"
"that's a lot of languages"
"...."
"ok collect you can go, collect your bags, it's being held for you in the processing area"
"Right"

I get to pick up my bags, but only when I get to Canada do I realise that they have broken the lock on my bag and searched through it (there was no sticker or notice to alert me to this).  I walk out of the room and all of a sudden I get screamed at to stop.
"You can't leave this area without signing out"
"Oh sorry (SIGNS NAME)"
"Welcome to the United States"
"Sure..thanks"

Well holy shit, what a terrible first impression of a country.  You get treated like a criminal and get asked the silliest questions (ones that they know the answers to, or are completely irrelevant).  All just based on a hunch of some idiot who failed college and gets his kicks from his contrived, fear induced power behind a desk. Now don't get me wrong, I understand these douchebags are just doing their jobs, but it's a job that ought not to exist.  I'm not a threat.  I hold a passport of an allied country!  If we pulled this kind of shit with American guests, you can bet they'd change the laws very quickly to appease them, but we don't get the same luxury.  No wonder everyone hates America!  This is the kind of arrogant fear-mongering that radicalises people and makes them apathetic to America's concerns.  When the big giant topples, we will all smile, because you deserved it.  All it takes is all the effort of the little people.  Let's not even get into the stupidity of the threat detection here.  I'm Australian - no Australian passport holder has ever been convicted of a terrorist offence against America.  Why ask me for countries I have visited outside of Europe?!  If I had been to Europe, there is a higher chance that I could have potentially been radicalised, based on incidents in French speaking regions, Scandinavia, and Britain.  That would have been much more relevant.  So if I'd already gained an ESTA and they know the answers to my questions, why detain me?  We know it's just profiling.  In the land of the free.  Whatever, bullshit.  I'm not even a citizen of your country, you can't just interrogate me like this.  And the sad thing is, if I had raised this issue, you can bet your ass I'd still be there and nobody would have heard from me.  I'm essentially paying $15USD to be detained.  Jesus!

I almost copped the same treatment in Canada on my way out.  I had no idea that Vancouver Airport had a processing facility they have hived off to allow the United States to process people before they'd even set foot in the country.  That's a whole legal issue right there!  I got asked questions by the processing officer but thankfully didn't get detained.  Now back to Australia - if you're allied with the United States, why would you let this happen to one of your citizens?  If you can't guarantee safe passage to a country you have an allied agreement with, why should I bother serving that country?  What allegience should I have to the passport that guarantees me nothing?  There's no pride or honour in this because it's a joke that's rooted in racism and fear.  We will not move forward as a society.

It's always interesting to have the past come back in such weird ways.  I'm reading Sloane's blog at the moment.  I haven't seen or spoken to him since university.  He was a nice guy, and I wondered what had happened to him.  But good ol' friends of friends manage to find answers for you.  Check it out, he's a wonderful writer: http://sloanethoughts.com

Skipped the gym today cause I couldn't be assed.  But hey, that's life.  Another weekend down the crapper.

This is not my life anymore.  I never get to do the things I want to do.  Ever.  And that's the thing.  I should be able to.  But I'm not in charge of my life.  It's always about compromise and disappointment now.  I shouldn't have said anything.  But I know things!  Blergh, I'm not feeling well!  Things are generally kept from me, aren't they?

This has been one hell of an effort.  But I'm done for now.  I'll see if I can blog while I'm gone, but no guarantees.  In fact, I highly doubt it.  But one can always see.

Joaquin out.

Nobody Likes You

And don't I just know it?  I was reading on tumblr the other day a particular post about how they wish there was a book where you could read everyone's first impression of you.  I would rather not, cause I know it's not good.  I wonder why that is?  People just don't like me.  I guess I make them uncomfortable.  And all my work is done, so I'm gonna be good with blogg for the rest of the day, yeahhh!

As I've mentioned before, the other is going overseas at the end of the year to spend some time with his folks that he hasn't seen in years.  He mentioned that they're getting older and he should spend time with them when he can cause they're going to be gone.  It's true, in most circumstances, it is up to the child to bury the parent.  It's sad when it's the other way around.  I guess it's something most of us have to deal with in our lives.  You think your parents are immortal, obviously not perfect, but that they'll always be there.  Then the reality sets in that it's not true.  Life and time catches up to everyone, and they will die someday.  My folks are really sick at the moment, not bordering on death (touch wood), but the sickest I've ever seen them.  And I've realised that their time is gonna be up.  As my birthdays pass, so too do theirs.  Do you ever stop and think about them?  I really dislike this Western notion that in our busy lives we tend to disregard the elderly, and our own parents and shuffle them off into nursing homes and retirement villages and hope someone else can look after them.  How disgusting.  If you lived a semi normal childhood, they looked after you, they sacrificed for you.  They raised you and they cared for you when you were sick, when they were tired and wanted to give up.  They couldn't just shuttle you off somewhere and hope someone else would look after you.  They have so many stories, hopes, and wishes and dreams.  Go talk to your parents and find out more.  Cause once they're gone, you'll never ever get that chance again.

Science is an interesting beast.  There seems to be so much in the field that we're afraid of and one of those things is eugenics.  For the uninitiated, eugenics is genetic experimenting to get the best set of physical (and other) traits to the forefront.  Nothing wrong with that, but it has really horrific undercurrents of racism in the mix.  We start to get into this whole concept of some races being superior at things than others and what not.  I think that's a subjective argument.  I think we should focus on the specific traits of each race and find a way to combine them.  Ignoring some for the sake of others doesn't make sense.

This is all a change of roles.  We're different people.  Stop doing those things!  I need to stop wasting my time!  I'll make some time to read.

Here's to the end of the day in 90 minutes.  At least it was semi short?  I've been really getting into Louis ck.  Sure he's hilarious!  But on top of that, he is so full of insight about living better.  Just being nicer.  Not sweating the small stuff.  Being a better parent.  Enjoying what's around you.  I think that's often overlooked in his comedy.

Saw Lizzy out at lunch today.  She used to be so slender and beautiful in college.  But now she's put on a shit ton of weight.  In fact a lot of the attractive girls from high school and college have gotten fat.  I wonder why that is?  Maybe cause they were shitty people.  But on that note, to all the young guys reading this, don't get involved with them.  They're not worth it.  They turn into absolutely redundant people in society.  If they died now or just disappeared, it would have absolutely NO impact on the world.  The world would not be a poorer place because they were gone.  So why waste your time on that bullshit?  Go after the girls who seem interesting, who have hobbies.  Cause when the real world drops, they're the ones who are going places, who are doing things.  That's much more attractive and sustainable.

