Lost in Dortmund

So we've come to this.  The last day of work for the year, and I have no room for reminiscing or reflecting on glory.  I am far too tired for any of that.  It's going to be a busy couple of days coming up, but I will be okay.  I think tonight will be good for just a rest.  I don't want to do anything.  I just want to stay in bed and never leave.  Nothing is moving here.  I just want to get out. 

But here's the problem, there is only one bus that takes me home, and that leaves at 5:40.  They kick us out of here at midday.  So I'm going to have to find something to do for the remainder of the time.  Fight the crowds at the mall on christmas eve?  No thank you!  It's bleak out there.  I'm glad I'm in here at least.  It gives me the day to blog.  Today is a mentally 'blergh' day.  I'm just going to watch the clock strike down and forget about existing.

These things just don't happen to me.  Scratch my head and call me a fool.  I have no idea what's happening, but I'll just go with it. 

Stop and start.  That's what it's all about.  Like I'd even know.  I'm just as clueless as the rest of you. 

Yikes.

Joaquin outtahere.

It's Not Springtime

Absolutely not.  This is a weird summer we are having.  But does anyone care?  No.  The Government has done a wonderful job at distracting people from the real issues.  Stuff like climate change is an issue that has far-ranging impacts for all of humanity.  But nobody is talking about, and there's far too much credence being given to so called 'experts' who are climate change deniers.  Revoke their credentials I say.

I've really gotta work on going to bed earlier.  I slept late and got up early today, and my eyes are absolutely burning with tiredness.  How do people function on such little sleep?  There's gotta be some sort of long term damage that you're doing to yourself.  The brain can't function in higher states on such little rest.  I don't care who you are!  Well I do have a lot of work to do, so I had better focus on that.  Things are going to be tough, since tomorrow is a half day.  It's silly isn't it!  I'm willing to work the full day, and probably need to, because things are so busy, but because it's christmas eve, they usually close up the offices around midday at the latest.  Not fun!  Thinking about how I'm going to pass the time, because I catch a late bus home.  It's my only way of getting home.  Maybe I'll go watch a movie.  I'd much rather stay in the office and do my work and my essay.

Maybe I don't want to talk.  Perhaps I've already said too much.  I should be able to get some blognotes up tomorrow, but after that, I'm not sure if I'll be blogging regularly through the next week and a half.  I'll try my best though. 

I've been scarily productive today.  Where did that come from?  I'm going to sleep so early tonight!  I'm looking forward to it, haha!  Okay I'm just counting down the time until I finish listening to some music and get finished with this damn essay.

Oh man, now I'm being distracted by other crap.  I just want some time off with no distractions.  Just get this thing done.  Other people are just so disorganised.  Now where was I?

Jack of all trades, master of none I'm afraid.

Alright, 2 hours to go and I think I'm still with the program.  It'll make life easier somewhat. 

Wow, I'm actually making progress!  I'm shocked and surprised!  It's like a bloody menagerie all up in here!  This is meant to be a place of business!  How am I meant to get anything done?  Doesn't matter.  I'll make do.

60 minutes?  I don't want to go home like this!  Bah, I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm irritable.  I just want out. 

I'll stop here though.

One more day!

Joaquin out.

Waylaid By Forces Inopportune

What's the point?  I thought I knew what 2+2 was.  But things get very murky when people change the definition of what one of those 2s means.  Then everything is just up in the air.  It's a long time, but not long enough for something to happen.  I have half an idea, but nowhere near enough.  All I can say is that I was wrong, very wrong.  All those problems that were beset by earlier times have drifted into the wind, and they spread, but they're not as potent as they once were.  Maybe my dreams will come true, once again.

I think I've just stopped caring about everything.  This is a weird apathy.  One I've never experienced before.  My life just revolves around the same ol' and nothing changes. But should it?  I guess not.  Procrastination takes its toll.  I want to be done with this.  Just let me do me own thing.  That's all I want.

I am utterly exhausted.  I am truly zombified.  How can I even be functioning in all of this?  I'm making all these mistakes.  Some people are just weird.  And they're into weird stuff.  But a clearer picture does emerge at some point.  This has got to be better than 140 characters don't you think?  Even if the net result is the same.

I just need to stay awake and get this done.  Just get me the hell out of here. 

Once everything is squared away, I'd like to be able to blog properly.  But for now, I guess I'll have to make do with these stupid, inane thoughts.

Crap, and here I am.  Once again with 3 hours to go and I am utterly lost.

Probably call it a day here.  Don't want to waste my time doing nothing in particular, only to look up at the clock and realise it's time to go home, to do nothing in particular while everything ticks away.

Uhhh what?  Now I'm in a tough spot.

Joaquin out.

Feeling Like Eleventy

Tickers on the mat, and we don't know where we are at.

What on Earth is this?  I just want to be done with this work day and just go home and study.  I just want to knock this out of the park.  Get it done.  Focus on other things.  Well things are definitely on the up and up!  I'm sending the shivers everywhere.

I think I better focus on other things for now.  This is going nowhere.  In more ways than one.

There's hot, there's cold, there's ice.  I'm ice.

Joaquin out.

Face Like Leather, These Friends Fairweather

It hits me like nothing else in the mornings.  Why can't I sleep through until my alarm goes off?  I'm always waking up at odd times with a blank mind, then I can't get back to sleep.  It's only started recently.  I figure I should start getting to bed earlier and see if I can make something work.  After the hell of the other day, I've got some time free to get some work done!  Yes!  I can't wait.

Cold and awkward.  Super fun happy times!  Can you regret it?  Yes, I can.  Maybe cynicism is better than the place I was at before anyway?  It was a non-event.  Should have known.  I think my future is dementia.  That's gonna be it.  Hopefully I'll have fun!

Man I could just do with a rest.  Nothing more!  People get jolly at the oddest times.  But it's all just a case of history repeating itself.  Oh lordy, once again!  3 hours to go and I'm totally zoning out again.  Maybe it's just this part of the day.  Nap times should be mandatory.

Whoops.  Things got a bit silly back there.  I am literally wandering aimlessly here.  Figuratively as well.  Shame.

Look at me just talking to myself.  Music can be better.  Alright I better do even more work.  I've just lost all productivity.  And it's leading me to procrastinate with absolute stupidity here.  The last few months of posts on here are a prime example, I'm sure.  Have I had anything important to say?  No.  Have I had interesting news to share?  No.  So what the hell am I doing? 

For children we haev Santa Clause, for adults we have God.  Ouch.  This is just a manifestation of everything over not just the past few months, but probably the past few years.

It's just a vague outline, that's all I need to see.  Okay 2.5 hours.  I can do this.  I'm forcing each and every word out.  It's almost painful.  I'm suffering for it, truly.

I'm not focusing and I'm not concentrating.  This is pure torture.

2 hours?!  I'm not sure what way I'm wanting time to go. 

And now it's 90 minutes and I haven't done a damn thing.  90 minutes can be a long time...

Hahah oh my god!  I am in shock at my own procrastination abilities here. 

Just how often can I be wrong?  More times?  More times!  I'm sure.  Hahaha.

I'm not looking forward to this.

Joaquin out.

The Dead Of Night

None of this is right.  What the hell is going on?  I'm having broken sleep these past few nights.  I wake up randomly at odd times and just wonder what time it is.  What really got to me last night was the dead silence.  There was nothing.  No ambient sound, no crickets chirping, no late night people out and about.  It was just nothing.  If I had shut my eyes, I'm sure that's what death would be like.  Absolute nothingness, and no consciousness.  It was odd.

I've really gotta start making the effort.  But I'm enjoying the sleep.  I need to be stronger.  What's more important to you? 

Don't worry about me, I'm just lost in a state of confusion.  What the hell is going on?  Not that it should concern me anyway, but it does.  It always finds a way to.

I haven't played guitar in so long that I fear that I'll never be able to play again.  That I'll never be competent enough to play as well as I once did.  My nails have grown, but it doesn't matter, because I haven't even picked up a guitar.  Life has just become weird.  From out of nowhere!  It's like life is not agreeing with me, and I'm on the outer.

Hmmm I suppose I'd better get some work done.  It's scary to think it's all random.  Or maybe there's comfort in that.  You can't control anything.

Oh man, 3 hours of this still to go?  I can't believe it.  Why am I bothering?  I can just give up here.  This spot.  That's where I draw the line and make a stand. 

