What Would You Say?

I don't have time for people who don't have forgiveness in their hearts.

They know who they are.

Clean up the clutter.

Start anew.

Some people are just insane.  They do not see reason.  They will lie to themselves until they accept that as the truth.

Whatever.

Joaquin out.

When I Look Back

Just gearing up for my work trip at another ungodly hour. What's worse is that even on the weekend I won't get any respite because I will be so freaking busy. Just over it all, really.

I enjoyed today's what if on xkcd - check it out here http://what-if.xkcd.com/9/ although it is quite scary! Damn his brilliant mind.

I've been looking at the readership of the blog, and readership is at a steady decline now, which I can't really attribute to anything in particular. But like I've said, this is not about readership, it's just about writing for the sake of writing. Despite all the flashy other bits of social media that are around, I will always use this platform because it's simple and it's my preferred medium. Not taking pictures of food, not reposting artful photos from college drop outs, not adding 'friends' who I don't really know or care about. I write from the mind, I write from the heart. I think it shows in some of the more disjointed posts of late.

September shortly. I think it is time for a blog intro/retrospective, but I don't know at this point whether I'll blog about it. Maybe I'll just keep my findings to myself. Wow, it's been 8 years of running this blog, I can barely believe it. I don't think I've done anything for 8 years except exist. Well maybe that and play guitar. I don't think I know of any other unthemed blogs (i.e. non celebrity or food related) that have been around this long. That's quite an achievement, so kudos to the other and the other others that we've had along for the ride. Long may it continue.

Things just get more complicated as you get older, I wonder why that is? When you're young, all you do is look forward to getting older so you can go and do what you want, but as you actually do, you find yourself restricted by life and it's actually almost impossible to go out and do what you want. Isn't it sad how life can do that to you?

You know what hard playing is in music? It's the attack of any particular instrument in a given song. You can play in a restrained manner and then just cut into something hard for a bit, and to the audience will feel like they've been punched in the face, and they'll really get the message of what you're trying to say. If you youtube James Taylor - Fire and Rain and then watch the sixties archive performance of the song, you will hear some of the heaviest playing ever on his chords during the transition between verses. It just goes
to show you that you don't need to have the amp set on 11 with the distortion at maximum gain to be heavy. Just a dude on an acoustic guitar whose chords hit you very hard.

Been in a thoughtful mood lately. Life - what of it? Doesn't it bother anyone that if there is no life after death, then that's it? Most of us live boring insigificant lives, and then that's it, zip, kaputski, you're gone and that's it. How utterly random. I don't like that, because it trivialises life, and to me at least, there doesn't seem to be a concept of a meaning to life if it's just 'random' and we need to deal with it. If that's the case, I can't be grateful to be alive. I'd rather just never have existed in the first place. That's a lot easier on the psyche! Oh god, what if it is random? That thought just petrifies me.

I don't understand what it is with the rise of trolls in the internet realm. Is it the anonymity? Is it that people are getting too disconnected from other people and they need to lash out?

Wondering what tonight brings? More questions? More confusion? More anxiety? I really do wonder what's going on. It all seems very odd.  Am I going backwards?  What's all this time for?

Anyway, that's it for today.

Joaquin out.

I Am Not Hosting The Shinding

Hell, I wasn't even invited.

I think I've lost the plot. Yesterday was just a weird day, trying to make sense of it all, and I don't think I'm as capable as I used to be. But I'll get back there, slowly and steadily. I don't know how.

At least work has been busy so I've been occupied. I am capable, I can do all the things I need to do, just have to get back in the swing of things, that's all.

I have to travel again for work on Friday which sucks, so I'm not sure if I can blog that day, but we'll see what happens. I have my iPhone so it will be good to put blogger+ to the test again.

There's a big rise in Western ideology related to individualism. This has put society directly in conflict with concepts related to just one generation ago. Is individualism a good thing? I'm not so sure. Sure, it's good to be self aware and how one can contribute to society, but I also feel that individualism has given a distinct rise
to greed and selfishness, and people just want to see what the world can offer them, but not what they can offer the world. I do hold grave concerns for society as our generation, which has had exposure to both ideals, dies out, and the next generation, firmly entrenched in individualistic tendencies, takes over.

I've been reading up on the space program as of late. I find NASA to be an incredibly interesting organisation. Just think how far we've come, since the advent of the lightbulb to flying off in space, then landing on the moon. I don't feel like we've advanced too much from then. But we're such a young, young race. I mean as a society, we've seen apartheid, racism and the worst warfare ever within the space of one lifetime ago. That's so fucked up. We're sitting on the very front of a great rollercoaster, I wonder where we go from there. Gosh, to have been an astronaut in those early days, when everything was so uncharted, it really excites the senses! How frightening, how amazing!

I hope you've heard Fire and Rain by James Taylor? For those of you who don't know, it featured in the Simpsons episode where Homer goes into space, albeit in a slightly modified way. I read a description
on wikipedia about his inspiration for the song - I liked this one the best: "Suzanne's death drove him to see beyond his own worries and realize the transience of life and his need to get back to his old friends" - I really like that. Thankfully I haven't experienced any death, but I can understand what the second part of that sentence means.

Haven't really had a lot to download, and my limit doesn't get carried over the next month, so I'm just downloading random stuff - stuff I know I won't even watch, cause I hate the idea of paying so much for
internet and not using it, haha! Horrible - first world problems.

Heard Anj was having heart problems - not good. I hope he recovers, because it would be sad to lose a good friend this young.

At this point, I just have even more questions.  I'm a tad confused.

That's it for today folks.

Joaquin out.