I think the issue with the rise in conservatism has to be due to the gradual extinguishment of white privilege.  People are worried they will have to give up their chances, wealth and opportunities to others (which isn't the case, they just need to share it).  And that's something that doesn't sit well with them.  Did you know Lincoln was a republican?  And he was the one who ended slavery!  Yet these days Republicans seem to hate black people, and black people vote primarily for democrat candidates.  I think white people are just afraid of being gone.  Well those kinda traits are recessive.  When asians or darker skinned people become the majority, their traits will take over.  We'll all start looking a bit more alike, maybe even a few languages will get extinguished.  But the end result could be that we all start to get along.  Things are just artifically divided.  People just don't want to give it up, and I guess it's understandable.  But maybe when you've had power taken away from you and your identity erased, perhaps we can forget about the terrible things that have occurred as a result.

I think I'm done.

Joaquin out.

How Will I Die?

The thought just randomly struck me either last night or early this morning.  How is it going to happen?  How am I going to buy the farm?  Will it be soon?  Will it be when I'm old and withered?  Will I even know what's going on?  Will it be natural?  Will it be disease, will it be an accident?  Will someone take my life?  Will it be my choice?  Will I be reduced to data?  I'm sure everyone asks questions about their ultimate fate.  But let's bring a hypothetical into this - if you could be told how you would die, would you want to know?  A lot of people I know have said they wouldn't want to and they just want to live in ignorance.  I prefer to know so that I can have all my stuff in order before I'm gone.  I can also plan and get everything I want to out of the way, so that there's nothing lingering at the end.

Feeling a tiny bit under the weather today.  The gym was good, but the soreness permeates everything I do.  I could really do with some proper rest.  Maybe even this weekend?  Hell maybe I'll even get some movies out of the way.  But it's not what I need to be doing.  It's all just a waste of time anyway.  Nobody ever really gets what they want.  It's all just one big mistake.  I can feel my face when I frown now.  I'm getting a lot older.  A lot more jaded and cynical.

Do I have anything to say today?  I don't know.  I'm too tired for this.  Too tired to do the things I need to get done.  Age has caught up with me, and it's just over a week until my birthday.  Not looking forward to it at all.  In fact, I'm over celebrating it.  People take these sorts of things too seriously.  Everyone has birthdays, everyone lives, everyone dies.  And that's it.  There ain't much more to it, I'm afraid.  It's not a cry for help.

So let me tell you about Jane from High School.  I had liked Jane for a while, probably all due in part to a dream I had where we were making out on a couch at home.  It was good, haha!  Anyway, I had made the mistake of telling Daniel, who was just coming off a relationship with Cat (she looked like a celebrity, and I told him that and when they got talking about it, they started dating).  Anyway, he realised he had feelings for Jane and then they started dating!  What the hell?!  Why would that happen?  Damn, you can't trust anyone with anything.  It happened again in HS with Jimenez and Krusty.  He knew I had a crush on her, but yet he still approached her and asked her out.  I guess other guys rely on the "you snooze, you lose" principle.  Way to help a friend out, you know!  Jeeez!  Why do I even bother?  I probably should have thought things through before acting.  I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

More time today to get things done, but I'm really just so out of it.  I'm seriously on the verge of physical collapse here.  Ahh I'm just seriously over it.  And what exactly is "it"?  It's everything.  It's everything and nothing.  My back has been seriously screwed lately.  I wake up each day and it just feels like I've survived being kneed in the spine 20 times in the course of my sleep.  It's not a great feeling.  And that's it, it's just getting older.  It's just going to take so long to get anything done today.  I could just sleep for days.  I'm going to make it a point to enjoy the cold.  At least it's not raining.

Ok, I think I'm with the program now, but I can't be sure.  Am I losing it?  Have I totally just lost it?  I hope I'm not turning into something I was avoiding.  That would be the ultimate irony, that I become a scatterbrained idiot.  Am I as focused as I used to be?  This will be interesting.  Things are a little different.  I'm not sure if I'm entirely comfortable with it.  I'm just a bit over things at the moment.

Anyway, I'm done!  I have urgent things to do and the day is almost over.  I'm looking forward to just relaxing tomorrow!  It's been one hell of a week.  Yeah, I know it's only Thursday, but at least I'm getting PAID.  My goal for the evening is not to fall asleep.

Joaquin out.

An Analysis Of Facebook

Is it raining outside?  It looks like it.  And I am without an umbrella.  Well that sucks, but at least it's warm.  Looking at my task list and everything is done, so it's time to get on with the other tasks I had set out to do.  And who was I kidding?!  Spent a bit of time just buckling down and trying to get some coordination back into my hands with guitar last night and I'm with the program.  I can play my shit!  It just takes some time, but damn it, I can play my songs and I can play them well.  Just need to focus on some more advanced playing techniques and I'll be good to go.  Hopefully back to where I once was in university with my skills.  What the hell is out there?  I don't even know.

So today let's talk about facebook.  I'm not really surprised that it's taken off in the way that it has.  I first used it in 2006, when it was still exclusive to universities - it had just expanded internationally.  A friend who had been doing exchange in Italy was telling me all about it.  I was using hi5 at the time, which sucked, so I was happy to be on facebook.  The interface was good, and it couldn't really be customised to allow for garish pages, unlike hi5 or myspace.  I realised the jig was up when they released fb to the public and overnight millions of people just jumped on to the site.  It was a bit of a jump the shark moment.  It also resulted in some interesting changes to the site.  When I was first on, all profiles were public and you just added people at will (you didn't need to accept or reject friend requests).  It was actually much more jovial than it is now - with hidden profiles, privacy settings, blocking people and what not.  People didn't have hundreds upon hundreds of friends.  You only added people you actually knew. 