I'd rather nothing than this.  I make the opposite decision to Shinji.  Some people are just walking billboards for the term 'bitchface'.

This has just been a whacky day.  I want to go home an eat.  Just eat till I can't eat anymore.  Hahahaha.  But I've still got an hour to go. 

On second thoughts, maybe I'll just keep it to myself :)  It doesn't help that I've already blabbed though!

Joaquin out.

Unreal Sentiment

It's just a weird, weird day.  Do I need to comment on anything?  Maybe not.  I'm just in shock and outrage here.  Maybe I'll just focus on work instead. 

Well most of that is done, so I guess I can get back to writing this essay.  Still so much to do!  At least my inbox is getting smaller!  But things are going to get more complicated before they're over.  The laughter is too much for me.  Maybe it's all just wrong.  Read it wrong.  reqwfwed it terong.  Simple as that.  Ahh I'd like to get out of here and just escape for a bit, but I can't.

Everyone is flakey.  Just some strange random words and vivid dreams.  Okay, going on 90 minutes now.  I can do this.  But I'm tired.

Maybe I'm just battle weary or battle-hardened by now. 

Joaquin out.

Unknown Musicians

These people don't talk.  I'm experiencing the dreamless sleep again.  I've really gotta focus on getting up.

I have a lot to get out of the way today.  At least I'm in the office for a while.  Just knock out a little chunk everyday.  You can't chop down the tree in one go.  A few chops everyday, and you'll get it down eventually.  It's just a shame they make assessment like that in the current day.

I was back at my undergrad uni the other day for some research and realised just how much things have changed.  The place is like a business, trying to extract the most amount of money from students, who are already in debt, or have paid a lot of money to be there (domestic and international).  It's disgusting.  The focus is not on education anymore, it's about having a piece of paper that is meaningless, so that employers can ooh and ahh over them to pay you money to cover the debts you've racked up getting those pieces of paper!  It makes me ill.  But I'm glad I did undergrad when I did.  Post-grad on the other hand...

I've really gotta work on adopting minimalism in my life.  I don't really need anything else, I've got what I need.  The accumulation and acquisition of stuff is a pointless endeavour.

I'm afraid blogging may have to be kept to a minimum while I get this stupid essay done.  I've only got a bit more to go.  It's weird because I'm writing it and saying "this is awful' but I can't help it.  I just want to get it done and submitted.  The whole system is screwed. 

Am I wrong?  How could I be this wrong?  Is it just a red herring?  It could be, but a lot of other things don't make sense about the situation.  It's a bit silly how some structures are set up.  Who knows.  I seek resolution.

What has always irked me is that I have a very expensive super flashy watch that operates on kinetic energy.  It's self winding, so if I move throughout the day, it'll keep good time.  It's apparently got 2 days of backup power, but if I don't wear it for a period of 6-7 hours, the time starts falling out of sync with real time.  This bothers me, because my cheap Casio keeps perfect time and runs on normal battery power.  It's what I always used to wear.  Why do I even need to know the time.  So I know how much time I've wasted?  Ridiculous!

Hahaha, sometimes other things reveal themselves in the fullness of time.  Classic.  You have to be careful in these sorts of situations.  Is it just sincere niceness or something else entirely?  I can never read those situations well.  I guess I can wind up looking quite the fool.

Okay maybe it's just me, I don't know what it is, and I don't know how it can be rectified.  It's not a good sign.

Yikes, this is inadvertently turning into a lengthy and good post!  I'll be damned. 

Alright I better get some work done.

Motor Ace were on to something I tell you!

Joaquin out.

Forfeit Is On The Cards

The ghame can change instantly.  All of a sudden you're in the lead and enjoying the knowledge that you will win, then they change the rules part way, and the winner is actually the person who will finish last.  Not a good look.  I've never been good at maths, but I can certainly put 2 and 2 together.  The world hasn't seen this sort of anticipation since the titans clashed.

Leave it to chance.  Leave it to probability.  I've finished all my work again!  I've been super productive this week.  I should have sent my essay to myself so I could do some more of that stuff here.  Oh well.  I've got a lot of stuff to get done over the next few days.  Just gotta make sure I actually do it.  I'm with the program, or am I?  That's the problem, deluding yourself into thinking what you've done is good.  I just want to get it done.  Nothing more. 

So am I just going to keep repeating the same stuff everyday?  Probably.  There's nothing new to add.

So on that point!

Joaquin out.

The Gripes Are So Tight

That I don't even know where the next one will be coming from.

Had a slack night last night which is going to bite me today.  All I gotta do is make time to read.  Just nothing else.  Read for the entire day and I will be ok.  Just get it done.  At least I got some good guitaring in!  Didn't sleep early though, which made getting up even earlier a real pain.  But I'm with the program.  I'm functioning.

Again it's me!  Why!  How could this be happening?  I've had enough of it already.  It's not good when you walk out of the shower and wonder if you've used the soap.  Maybe it's indicative of things getting much worse further down the track.  Gosh I'm not looking forward to that.  What a burden!  I can't live like that.  I'm just so forgetful these days.  Hey, I'm so forgetful.

So we're in mid December.  That means Christmas time and the extravagant displays of consumerism and greed.  Christmas used to be about giving to the less fortunate, now it's all about acquiring more stuff we don't need.  It's so far removed from my new concept of minimalism that it makes me ill (not that I celebrate Christmas anyway).  What we see is more about creating a selfish concept, or even a protectionist one.  So if you're not concerned with what you're getting or what you get for yourself, you think you are absolved by getting things for family and friends.  They are people like you, who have an existing relationship with you.  Most likely they're not less fortunate, they're not needy people who require help.  The meaning of the season has been hijacked my corporate interests and the economy.  It's not right.

Hmm Microsoft Office 365 isn't bad at all!  Who would have guessed they would get something right??  I'm getting by.  Though I don't want to.  I think I'm in better shape than I thought I was?  The world changes, or does it stay the same?  What moves forward must move back.

Ahh all of a sudden there's too many things to do.  But that's the story of my life.  What would you even write in a story of my life?  Nothing.  Or else you'd write a trillion words of repetition.  Then just throw it in a fire.  Cause that's just it.

Thank god for wikipedia, it answers all my questions.  Cash all your cheques buddy!  There's violence afoot!  At least today is a shorter day than usual.  It'll be nice.

Forgotten about me already, did you?  Looks like we won't crack 200 posts this year, but that's okay.  Things have just been slowing down on this front in general.  Not that it's going to stop.  I don't think it ever will, well at least for the foreseeable future. 

Ahh just 2 hours to go!  I have a lot to get done!! 

Joaquin out.

Return To Asunder

Why does it happen?  Why do I keep dreaming dreams that feature people who I haven't seen in decades?  Not since school!  Do our schoolmates make up a ridiculous part of our schema?  Do they help define who we are, even if we do not socialise with them?  On that front, does anybody dream about me?  I don't think they do.  Just what the hell is going on with this body?  I don't know, things are just falling apart every second of every day.  And it only gets worse from this point!  I've reached peak me!  Hahaha!

Is no news good news?  Well it depends on what you you view as news.  But sometimes even silence can be deafening.  Where is everybody?  Nobody is here!  I hope you all enjoyed my error and sunk your teeth into last night's double post.  At least I can do my best to make this a regular thing (I mean posting, not double posting everyday).  Tomorrow we get back into the swing of things.

At least I've sent my essay to myself so I can get some work done here since I'm running on empty here.  That's okay, it's plenty of time to get things done.  But research is a bitch, because I have no time to get out and about to a library.  That's where the real magic happens.

Just sign me on up to get the hell out of here!  Got in a tiny bit of guitar last night.  Not enough to do anything with, but I am trying to experiment before devoting myself to actually re-learning how to play and getting all my skill back.

But then I'm just stuck in an imperfect cycle of asking myself what's the point, and why bother?  This life is just monotony, and I really don't see it getting better for anyone or everyone.  Sooo where does that leave us?  Where does that leave me?  Just asking questions that have no answers.  And how self-defeating is that?

The dryness of it all.  I've really just gotta take a step back and wait for things to reveal themselves to me, and then I can just read.  It's just like that isn't it?  It's a small change in behaviour, and it just repeats itself.  Then it becomes a habit.  And then slowly it could even become an addiction.  That's just how these things start, and how they continue to happen.

