If I Turn To Gold, Now That I Have Come

Yes, I do believe I'm hearing the wrong lyrics in the song. But that's ok, cause I still like the song! Thanks Suede for Animal Nitrate.

I wonder what today brings - or better yet, what tomorrow brings. Do I know all I need to know to get through life? Surely not, we are always learning. That should never stop.

I've been thinking about the nature of life and death. Let's cut out anything metaphysical for the moment. Let's just assume life is just a random scary thing that occurs, and then when you get old and die, that's it. Nothing, kaputski, gone. What is the point? What if life is pointless? That's an utterly terrifying revelation. If that's the case, I'd have preferred to have never come into existence at all. I remember reading years ago a quote (one that I related to Madam N) along the lines of "do you remember what things were like before you
were born? That's exactly what death is like". That's incredibly depressing, I guess we do need a little faith, because if that's the truth, then wars and accidents and everything else that have claimed lives are all for nought. So then could you argue that faith is the reason why those things are allowed to continue? Yowza - that's a sad thought. So basically we can try to live our lives without religion, and become an absolutely immoral society (as the religions would have you believe) and then collapse, or we live our lives with religion and then keep killing and hurting because of our faith in ultimate judgement and an afterlife. Looks like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't (ha, see what I did there?)  Then you wonder about things like disabilities and genetic problems, and just ask why life is unfair.  Is that it's nature?  Variation is truth?  That's a little bit too philosophical I guess.  I'm so grateful for what I have.

I've reached out to M-Biatch after so many years, it's literally been a decade and a bit.  We are talking, things are good.  If only I could rescue all my other relationships like this one.

Well it's Friday, I'm going to relax, damn it!

Joaquin out.