But what interests me about facebook is that in my time using it, I've seen its slowdown in terms of people in the 25+ demographic.  It's probably because we've been on the site for 6+ years, and we have seen each major update to the site progressively take things backwards in terms of user interface and fun.  This data mining stuff, advertising, people using it to stalk others and all that jazz.  People would post so much of their lives on there, and people would interact.  But with the introduction of stuff like the like button, people can just click something to acknowledge it, without having to actually engage.  What a perfect metaphor for 21st century youth.  What I also find interesting is how women interact with facebook.  Everything is about oneupmanship in terms of likes, comments, exhibitionist behaviour and what not.  But we all know where facebook came from.  Mark Zuckerberg created the first iteration of facebook (facesmash) in Harvard after his girlfriend dumped him and he got drunk and pissed off and coded the site.  That iteration was basically a 'hot or not' site compiled from pictures he had raided from Harvard's database.  And you know what?  Nothing's changed.  It allows people to give in to their voyeuristic tendencies with people they know, as well as strangers.  Is there no irony in this?!  What about feminists who use facebook as a platform to decry male patriarchy and what not?  The very platform they are using was built by a lying, sexist, misogynist, white, privileged male!  Ahh the hypocrisy.  And that's why ways of changing how people think will never work, because nobody has any principles.  And going back to a plotline from The Social Network (a fictionalised account of the founding of facebook), about how Zuckerberg sent his ex girlfriend a friend request and kept hitting refresh to see when she accepted.  Hahaha, what a load of shit!  Their relationship ended acrimoniously and he badmouthed her on his blog - surely she would have found out.  If this was now, she would have blocked his ass and he would be none the wiser.  Unless she was a frivolous bitch and added him just cause he was famous.  Who knows?

Oh man, it's really only Tuesday!  Feels like Wednesday.  This isn't good.  The week isn't going by fast enough.  And how sad is that?  All we do, or seem to be doing is wishing our lives away.  And why?  Because of work.  Trapped in jobs we don't like for way too long, for not much pay to do the things we actually want.  There's no reward, there's no gratification, only emptiness.  Then death.  Wow, that was uplifting, haha!

Well I'm getting traction on some stuff, so I'm very happy with my progress.  Let's see how much I can actually get done today.  I'm having a good time.  Although the tiredness has hit me out of nowhere.  Like a truck!  And it's not even 2pm.  Still a good 3 more hours of this stuff to get through.  I had the weirdest thought last night.  I was envisioning something like google glasses, but it was more of an implant, whereby you could access the internet from your own eyes.  The user interface was generated by thought, and I had the picture of uploading this blog.  Strange, right?!  I imagined seeing the blog and adding to a post just by thinking about it.  So it worked more like a diary.  Well putting aside the obvious ethical considerations (not to mention privacy), it was pretty handy and I was able to blog like I've always intended to.

The problem with applying for any roles anywhere is that typically human resources act as the gatekeeper.  That's a massive problem because they don't hold the expertise in the field they are recruiting in, so how can they be best placed to shortlist candidates?  I think recruiting should be left to areas that need the staff, and let HR deal with internal company issues.  They don't have the skills or experience to be doing that sort of job.  On another point, it's a bit annoying that the private sector has no set of principles when it comes to hiring.  The issue is that public sector places have to respond to you, and most of the time they will offer you feedback on your application.  Private sector places don't even have to contact you.  Time just disappears and you have no idea what's happened!

Anyway, this has been a monster post and I'm happy, so I'll leave it there and continue on with my tasks.  Day is almost up and I gotta hurry!  Let's not make the same mistakes.

Take care, folks!

Joaquin out.

Recharge And Refresh

Pressing the refresh button on your browser should also have the same effect on your life.  Things are just a bit stale.  Everything progresses, but it's never quite where you expect to be, or want to be.  Things are moving too slowly, yet I'm ageing everyday.  Where are we in all of this?  Thinking about God and last night the panic hits me out of nowhere.  What if this is just life and nothing more?  It's all irrelevant.  Nothing matters.  Life and existence is all just a fluke and there's nothing anyone can do to make it matter.  There's no cycle.  Things work, and we are here until it stops working and we are gone.  We shouldn't be getting too attached to anything.  But what about the other stuff?  The irrefutable things like the atoms from the beginning of the universe being within all of us?  Does that mean anything in the long term?  Or does that just stuff float about freely into something else.  It will never be like this, it will never be the same again.  Wow, that's all a downer, I'm very sorry.

I've actually got some work to get on to today, but I should be able to fit in some good blogging here and there.  That in between looking for other opportunities out there.  Why am I so concerned about having a gameplan now?  There's this annoying person in the gym who always gets on the treadmill within 60 seconds of me getting on it.  So I've figured I'm going to shorten my second workout (cardio days are cross trainer, bike and run) and get on the treadmill before them and just sit on it for as long as possible.  Nasty, but thems the breaks.  Not going to waste my time for other people's stupidity.  Not going to the gym on Friday has messed me up, because I went on Saturday and did cardio and weights on the same day and that has messed me up.  I'm incredibly sore.  Now I know why I split them up!  Hopefully there's a bit of recovery, which is a bit difficult when I don't sleep much on weekdays.  Not much great news when I sleep even less on weekends.  But I did enjoy one epic session of Chivalry Medieval Warfare with T-Boy and a few people on Steam.

And yes, I'm done!  All my work for the day is out of the way, so I'm free to blog.  But what have I got on my mind?  I don't know, I'm just too sore to even think straight.  Might even have to dip into the painkillers.  If only I had access to something more exciting than panadol (panadeine).  Had a weird guitar session last night.  Maybe I was too tired or just out of it, but for some reason I couldn't play one of my showpiece instrumentals.  Admittedly, it's a song that pushes the boundaries of what I can comfortably do.  But I used to be able to play it flawlessly at will, and now there are just certain parts that I cannot play.  I wonder what happened?  I think I just need to keep practising my key guitar skills, and not just focusing on songs relating to chords and what not.  Ahh I just need to lock myself in a room for a year with just a guitar and just get my skills down and focus on music theory.  That would be the life.

Does anyone else get weird issues with their iPhone?  In the way it goes back to certain songs on shuffle?  Well what I've noticed lately is that when I take my headphones out of my phone (without pressing pause on the home screen) and resume listening to music later on (with shuffle), my phone will start playing whatever song I was first listening to before I took my headphones out.  So shuffle does not start from an apparently random place, and what's more, if I press next, the songs that are all queued will be the ones I have previously heard, in the same order (no, there's no playlist involved).  Something is wrong with the algorithm used to generate random playlists, cause it's not so random!  I guess it may have something to do with how many plays have notched up to particular songs (you'll see this in iTunes).  Certainly different to the old days of Nullsoft's Winamp on the computer (one of the best mp3 players ever)!  I'm still using an old version on my computer, like version 3.xx and I'm loving it.  Easy on the RAM, unlike Windows Media Player or iTunes, and its playlists, shuffle algorithms and equalisation abilities make it the best.  I wonder whatever happened to Justin Frankel?