Damn it, still 3 hours to go before I can get out of here!  This is insane.  Time needs to go faster.  My time needs to go faster.  I think I've resolved myself to the fact that nobody can do it all.  Nobody can take it all in.  You're here, you realise it's all just a big fluke and you want out.  And that's it!  It's a sick joke.  So sick. 

I just want to thank the Pirate Bay!  Those geniuses!  If you haven't heard, their site went down a little earlier today after their HQ was raided in Sweden, and servers and other equipment were taken offline.  Then site then reappeared with a Costa Rican IP address.  So they had contingency plans in place!  Hahaha, they knew, and they acted.  That's good management right there, so well done to them in terms of managing risk.  I'm a big supporter of their activities.

We are all getting older, and we are all heading to the same place.  What did you die for?  What did you live for?  It comes down to factors nobody will ever truly know, because youth does not understand wisdom. 

Crap, I need to work faster and harder.  This has been a non-day.  This will be a non-life.  I always suspected it.  But I guess now I know that.  Back to my hole to crawl into and eventually die in.  But it's a place that exists both physically and metaphorically. 

Ahh now 35 minutes to go and just as I'm starting to gain some pace!  Haha but that's how it is.  That's the nature of life.  Taken when you just get the hang of it, all things being equal, but the body still failing miserably against the onslaught of time.

And just like that.

We are done.

Joaquin out.

Perfect Geometry

And an appreciation for those kind of things.  I'm trying my best to get things done.  Most of my work stuff is done.  It's just a matter of cranking out this essay now and I'll be a happy camper.  Trying my best to get back into guitar.  Just messed around a bit last night, and it was okay.  Nothing spectacular or anything to write home about.  I can definitely tell I've lost a lot of skill and muscle memory.  It'll be difficult to get it back to where it used to be, but I can try. 

This is all just so weird and unspectacular.  The wonder and amazement has just gone out of everything.  Existence is a grind.  But in the end there's not really anything to show for it.  Life is heavy in the air and it's weighing me down.  And here's a first!  It's been so long since I've regularly blogged, that I forgot to actually update the blog last night!  I'd sent my post for me to update but totally missed it.  So at least today you'll get two posts for the price of one.  It's all about value-blogging here!
Weirdly, I'm actually aching for a long night this weekend so I can get some work done.  It'll be nice to do. 

Some of these dreams are just getting weird I tell you.  Sometimes all too real.  Who are these people??  Is someone getting busted over there??  Maybe I've got the time now to get everything done.  That would take a load off for sure.

Have I had any good, intellectually stimulating thoughts lately?  I don't believe so.  Or else I would have just made some blognotes and I'd be telling you about it!  But let's have a bit of controversy shall we?  Our last Prime Minister was a woman, and there was a lot of apprehension from conservative circles because she did not have any children.  They thought she was 'deliberately barren' and appeared cold.  Women are ridiculously underrepresented in politics, so of course they're going to come from a wide range of backgrounds.  I'm sure not all the men in Parliament are married, or have children.  That doesn't bring into question their ability to govern.  But figure this - wouldn't women who have children be against the principles of so called conservative governance?  Conservative government favours small government and libertarian traits, but wouldn't mothers want to introduce a nanny state to 'protect' citizens?  Think about that for a bit.  It's a world of hypocrisy and out and out weirdness and nonsense.

It's nice to get back to blogging after so much time away.  Hopefully over the coming period I'll have better and more interesting stuff to say. 

Things are tough out there.  Nobody is going to help you.  We can't even help ourselves.  So why bother?  What's the point?  I just want to go to sleep and drift away from all of this.  Whatever this is.  And that's the problem!  You can't define it.  I can't define it.  It's all just a sick accident. 

Yikes, where is this post even going??  Oh well, one more for glory.  Oh man, this day has been too productive.  Will anything eventuate?  Oh for the love of god, there's still 2 hours to go before I can get out of here!  This is nuts.  What is going on with time??  Now it's an hour to go, I'm not procrastinating enough.

Joaquin out.

Freezing Driftwood

Another wasted weekend.  Another wasted morning.  Another wasted life.  But hey, that's just me.  I'm getting some work done.  Slowly but surely.  But there's other work that's more urgent that I want to get done. 

Yeah all there with your head lost up in the clouds.  I need to get back into things.  It's all a bit of a done deal at the moment.  Just need to make it through 60 minutes of this and I can get out of here.  My work is done.  I've been busy.  What more can you say?  Do I make the call?  Or is it all just a big bluff?  I can't do this!  I just can't do this right now man.  Maybe now that I've got some spare time I can get some stuff done.  What the hell am I talking about?  I have no spare time at all!!  I'm busy!!  I have work coming out of my freaking ears! 

I guess that's me.  It's all me.  Nothing but me.  I just want it to be done.  I didn't ask for any of this.  This was all against my will. 

Joaquin out.

A surprise to come...

Stilted Speech, Rising Heat

Have you ever had one of those moments where everything is just getting worse dramatically, and within a short space of time?  I'm having that.  Except it's not just related to one day.  It's been all of November, it's been December.  Maybe it's just my whole life now!  Yes, I've been busy, yes I've been out of it.  But there's nothing I can do.  What do you do when it's all stacked against you?  Everyone else is just making mistakes left right and centre.  I'm just not in the mood for this.  But it's coming for me.  I need out.  I just have to be done with it.  There's so much to do, and so little time.  Just horrible, cracking mistakes for the whole world to see.  Are people really that incompetent?  Well I suppose I'm to blame as well.

Yes, I've been busy.  No, I haven't had time to blog.  Why bother?  I've had nothing to say.  It's all disjointed and illogical anyway.  Focus has had to be in other places.  I feel the fire again.  It's warming me up.  So many wasted opportunities.  Time is just slipping away.

Chris Rock is so on the money these days.  Good on him for highlighting what's going on in the world. 

I don't want to do anything today.  Just sit here and let time drift away.  I just can't believe it.  I guess we all just start again.

Life can't just fall apart.  There was nothing there in the first place. 

I can best describe my life and frame of mind right now as one of disillusionment. 

Joaquin out.

Boisterous Musings

It is not quite a lull, no.  I don't know what it is.  But there is the sheer anger and fear that you know something happened, and you weren't there to prevent it.  I haven't played guitar in weeks.  Not just days, but weeks.  I'm starting to think I may never be able to play to my best ability ever again.  That's a terrifying thought.  Maybe it'll all be over soon.  Nothing is set in concrete.  Nothing is comfortable.  I'm not working towards anything.  There's no goals in mind.  Even existence is unnatural. 

There's too many flakey people out there.  They can't be real, they just can't deal.  I've aged overnight.  My youth is long behind me.  I just want to lie down and go away.  Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose?  No, it is Joaquin's.  I'm so weak.  Why do I even bother?  Will time move today?  Maybe, but it will still be me who suffers. 

I don't have anything important to say.  I'm done.  It's time to try and focus and do other things.  Well maybe try to focus.  Let's see what comes of it.

Joaquin out.

What Does It Take?

This and a million more questions that have no answers, on this update to Anarchy Inside My Mind!  Hahaha.  Ahh, things are just getting more difficult.  Day by day.  Minute by minute even.  There are just some places I can't even go.  It's not about what it takes, but what you know.  Things haven't quietened down yet.  Do I even have anything to say?  Probably not now, probably not for a while.  But that's okay.  It's all over, and nothing really lasts forever.  Not even us. 

Oh how things look up slowly but surely.  Removing time from actions or actions from time is the key thing.  It's a bit pointless, cause it's not like it is there anymore.  Regardless of the orientation or the setup. 

Well I suppose I better get some work done.  There are some weird people out there. 

Are you?

Joaquin out.

This Denial Of Reality

Is really just a dream.  Are we going politico?  Perhaps.  Just do it.  Just go ahead and do it.  A ridiculous wave of laziness has overtaken me.  I'm going to have to fight it.  Much like I fight everything.  I don't have too much today because it's just busy.  Being busy has overtaken my life.  I know what that feeling is.  It's not dread. 

