Unlimited Pigeon Stock

What am I even talking about?  I'm losing the plot very slowly.  Don't worry, it's not a spammy post.  There's not enough information to fill the gaps.  Do you ever stare for so long at your reflection in the mirror that you start to disassociate yourself from who you are?  You start to look like a stranger, and you go "that's not what I look like, who is this person".  And things just escalate from that point?  It's like hearing your voice on tape.  It's all about externalities and internalities.  We experience life internally, we never really see what we look like most of the time.  But we see how others live, and we put them into pigeon-holes, which may not line up exactly with how those people see themselves.  The same thing happens to us.  Only we can externalise others, and I guess that's the tragedy of it all.  We need to learn how people internalise.  We should understand how people see themselves.

Guitar has not been going well.  After not playing for well over a week and a bit, I played a little last night and I was horrible.  Where did all my skills go?  I used to be excellent, now I'm kinda middle of the road.  Some chords, melodies, some leads, but there's nothing that really sets me apart.  Damn, that's such a fail.  I used to be really good.  Will I ever be that good again?  I guess I'll never really have the opportunity to play 12 hours a day ever again. 

Another thing that bugs me is the absolute explosion of just good tv and movies that I've missed over the past few years.  I haven't seen anything in a while, and now my hard drive is just brimming with things I need to watch.  And my download list is even bigger!  I'll never have the chance to watch this stuff. 

Got a fair bit of work to do today, so I'd better hop to it.  However, I think I have enough time to finish everything I need eventually. 

I don't know.  Nothing feels right.  Do I have an opening now?  There's doubt behind everything now.  But there was doubt before then, too.  And I'm sure there will be doubt forever.  I'm getting things done.  Slowly but surely.  It's all progress.

Oh lordy.  I'm 30!?  I've got another 50 years of this to look forward to, if I'm lucky?  And it's all just downhill from here?  That's lovely.

What I don't understand is people who question things.  They want to know a simple fact, and they bother other people to get it.  But we live in an age of google, and wikipedia.  They can easily look something up without bothering anyone.  It's even quicker than asking someone, so why not do things that way?  It's the 21st century!  You don't have to live in ignorance!

It's a shame I don't game anymore.  There's a lot of second hand games on consoles that are so cheap that I want to play.  It'd be easy to spend a couple of bucks, play them, and sell them back to second hand stores.  All the fun, a fraction of the cost.

What happens to all that time and all that youth?  What is our existence predicated on?  Is this all just a fluke? 

Blah.  Randomness and meaningless.

Joaquin out.