Feeling a tiny bit under the weather today. The gym was good, but the soreness permeates everything I do. I could really do with some proper rest. Maybe even this weekend? Hell maybe I'll even get some movies out of the way. But it's not what I need to be doing. It's all just a waste of time anyway. Nobody ever really gets what they want. It's all just one big mistake. I can feel my face when I frown now. I'm getting a lot older. A lot more jaded and cynical.
Do I have anything to say today? I don't know. I'm too tired for this. Too tired to do the things I need to get done. Age has caught up with me, and it's just over a week until my birthday. Not looking forward to it at all. In fact, I'm over celebrating it. People take these sorts of things too seriously. Everyone has birthdays, everyone lives, everyone dies. And that's it. There ain't much more to it, I'm afraid. It's not a cry for help.
So let me tell you about Jane from High School. I had liked Jane for a while, probably all due in part to a dream I had where we were making out on a couch at home. It was good, haha! Anyway, I had made the mistake of telling Daniel, who was just coming off a relationship with Cat (she looked like a celebrity, and I told him that and when they got talking about it, they started dating). Anyway, he realised he had feelings for Jane and then they started dating! What the hell?! Why would that happen? Damn, you can't trust anyone with anything. It happened again in HS with Jimenez and Krusty. He knew I had a crush on her, but yet he still approached her and asked her out. I guess other guys rely on the "you snooze, you lose" principle. Way to help a friend out, you know! Jeeez! Why do I even bother? I probably should have thought things through before acting. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.
More time today to get things done, but I'm really just so out of it. I'm seriously on the verge of physical collapse here. Ahh I'm just seriously over it. And what exactly is "it"? It's everything. It's everything and nothing. My back has been seriously screwed lately. I wake up each day and it just feels like I've survived being kneed in the spine 20 times in the course of my sleep. It's not a great feeling. And that's it, it's just getting older. It's just going to take so long to get anything done today. I could just sleep for days. I'm going to make it a point to enjoy the cold. At least it's not raining.
Ok, I think I'm with the program now, but I can't be sure. Am I losing it? Have I totally just lost it? I hope I'm not turning into something I was avoiding. That would be the ultimate irony, that I become a scatterbrained idiot. Am I as focused as I used to be? This will be interesting. Things are a little different. I'm not sure if I'm entirely comfortable with it. I'm just a bit over things at the moment.
Anyway, I'm done! I have urgent things to do and the day is almost over. I'm looking forward to just relaxing tomorrow! It's been one hell of a week. Yeah, I know it's only Thursday, but at least I'm getting PAID. My goal for the evening is not to fall asleep.
Joaquin out.