There's a bit of an uproar about cheating in universities.  A lot of foreign students pay a service provider to undertake essays on their behalf and then submit it as their own work.  Normally, you would be required to undertake English language proficiency tests before you can be offered a university place (if you're an international student), but apparently a lot of people are getting these qualifications forged, or universities are ignoring the requirement.  Why?  Because of the ridiculous amounts of money being made from international students.  They pay about twice to three times more per degree than a domestic student, and that doesn't include accommodation costs and other costs of compliance.  So universities allow them to pass, without really having a good grasp of the language, or the principles they are supposed to know, according to the degree they've been awarded.  This is what happens when the business mentality takes over academia.  They are paying for passing, or paying to cheat to pass.  Dilution and stupidity has ruined degrees, and universities don't care, because they are making record profits and expanding on an unprecedented level.  So what can be done?  Fail these students!!  If they are not competent, then fail them.  This thing needs to be exposed for what it is.  But there's also anomalies.  The other was forced to sit through his IELTS exam, despite having a fluency in English that's better than most Australians.  It makes no sense.

Yikes!  I read that Fox News is the highest rated news source in America!  Oh my god!  Now everything makes sense!  Fox news is conservative opinion, nothing more.  There is no fact, there is no reporting, there is no real news.  No wonder so many Americans are misinformed about the world. 

I don't think I have anything else to say.  I still cannot believe it's only Thursday.  This week should be over already.

Why am I still here?

Joaquin out.

Lifting Skin

Without and within, everything else is a sin.  Things are just crazy hectic at the moment.  Not just at work, but at home too.  There's not really any respite.  I can't enjoy anything.  No rest, no relaxation.  I can't even enjoy sleep.  It's difficult.  I'm walking back to hell, and I have to write a 6,000 word essay in just over a month.  Luckily I've already done some work.  I'll be okay, I just need to make time to do it.  Just lock myself away and get it done.  Guitar has taken a horrendous back seat.  It's going to be well over 3 weeks, if not a complete month until I can play properly again.  Who knows how bad I'll be at that point?  Is it all worth anything anymore?

But at least I've made a return to the gym, it's been 2 weeks without any major physical activity and I'm seriously hurting.  I'm sore all over.  Decided to change things up a bit before I'm done living where I am.  Who knows what will happen after that?  I've got plenty of stuff to do, but I just feel like blogging.  Blogging will be tough over the coming periods, but who knows.  Maybe I'll be more prolific?  It'll be like a return to old times, it's a great procrastinatory tool.  And I hope I just coined a new term there, cause it sounds pretty cool.

What a weird world we live in.  The other day, some blonde haired blue eyed white teenager died from an apparent suicide, after being missing for the previous week.  And an older white teenage girl died after a toxic reaction to illicit drugs at a dance festival.  The issue?  News stories describing them as beautiful, even without quoting family members or people who knew the deceased.  It's not limited to these two situations, either.  Whenever a 'pretty' white girl goes missing or is found dead, they will describe her as beautiful, and will claim a lot of air time and resources from the authorities until they are found, or answers can be provided to their death.  If you are in any way, shape, or form, ethnic, then you will be lucky to get a quick line in before the sports section in the news.  All this focus on physical notions of beauty and societal expectations on what they consider beautiful.  Couple that with family members and friends only referring to these females as 'beautiful'.  That's always the first adjective they use!  It's like their only self worth was tied into their physical attractiveness.  What's up with that?  Then it's all about the loss of that 'beauty' in the world.  Wreaks of weird sexism.  Males don't get that kind of attention.  People from non-white ethnic backgrounds tend to be described as quiet, hard-working, or studious in similar reports.  That's just whacky.

Things are steadily getting worse for the youth.  The job market has just become impossible.  There are jobs here and there, but there are just absolutely hundreds of people applying for these roles.  So essentially employers can get their pick of the bunch, but I'm still convinced that it's random chance.  But having roles where hundreds of people apply does not tilt things in your favour.  On top of that, housing has become out of reach for the majority of the population.  Unless you want to live 1 hour away from the city and commute to work every day (and pay a 'going to work' tax in the form of exorbitant parking fees), then you are doomed to rent for the rest of your life, at ridiculously high prices.  Only a select few own the total number of residential properties in the Western world.  Property as an investment is something I don't agree with, and it's something I have harped on about many times so I won't go over it again.  So now we're going to get a lot of people, perhaps an entire generation who cannot get well paying jobs, or afford homes.  To me, a government is a failure if it cannot provide safety, housing, and jobs.  That's it.  Those are the 3 linchpins of good government right there.  And most governments fail at this.

Okay crap, time is getting away from me and I have not been productive on the work front at all.  Type faster!!

Have we all agreed that idiot conservatives and climate change deniers who say that global warming is a fallacy because it's getting colder in parts?  The key factor is that the climate is changing!  Some places are getting warmer, others are getting hotter.  And it's not normal.  So let's just call it climate change, there's no arguing with that.

The living, we are such a smug, sentimental bunch aren't we?  There's a lot of hoopla about mass graves.  People say it's a terrible thing to be buried in a mass grave, and great efforts are made (especially in a war context) to identify remains and give people individual graves.  Now, just moving away from the war context, I think the idea of grave sites are silly.  They only matter to the living because they like to go to these places and reminisce.  We're going to each a point, surely, where most of the surface of the planet is covered in grave sites, unless we're just burying people one on top of the other (not accounting for cremations here).  And then we tend to bury families in family plots, and couples next to each other.  Why?  Because it's for the benefit of the living.  The dead do not care.  You know what I want?  Just bury me in the ground, no gravestone or marker.  Those who want to come can remember where they buried me at my funeral.  That's it.  Once you're gone, you should only serve to be forgotten, as should everyone.  If everyone cannot be remembered, then everyone should be forgotten.  Even in death, apparently we still all have to be individuals, with a sense of identity.  It makes no sense to me.

Tumblr is an interesting place.  One one hand you realise that it's a great big world out there, with a lot of difference.  But you also realise that there are so many interest groups and special classes within subclasses and what not.  So what does that mean for representative democracy?  I don't know, but I'm asking some serious questions here.  I don't like typical partisan politics, because it's really more about getting a one up on the other party, and not about having good policies in place that actually benefit society as a whole.  Instead, you see pork barrelling, and certain benefits only going on to the people who vote for these parties.  Therefore you get lowest common denominator politics, where both major parties (whether Australia or American, or even British) start to meld into each other and you can't tell the difference.  Either way, the community as a whole is getting screwed, because the politicians are pandering to the vocal minority who indulge in ignorant and stupefying behaviour.  But if democracy was truly representative, wouldn't we have all these special interest groups?  If we dilute the pot, nothing will get done, because we can't please everyone.  So then where are you left?  Anarchy.  Sigh, it all comes back to that, doesn't it?

This is turning into a crazy day, at least I'm being semi productive?  But I feel like writing here a little more.  This is a crazy post isn't it?  I suppose this is what happens when you leave a bit of time, you actually filter out the crap, and the cream rises to the top.  Haha, that's what it's all about - crap and cream.  What's always surprised me is how little I've known about my own neighbourhood.  By that I mean the neighbourhood where I grew up.  I recall when we were in Primary School we went for a walk for an excursion, and I was shocked that there was a massive walking path right by my school.  I must have walked past there every day, but I did not know where the road went to.  Of course it went to a big mountain that I never knew about.  Then I went for a walk after school with a friend to go to his place.  He lived on the street directly adjacent to mine, but that street stretched for kilometres!  I had never known, because I had never ventured that way.  So after school we walked on the other side of the main road that divides our suburb, and I saw all these new parks, homes, and streets that I had never seen before.  It was a weird exploration, I'll give you that.  Even now, there's still heaps I don't know about the areas I have lived in.  Can you say the same?

Hold out for time until the next blog post?  Cause I don't know when the next one will be.  I'll see you when I see you.

Better keep it there for now, gotta get back to work. 90 minutes to go?!  Sheesh.  For once I'm ambivalent.  Is it long enough to get everything I want done?  Or do I just want time to fly so I can just go home?

Joaquin out.

Copacetic or Copathetic?

Something or nothing?  That's what it all boils down to.  These are questions we are left with in the end.

Couldn't even think about blogging yesterday because I was late to work, and was under the pump the entire day.  Had to leave very late.  Got nothing done at home, of course.  Just put my entire day off kilter.  Buy I did get into some guitar, and boy I played really well.  I'm shocked!  After so much time away from the instrument, I still have the means to come back and play brilliantly.  I had so much to say before, and now it's all just eroding away.  Maybe this blog will die?  It will just slip away from my grasp, much like this existence.  Oh well.  That's just how it is.  It is what it is. 