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.  Might have a bit more time to myself to just enjoy things. I need more time to just read books.  And I need to wasting my time on frivolous shit.

But I'll keep things here for now.

Joaquin out.

Adventures In Losing Innocence

There's stuff to get done today.  But I just can't do it.  I just can't deal with it.  I had NO sleep last night.  I am not functioning at all.  It doesn't help that I need to be up and firing and driving through rush hour traffic at the start of the day, and again at the end.  I won't make it very far tonight.  I'm going to pass out very early tonight and I'm just going to sleep in all through the weekend.  I was just so far gone this morning that I couldn't go to the gym.  I just physically gave up.  I can't interact with anyone or do anything today, but there's just so much to do.  I'll soldier through.

What do you do when you realise you've messed something up?  Nothing, cause it's in the past, I guess.  But you apply it to the future to ensure it doesn't happen again.  Man I hate doing job applications.  They're such a royal pain in the ass.  There's no greater threat to human intelligence than the words "selection criteria".  They demonstrate nothing except stupidity.  Well I'm slowly crackalacking along.  Getting there.  But only like 20% done!  The meat of it is still way off.  Oh man!  Still 3 and a half hours until this crap is over.  I just want to be resting at home.  But at the same time I don't, because I have things I have to get done!

Decry the narcissist.  This is all just the wrong place.  I'm giving up on everything today.  I can't string together anything.

What I find interesting is going back to how the media is reporting on this Kenya mall massacre in Nairobi.  Remember directly after it occurred there were reports of that British woman being found among the dead, who was thought to be a perpertrator of the attack because she was muslim and married to one of the guys in the london bombing?  Well there's reports out now saying that they are trying to find her because she may be planning more attacks.  Umm what?  I thought the situation was over.  They should have all the attackers either alive or dead.  If she wasn't in there, how could they know she was part of it?  Is this just another scapegoat situation to keep us scared?  Something doesn't fit in either situation.

I'm done.  It's gonna be a busy weekend.

Joaquin out.

Wandering Daze Wondering Phase

Does it ever end?  I thought it would be a relatively quiet day, but no, I get in and it's already a madhouse of things to get done!  How the hell am I meant to get my task finished that is due tonight??  Well I'll just need to work harder then.  It's not that easy when you have others counting on you and you can't let them down.  It doesn't help that I'm feeling exceptionally tired and sore today.  I was so out of it that I napped in the evening yesterday, and still slept properly (despite sleeping a little late).

I'm always curious about perspective, insofar as how different things look from up high compared to ground level.  Angles look a lot steeper and a lot more jutting compared to being in the ground.  How great it would be to be a giant and just explore the world easily.  Well once you factor out the people who would be terrified of you, of course.

One thing I'm missing in my life is an adequate lint brush.  I think everyone needs one, because so much dust collects in an average household that a lot of your single toned clothes will end up looking quite messed up after a while.  Well here's to purchasing one at some point. 

It makes it a bit harder when the red herrings are living it up.  I mean none of it is logical.  Is it?  It's a case of use it or lose it.  Just like brain power.  Surely it's a misnomer, right?  Am I just deluding myself?  Oh to say something profound, and that people get.  That would be the best.  Maybe I would understand a lot more if I just slowed down.  I'm not a replicant, after all.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I would like to just understand and speak any language.  How great would it be to communicate with everyone on the planet and connect?  I think it would solve a lot of the world's problems if we could just understand each other.  Or maybe it's misleading and we'd actually fight a lot more with each other!  Haha, who knows?  But that would be an interesting case study - wars and language barriers.  How often do you have major wars where you fight against a country that speaks the same language as you?  Let's ignore civil war for now.  But yeah, it hardly ever happens, does it?  Probably something in there to be studied and drawn out in a bit more detail.

Ahh, things are coming to a head and I've really gotta rush, so no more for today.  I think things will also be relatively busy tomorrow, but we'll see how it goes!

Take care.

Joaquin out.

Forward But Backward

Sorry about the sparsity of today's post.  After having a nice day off yesterday, I came back to a mountainous pile of work today and I'm just in shock over how much there was.  It hasn't been like that for a while.  Well at least I wasn't bored, since it's basically the end of the day.  But I'm annoyed, since there was stuff I wanted to get done, and it needs to be done by tomorrow.  Well I better get back to it so that I don't have to panic tomorrow. 

Never assume.  Until you know, just guess that it's going to be worst case scenario.  That's what I believe anyway.  I'm getting all these weird calls and e-mails lately.  I wonder what's going on with that? 

Anyway, I'm done.

Joaquin out.

These Days Are No Different

I've been Gatsby'd.  Well and truly.  I got Jay Gatsby'd in the face, and it well and truly destroyed me.  But at least there was no confrontation.  No phone call.  My comeuppance is down the road.  At least I don't own a pool.  That would not be good.  And for what in the end?

The lines on my face grow ever deeper.  I'm getting older.  It's struck me.  My youth is extinguishing and I am transitioning into middle age.  How?  This happens to everyone.  And where do my dreams go?  It's the same.  It happened to your parents.  It'll happen to your kids.  You become old.  You stop being part of popular culture.  You become irrelevant.  You become redundant.

And then it's just game over.

Joaquin out.

Weekend Slumps Into Quiet Times

What was I on this weekend?  I had such grand plans, and essentially everything amounted to nought.  Things are not going well.  Anywhere.  What does this week even bring?  I don't know, but I have to finish what's in front of me.  Perhaps playing the long game will make things easier for me?  But it's not a sure thing.  You can't let two pieces of the whole come together.  I don't even remember what I did this weekend.  But it's all a moot point anyway.  Got some good guitaring in, but not as much as I would have hoped. That's ok, there's still the whole week to go.  And so it is, just going from week to week, living life with no change.  No excitement, just routine and nothing else.  I discovered something disconcerting though.  I actually sleep less on weekends than I do on weekdays.  That can't be good for anyone.  What about my sleep debt?  It can't be repaid!  It's like the US debt situation!

That's another issue.  All these western countries are operating on insane levels of debt.  It's essentially reached a tipping point where no amount of money or recovery can turn it down.  I want to see what happens when countries default, or when creditors call on full payment of what's owed.  It's going to happen at some point, you know it.

I can't do what I want anymore.  How my life has changed, in such a short space of time.  I can't just be out and about anymore.  That's what I need.  But I always have somewhere to be.  Something to do.  I'm really not feeling it today.  This isn't it.  It can't be.  I've gotta keep my head up.  And I have to be prepared for anything around the corner. 