Cursed Missed Opportunities

A guy I went to university with who fronts his own band was searching for guitarists. I put my hand up, but realised that it would be difficult in a different city. It's a shame, because I like what he does, even if it his current music is like the Smiths but with a less talented guitarist. It would have been nice to inject some new life and ideas and guitar tomfoolery into that music. I guess we'll never know. Would have also been interesting to see what it's like to work with a front man like him. Oh well, we'll see what happens, I guess.

Saw a hilarious meme the other week related to just having google open and staring at it intently. Haha - it worked so well with the animation that was put there. The guy was just staring at the screen in such a concentrated manner, haha!

Just incredibly frustrated today, I don't even know why. Between that and the anxiety, it is not a fun existence.

Good to see Jessica Mauboy finally getting the praise in the media that she deserves. She's probably one of the most talented singers in the country, let alone out of the reality tv competition genre.

Why am I so tired all the time? I was falling asleep just before! I remember that at my old work we could just sneak in a quick snooze while pretending to be busy. Not the same amount of luck here!

Looks like things are starting to heat up at work, so might need to keep my blogging to a minimum over the next few days at least, but we'll see how things end up.

My concern is that I don't know what's going on.  There's just too much happening at the moment and I am questioning my decisions at each step.  I thought things made sense previously, but today just put a hankering to that out the window.  That's when the assumptions start.  If that's the case, then I was too late to do anything about it, that ship sailed long ago.  Or am I just reading into things too much?  Is it just business as usual?  It's too damn hard to tell!  I just don't know!  Not being here would help me so much, but I'm stuck.  I'm just stuck.  Good to see that some things make sense, though.

I'm done for today.

Joaquin out.

Good Morning

"Why did you do it, I couldn't sleep, I knew you were gone" - Thank you, Norah Jones.

It's not a great start to the day when I look out my window and I have two reminders already. It's not what I need. One reminder will be permanent, but the other will last for just a few months. Even then, it's still painful.

It's too cold for any of this. The weekend went by too fast and I am ridiculously tired right now. How the hell am I going to get through the day? On top of that, my legs are insanely sore to the point where I'm limping for no reason. I'm actually looking forward to sitting at my desk all day, how messed up is that??

That guy? Yeah, that guy - he couldn't act his way out of a British pantomime!

These days, this blog is my sole source of entertainment. And you know what? I like it. I don't really post on twitter, facebook or tumblr - I just usually log in to passively accept information on people and things I'm not even interested by. But blogging is something else, it's all me.

The thought hit me earlier, am I living the Lester Burnham life? Well the life he was living before his awakening? That's a sad thought. I'm only 27, this isn't good! Quarter life crisis! Though I'm sure I won't reach 100, most likely 1/3 life crisis! It's sad and tragic really.

I wonder why Geri Halliwell chose the moniker Ginger Spice for her Spice Girls persona? I mean the others chose names that were indicative of their personality, but ginger is not a personality trait! On top of that, it's not a particularly desirable flavour! That will be something I'll never understand.

I also wonder why people use the term 'slept like a baby' to describe a good night's rest? Babies don't sleep well! They typically have broken sleep and wake people up with their cries and when they do get up, they are usually very angry people!

Sadly, Neil Armstrong died a few days ago. For those of you who don't know - and unfortunately, a lot of people out there do not- he was the first person to set foot on the moon. The other made a comment that he was shocked that a lot of kids these days did not know who he was and what he did. Sadly, I have to agree with him. Education these days is not so much based on world knowledge or general knowledge, it's about setting kids up to follow a vocation and know nothing else outside of that, and to me that's a terrible tragedy. What happened to real education for the sake of teaching kids something?!

That's it for today folks.

Joaquin out.

Ah Fuck

Forgot to blog when I was supposed to, sorry.

Changing of the guard - I am getting older. The new generation is taking over, but I've got what I've got. I need to prove myself.

Here I am.

Joaquin out.

Languishing

In this position.

The most important question out of the standard set is "why"?

On second thoughts it was probably for the best that the roundabout was there and I could not get through. Based on what I envisioned happening after that, I would not have been able to drive such a ridiculously long distance home on a work night. But it would have been nice to know back then. Saves me from the questions now.

Nails are cut. I'm totally nailing guitar, I'm loving it.

Joaquin out.

You, Yes, YOU

I need to stop dreaming about you.  It's not fair.
I don't need this, I really don't.
Not now.

Things aren't making sense.  Or I'm overthinking things.

People tend to forget this stuff.

Not me.

No, not me.

I Was Watching Melancholia

When it all fell apart. I became Kirsten Dunst.

I used to think guano and guarana were the same thing - I shit you not, haha!

I want to play what's in my heart. I'll keep playing.

What do you do when all your efforts amount to nothing, and you're left with no answers? Not just with life, but even the mundane, like work and so on? I don't know what I want to know, and it's frustrating. As others have said, this is a whacky year.

I've been playing High Noon on iPhone quite steadily for the past few months, since I only need about 10 mins a day to go through my energy for the day. As I've advanced through the ranks, I've discovered that I've hit a wall, and every time I'm advancing up, I get hammered by a lot of guys in a row. For those of you who don't know the game, it's essentially a first person shooter where you play 1 on 1 against someone else - however, it's not directly live. Basically you have a game with the 'server' and the server acts out the responses in delayed time. So the illusion is that it's all in real time, but the fact is that it's not. This has lead to situations where you think you have won, but then end up dying, as the server catches up with commands. I'm finding that the learning curve at the level I'm currently at is incredibly steep. Oh well, at least it is fun. Also another funny fact, I now have more money in that game than I actually do in real life! How weird! It's an odd feeling. I know it's a strange thing to say, cause in games you typically have a lot more money than you do in real life, but I find that High Noon is realistic in terms of the amount of money you can earn compared to what you need to spend in order to be effective at dispatching your foes.