I've told myself that I won't buy any more books until I've finished all the tasks ahead of me for the next couple of weeks.  It'll be my reward, or my consolation prize. 

It felt for a moment that I wasn't even breathing.  I could just sit and stare all day.

As a matter of fact...

Joaquin out.

Unlimited Pigeon Stock

What am I even talking about?  I'm losing the plot very slowly.  Don't worry, it's not a spammy post.  There's not enough information to fill the gaps.  Do you ever stare for so long at your reflection in the mirror that you start to disassociate yourself from who you are?  You start to look like a stranger, and you go "that's not what I look like, who is this person".  And things just escalate from that point?  It's like hearing your voice on tape.  It's all about externalities and internalities.  We experience life internally, we never really see what we look like most of the time.  But we see how others live, and we put them into pigeon-holes, which may not line up exactly with how those people see themselves.  The same thing happens to us.  Only we can externalise others, and I guess that's the tragedy of it all.  We need to learn how people internalise.  We should understand how people see themselves.

Guitar has not been going well.  After not playing for well over a week and a bit, I played a little last night and I was horrible.  Where did all my skills go?  I used to be excellent, now I'm kinda middle of the road.  Some chords, melodies, some leads, but there's nothing that really sets me apart.  Damn, that's such a fail.  I used to be really good.  Will I ever be that good again?  I guess I'll never really have the opportunity to play 12 hours a day ever again. 

Another thing that bugs me is the absolute explosion of just good tv and movies that I've missed over the past few years.  I haven't seen anything in a while, and now my hard drive is just brimming with things I need to watch.  And my download list is even bigger!  I'll never have the chance to watch this stuff. 

Got a fair bit of work to do today, so I'd better hop to it.  However, I think I have enough time to finish everything I need eventually. 

I don't know.  Nothing feels right.  Do I have an opening now?  There's doubt behind everything now.  But there was doubt before then, too.  And I'm sure there will be doubt forever.  I'm getting things done.  Slowly but surely.  It's all progress.

Oh lordy.  I'm 30!?  I've got another 50 years of this to look forward to, if I'm lucky?  And it's all just downhill from here?  That's lovely.

What I don't understand is people who question things.  They want to know a simple fact, and they bother other people to get it.  But we live in an age of google, and wikipedia.  They can easily look something up without bothering anyone.  It's even quicker than asking someone, so why not do things that way?  It's the 21st century!  You don't have to live in ignorance!

It's a shame I don't game anymore.  There's a lot of second hand games on consoles that are so cheap that I want to play.  It'd be easy to spend a couple of bucks, play them, and sell them back to second hand stores.  All the fun, a fraction of the cost.

What happens to all that time and all that youth?  What is our existence predicated on?  Is this all just a fluke? 

Blah.  Randomness and meaningless.

Joaquin out.

4More Years

I like the ambiguity of that statement.  Four more years?  Or for more years?  You can't stop time.  It will always win in the end, no matter how much you think you are winning, time has patience, and time is constant.  It will get to you, and there's nothing you can do.  Maybe after death, if we are still around in some form, maybe then we can overcome time.  Maybe time has an impact on all matter?

It's good to get back into the habit.  I'm with the program now.  I'm older.  I feel older.  I look older.  It's all just gotten to me. 

The UN and Council on Climate Change have announced that greenhouse gases are at their highest levels in nearly 800,000 years.  That's insane.  Obviously it's all as a result of human intervention, and the rate of increasing industrialisation around the world.  Maybe the damage is already done, and everything is now irreversible.  We should have known better.  We've known about the dangers of greenhouse gases for a long time, but nobody has done anything about it, due to the lobby of mining and other massive global corporations that make massive profits from destroying the ecosystem. 

I've got a lot of work to do, yet here I am just writing away.  I'm not bothered though.  But I am bored.  I suppose I had better do some work.

I hate having cash in my wallet.  It's just weird feeling. 

Life is just strange.  Everything about it is just strange.  Don't you think so?

Alright, my work is done.  Still got an hour to go before I'm done, though. 

Let's just call it here.

Joaquin out.

Pulling All Stops

Why would you want to let the water run?  Water can be stopped, if you know how.  If you have the tools available at your disposal.  But most of the time, we do not.  I've got a lot of things to do.  Just way too many things to do.  None of them are things I want to be doing.

I've peaked man, and the peak was not all that far from the bottom.  Meep meep meep.  Do you see the sky like I do?  Was it this way billions of years ago?  Will it be this way billions of years in the future?  I hope I don't smell like you do.  It's looking to swallow me whole.  And I think I'll let it. 

I'd like to go away.  Be taken away.  Dragged kicking and screaming. 

Joaquin out.

Mystified By The Alternative

I'm not impressed.  I'm just generally not impressed by anything anymore.  It's sad because I don't know when I became so cynical.  It's sick, isn't it?  I saw a new ad for Myer (which is an upmarket retailer here), where they started off good by saying that life used to be full of wonder and amazement, and they make a lot of good points about growing up and losing our fascination with the world.  Then at the end they make really explicit references to filling the gaps with materialism and capitalism, and it just leaves bad taste in the mouth.  It would have been a good ad without that, it could have been much more obscure. 

Life is just getting away from me at the moment.  But I guess that's ok, I'm in no hurry to catch up.  Maybe I'll just stop and start walking the other way.  I've got so much personal admin to take care of, it's like I need a personal assistant to get it all done.  So I suppose I'd better catch up on all that stuff now.  It's been like 4 days without playing guitar, I have withdrawals.  This isn't good!!

90 minutes to go and still trying to figure it out.

So much work to do.  No, there isn't enough time.  You think there is, and then bam, it's over.  And that's it.  So unfair.  And that's just the way it is.

Joaquin out.

Punch In The Guts

Has age crippled me overnight?  Sorry about the lack of posting yesterday, I actually had to pay attention in class.  Now I'm back at work and I've cleared out my list of things to do, so I can get down to blogging.  University was interesting.  I feel like I haven't learned a goddamn thing, and now I'm expected to just finagle a 6,000 word essay out of nowhere.  I'll be alright, though.  I can get it done.  Just need to make the time and do some research.  One thing work has been good for is just focusing on getting things out of the way.  Procrastination hits sometimes, but not all the time.  But I can now understand why I never read for recreation while I was at university, there was just no time.  All my time was spent reading textbooks and doing tutorial questions.  And that sucks, because at least with uni, when I wasn't studying, I could play guitar or play some computer games.  Now I don't have that opportunity, because the remainder of my time is taken up by work.  So there's no guitar, there's no gaming, it's just either uni or work.  That's not fun at all.

So yeah, my body is letting me down, I can no longer sleep through the night, and I wake up in the morning feeling like I've been socked in the guts.  It's incredibly painful!  What the hell is going on?  I have no idea.  Maybe it's the start of the end.  That's alright.  We can't be delusional about us being here forever.  Hopefully it won't be a long life if it's a slow descent, because I'll be left hanging on forever.  Even if death is nothing, that's still some respite from this.  There's no lessons to be learned.

What I've found interesting is the change in culture between universities.  My undergraduate degree was at a university across town, which is in a semi new campus, and had a reputation for being a party school.  I'd have to agree, there was a focus on residence life and big music festivals (which were just a front for drinking and taking drugs).  As the other lived on campus, I got to see his various 'residence mates' engage in that behaviour while we were just playing guitar and computer games.  But I enjoyed my time there, it seemed like it was in the middle of nowhere, despite being next to a major shopping mall.  There was one side of campus that was entirely empty, and I used to go for walks along there because it was good for clearing my head.  Having the mall close by was also pretty awesome for eating during breaks, or checking out the movies in our extended breaks.  I have returned there a few times since I've graduated, for various things, and it always feels like a party atmosphere

The university where I'm doing further postgrad is the one where I did postgrad before, several years ago.  Regarded as the best university in the country, which is active in social justice and theoretical underpinnings.  Despite that leftist slant, a lot of conservative leaders attended it.  It's more of a relaxed atmosphere, and there are people everywhere!  The campus is the size of 4 suburbs, and very picturesque, but all the buildings are old, and it's some distance away from the city centre.  I don't think I would have been comfortable if I went there for my undergrad degrees.  But pretty much all of my friends went there.  It's a strange vibe.  Maybe it's just my own arrogance.  Or I'm wedded to my old ways.

