I recall back in college, Steph M was an awesome net coder and she made a forum for her friends that we could go and post on. From memory, I think it was called the Ministry. We thoroughly enjoyed it and we generated a crapload of posts and subsequent replies. Topics ranged from studies, to life, and some threads on how we hated some girl in particular. I also remember that there was some bad code (either deliberate or not) that allowed a few of us to access a hidden part of the forum and make posts that others couldn't see. That was pretty cool! I really enjoyed it, and it was good stress relief. This of course was a good 3-4 years before the other started up this blog. Well eventually all good things had to come to an end and the girl who we bitched about found out about the forum and she posted and got really pissed off, so Steph M made the smart decision and closed it down. It was fun while it lasted. But it also reminded me of another event from High School when either Jiminez or Mueller put up a forum for what was then our Tribes (old school computer game) clan. We didn't play a lot, and I was late to the party with the whole Tribes thing. We were all given nicknames and a short spiel on our strengths and weaknesses in the game. Anyway, things eventually degenerated until it became about trashing some guy they didn't like. Heaps of people joined in. Of course, the guy in question found out and called the police. They got involved and the forum was quickly deleted. Funny how these things quickly escalate, isn't it?
I need to wash the aromas off of me. Just air me out and hang me out to dry. Shit, it's my birthday in 5 days. Not looking forward to this. My entire life is about other people and doing things I don't want to do. Instead of doing things I want to do, I would rather make other people do things they don't want to do, just so they could get some sort of inkling as to what my life is. There's just too much caffeine in my system to function properly. I'm not even jittery.
I want to just give up. Just throw in the towel. There's no safety net. I'm sick of fighting for survival. Just let gravity crush me and I can disappear into the Earth. Some people can still shock and surprise you. When does bad behaviour become habitual? Just work and on and on. Everything repeats and we all eventually die. What a waste. Made to be wasted. How terrible. Just like animals at the farm. But at least they don't know what's around the corner.
What's on the surface is not the same as is in my mind. I'm dead inside, dead inside. Just wipe me away out of here. Cause I'm so tired. I can't persevere. I can't do this. I just can't. Just let me buy the farm, no deposit necessary. 90 minutes to go.
Had a weird dream last night that I was playing a turn based strategy fighter but in real life - using toys! But they actually spit fire and acid and attacked other toys! Crazy shit, haha!
I'm done.
Joaquin out.