I don't know why, but I'm feeling really nostalgic lately. Nostalgic for old experiences, old friends and what not. I wonder why that is? Probably because I'm approaching my late 20's and the stark realisation of adulthood hits you like a punch in the groin. Felt so damn tired this morning, and my mouth tasted like a trainwreck - don't ask me what a trainwreck tastes like, it is just awful!

I'm not a fan of gentrification I have to say. For those of you not in the know, gentrification is the act of wealthy people moving to areas typically associated with low incomes. The idea behind the concept is that the wealthier people can tend to live at a higher standard, but for cheaper. This is good in terms of pushing crime rates down, but I think the unintended consequences are far more dastardly than the positive effect of lower crime rates. Basically, property prices just go sky high. There are gentrified areas in major cities around the world where property prices have just skyrocketed due to the massing of people with money in one area. But this prices lower income people out of areas they would typically be able to afford. What happens to them? They are forced to move to outer areas and struggle to reach the inner city to become part of society. Then they splinter off and form their own ghetto sub societies - but the Government and people in general are happy with that, because they're basically out of sight. That way, the inner city is reclaimed and
it's all a bunch of bullshit really.

My friend just told me she stood for mercy rather than justice. I wonder what she means by that. Is that how you can break people down? I recall from The Tree Of Life that people follow the way of nature or the path of grace. Interesting concept when you think about it. I wonder what kind of person I am? On both fronts? Ah the duality of man, thank you Carl Jung. I had to deliver that line in a play once. Having not seen FMJ before giving the line, my interpretation was radically different. I don't know why I delivered the line in the
manner that I did.

Isn't warfare just an absolutely insane thing? I mean, as a pacifist and realist, I don't get why people aren't more critical of warfare, or even the armed forces - these things are generally shunned. But think about it! You are essentially brainwashing people into killing others, or to willingly understand that they may have to forego their lives - and for what? On paper, the idea sounds brutally sick, but we are not free to criticise it. I agree that sometimes wars have to be fought, especially when freedom and liberty are at stake, but the
majority of wars have been fought by other combatants who had no direct link to the initial dispute. Like wow, "here's some poor pay, I'll cover the costs of your education, here's a gun, shoot some guys, do try to come back" - like holy shit - who would willingly sign up for such madness?! I don't think anyone with a rational mind would do that.

I'm looking forward to going home and eating some really bad food! It's been a long ass week, don't judge me!

That's it for now folks.

Joaquin out.

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind?

Am I right?  No, of course not.  I'm hardly ever right.

But I bet it can be said of some others.

If it's not right in front of them, how easily they will forget.

It's been a long day.  I'm out.

Joaquin.

Hayden Is Lost - He's Probably Gone To Civic By Now

Bwahahaha - fuck. It was a joke with no real punch line, but it was all about the delivery. I guess you had to be there - just imagine it in horrible falsetto. Shouldn't be laughing like that because it pisses me off.

Which scenario makes the most sense? I'm just brimming with ideas here, but work is making me incredibly tired. Now! Before it's too late! Some things don't work as good as you expected.

Woke up this morning feeling like death, and I was just absolutely sore everywhere. However, I did manage to make it to the gym, and I'm feeling quite fine afterwards, though a bit sleepy from all the endorphins. Should really keep this up.

My nails are starting to grow again, which is hampering my guitar playing. I can still play, but things are definitely not as clear as they should be. Doesn't matter, I'll cut them this weekend. I wonder how guitarists keep their nails in check? Do they just let them grow until they realise they cannot play well anymore, or do they just regularly cut them so that they don't grow? Interesting question! I should ask some guitarists. But I really like the difference in playing after having freshly cut nails.

Travelling for work tomorrow, so I had better get an early night tonight. Also might mean I can't blog tomorrow, just letting you know in advance.

What mysteries does the day bring?

Was it you that I saw? Where did you go?

I don't feel like working today. I don't feel like doing anything at all today.

Wow, I had some great points to make, but I just looked up at the sky and it's beautiful so I'm just going to sit and stare for a while.

Oh my god, don't put up the Ferris Wheel, please don't. Bad memories. I would like to sit on the couch and drink and just watch tv aimlessly, but I can't even do that.

Perspective - Joel McHale. You may know him as the funny and mild mannered host of the soup where he comes across as a really funny and nice, down to earth guy. But in Community, you will notice that they shoot him in a different way, and because of this (as well as the people they surround him with), he comes off looking like a real asshole/alpha male. So it just goes to show you, it's all about perspective. Get some.

I stole this line from XKCD (229 if you're playing along at home) - "This graffiti is gleeting human contact. Both of us lost, but for a moment we're lost together. I wonder who you are." - Amen. Sums up my feelings right now.

Don't sneak up on me like that, please!

Joaquin out.

Fostering Better Days While Folding My Hand

"Freemasons run the country" - hahaha, good ol' Simpsons! I love random references.

My fingers are all chapped and falling apart. Made a return to the gym this morning and I thought I was going ok until I had almost finished my run when I thought I was going to just keel over, I could no longer run, I could barely even walk! I guess it has been too long! At least I should be able to sleep tonight if I'm lucky.