Things are going to get busy at work soon.  That's ok.  It'll see me through to early next year.  I just need to manage the academic side of things.  Better get back into some sort of routine.  Better get some important work out of the way.

Okay, now to see what I can get done with 2 hours of time.

Is this really happening?  Yeah, I guess it is.

Joaquin out.

Round 1: Fight

I'm back into the swing of things unfortunately. It was one hell of a weekend of procrastination. But somehow I managed to be productive. It'll be weird if I have to go back to that 24/7.

Do I have a lot to say? Have I worn it down to the stub? Maybe the point of it all is that there is no point. That's the only certainty we get. And that's what you have to spend your life trying to reconcile. And then you're dead. For a minute this morning I thought I had escaped my physical boundaries and that I was actually dead. It was insane. Time goes too fast and we are all in the same predicament. Well almost all of us. Some of us are lucky enough to win the genetic lottery or the lottery of life. And you can devote your life to luxury or relaxation.

I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to stay in bed and not move. Sleep it all away. Into eternity. Maybe I can tell myself it will be ok. But deep down it is telling me that it won't be.

Am I the best bejeweled 2 player in the world? I hope so! I can consistently score over 700k, but my all time best is 1.1 million, and nobody I know has ever come close to that. Surely that's gotta be worth something?

Take me back to easier times! When I could actually appreciate them. That's all. Nothing more. Is that too much to ask? But some people wish to turn the clock back on events which cannot be changed and they are forever different people as a result.

Ah free wifi. Art thou the best? Yes, you are. I wonder if I can get through class today. Then work again on Wednesday. Gosh I am not looking forward to this. I feel sickness coming on. None of this is good.

Let me just sit at the mall, walk around and blog. That's all I want right now.

Outcasts and jackasses. That's all we are. You fall in one category or you're in the other. You don't straddle.

Gosh it's only the middle of the day and I'm licked. Not going to be helped by my needing to have to do an assignment tonight. Yes a one night assignment! 2,000 words, it's insane. But I'll get it done.

So this is it. My last week in my 20s. Farewell, I hardly knew thee. I guess people in my position are generally linked together by common threads. And we all know what it is. Sadly.

Maybe the problem is that I'm never hungry anymore. There is no wanting, as opposed to needing. Living life lazily.

And as before, I've got work to do.

Joaquin out.

The Fold Itself

Is not a good place to be. Being back at university sucks. The classes are boring, the teaching is dreadful and I remember why this is all just a pointless endeavour.

But how things have changed! When I was in my final year of undergrad, our main lecture halls were just getting wifi. Nobody even had wifi devices back then! But now wifi coverage is all over campus. People are on their laptops or phones 24/7! It's nuts. It's really changed how we all learn. It is also a fantastic tool for procrastination. After all, blogging right in class! Yep teacher is talking and I am here typing away (on silent of course). It's fantastic! If they had this before I would have failed school for sure! Hahaa. I also would have blogged a bit more. My readings have nothing to do with the course and we don't get tested on this stuff since it's just an essay for the class.

Why bother? What's the point? This isn't learning, it's just doing your best to pass the subject. They're not the same thing.

Just let me write stuff from scratch. I can read a few books then turn things in. That's it! Don't need anything else.

Have you ever had a class so abstract that it was unhelpful and irrelevant? I have that now, and still have 2.5 days more to go! Damn it.

Is there such a thing as student rights? Should there be?

Horny, bored, tired and sad is the worst combination of things to be.

But I am grateful I can write this in class, amazing. Love blogger+, it's the best.

Im watching a clock that never ticks. Time has no meaning here. It's a fluid concept, so elusive and undefinable.

Just get me out of here. Will it be a few more hours? I have so much to do when I go home.

Beh. I'm exhausted and I still have a million things to do tonight. Oh joy. Well here's to it.

Joaquin out.

I've Got A New Scent, And It Smells Like Ambivalence

That one hit me this morning just randomly, I like it!  It'd make a good punk lyric.  I get a few good ideas every now and then, even if I'm not actively writing lyrics anymore.  The focus has been on good chords, some good melodies.  No actual words except for writing this blog.  I'm ok with that though.  This blog is good!  It keeps me going, and the ideas are fresh.  I have a crapload of things to get through today, though.  It's my Friday after all, before returning to university.  God help us all. 

At this level of schooling, the tendency is to write 6,000 word essays.  As an undergraduate, it was a struggle to even find 2,000 words to write about any given subject.  At work, sometimes it's not so difficult to reach 4-5,000, but this is a different beast entirely.  I wonder if I can actually do it.  You don't get assignments or anything like that.  So how can you really learn anything?  Then again, you can just read yesterday's post and have a good time.  Didn't get any guitar in last night, time just got away from me, but that's ok.  I better get on with some work today.

I've been crazy productive today!  It's been good.  I love how logical thinking can result in huge efficiencies and time savings.  It's the best feeling!  Now I can devote the rest of my day to blogging and just being lazy. 

Housing in Australia (and I think a fair part of the Western world) is unaffordable.  In large cities, where most people live, and where most of the jobs are, most people are forced to rent for extended periods, at exorbitant prices.  Why is this?  A concept called negative gearing.  You can buy a property, then use the interest and maintenance costs to offset the cost of the rental income.  This becomes beneficial in the long run, as the value of the house increases (hopefully at a larger rate than the offset).  This is how property developers and old white people get rich.  They artificially stack the market as they overstretch and buy property after property, at a loss, and then wait for housing bubbles to create massive profits.  House prices go up, and nobody can afford to buy, unless they want to commute 2 hours to get to work.  But this will never be outlawed.  Why?  Because politicians are using the same tactics.  The people with the deep pockets who 'donate' to these political parties use the same tactics.  And people like money and power, and these things they will never let go of until they are dead (and in which case it will be inherited to their ilk).  Here lies the unfairness of it all.

There was an interesting article in the paper today about the notion of homosexuality and paedophilia.  If you have half a brain, you know the two are not in any way shape or form linked.  But there lies a great argument at the heart of social justice.  In the interest of equality, there should be a provision for gay marriage globally.  Homosexual people are what they are.  It's not a choice, it's how they were born.  Then, let's talk about it in terms of paedophilia.  Horrible, disgusting and abhorrent.  It should go without saying, really.  But what if there is an argument that they are born that way, and they have no control over how they feel attraction (similar to homosexuals).  In that way, does that mean over time, paedophiles will be granted similar rights?  Let's have a thought exercise, paedophilia has been around since humanity's commencement.  We have seen a move to a heavily moralistic society with the spread of religion in a relatively short amount of time (I mean that on a per head basis, there are more religious adherents now, compared to before, as religions tend to grow over time - but maybe not overall in the context of global populations).  The obvious division is that homosexuals are generally consenting adults who should be free to engage in what they choose.  But at the heart of the other issue is that children are involved.  They are young, can't engage in logical behaviour, and can be convinced easily.  This creates a relationship without balance, and that creates issues.  As children grow older now, they tend to realise that if they were abused as children, that the behaviour was wrong and it should not have happened, and this leads to ongoing psychological issues.  In a pre-moralistic society, would that psychological condition still be apparent?  Is moralism causing people to wig out who were subject to this kind of abuse?  If they don't know it's wrong, would they react in the same way?  That's a scary thought.

Okay, thought experiment over.  So am I saying paedophilia should be excused or condoned?  Hell no!  Absolutely not.  As a human, I reserve the right to be inconsistent in my beliefs or thoughts.  But keep in mind, that with the feelings you (rightly) negatively assign to paedophiles, crazed conservatives will (wrongly) feel exactly the same about homosexuals. Would it be easy to change your mind on that subject?  No, and now you can imagine how hard it is to change their mind on that subject.

What's wrong with the world is there are too many issues.  All the important ones get diluted as special interest groups raise more issues, and this makes the general population unfocused, confused and angry, because they don't know what's going on, and they're not used to change.  Overall, people are just as stupid and uninformed as they were in the dark ages.  They refuse to believe facts.  So what are you going to do?  I guess just persevere and see what happens.

I'll keep it there for now.  Unless I can get wifi at uni, I'll probably not be able to blog until the weekend or some time mid next week.  So until then, I'm done!  I'm absolutely wiped!  At least it's just under an hour until I can go home and forget my troubles.  Keep moving.  Roll with the punches.

