The Cold Continuance Of The Day

The weather has turned and the wind has set in again. Life goes on. I don't know how the homeless can cope with this sort of insanity, let alone in the dead of winter in this city.

Dear Stephanie, stop stalking me.

Been getting in generally 30 minutes of MW3 in per day, which is probably just about right. Too much and it becomes a bit anti-climactic. But anyway, some of these missions are just ridiculous, I have been thoroughly enjoying it. I'm actually not too bad it it, especially in MP. I'm about a level 42, but I have been consistently finishing in the top 3, and have slaughtered guys in prestige levels by just playing to the conditions. I'm better now at picking out weapons for the relevant map. Ahh, good times.

Had a very weird dream last night, where I was at the house of one of my college friends, hanging out like we used to, with a number of other college friends and a bunch of people I've never seen before. I miss those days, we would just veg out and watch awful movies and cook food and just generally have a good time. But for some reason, I also had a paintball gun and I was shooting all these random people I
didn't know. I put that down to playing MW3 before bed time, and also watching the paintball episode of Community (season 1) just the other day. What's more, I was insanely good, like I was nailing people from far away and just picking really prime strategic chokepoints and what not. Haha, I can assure you, I've never played MW3 that well! That and I wasn't using akimbo SMGs, ha!

Long weekend coming up, and I am looking forward to getting into some movies. I've got a full hard drive that's just constantly getting more stuff on it, and I just need to cull it down, but after watching stuff of course!

Do I hold out some hope for humanity? I guess so, but what are we really? At our core, are we just good things, or bad things trying to repress our own instinct? Are we merely just mutations from a single cell? So everything else that we hold out to be true is just a lie perpetrated by ourselves, just to make life a bit more bearable? What a world we live in. There could be nothing on the other side. In
fact, there might not even be another side. When you squash that bug, does it go to a better place? If not, what makes it so different from us?

I wonder what happened to T-Man. I haven't heard from him in years, and I don't have a way of contacting him.

My life is settling into an uncomfortable rhythm. So what is this? 50 more years of this? Then it's over? What's the point? When did the lustre fade away? Oh yes, that's right...

I've been playing guitar, but haven't really come up with anything new as of late which is a worrying trend. I wonder if I'm getting worse. But then again, I haven't really been focused on it. Playing is a bit emotionally painful so it feels more like a chore married to torture.

I remember ages ago when the other and I would go to various stores while mallratting and we would just always happen to pass by guitar hero and we would always play the songs we knew how to play on guitar, so it was easy enough on the game. People would watch us and be amazed at us, because we would make out that it was the first time we
were playing!

Fuck! I just put a paperclip through my finger (accidentally)! The end of it actually went in my finger and bent around! I'm bleeding all over the place! What a rush, i have to admit. Just hope I can still play guitar like this. Stupid workplace.


So is it difficult being in love with someone who no longer loves you? I'm sure I'm not alone in saying yes. This hurts all the more because it wasn't always unrequited. I just do not know what she was thinking, and she had to just get away from it all. What about when you don't want it to end? I wrote to her, spilled my heart out on the page. You may be older than me, but we didn't seem mismatched.
Matched a little too well. So I wonder why you turned your back on me? We missed our chance, and I will pine for you until I die. Cause before you, I didn't think I was capable of love, but I found that, and realised what I could be, but only if it was by your side. And now, now I am not. I just sit and wonder at night where the fuck are you in this world of ours? What do you see? What's your day like? But most of all, I wonder why you don't tell me these things anymore. When did I become so meaningless to you? You will probably say that you have nothing to say, but what do you say to the others in your life? One chance, wasted, gone, dusted like that. All my fault. Such romantic notions of love, and being together forever, and yes, I still believe it. Cause if I don't have that, what do I have? You should have killed me. I'd have been much happier. What you do to me. You don't even care. You've become just like him. You loved two men at once. Or did you really love me at all? I guess I'll never know.


Joaquin out.