I've been reading a lot of material related to people in their 20s transitioning into their 30s having difficulty finding and making meaningful friends. Basically you are restricted to friends 'of the moment' who are only good for the context they're in, but it is not a true friendship. I wonder why that is? I think it's because as you get older you become much more guarded and you really cannot take anyone's shit anymore. People's idiosyncracies become all the more grating, and since nobody is perfect, everyone cops really harsh treatment.

I need time to pass. I need to understand what the future brings. What does the cold light of day bring? Could I make more sense of the situation? Let's roll with this for a while. But by then, things could be too late. I'm just still miffed that the relative position of everything had changed. Time is moving at a constant pace. Everything just gets a little bit more difficult. But I guess not as hard as they could have been. Not a moment too soon.

I've finally got Animal Nitrate down, and not a moment too soon! Damn that is a tough song to play. A lot of weird things going on with the rhythm.

Meeting up with M-Biatch some time next weekend, which should be good! It'll be weird and interesting to see how this large passage of time has changed us and how we interact.

Anyway, that's it for now folks.

Joaquin out.

Obstacles

So what I was expecting, what I was told and what I saw were all entirely different from what I actually saw.

Overcome.

That's all there is - overcome.

I need to be somewhere else.  I need to think.

That's it for now.

More tomorrow.

Joaquin out.

Shaking Their Bits To The Hits

While shaking their meat to the beat. Don't think Brett Anderson is the greatest lyricist, but damn, I enjoy his delivery.

Raining like a motherfucker over here at the moment. I wish I just stayed in bed today. It would be nice to relax and just watch tv or a movie and not care about the world outside.

So many things to say. So many questions to ask. But I guess I will never get the opportunity.

Another Friday, another pointless week gone and nothing to show for it. Nothing new learned. At least my bank account is getting bigger, but is that really all there is to life? Of course not.

Dear God, please give me what I want. That's all.

I've become pretty opinionated over the past, haven't I? I think I'm a bit more closed minded about certain things these days.

Is modern society making us dumber? Is information overload basically focusing us to choose which information we take on board, and that which we disregard? And in doing so, we lose our appetite for more information and facts? Interesting concept.

Quick one today. I can't be bothered with anything - how appropriate.

Joaquin out.

Cause You Are Dutiful

In every single way! Hahaha, I crack myself up with my poor humour sometimes!

Yes! I have finally learned how to play Beautiful Ones by Suede! I know I have been crapping on about Suede, Bernard Butler, and this song in particular, but goddamn, it's constant concentration required in order to play properly, and to play well. Very different from what I'm used to.

Have you ever stopped and observed? People don't actually look people in the eye when they interact. Watch when two people are talking face to face, and just focus on one person's eyes. They tend to look at
other features such as the entire face and sometimes body of the person they are talking to. Is this subconscious perving? Or are the eyes uncomfortable on focusing on just one particular point for too long and they have to 'look' somewhere else? Try it out next time, just watch two people interacting face to face and you'll notice it.

One of my pet hates is eating a big lunch, or even eating too much during the day because it messes you up for the remainder of the day. At least if it's night time, you don't really need to do anything or go anywhere, but in the day you still have the remainder to get through, and more meals that you are forced to eat.

That dude is sick like Patty, I gotta stay from him! So rank! His face is falling apart.

Heading off again this weekend. I don't know what I'm going to do, as it's nothing but free time. Perhaps I can seek answers to puzzles, or even find puzzles to ponder over.

I dislike conservatives who describe themselves as libertarians. I think it's their new buzzword to ward off uncomfortable images of rich racists. If you really are libertarian, then people should be able to live the lives that they want. That means immigrants can come to other countries and seek asylum. That means same sex couples can get married. Stop misappropriating the word libertarian, because it's just not right, the way you want to constrict other people's liberties. Conservative libertarianism is an oxymoron. Conservatism is about exercising power over others. Success is defined by having others weaker than yourself to measure yourself by.

Here's a dangerous idea - America is a rebel colony. That's what made it such a great nation. They wanted to end oppression and paid the price in blood for their freedom. They did this by not subverting to authority and fighting for what's right. That is the greatness of America right there. But it is conservatives, who  apparently love to reference this kind of history who are the ones saying Governments should be allowed to keep secrets from its citizens, as well as keep tabs on them, and give up freedom to allow the status quo to prevail. And this is apparently the prevailing view now, god help us.

Wow, out of nowhere it is starting to rain hardcore. This is not what I needed, I don't have a big umbrella, or good waterproof stuff.

Last night was an interesting reversal. I basically went to sleep straight away, then an hour later I was up and couldn't get back to sleep with the anxiety and what not. Of course I'm feeling like a zombie today. I need to return to the gym and get myself back in order. I could totally just pass out at my desk right now, but I have
to survive another hour and then a further 40 minutes so I can get home.

It's odd that I'm having dreams like I am, I guess my mind knows the answer. But it doesn't know what the future holds.

I enjoy playing music, but I may not necessarily like listening to it anymore. We listened to a lot of the same stuff, but you also listened to very new music. I don't like mexican food anymore, and I used to love it. The words are all the same.

Why am I listening to Akon at work? Don't ask me, I'm just bopping my head to this. I was reading something from Neil DeGrasse Tyson - a noted scientist- the other day. He claimed that funding shouldn't be
pulled from exploration endeavours, such as those undertaken by NASA. I somewhat agree with that, as I'm a progressive person, and I enjoy science. However, I do feel that there are bigger problems facing society that need to be tackled properly by diverting funding from these programs. Homelessness, hunger, poverty, education and so on. Not saying these programs need to be cancelled, just that focus should be given to problems at home before tackling things outside of that. Others will point to the innovation of the 60s and 70s and the impact thats had on techonology ever since. That may be true, but the social system rebelled and gave us the 80s - of which we are still recovering from in terms of the rise of anti-common sense and progress.

