Evaporating In The Struggle

Looking back on these past few posts and realising that I have failed miserably to be free of you. Maybe I just love you too goddamned much. Not like you will ever know anyway. You're starting your new life, which should make it easier to forget me. Then in time, maybe I can forget you too. We shall see what happens. I write about you almost everyday. I was glad you couldn't see me yesterday, because I would not know what to say. Perhaps I only love you because I hate myself. Maybe I deserve better? Maybe you're the best? God I miss you so much. Sensual love, we are so intense. Like a fuse that's already been lit.


I went three days without playing guitar across the weekend and resumed yesterday, and I was absolutely awful. Somethings things are a bit odd with instruments like that. I've had days where I've played poorly, and then not played the next day, and then come back and played flawlessly. I wonder why that's the case? It's not really
explained by anything (at least that I can come up with).

Certain songs remind me of certain places. Hanson - Mmmbop reminds me of the southside of town. Why? Because I remember in the mid 90's, Songland Records would have constant ads on repeat about how they had the Hanson CD, which had apparently sold out everywhere else. Hole - Celebrity Skin reminds me of the middle of town, next to the dam, because I remember going there in a heavy storm once to see them open the dam gates. It was wonderful. All Saints - Pure Shores reminds me of the beaches in Langkawi, the private ones where hardly anyone was and we were free to enjoy the water for as long as we liked.

Really must get back into the jamming goodness with the other! It has been far too long since some riotous melodies have penetrated our souls. It's simply amazing that we can just play and fantastic stuff just comes out, from nowhere.

But what I aim for these days are lyrics, and they are hard to come by.

Stuck in day dreams, I just want to be home on the couch watching movies.

The thing about the extreme Northside of town is that it is far away from the city and there is no infrastructure to support mass transit of people from the northside, which is growing at ridiculous proportions, as well as infrastructure to support the suburbs as a district unto themselves (i.e. like a Belconnen or a Woden or Tuggeranong). I believe that in the future this will lead to an increase in crime on the northside and potentially in the city, as the isolation felt by the youth will become apparent. Not such a great thing that I will probably be moving that side in the near future, but hey, I can always just buy a shotgun and a sniper rifle - good for CQB and the long range good times!

Dreary rain at the moment. I used to enjoy it when I was in Sydney, but not so much here. Am I missing Sydney? Well all the good people left work, so I'm sure I wouldn't like it anymore. I haven't read my posts from that period in a long time, but I do remember that they were quite depressing. But surely it can't be as bad as things are now?

Destination Unknown by Alex Gaudino is a brilliant song. It explains my state of mind at the moment. I think I remember being at the other's place and just listening to the song and loving it.

I need something more. I want something else - to get me through this.

Joaquin out.