Joaquin out.

The Fault In Our Education System

It's pretty much a standard thing, no matter where you are in the world.  In the East, you are drilled from an early age to remember facts and figures.  There is no analytical learning of any kind.  If you learn anything that is not in the syllabus, it is not relevant, and it will not help you get a higher mark.  Then you are ranked against each other, in every class, starting from Kindergarten onwards.  Then here in the West, all you do is stick closely to the syllabus, and independent learning is frowned upon.  You get tested on highly subjective things, and your worth is measured in airy fairy ways.  Then you do this so you can be ranked (again), and then go to higher learning, where you occur thousands of dollars in debt just to earn a piece of paper so that you can do a job which has no meaning to society.  It makes no sense.  This is the tyranny of tradition.  School and university holds such an esteemed place in society, that its values and core nature have never been reviewed.  It hasn't undergone a period of criticism or reformation in the same way that other major institutions have.  And thus it will continue to perpetuate its own existence and importance.  Here's the thing - all you do in uni is read stuff.  Then you get tested on whether you have understood the readings.  That's all it is!  Then major, world leading universities apparently have more prestige in carrying out the same standard of insanity as any other university.  It's less than independent learning, because you can read the same books on your own, and hopefully you would be far more motivated to do it that way, with the added bonus of not being tested on it.  So you're basically laying down money for no ascertainable purpose.  So what's the point?  It's a sick system.  We need to do away with these notions of outdated thinking.  We'll be better off as a society without them.

It's going to be a strange day, there's not a whole lot of work to do today.  But at least I can blog, that'll be good.  But it'll be tough after yesterday's good effort.  I'm all about trying though!

We chose, and we chose wrong.

Okay damn, I am out of things to talk about today!  Not good.  But maybe I can keep myself occupied.  Task list is looking empty. 

Obscurism of the highest order?  Why am I trying to convince Evander Holyfield to get back into boxing in my dreams?  It makes zero sense. 

Ahh and now I do have work, blah!  Yeah maybe I am more cynical, I have the right to be.  Oh lord, it's only Tuesday.  It feels like a Monday, and tomorrow will be my Friday, work wise!  I wonder if I can keep up at uni.  I've mentally checked out, I need out.  I'm done, just it, it's over, done.  Can I sleep now?  Well hey, it's only 2 hours to go until I'm done.

I just don't care anymore.  You can't escape this place.  It really is up and down in places.  Funny how karma works sometimes.

Better call it here.

Joaquin out.

Stuff & Stuff Inc.

Oh god, it hit me like a truck the other day.  Exhaustion and fear, all at once.  I slept almost all of Sunday.  I wasn't awake for more than several hours at a time.  And I was still able to sleep at night!  What the hell?  How could that happen?  Maybe life just got to me.  It was good.  Got nothing done, which would have ordinarily been swell, but I have to study, because I have class later this week and early next week.  And there's a lot of readings.  Like more readings than I've ever seen before, for a 4 day intensive class?!  What the hell?  That's not cool.  And they were boring, horrendous readings.  And it hit me, why am I doing this?  Why do I need a Masters degree?  I don't need it for the job I currently have, obviously.  And I realise that this is why I didn't read much recreationally when I was doing undergrad.  I was enjoying reading so much, and now after reading some of the selected stuff for class, I don't even want to touch another book.  And you can begin to understand what's wrong with the education system, and why it harms us as people.  The fun is gone, the motivation is gone.  How the hell am I going to get through class?  I'll get through it.  Somehow.

I know what will do it.  It's going to be a heart attack in my sleep.  Well it will definitely be at night, I'm not sure as to whether it will be while I'm asleep.  I can be hopeful.  That way I can just be lost in my dreams forever.  Maybe it'll be a good one for once?  That's going to be lights out for me. 

Got in a bit of guitar, and was happily able to add a new bit for a piece that has been driving me nuts for the past few weeks.  It's an interesting piece, very understated, and unusual chords that go together very well.  Yes, it helps that I cut my nails.  I'm playing well.  I just want more time for it. 

What really gets me is the ridiculous prices we are paying for data usage in Australia, and for substandard service.  So I'm paying about $45 per month for unlimited calls and texts, but only 2Gb of data, over 3G!  And the coverage is pretty poor.  That's ridiculous!  And they count their data usage in very weird ways, that don't round properly.  It hit me last month when I had to pay $10 extra for a gig more of usage, which just occurs automatically, even though I had 2 days left to run until it rolled over.  How stupid!  They could have just cut the data service, I would have been happier with that.  But there's no flexibility with telecommunications in Australia.  No wonder we are all languishing behind the rest of the world in terms of costs and speed.  I see American and British friends making the most of LTE, with features in snapchat and instagram, and really enjoying it.  And I can never reply, or load videos when I'm out and about, unless I'm on wifi.  And that brings up another problem!  Home internet is also set up in the same way.  It's slow and expensive compared to the rest of the world, and we're getting ripped off.  How can people really enjoy video streaming services like youtube and twitch to their full potential when you're going to go through your entire monthly quota in just a week, and then pay through the nose to access the service after that?  There's no bandwidth to really support better ideas in Australia.

I really dislike bosses and management that panic.  Nothing is ever that crazy to warrant outrageous and instant action.  It's a sign of a bad workplace if you constantly have to stop what you're doing to work on urgent things.  It's been a busy morning, that's for sure.  I've got a fair bit to get done today, so I'll get on to it in a bit.  But I suppose I'd better blog now, because I probably won't get a chance after Wednesday, for at least a whole week.

Some interesting news this morning about MH17, which was shot down in Europe.  Apparently Germany has come out and said they believe the missile in question was Ukrainian in origin, and not Russian, or the Ukrainian rebels.  So that leaves an interesting question in terms of responsibility, and this show of propaganda against Russia immediately after.  They need to be more transparent with their investigations, because the public knows nothing right now.  Where's the black box data, who is being investigated on the ground?  Who is being interrogated?  I guess we'll never know.  Public perceptions are being formed without all the facts in question.  Go figure.

I've been trying to think outside the box for a bit, just keeping the mind relaxed and flexible.  Then the question creeps into mind, how do minorities find a way to create a balance of power?  In a democratic country, I think it would make sense for minorities to band together and create voting blocs.  If they moved to marginal seats and put in their own representatives, they could actually wield real power.  They should monitor elections around the country, and move to areas about to vote and then have a real say.  A minority of a few hundred thousand could become a significant force that way, as all the elected officials start to represent their interest.  This is only magnified once you factor in the idea of minorities having children at a much faster rate than the majority of the population. 

Getting somewhere here.  But I suppose I'd better focus on work now.  Yeah, I'm getting through it.

Where were you when you received crazy news?  Let's see if I can do this in order.  When Princess Diana died, I had just woken up and turned on the tv in my room (hahaha I don't even recall how much tv I ever watched in there), and saw she had been involved in an accident, via the mid morning news.  Then later on in the day they announced she had died.  September 11th 2001 was a school day.  I remember the attacks occurred overnight, but I was already in bed.  I think there were reports in the morning when I woke up, so I was aware by the time I went to school and everyone else was talking about it.  The attitude on campus was quite morose, because we thought it may have been the end of the world.  Everything was surreal and dreamlike.  Then with the London Bombings, the other was over and we were playing video games/watching tv/watching movies from his computer, directly on to the television, and we would stop occasionally between these activities to switch the tv on to Live 8 or something.  Then we were getting weird reports of explosions in London, and some CCTV footage of buses with no audio over it.  Everything was eerie, and we only found out more later that day.  Then the other one was Fukushima in 2011.  I was overseas, I think in Malaysia, and the television just had footage of all these homes being swept away by the tsunami that happened after the earthquake.  There was no audio again, everything was just insane, because there was no way to identify where this was, or to explain what was happening.  That's the crazy thing, when it's not being explained, it's all the more ominous.  I only found out more when we had gotten home. 

Nobody is taking risks anymore, not even me.  Though all of mine are calculated, or at least I hope!  Okay, 90 minutes or so to go, better make this count!

Damn, this has been a productive day.  I've been good.  This has been a rest well earned.

Joaquin out.