How dare you say that! Ha! Bring on Friday.

Joaquin out.

So Tell Me...

What do you want to know? I don't have answers for you. In fact, I only have more questions, so we are not that beneficial to each other. I mean, what could you possibly offer me?

Got to start watching Key & Peele last night. There are shining moments of brilliance on that show, but just like MadTV, where the two actors came from, there are also moments that drag on far too long with an unfunny premise. So basically, it's a little hit and miss, it doesn't contain the steady consistency that was in Chappelle's Show. But since it contains new material, I'm still happy to watch it. I didn't get to watch Awkward Black Girl last night as I discovered it was a 14 minute episode! I need to make time for something of that length. Though from what I've seen of the second season so far, it pales in comparison to the first.

Lust, Caution indeed. Where are we headed? Where are we heading? You know, I first learned to understand headings through Flight Simulator 3 (or maybe it was 4). I would take off from Meigs Field, and then I would gradually turn left at night and make my way through to O'Hare. Then I realised I could always find O'Hare if I followed the path when the right numbers came up on my heading on the plane. Well duh! But I was young at the time, and it was a really good realisation. If I ever play flight sim these days, I still do the same thing, but I tend to buzz the city because it takes some skill to do this with the realism levels turned all the way up.

Had a fair bit of work on this morning, but now the afternoon is here, and I am again mired by the boredness and boredation of it all. I slept well last night, but again, that was hampered by having to get up for work this morning, and now I'm utterly tired.

Who do I even communicate with anymore? Probably the audience of this blog more than anyone else. I look at my phone activity, and there's barely any calls or any messages. But of course I'm still paying the same amount as always for the privilege of having a phone. How utterly droll. I would like the old days back of a prepaid phone that I barely spent any money on. Then again, I barely communicated with that one, did I?

Got a long weekend coming up this weekend, which is good, but I think there could be plans on the table, which means I will not get enough sleep or get to do the things I actually want to do. I think my colleague was tapping out a hip hop beat on his computer mouse! I was bopping my head along to it, haha so good! Should have started some improvised rapping or something!

I was reading an article about the popularity of the comic book character The Hulk in Asian countries. Apparently, the big selling point is the repression and dual personality of Bruce Banner. Mild mannered scientist and what not, but when he's angry, he transforms into the superhero. Supposedly it's big in Asia due to perceived repression through the typical expectation of going to school, getting good grades, getting a job, getting married, having a family and a house and that's it. This brings on a quiet respect for characters who can act against type and lash out. I think it's quite an interesting analysis. Contemporary asian culture is a bit hypocritical in a sense, I guess, in that people are being forced to conform to western ideals of the good job, working hard and family life what not, but they are ignoring the fact that Asian culture is so rich, in terms of all forms of arts. Why aren't children these days pushed into that sort of thing? Well I guess it's not stable in terms of career choice.

Going back through my calendar at work, and it is just heartbreaking. What is the measure of time? Not just in standard minutes and seconds, but feelings and promises. What do they account for? What is the net result?

Who knows really, who knows?

Joaquin out

It's All Coming From One Guitar?

Yes, yes it is. The intro to Animal Nitrate by Suede is just ridiculous. I thought it was an overdub, but no, Bernard Butler is playing it all at once with no effects. There's a youtube video of him teaching you how to play the song, but even then, it's just ridiculously insane!

I managed to sleep a bit last night, which would have been good, if I didn't have to get up to go to work. At least things are busy, but that also means that the blog entry for today is going to be a small one. That's ok, yesterday's was a big hit!

Damn, where did the day go? It's already 4pm, but at least I have plenty of work to show for it.

I'm happy because there's another episode of Misadventures of an Akward Black Girl out for me to watch. Yes, that's where my "I am other MOTHERFUCKER" reference from the other day came from. For those
of you that don't know it, I'd suggest you youtube it. Watch the season 2 preview, then watch them all in order. You can thank me later.

I've also got Key & Peele, which is apparently the spiritual successor to Chappelle's Show, so I am very keen to watch it. And as a bonus, it's also 21 minutes per episode (watching 1 hour shows these days is
a bit tough for me, as evidenced by me only just finishing S2 of Dexter). I enjoy a lot of race based humour, as long as it is done tastefully, as good satire on the subject is stimulating and subversive, but really shallow efforts can actually be really bad in terms of promoting stereotypes and encouraging racism.

More of my fingers are starting to succumb to the cold, which isn't good, because they are getting to be very painful, but as I've realised, my guitar playing is starting to resemble what it was during university holidays! Isn't that something? If I can play to that level again, I'll be very excited. But if it's due to the cold thing, then that's not good.

Facebook has switched me to timeline, which I'm not very happy about at all. But the increased accessibility to my past is interesting. I like reading the older wall posts and seeing how I interacted with other people. These are all mostly people I don't talk to anymore even though we are still "friends". I just find it interesting how the world changes like that, as well as people changing. I think it's the nature of getting older, too. People just want to keep more to themselves, rather than sharing it with others. Well at least the true people that they are - I wonder why that is? Something to ponder, I suppose.

What does tonight bring? Tv and entertainment I hope. I am still aiming to play Suede's The Beautiful Ones as perfectly as possible, but I'll also get started with Animal Nitrate, at least just the intro and verse.

That's it for now folks.

Joaquin out.