What's worse is when what you think and the evidence, or the facts or the reality of what's in front of you are entirely at loggerheads.  Then again, what I know isn't much.  It's all about the scientific method these days!  Better get on with today's tasks. 

What I'd like to know is how things from my past can be coming back to interfere with my future?  That doesn't even make sense.  These sorts of things shouldn't even be happening.

Goddamn, I'm slowly making progress, but I've realised that I only have an hour to go until home time!  Where did that day go?  At least I don't have to be in tomorrow.  It's been busy, that's for sure, but still a hell of a lot to go in front of me.

There's a weird movement going on in tumblr these days.  I've noticed a backlash against nerdy comic book type guys.  Apparently they are the new misogynist sexists on the block.  This is due to their exclusionary policies where women are derided for liking the same things they do.  Well let me work something out here.  These are the same people who were disparaged when they were younger for liking alternative things.  Women destroyed their self confidence, and to compensate they withdrew into their own worlds where they could find solace and kinship with others.  And now they are being abused in the domain where they feel comfortable.  Things are not going to end well, I assure you.  Women turned them into what they are, and now they want to lay the blame on others?  That makes no sense!  Also, there's apparently this new phenomenon of white knighting, which is the act of beta males engaging in seemingly heroic acts or siding with an apparently attractive female in order to win sexual favour.  Apparently this set off a bunch of guys on an opinion site that I read (the riot act), and Joel Barcham got incredibly offended by being accused of engaging in that conduct.  However disregarding his thoughts on the issue (he was just doing his job, nothing more), let's talk about the sociological matter here.  How else do betas get noticed?  They can't compete with alphas, since in the female mind, alphas can do no wrong, regardless of what they do.  So of course betas will use whatever tactics they can to get noticed.  That shouldn't even be questioned.  I don't believe in altruism for its own sake.  There's always something behind it.  That I can guarantee.

"Thoughts are free, but actions come with a cost" - Oh I really like that one!

More to come tomorrow?  Perhaps, but if not, you know I'll be back on Wednesday.

Joaquin out.

I Have Nothing For You

At least not today.

Got a lot to do.

But hey, it's a new work week tomorrow.  I'll have things for you then.

I'm hoping, anyway.

Joaquin out.

What's Inside Of Us, You, Me?

Thought I would live blog for once, since I'm just sorting through music at the moment.  I had a lot of albums downloaded, but hadn't gone through it and I just wanna get it ticked off.  It'll be good to multitask for once.  Things are just getting...weird.  I really have no word for it, and I don't really know how to explain it.

It's been a really busy day and I'm just a bit over existence for the moment.  At least in this form.  I'd like to be something else.  Just to experience it.  Experience and existence are not the same thing.  And you begin to ask yourself, what are you made of?  Are you the sum of your memories?  Because if that's the case, I don't remember a hell of a lot of my life.  Maybe I've just repressed it all.

Have all my choices, decisions in life brought me to this point?  And what if it was all a mistake?  Am I on the outer of everyone's memories?  And what if I was just wiped clean?  People and their mistakes, I don't take the blame for it.  Could it all have been different if it were another set of circumstances?

I don't even know who I am anymore.  It's all just going so slowly.  Is there redemption at the end?  I find myself questioning the existence of God even more.  Is there just some way?  Is there payoff for faith?  And if you're wrong?  Then what?  It is all nothing.  We're just all data, just bits of information that become redundant.  There's no perfect code.  Some of us were just born too early to make sense of it all.

Have I changed?  Am I stronger now?  Am I tougher?  Or am I just a wreck?  What brought all of this on?  Does close mindedness work against me?  And we are all headed in the wrong direction.  Music is not what it used to be.  I hate some places.  Backwards.  This isn't progress.

So many chances, so many dreams.  Is it the same for everyone?  How can anyone cope?  What if there is a clock ticking in the background and nobody is keeping time?

Holy shit, it's almost 3am!  Where does my time go?!  I haven't played any guitar.  This isn't good at all.  I've cut my nails, goddamn!

I can still get to it though.

Joaquin out.

Hola & The Mighty Rollers

It's always wonderful to see a bunch of things on your task list just get whittled down to next to nothing.  This leaves me with plenty of time to blog.  Long overdue for a nail cutting this weekend, so my guitaring should hopefully be back up to pace.  SDtill getting through the dropbox, and hitting up about 5-6 songs per night to see if any primary guitar tracks need to be re-written.  On top of that, I still need to practice some skills to improve my general playing.  I just feel a bit...lacking in that department at the moment.

Got a few other things to do today besides blogging, so this may not be the best post of the week, but just bear with me.  You can just lean on me till I break, if need be. 

And what's that?  A panic attack in the middle of the city?  I need to confirm my suspicions.  It just can't be.  And two near misses within a few minutes of each other?  How strange.  I'm interested in this day to be over as soon as possible.  Knocked out and blinded by the light!  Totally gone.  I've got a headache now.  Hope it's not a concussion.  I've still gotta drive home.  I'm slowly making headway through my tasks, but I've got just a tad over an hour to get done.  Well hey, at least it's Friday.  I'm definitely lacking motivation right about now.  I'm over it. 

But what's more, is it lacking?  Am I really even trying anymore?  Maybe I just need to rest.  Give it some time and resolution should find me, shouldn't it?  But who knows when could that be?  Or is leaving it all to fate a dumb idea?  Shouldn't I take my life into my own hands?  What could I possibly even write about today?  I would just like to go home now, please. 

I'm done with this.

Joaquin out.

Raising Cups To The Stars, Everyone Left With Fleeting Scars

Didn't make it to the gym this morning.  Figured I could do with a little bit more of a rest.  Of course that always comes back to bite me when I feel worse after I wake up, but I knew what I was doing.  It was my choice so it's ok.  Hopefully it's not going to mess me up for tomorrow.  But from next week, it'll be a return to the 6 days a week of gyming.  Still making my way through with guitar, and I'm going to try to my damned hardest to finalise all my ideas for songs by the end of this month.  What would be useful is if I could put my adapter into my computer and overdub some stuff through mic.  Missing some good second guitar parts at the moment.  But since I only fairly recently discovered that I'd incorrectly plugged in my speakers when I moved places and I'd been running it in an incorrect configuration for a long time.  So maybe that contributed to my hissing and bad quality when I was trying to record music?  But I'll give it a red hot go to sort out those issues.  It'll be awesome if I can get it working to the same standard that I used to have.  Maybe I can tab more music.

