Monday, May 12, 2014

Words From The Man All Seem Like A Scam

I can't quite get a hold of myself.  Everything is obscured.  Whether it be my thoughts, or feelings, or just actually being.  This is what it's like to be a zombie.  Except there's no instinct.  It was brutal this weekend.  Every single aspect of it was drawn out, boring, or taxing.  But yet I heard the craziest piece of advice I've ever heard, from the most irresponsible person I knew.  I was shocked at how apt it was "life is all about choices" and yes it is, oh my god.  Yes it is.  And I can say that every choice I've made has been pretty much wrong.  Every. Single. Choice.  Wow.  What can you do?  It's like receiving a punch in the face so fast and so brutal, that your body doesn't even get a chance to register it.  You're there, then you're just out cold, all feeling gone. 

You're one step closer but still so fresh out of time.  Then what is left?  What I've learned is that it's all about timing.  And my sense of timing went on a long holiday.  These books don't come for free, you know.  Timmy always mentioned it's about height and visibility.  And I'm blind on the floor right now.  The complete opposite of everything.  Covered in my own filth, I'm a shadow of my former self.  Of course I'm impacted, of course I've been affected.  How can it not?  It's all changed.  Every aspect, every facet of me.  Remember to move.  That's the most important thing.  Keep an open mind and just think.  Think and think quickly.  There's still some more to go.  It's just a crappy time to be out and about.  I am struggling here.  Why the others?  It's just a lack of focus.  There's no build up.  No practice, and I haven't played any guitar in a long time.  Too long. 

I could just fall off my chair any moment now.  The long term game is in.  I've got work to do, yeah, so I should get on to that.  The blueish hue of the lights ruins your mind.  But it's still not enough.  It's not enough to know.  It's not enough to be certain.  When all of us are being crushed by uncertainty at this point in our lives, what can you do?  I need to create my own certainty.  That's only possibly by not being here.  Things are so interconnected and silly.  I'm looking for the zero sum.  I need some days off.  I need sleep. 

It's all burned into my memory.  Like it's burned into my eyes and now I'm blinded.  Right in the rain.  Nothing makes sense in the absence of light.  There's just so many ways at looking at the problem.  I don't think I can do any more today. 

Lost cause, lost opportunity, use my picture in the dictionary.  None of this is going well.  This has dragged on for far too long.  Drawing blanks, thinking blanks.  With 45 mins left, what do I do?  How can I pass the time?  I'm just going to go home, eat and go to bed.  Nothing more.  Don't even think I can play guitar.  Everything is shutting down, you may as well pull the plug. 

I'm ready to go.

Joaquin out.
blog comments powered by Disqus