Theorising On Interactions

I recall that last week I had an awesome theory on how facebook works in terms of social interaction. Ha, I even thought to myself "I need to blog about this" but of course I did not, and I have forgotten what the detail was. I can only remember certain bits of it, but I think it does prove true. I don't think facebook really works in terms of a network, where different people are interlinked in certain ways. So picture a sort of web framework if you will. But what I think is much more representative of how friendships work are circles/degrees. So you keep your closest friends in your tightest circle, and other friends in peripheral circles and so on. So for this example, picture ripples in the ocean when you throw a stone into it. Circles rarely
interconnect with each other. The person in the middle is the only connective thing between the people. I guess that's why Google+ works on a circle based system, as opposed to what facebook USED to do (but
still works primarily on), which is just a big mish mash of friends. Well that's my social theorising done for the day.

The new Norah Jones album is cathartic. Best style reinvention ever. Beats John Mayer's country folk new stuff, hands down.

The world is a cleverly disguised cage. Or at least it appears that way now.

Having a weird issue with an old USB/MP3 player, which is a USB1 device. I plugged it into my USB3 port at home, and of course it will only work at USB1 speeds, but even then it took ages! But then I took it to work, and data transfer was so much faster! I don't understand just how messed up that is.

Yikes. When I woke up this morning I thought I had a crapload of work to do, but now that I'm at work, I came to realise that I barely have anything on. Oh well, just means a better read for you! Speaking of, I should really check out the stats on the blog in full. Based on what I've been reading in the past, readership has really skyrocketed from the start of this year, which I guess I can attribute to blogging more often. Still no new comments though, I wonder why? I suppose it's the new Disqus system that we use, but I like it. It really filters out the spam. I wonder who reads this stuff anyway? Do we have regular readers? Or just all passers by who just read the top post? Do posts get read in full? So many questions! People, reach out to me, I'll be happy to respond, but you gotta comment! Ever since there's been a programming shift at blogger and they've provided templates, some of the other's custom page (you'll notice that our blog is quite different to anything else that's on blogger) mechanics have gone a little askew. You'll see over to the right that where the blog members are presented that the blogger symbol has penetrated through the names. I'm not sure why that's happening. Since the other doesn't blog anymore, I don't think it can be fixed. And I'm not about to learn how to code in order to fix it! It doesn't matter anyway, it's just a small stylistic issue.

Housing affordability is just ridiculous. That's why so many people are renting. And what's more, is that rental prices are just absolutely insane. They're right up there with mortgage repayments. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Housing prices have just exploded over the past 10 years, and only the super rich, or those with pre-existing equity in their homes are able to afford homes these days. Well that is unless you want to go into significant debt for a large portion of your life. I don't understand why the only way for ordinary people to become independently wealthy is through property. I was reading on The Riot Act that it is utterly arrogant of us to consider that we can "own" a piece of rock. The system is just fucked up. The only way to get a home is through a home loan! Unless you work a really high paying job and have no expenses, you cannot buy a first home outright. I truly wish the Government would outlaw negative gearing, and maybe even put a cap on rental properties that can be owned by families. I don't care if property value sinks like a stone,
people have to have a place to live that they can actually afford. Society, culture and the law - conspiring to fuck up productivity and growth, since the dawn of time.

The rash on my wrist is getting worse. It's all red, sore and bloody. I might need to get it checked out.

So M-Biatch is back in my life, which is good. It's nice to reminisce with someone you have common ground, but it's also nice to find out how people have grown in the period when you weren't talking. Though
I'm unsure if I can make the same concession for Madame N, or Les Femme Anomaly (who, it turned out wasn't an anomaly, and was just like the rest of them).

Goddamn! Fuck, ow! For some reason, today I have been getting these uber massive jolts of pain on the left side of my chest. I don't think I'm going to have a heart attack because I'm still relatively young and in decent shape. It doesn't feel like an anxiety attack either. But it is cripping and super painful. Hopefully it'll go away. If I magically stop blogging for some reason, you'll know what happened to me, and you can print this out and laugh at my stupidity for not doing anything about it - you have my permission now!

The first one never takes, does it? What's to make of all these externalities? I feel like it's fucking me - thank you Robbie Williams.

That's it for today, folks.

Joaquin out.

Ou Est Le Anxiety

Sleep is just fucking impossible to come by.

I wonder what's going on?  My mind is just racing and it's impossible to get decent rest.

I need my sleep, I need to just have a good week of rest and get my stuff in order.

I usually don't blog on the weekends, but I figured I had better get this one out there.

Joaquin out.

If I Turn To Gold, Now That I Have Come

Yes, I do believe I'm hearing the wrong lyrics in the song. But that's ok, cause I still like the song! Thanks Suede for Animal Nitrate.

I wonder what today brings - or better yet, what tomorrow brings. Do I know all I need to know to get through life? Surely not, we are always learning. That should never stop.

I've been thinking about the nature of life and death. Let's cut out anything metaphysical for the moment. Let's just assume life is just a random scary thing that occurs, and then when you get old and die, that's it. Nothing, kaputski, gone. What is the point? What if life is pointless? That's an utterly terrifying revelation. If that's the case, I'd have preferred to have never come into existence at all. I remember reading years ago a quote (one that I related to Madam N) along the lines of "do you remember what things were like before you
were born? That's exactly what death is like". That's incredibly depressing, I guess we do need a little faith, because if that's the truth, then wars and accidents and everything else that have claimed lives are all for nought. So then could you argue that faith is the reason why those things are allowed to continue? Yowza - that's a sad thought. So basically we can try to live our lives without religion, and become an absolutely immoral society (as the religions would have you believe) and then collapse, or we live our lives with religion and then keep killing and hurting because of our faith in ultimate judgement and an afterlife. Looks like you're damned if you do, damned if you don't (ha, see what I did there?)  Then you wonder about things like disabilities and genetic problems, and just ask why life is unfair.  Is that it's nature?  Variation is truth?  That's a little bit too philosophical I guess.  I'm so grateful for what I have.