Is he over there?  Tale of the tape, the records never lie.  You can't hide from it.  I can see it, but the question is if he is there.  I'm not so sure.  Maybe I've been going about it all the wrong way.  It's all ambiguous at the moment.  One going one way, the other going the other.  But some people are just foolish and cannot see what's right in front of them.  Maybe that statement is aimed at me?  I'm a damaged person now.  Or am I?  Nope, I think I'm quite normal.  Why is there nothing?  Why is there the void?  What was meant?  I'm not even sure.  There needs to be some sort of indication.

Work is already done and it's only 10:20!  At least I have stuff to take up the rest of the day.  Here's to that!  Should see me out for the rest of the day.  And hey, at least it's Thursday and pay day!  Yeahh!  Looking forward to tomorrow and gradually getting through tasks.  However this weekend will be packed full of prep and work methinks.

Then again, I haven't been feeling well the last couple of days.  I could do with some time off to just rest.  But probably not such a great look after so many public holidays in a row!  One down, so many to go!  Hahah, oh snap!  Within the space of like 2 hours, it's a totally different field, how crazy!  But thems the breaks!  I don't think I was prepared for that.  And what if it's all for nothing?  Does that mean I was bested?  Perhaps.  And things can never be the same again.  But it would be nice to look straight ahead and know everything was right there.  Applied for a job and rejected within an hour!?!  That's gotta be a new record!  Noooo, not tonight, oh not tonightttt!

Ok I'm done.  Damn, it's been a long day!

Joaquin out.

Standing On Last Legs

Looking at my task list and realising that I have no work to do today.  Nice!  More time for blogging!  Don't mind if I do, hahaha! 

The gym is killing me.  I'm getting too old and fragile for this stuff.  Is it bad that I just want to sit all day and not care about anything?  Good, I hope not!  Feel like seeing a movie, but there isn't really anything I'm keen to see.  So I'll just faff about until the day is over, but until then, let's continue on with our stream of consciousness greatness.

The other is heading overseas towards the end of the year to spend some long overdue time with his folks.  I'm going to try to convince the other to get back into his music making hardcore!  It's been too long, but I recall at the start of this blog that he was vigorously writing new music pretty much everyday while he was overseas.  He had no choice.  He had slow internet and a guitar.  What else could he do?  But it has laid the groundwork for some really awesome tracks.  I've also been getting into the swing of things with my own guitar playing.  Slowly building up some of the skills, but more importantly, fixing up some of the ideas that the other and I have worked on in our dropbox folder.  It would be good to catch up again and record some stuff.  Let's make some time!

People are always concerned about military veterans not getting enough care when they return from combat, or if there is adequate support for their families if they happen to die while serving.  I think that speaks about community thoughts on warfare and people who fight.  Let's get this straight, if you're a soldier, you're not paid to protect, you're paid to kill.  You're paid to die.  We send you out to countries to fight until they surrender.  If they happen to somehow survive and come back, then it's a shock.  Basically, stay educated enough to stay away from armed combat!  There's no glory or honour in serving stupid government decisions.  If our military forces dwindle, perhaps people would stop getting into stupid wars and would prefer to settle things from a diplomatic perspective, when they have no other choice!  We usually put killers in prison, but others get medals when it's state sanctioned.  It's like the Government turns their backs for a minute.  Such sickness.

And it's just there, staring me right in the face every time.  But yet, still with so many unknowns.  Why am I doing this to myself?  The long game means nothing without the reveal.  It would be alright if I knew what the eventual outcome would be, but I don't.  Am I always going to be waiting?  It can't even go the other way.  Not the way things have panned out.  More time and thought.  It's not as difficult as I'm making it out to be, surely?  Are people ever thinking, I mean really?  I'm on the wrong side of the river.  One thing's for sure, never assume.

Once again, we just completely change our lives on a whim.  Too late.  I suppose I had brush up and look presentable.  This is like the fourth time.  But what can be expected? It's me right?  The Shinji paradox.  I don't even know if I can do this anymore.  Each day is just killing me.  Goddamn, this shit is taking ages!! 

It's always a calm October, before things blow over.  Wow, I still can't believe that next year (well 11 months to be exact), that we will have been running this blog for 10 years!  That must be a record for a personal blog with no apparent theme.  But I'm looking forward to the 10 year blog intro/retrospective.  I may not write about it, barring saying that it's complete.  It'll take ages, and I might not even blog much over that time.

All these years of my life just ticking by like that.  Then it's all gonna be over.  It's like being back at school all over again.  That was brutal.  Arghhh!  I just want to go home and go to sleep!

Can I just put on record that Taleo is a shitty recruitment system!!  If you can't open multiple tabs or use your browser back buttons to navigate, then it's a shitty design.  Whoever coded that deserves to be taken out back and shot!  Thank you very much.

Hmmm might have to do with a nail clipping at some point.  Guitaring is just getting a bit harder. 

That's a lot of opportunities!  20?  Hmmm, who knows.  Where did that afternoon go!

Argh, I feel sick.  What does it all mean?  What is the plan?

I'm done.

Take care folks.

Joaquin out.

Alone - Ne Honja!

Don't tell me that.  I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it a million times again, but fuck daylight savings.  So artificial and it screws with everyone's heads.  Why not just put our clocks forward 2 hours and enjoy even more sunshine so our farmers can be happy?  We are silly humans.

I've been really enjoying Kerbal Space Program on steam.  I've only got the demo version, but I've been having a blast creating all sorts of rockets and trying to test my piloting skills despite some really shoddy designs!  Haha!  It's quite educational though.  I'd highly recommend it if you're into space or anything like that.

Hey, it's just money right?  On that note, anyone have any cash to spare?  Hahaha!  Ahhh!  Right out the window!  I could see it if I was there now.  Wow.  And to think, circumstances had to be what they were in order for things to happen (well duh)! 

Wow, what a thought that Timmeh is the only one who could help me right now.  I could certainly do with his steady hands.  But thinking about that, there's just so many unknowns.  I'm only making assumptions here.  Nothing is certain.  And I'm forced into the long game.  Have I become China?  I could do with more time NOW.  But again, it's what I don't have.  Maybe I can't count.  Or it's a lot further than I had anticipated.  Nothing is impossible though.  Just have to think outside the square.  But a second time around couldn't hurt, could it?