The Directionless Road

None of us know where we will end up.  There is no certainty in anything we do.  The nerve of some people.  They are not who they say they are.  Now there's a way, I can be heard.  I was yelling at a wall before.  Pointless exercise and cathartic behaviour, but it was not for anything worthwhile.  What is the truth?  Are people so caught up in their own lives that they are completely oblivious to the past?  I was speaking with an old friend the other day, and I don't believe I have a blog nickname for this person, but it turns out that they have completely forgotten a part of our shared history which had devastating impacts on me.  They just simply forgot.  Can you believe that?  It's a vital part of my schema, and they just forgot.  The fickleness of some people.  Not some.  A lot of people.  People want to complain so much about how society is drifting apart and that we are all more isolated than before.  But I blame everyone.  They can't see the frailty of human connections and relationships occur because they cannot hold on to anything.  They can't put in the effort.  They are all scared, they turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble.  Weak, you're all weak.  People are clueless to their own plight, and to the plight of others.  The truth is on my side.

Am now trying to expend some effort in getting out of here, but the more I think about it, I wonder if it's worth it.  Maybe problems will sort themselves out.  One thing can happen one way, and the other may be the outcome you want.  Everything in life comes down to yes or no, everything is binary.  That means with the perfect combination of things, you could technically have a perfect life.  Can everything be reduced to decisions like that?  Because what are our lives, if not the sum of those binary choices?

Haven't gotten much guitar in lately, and my nails are huge which is making a playing a bit tough.  But I will cut them tonight or something and I will get back into it.  Also need to hit up some study.  I'll be back with the program.  Got a fair bit of work to get through today.  I'm being hypnotised outside.  But I'll get to it.  I better get some stuff out of the way!

I'm slowly plugging through.  Nothing is infinite.  All our resources are going to run out someday.  So it strikes me as weird that consumables can be valued with any certainty about the price, or any volatility.  It should just be a flat price, and the free market should not determine any other price.  So just say oil now, it is worth much more than it used to be in the past.  But we all know that oil is going to run out at some point, that's just a fact.  Our rate of consumption is increasing exponentially, and the price is going up as a result.  But we need to look to the bigger picture, the end game.  How can oil have a price if it is a resource that will run out? 

I'm done.  Just done.  I'm burned out, and I didn't even shine brightly.  Thems the breaks.

Joaquin out.

Dawn Is Fleeting

But the day will still come, as will night.  Finally arrive at Thursday and it looks like I now have nothing to say, but I'm okay with that.  It's been a great blogging week.  I'm not talking about a revolution here.  I'm getting somewhat excited.  I'll have 2 short weeks in a row, but things will be broken up by university.  I'm not sure how things are going to go.  I'm fine with intensive classes.  It's good to get things done in a rapid burst.  It's easier to keep up the intensity for that amount of time, rather than have to slug it out week after week.  Though, keep in mind that you're really only doing it for 1-2 hours at a time, and I rarely ever had back to back classes as an undergraduate. 

Looks like a return to normality today, just pointless brain dead tasks.  But it'll keep me going until the clock hits home time.  Just another regular day here.

Shit, looks like things have gotten busy...Damn.

I guess that's it today.  Even I am fleeting!  All in multiples of 90...

Joaquin out.

Blinded With Sight

How is that even possible?  Well your imagination is infinite when you don't know what reality looks like.  Once you see the world for what it is, the magic is gone.  Then you are truly blind.  Reality is shaped by our perceptions.  And our perceptions can easily be manipulated.  What we consider to be reality may not even be the truth of the matter, we could all be way off in how we experience it.  And what if nobody is experiencing it in the same way as anyone else?  Do you proceed based on instinct alone?  Because whatever your senses tell you could be a lie.  What can you possibly do?  Don't believe what you can feel, don't believe what you can taste, don't believe what you can smell, don't believe what you can hear, don't believe what you can see.

Everything is a time saver.  I have a fair bit to do today, but I will get to it.  Probably won't be able to blog as plentifully as I have for the past two days.  But it's nice to get back into a rhythm, it's good for the brain.

I really hate this time of year.  We should be getting into warm weather, but it's raining, cold, windy, and even flooding in places.  What's going on?!  And don't say it's normal, because it's not.  We've done irrepairable damage to the environment, and it's starting to catch up to us.  Whoever denounces climate change is the enemy of humanity.  On top of that, there's all this pollen and dust and debris just flying around everywhere!  I could have sworn yesterday that there was ash just being blown around by the wind, like some post-apocalyptic nightmare or something.  And it all keeps getting into my eyes!  What's going on?!  I'm getting bugs, dust, pollen, and they're all scratching and irritating my eyes, and it hurts!  It's just painful.

I'm not liking this shea butter.  It makes me smell strange and unfamiliar.

Dreams are getting weird.  But at least I am dreaming?  Some people just leave everything to the imagination.  What concerns me most about adulthood is that there is absolutely no room for a decent amount of sleep.  When you're a kid, you need anywhere between 12-10 hours of sleep, which gradually gets lower as you get older.  But they say the minimum you need these days is 8 hours as an adult.  But I find that laughable.  It's just not possible to get 8 hours of sleep in a standard working day.  Okay, 24 hours in a day.  At best, you have 8 hours of work - if you're extremely lucky.  Then say about 1 hour in total round trip for a commute.  That's 15 hours remaining.  Then let's take daily maintenance and getting ready (gym, showers, bathroom stuff, chores like dishes and what not), and that's 3-4 hours.  So that's 11 hours left.  Let's now subtract 2 hours for dinner and some television.  That's 9 hours to go.  Then you have personal admin and miscellaneous stuff, and that's another 2 hours there.  7 hours left - at best.  And nobody falls asleep straight away.  So basically that's 6-6.5 hours of sleep per night.  That's the best most adults can hope to achieve, and that's not cool.  The workforce would be so much more productive if we were able to sleep just a little bit more each night.  It's not good, because this stuff all leads to premature ageing, increased stress, and a constant feeling of tiredness. 

The idea has been floated around of reducing the working week to 4 days, or even 3 (according to Carlos Slim Helu), and just increasing working hours across those days.  I think it's potentially workable, but the workforce can't stay employed up to 70, it's just not feasible.  You're not the same person you were at 20, or even 50.  As technology progresses and time changes, most blue - and even a lot of white collar jobs are going to be overtaken by outsourcing - not just to developing nations, but a lot of processes can be subsumed by technological processes.  Why would you employ a factory of 100 workers, when you could install 30 robots and 10 technicians?  That's much more productive and cheaper to run.  So what is going to happen to the rest of the workforce as times change?  Will the gap between rich and poor increase, as the poor struggle to find jobs they've all been made redundant for?  It's just the owners of big business who thrive and profit. 

Anything can happen.  Absolutely anything.  Okay, midweek.  I can survive this!  I just want to be in a place where I don't have anything on and I can focus on other stuff.

I didn't know how bad the ebola situation was, but apparently it's killed over 4,000 people.  That is very, very high.  Previous outbreaks tended not to break into the 3 digits, but this is something else entirely.  It's like the opening part of World War Z, where the initial outbreak is being described.  Very disturbing.  I'm still miffed as to how the world is not doing anything as a joint community to combat it.  Instead we get news articles saying everybody has it and that we're all going to die!

I'm calm but I'm overtired.  I could do with some more time off.  But at least I'm leaving early today!  Just 3 hours 10 minutes...erghhhh.  Well time takes everything away, even us, eventually.

Alright, 70 minutes to go!  I can do this!  Isn't it sad that most of my more recent posts have concerned counting down the time until I can get out of here?  Well at least it's to get home and do other stuff, not so much about always waiting for the weekend, so that I'm wasting my life away.  I'm sure I mentioned it before, but the whole notion of a modern life is sick.  You are born, you go to school, learn things that mostly don't interest you, or aren't relevant to the real world, then you get ranked and graded against each other, so that you can achieve a piece of paper that enable you to get a job you don't like, so that you can spend the vast, vast majority of your prime years doing work, and not actually living life and enjoying the time you have, to then meet someone (sorry this is all a bit straight-centric), to spend your savings on a deposit for a house and have kids, forever being in debt to the bank, struggling from paycheck to paycheck, even if you're both working, doing it for the vast majority of your life, then to retire, when you're too old to actually spend your money and enjoy travelling, only to wile away the time until you die.  That's just something that's sick.

And so it is what it is.

Joaquin out.