I've reached out to M-Biatch after so many years, it's literally been a decade and a bit.  We are talking, things are good.  If only I could rescue all my other relationships like this one.

Well it's Friday, I'm going to relax, damn it!

Joaquin out.

Why Didn't Danny Run?

That's what I'd like to know. Danny was a kid in my year in high school who was an absolute machine at running. He was one of those freaks who could win sprints as well as long distance races in PE class. Like absolutely thrash the rest of us, even those who did amateur athletics and could also run fast. However, at proper athletics carnivals, Danny never participated, and I think it's because he rolled with the 'cool' crowd, who didn't participate, and would just walk off to other places. If he had run, he would have beaten the entire school, he would have gone on to state representative running. He had talent, he could have become a
professional athlete by now. But no, he didn't run. And now I wonder how his life has turned out. Food for thought.

I spoke to the other who confirmed that he has seriously messed up his back and is getting treatment for it, so that's pretty terrible news. Hopefully the other will recover shortly and will be able to enjoy things again.

I used to follow Nicole on livejournal (yes I am old enough to remember it and to have used it extensively). I had known Nicole at university, where I stupidly asked her out, not knowing she was a lesbian (no she wasn't one of those butch types). But anyway, I magically discovered her on livejournal where she used to do a lot of x-files fanfiction. If only I could remember my livejournal details and login, I wonder if she's posted anything. Haha, then again, it's been like 6-7 years since I last logged in. If only I knew her now, she was an interesting person.

Don't be in such a hurry to discount me! For a while there, things were incredibly hectic at work and I was worried I wouldn't get to blog today. But luckily I have, so woohoo!

I've got a young face, but my age is definitely starting to show in my hands, especially in my fingers. They're starting to look like Madonna-esque claws. Not good!

At times I think it was my own Michael Bluth-esque narcissism that prevented me from seeing what was actually going on. Could I really be so naive? Perhaps! Who knows? It's almost Friday, I can't wait to relax this weekend.

I'm not sure whether I've mentioned this before (I rarely, if ever, make use of the tag function on blogger), but let's have a discussion on human sexuality. I'm a firm believer that all humans are innately bisexual. I think most 'straight' behaviour is learned and reinforced, and of course let's consider that evolution plays a part (or else none of us would be here). But that drive isn't really mitigated by procreation, it is mitigated by sexual activity. To that end, it is really irrelevant who you actually have sex with, isn't it? What's interesting is that I don't identify as bisexual, and I'm not sure if I could ever actually sleep with a guy, but it's a belief I do hold. I mean, there are instances of it occurring in the animal world.

I have really been enjoying XKCD as of late, and especially it's new incarnation: What if, where crazy obscure questions are answered with mathematically sound thinking. I love it! Very freakonomics like in
exection.

Well fuck, looks like it's going to rain hardcore on my way home andguess who has no umbrella?!

That's it for now folks.

Joaquin out.

I AM OTHER, MOTHERFUCKERRRR (hahaha, super respect if you know where that came from)!

Some People Are Just Fucking Idiots

But what can you do when it works to your advantage? In the words of Bowling for Soup: "Shut up and smile". Agreed! I even clapped my hands and laughed. Are you watching Frasier? Are you laughing?

Ambiguous statements rock! Especially for a subject in a blog post. We are dealing in information here, but can you really quantify its value? If you could, then I guess you would be a very rich person indeed. Money these days seems to be generated from being able to facilitate information; however, information itself is not really a commodity.

Sleeping is an arduous task for me. I'm not feeling 100% right now. I feel tired throughout the day, yet at night my mind wanders and the anxiety gets to me. Everything is going a million miles a minute. It takes absolute resolve and concentration just to relax and try to let the sleep take over me. But it's a struggle, every night. I still can't sleep until very late, and then I will magically wake up in the morning and just lay there, thinking and stressing. It's a terrible cycle.

The other has majorly stuffed up his back. I don't know what he's done, but I will check up on him and let you know what his status is, since he doesn't appear to blog anymore. But as he reflected to me a little while ago, we are getting old. And we're not even 30 yet!

Edging closer each day to learning more of Beautiful Ones by Suede. It's deceptively hard! Basic chord shapes, but the picking and the legato parts are quite difficult to play at tempo. Damn you, Bernard Butler! Making fools of us all without even really trying!

I'm feeling creative at the moment, but with no real outlet to do anything! I've accrued like 6 weeks of leave here, with no possible way to spend it until urgent work at the moment is completed. I'll probably have 8 weeks up my sleeve by the time I'm allowed to actually have some time off.

I wonder whatever happened to T-Man? I have not heard from that guy in years, literally, years! But just going on from another point, T-Zil introduced me to some K-Pop. The order of the last video was Gagnam Style by PSY. If you do not know what that is, please youtube it and watch the music video. But warning: be prepared to laugh. Hysterically. To the point of convulsions. But looking at the lyrics (poorly) translated into English, I like a bit of what PSY has to say:

"A girl who covers herself but is more sexy than a girl who bares it all"
"A guy who has bulging ideas rather than muscles".

That's brilliant writing right there. Props to PSY.

It's been a relatively quiet day at work, which is probably why this post is so damn big. I NEED TIME OFF! I need to just not think about things.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I have some nasty rash/scar on my left wrist which is breaking out and it's bleeding and all dry. I don't know if I'm scratching it in my sleep or if the cold weather is making it worse, but I look like a total junkie.