You know, I'm not a fan of silly 'faux responsible' journalism.  The purpose of journalism is to retell the facts and to inspire discussion and debate.  When you get instances of newspapers and what not who deliberately withhold facts with the claims that it's responsible.  I don't believe that.  If you can't restate what happened exactly, I think the onus is quite high that you made something up.  And that's definitely not right.

So after The Silk Road has gone down, with the alleged ringleader behind bars, the FBI and the NSA are looking to understand how the onion ring (or TOR) browser works.  They can apparently target individual users to get around the anonymous way of how the browser works, but apparently cannot mass identify users.  What a scary thought.  Now these people are actively trying to destroy privacy principles and allow people to operate anonymously.  Barring the silk road, I'd bet the majority of traffic on there is probably not illegal.  I've used TOR a few times to check out what it's like.  But it's painfully slow, so unless you need to do something dark web related, I'm sticking with regular browsing thank you very much.  I'm also a bit more perplexed about this in relation to bitcoin.  For those not in the know, bitcoin is virtual currency that can be traded like real money.  You put in real money to transfer it into bitcoin and use it like currency.  It's attached to its own marker and moves with other markets.  The only difference is that it's not regulated like other currencies.  I think that's the primary motivator for the Feds here.  Since they can't regulate it, they are scared of it and are seeking to actively control it.  And therein lies another problem. 

This is turning into a great blog post!  Don't know how I was able to come back so strongly after such a strange weekend.  I could do with some time off. 

I do have some work to get on to today, but I'm putting it off cause I just can't be bothered.  Not entirely with the program.  And that's not good for me, especially in terms of future planning. 

I'm slowly plodding through work.  But the issue is a lack of distractions.  Distractions are good for me.  But there are none!  I really should start reading again.  I've got books, and I've got plans for a lot more, but I haven't really read anything since I've been back. 

Where is the future?  Show it to me!  Then again, what's the point when it's all just superfluous anyway? 

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Joaquin out.

But Wait, There's More

But not right now.

Have a lot of things to do before sleeping and I want an early night.

Don't fret, a lot more blogging to come at you this week.

So stay tuned and enjoy.

Some really interesting stats lately, especially from the spike from people reading 'divorcing process from procedure'.  How strange!

Joaquin out.

Until We All Know Who We Are

But I don't count on that happening any time soon.

This is what desolate isolation is.  What was it all for?  Much longer than I thought it was.  It's all about starting and stopping.

Impenetrable fortress of insanity.  These barriers can't be overcome.  I don't know how to ask for help.  And what of other ideas?  But have I narrowed things down?  It's truly some next level shit.

What was it all for?  Just everything getting in the way.  I'm not even sure if I was wrong.  And all I need is more time.

In a darkened room.  Everything just fades away.  It all drifts away.

Is that my life?  Could it be mine?

Overcome.  It has to be overcome.

Joaquin out.

And I Couldn't Find A Friend

Oh my god.

I never hit save. And there goes that post.

Is it like I even want to remember today?

It's a comedy of errors. No really. So many of them. Who could have guessed?

Can't wait to see how wrong I was.

Joaquin out.

Too Legit To Quit, Drowning In Wit

It's heavily viscous stuff, and difficult to move around in.  At least I'm sure it would be, if it was a tangible thing.  Have a long weekend coming up which I'm looking forward to.  But as I mentioned the other day, I'm going to be away so probably won't be able to relax or have any fun.  I'll try to catch up with friends if I get the opportunity, but we'll see what happens.  I'll have my phone so I may be able to hit up blogger+, but no promises here.

There's a middle aged guy in my building who lives with some amazingly attractive woman who is like half his age.  Is it his daughter, or is it his wife?  Haha I'm too scared to ask.

What am I waiting for?  Am I literally going insane here?  Waiting for different results with the same set of circumstances?  I'm not as lucid as I'd like to be these days.

Try this one on for size: don't knock it till you've tried it.  And I tried it, and I didn't like it.  Haha, nice!

I have a dilemma for you.  Well it's more of a thought exercise.  The concept of pushups.  You do pushups to gain upper body strength and become just generally stronger, right?  Well if muscle weighs more than fat, then doesn't that mean that push ups will never get easier?  Cause you will get heavier, which means you will have more weight to push up - therefore making it more difficult.  Interesting to think about.  It's like a catch-22 problem.  But there could also be an issue where you reach an apex point where muscles can carry significantly more weight than usual so perhaps there could theoretically be a point where push ups are easy.

Man, I'm really struggling not to fall asleep at my desk here.  I've got work to do!

So close to returning to peak fitness that I can almost taste it!  Ahhh!  Not bad for someone who is injured and has diminished lung capacity at the moment!  Yeahhh!  Argh but my body is failing me.  I'm getting older, more weary. 

Is this even me?  I don't know who I am anymore.  Some things don't make sense.  Others do. 

So we've had a really interesting time in Washington DC last night, with a woman being shot and killed by police for ramming a barricade at the White House and then leading them on a high speed chase.  We've since ascertained that she was unarmed and had a child in the back sear of her car.  The lady apparently had a history of mental illness and had post-partum (or post-natal) depression.  So is that what we do?  She was obviously crazy and probably didn't mean any harm to anyone, yet the police chased her and fired multiple bullets at this woman.  Wow, what heroes.  Absolute heroes.  Multiple men with guns shooting down an unarmed civilian with her child in the car.  Such bravery.  It's irrelevant that she ran the barricade.  Until an actual life threatening situation is discovered, you must stop the assailant using non-lethal force.  There would be such ways to do that but police always love relying on their guns, especially in the US, and let's not factor in the idea that the woman was black.  Americans, take back your country.  Add in this spying saga and you realise that your country is being taken away from you, one right at a time.

I'm done.

Joaquin out.

Exactly What I'm Saying

If what I'm saying is true.  Is China playing the long game from a global strategic perspective?  That would be great.  Never acting in a reactionary way.  Always 10 steps ahead.  Catching everyone by surprise.  I don't think I have any intellectual discussion for today, so I'm sorry.  But we've had a great run this week, haven't we?  Hopefully more of that to come later on, but for now I'm just absolutely gone.

Everyone has been harping on about Breaking Bad, and I'm actually keen to watch it.  But I'm so behind on pretty much every show that's come out in the past 5 years, that I don't think I'll ever be able to catch up on anything.  My external hard drive is just filling up at a fast rate, but the more I look at my download list, the more I realise it's shrinking.  Have I finally overcome that patch where stuff I want to see/listen to has outnumbered the future stuff?  Hopefully!  That means I can actually watch without fear of being overburdened with too much stuff to watch.

I'm not with the program at all.  I napped as soon as I got home, which was a huge mistake and of course I didn't sleep when I needed to last night, and needless to say I'm totally out of it this morning.  Still got a whole day to get through, and bloody hell, it's not even Friday!!!  Ahhhhhh!  I need sleep, but we are off again and I won't be having such a great time. 

At least I have pointless busy work to get through.  Please let it wile away the hours until I can get out of here. 

And what is this?  Random occurences?  It could be anywhere.  And would it turn out the same way?  No, I won't allow it.  I just won't allow it.  The usual times.  Is there fear involved.  Does your memory still serve you?  There is no game plan.  Sometimes you just have to wing it.  But not when you have no data. 

Isn't it strange that....ok crap lost my train of thought there.  There's just such a huge level of paranoia and distrust at the moment.  Do things even make sense?  I keep asking myself the same questions, but these are questions without answers, and they may never be resolved.  And I've got nothing.  It's always the same.  A question of time.  Even a question of conditioning.  And it may even be here.  Just under my nose, yet I'm blind.  Is there a sign to be read?

Ahhh I remember what my train of thought was (not bad for 4 hours later), but isn't it strange that when we go back to the 60's 70's and 80's, they painted such a rosy picture of technology and what it would allow us to do in the future.  Well the future is here, and it hasn't really made our lives all that much easier.  In fact, it's complicated it and helped governments undermine its citizens.  But we really can't do anything that useful with it, can we?

I just really don't feel like doing anything today.  Just way too tired.  At least it's just under 2 hours until I'm out of here.  I just need to sleep.  But even after tomorrow, still have to drive after work and it's going to suck. 

Done with today.

Joaquin out.

No, We Can't

I did promise yesterday that I would blog about President Obama, so I will get on to that today.  Last night was just brutal.  Didn't really get anything done, and I ended up going to bed late.  On top of that, my right calf is starting to give me troubles.  Perhaps I need to stretch it out a bit more?  I should be doing more warm up exercises before going to the gym?  Who knows, but it ain't nice.  I want something else, to get me through this.  And I'm not listening.  Thanks Stephan.  We all know what you were talking about.

So on to this whole Obama thing.  Having watched Thirteen Days on the weekend with Mister Aurelius himself, we talked about JFK and how things would have turned out if he had not been killed.  What started off as a decade of hope and optimism in the 60s, gradually turned into a culture of fear, ignorance and stupidity that brought about some hardcore conservatism in the United States in the 70s and 80s - the outcome of which we are still seeing today.  But what's important to remember is the great speeches that JFK had as President.  His speechwriters were brilliant at using positive, inspiring words to get citizens to act.  And in that, I thought he was a useful leader.  Obama came to power by using the same rhetoric in his campaign speeches and what not.  It was exciting to see a relatively young leader connect with people in such a way.  I'm convinced that there is racist element in America that likes to blame his presidency for all the problems in their lives - a lot not even related to politics.  However, I am now certain that the Presidency was a big mistake.  I don't believe in the hype because it's all a bunch of lies.  These latest revelations regarding the NSA and its surveillance activities on everyone is horrific.  It's unconstitutional and it spits in the face of the very soldiers who go to war and die against the same sort of tyranny.  Yet you ask a lot of people and they will say this sort of spying is justified.  So what about when your enemies do it?  Is it justified then?  Or only you can be the good guys, because you're on that side and you can't possibly be wrong?  What a betrayal of the American people. 

Glenn Greenwald (the American journalist who helped break the Edward Snowden NSA leaks stuff) commented that he is afraid of these former left wing types who were critical of conservative governments pulling these sort of unconstitutional tactics, and now they are the ones pulling it off.  You get the NSA heads all lying to congress and to the people about the extent of their activities, and nobody is pulling them up on it.  I fail to believe, because this is not how a democratically elected government should act, especially with regard to foreign policy, as well as domestic policy.  I think Americans are probably the worst treated citizens by its own Government throughout the entire developed world.  As long as they are kept in the dark and spending money on things they don't need, the government is happy, and sadly, so are the people.  When you factor in things such as Bin Laden's murder - I don't care if it was State sponsored, or if Bin Laden was a bad guy (which he was), to authorise a military attack on a nuclear equipped sovereign nation in order to assassinate someone, who they may not be aware of is actually living in their country, just wreaks of arrogance and stupidity.  What if something went wrong?  What if the military stealth helicopters were attacked?  What if Pakistan didn't take kindly to being invaded?  Technically that was an act of war, and Pakistan would be allowed to retaliate in kind.  But to not bring Bin Laden to justice through trial and evidence, and then on top of that, throwing his body out to sea - what kind of civilised society is this?  If we go to war for American ideals, shouldn't we be upholding those ideals at all times?  Then folks will say terrorists don't follow those rules, so why should we?  Well I say if we sink to their depths, then there's really no difference between them or us, and there's no right, there's no wrong. 

Also had an interesting discussion on nuclear weapons, with regard to game theory and how things could play out in simulated scenarios.  In a nuclear war, the only option that makes sense is first strike with no possibility of retaliation.  The only way this would be possible is if you could allow your missiles to strike in a limited timeframe.  The issue is that modern changes in technology have resulted in mutually assured destruction being the most likely outcome in most nuclear war scenarios.  Essentially if you strike at someone, they will have enough time to launch a retaliatory strike against you.  So if you press the proverbial button, you're effectively signing your own death warrant.  This is why you don't really see nuclear weapons being used in wars.  If there's unusual rounds being used, they tend to be chemical in nature, to ensure mass destruction at a cheaper cost (conventional ammunition doesn't do as much damage, so you need to pay more to buy more and do the same amount of damage).  It's like the Macchiavelian principle, if you take over a society, you have to completely destroy them, because they won't ever forget what you did to them and somewhere down the line you will pay the price.  First strike allows you to do this, because if there is no chance of retaliation, you're essentially the winner of the conflict in just a few minutes, with most likely no cost to your own defence force.  But I guess the problem is that there are a lot of allied nations with nuclear weapons and if you took out one country, I'm sure there would be other countries ready to take you out.  It also doesn't get into the complex situation of certain countries having their nuclear stockpile in other countries. 

Oh my god, it's only Wednesday!!  I thought it was Thursday!  Won't this week ever end??  Goddamn it! 

I should find out more.  Or do I come out on top? 

We'll find out.

Joaquin out.