Just glad that I didn't waste my time gallivanting around town on an endeavour that would have wound up completely fruitless anyway. I would like to be well rested.

Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't know too soon!

What does the future bring? Creativity? Some excitement? Some exhilaration? What I don't understand is how you could be upset about something and blame it on me, and then turn around and then say it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to you? Then not have the decency to tell me? Well at least the badmouthing can continue behind the relevant people's backs. Cowardice indeed.

Let's call that a day, shall we?

Joaquin out.

Perpetual Mysteries

Can you really solve a puzzle if you don't know what the end result is supposed to look like? I don't imagine so, but that is what it I appear to have to do. But it's onwards and upwards, as long as I don't let the anxiety get to me.

It's just been a busy time, looking at everything and walking.

What the hell happened? I need to know more. I need to find out more. But will I like what I see? Play things with a straight bat, and with all the cards on the table.

Is it just me or are these posts getting more cryptic? I don't even know what the hell I mean anymore! Oh well, I'm happy with just going as is, I still enjoy writing and being creative. It's a good outlet. That and guitar. More Suede tonight methinks.

Joaquin out.

Harrowing Adventures Through The Dreamscape

Or lack thereof. Because I did not sleep at all last night. Probably had something to do with napping for a few minutes in the afternoon, but that really messed me up. It was pretty much a waste of a weekend, but I don't mind. Got to catch up with some friends which was good. I guess it also doesn't help that I was also coffeed up, which was a very different way to how I normally do things.

I've been on a massive Suede bender lately. The guitar playing is phenomenal. Damn you Bernard Butler! I must listen to more Suede and The Smiths, because the guitar playing is just off the hook.

Finding the right chords - how do you do it? I'm not sure. I think you just need to find chords that you like - be it just one, and then just start playing other chords and seeing whether they gel together. This is quite arduous, and it's a time consuming process, yes. But without knowing your chord theory, that's what you're going to have to rely on. I've come across another set of chords over the weekend which is quite Counting Crows-esque in its simplicity, but yet is incredibly catchy. Luckily, I've tabbed it.

Ahh, the grim spectre of science vs religion. I will never understand why the ultra religious hate science. To me, if anything, science reinforces the wonder of religion, or at least the stuff that it should stand for. Then again, I don't know why scientists hate religion. If you could talk to scientists from centuries ago, they would call most of technology and understanding today a bunch of bullshit. Just because we do not understand it now doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Scientists should be keeping an open mind. But I guess the ultra zealous hardliners on both sides can't really be quelled.

Just had a hilarious "The Office" type moment. Always weird when bosses just sit there and read your work in its entirety right in front of you, isn't it? It was like 30 mins of me just sitting there in silence watching someone read. Ahh, classic.

Anyway, that's it for today.

Joaquin out.

Bernard Butler & Johnny Marr's Bastard Son

That's what I'd like to be. I've been getting into Suede and The Smiths lately, and I have gotta hand it to these two guitarists. There's no insane shredding, it's all just notoriously difficult variations on fundamentals that all guitarists should be able to do. So you hear a track and go "oh I can understand what they're doing,
but I just can't do it" - that's how I want to play guitar. Absolutely brilliant. Some originality, some flair, yeah that's how I'd like to do it.

I'd like to get a new guitar, maybe a Rickenbacker or a Gibson 355. Just for the lols!

I was feeling better, but then my mind started to wander. And now I'm feeling sad again. Oh well. At least it's Friday, right? I'm just tired, I want out.

Inside wants out. Outside wants back in. Turn me inside out.

What's the difference between a church and charity? Well a charity is less likely to bring up God and less likely to keep your money. Simple as that, really. Crisis of faith? No, not really. More of a crisis of existence.

Don't think about it! Can't do without it!

Joaquin out

Still Hurting

Everything is a reminder. It makes my day unpleasant. Still having problems sleeping and staying asleep. What do I do?

For fuck sake! I hate the computers at work! We are still using Windows Vista (don't ask me why), and not only that, we are restricted to using an old version of Internet Explorer which is prone to crashing, and most pages don't format for it anymore! It makes work incredibly frustrating, especially when you need to research a lot of things at once and then your browser just cuts out. And it happens regularly! Bloody hell!

There's just a lot to be angry about, a lot to be upset about. But I'm coping. I'm fine. It's been a busy week, and I could really do with letting my hair down, but what is there to do?

I'm the hell outta here.

Joaquin out.

There's No Other Way - Thanks Damon

An Indian Link? You're a weird looking lady.

And Blur just keeps going through my head. I shouldn't have drank so much water, cause I need to pee and I have a very long meeting coming up shortly. Yes, another dream diary. A very weird one where I was brushing my teeth while looking in the mirror. Haha, having just looked up the meaning on google, I can say that I'm very surprised. Then as a follow on from that, I was in my bedroom, which happened to be outside and I was arranging some very nice shirts and suits into a drawer underneath my bed when I noticed people coming for me. For some reason this freaked me out and I hid under my bed (outside) under blankets. I was then discovered and two asian women proceeded to attack me with massive swords. That's when I found out I also had a sword and was able to swiftly defend myself. But what weirdness!

I remember the good ol' uni days. I was unhappy, but I was not wanting for money, because I rarely ever went out and did anything. I have cash now and I can stop and do something, but what would I do? Spend money? Therefore is everything predicated on having money to do the things you want to do? Is that really freedom? What a pointless exercise. Richard Ashcroft, you were right, you're a slave to money then you die.

Joaquin out.