Pete Wentz Needs More Money (Or How I Learned To Stop Making Good Music And Sold Out)

Body is slowly recovering from the stress of all the eating and non-exercise yesterday.  I'm awake and with the program, so that's a big bonus.  Probably won't get a chance to blog much over the weekend.  Oh, that's right, I'm now reminded of last night's doings.  Turned my old phone on last night, saw the picture I took of you that Christmas.  When things were a little easier, and less complicated.  Things were happier then.  How much did we get done that weekend?  Before things all fell apart a few years later.  Did I really need that?  Stupid old nokia phones.  Why the hell can't you send mms' to newer phones?!?!  Or at least e-mail them?!  Terrible, I don't know why the market didn't destroy those phones at that time.  We've come a long way, baby.

Got the new iOS update.  I've been running ios5.x for some time, as I'd heard horror stories about ios6.x for the longest time.  However I made the switch last night after noticing how slow my phone was running (let's not even get into the Optus 3G issues).  There was also a carrier update, so hopefully it's all running well when I try to use 3G from the city later today.  Will let you all know how it goes.  Just makes me a little paranoid that Apple could be putting deliberate flaws in their older iOS' so that you have no choice but to upgrade. 

Added stacks of things to my youtube list to watch over the weekend.  Looking forward to it very much.

Haven't really had the opportunity to game in a while, but I'll get into that tonight.  Looking forward to a 4 day weekend and two short weeks in a row. 

Argh, last night's guitaring was absolutely terrible.  It was like I was back in crapland, playing slowly, without any feeling of synchronisation between the hands.  I'm hoping it was just a once off, and this burst of skill that I've had recently wasn't just a fleeting moment.  We'll see what happens today.  Should keep playing the other's songs, some great stuff in there.  But I should also be working on fundamentals of theory, and getting notes down in relation to how they interact with each other.

Hmmm, feeling cold again, this isn't good!  I'm not wearing an undershirt today, so I might get sick if I'm not careful.

Rush - Halo Effect is the order of the day.  Not a whole lot to get done today, so just looking to run out the clock once again.

Well I was a lover, not a fighter, until I met you and now I'm a hater.

Ok, just 3 hours to go, I can do this!  Far away from the easter egg overload.

Do I have anything of import to say for today?  I don't think so.  Hmmm, I wish I did, cause this blog is in danger of growing stale without anything more interesting to talk about.  Then again, it was always meant to be about the fractured pieces of thought that make up the other's and my personality.

Anarchy inside my mind indeed.  Haha, self-referential!  Me so meta.

Feeling quite antisocial and moody right now, not like I want to whinge about it.  But just enough so I want to just lie in bed and do nothing and talk to no one.

Forget the past, because it's holding me back there.  Do you think back on people from your past and wonder if their lives turned out like they wanted?  Aren't you driven to succeed to show that you're better than all of them?  Where is my drive?  Where is my motivation?

Not just that, this isn't me, is it?  Sometimes I don't know who I am - what happened to me?  I feel it's going to rain.  I can see the grey clouds approaching.  Hope I can get home before it starts raining.

Should probably take more pics for the blog.  It worked pretty nicely on the last one, even if it was a pretty rushed job.

On top of Chivalry, I think I'll look into getting back into starcraft 2.  Maybe the other is playing again and we can get back into our 2v2 goodness. 

MSN is shutting down next month, which absolutely sucks!  Hahaha then again, the only person I talk to on there is T-boy.  Everyone else is on Skype, which is cool.  I can live with that.  It'll help since it has instant messenger and voice chat (and video).  MSN was an institution!  I remember back when I was first on the internet, my first folly was Virtual Spice Girls chat room.  The Spice Girls were massive back then, and I was a fan, so I got into that and to talking with people.  I was introduced to ICQ shortly after that, which was quite big on the scene, but that fell by the wayside as MSN took over.  I still remember crazy days of managing multiple chats.  The GUI was so much better compared to ICQ, and much smoother on the computer, less jerky.  You could also download hacks to make it run without ads and what not, and personalise it in really cool ways.  But then we got older, and it no longer became about instant messaging, but rather social media with the likes of myspace, hi5 and eventually facebook.  These things inevitably lead to the decline of chat based systems, yet comically enough, the chat system on facebook enjoys massive popularity.  What a world we live in!  You were an institution, MSN.  Good on you for your years of service, even if each successive build of the code got exponentially worse in terms of taking up RAM resources, as well as lacking functionality.

Anyway, I'd better leave it there.

Joaquin out.

Not Feeling Well

I'm cold, I'm sore and I don't feel good!  Not a good way to start the day, especially since I couldn't be assed to go to the gym this morning, so on top of that, I'm tired.  Just struggling to make it through the day, and hope that 5pm gets here sooner rather than later.  Jeez, look at me!  I sound like such a whinger.  But hell, it's our blog and I'll say what I want. 

This year, I guess it just feels like I won't be blogging as much as last year.  I'll still endeavor to blog as much as possible, but maybe without the stringent routine of last year.  Just devote more time to playing guitar and improving my skills.  But what for?  What's the point if I am just playing for me?  What's the point if I can't show off my skills?  I need to do something more.  I've gotta get out of here.

My nose is running now, ahhh!!

Is there something to fix?  What I need is relief!  There's too much going on and I really need to simplify. 
Caught up with Anj over lunch today which was good.  Always good to catch up with old friends.  Unlike Rossco, who was an old friend.  Emphasis on was.  Just letting the pho settle in my stomach, twas a good meal.  Especially with vietnamese iced coffee.  Mmmm delicious!!  Conversation was good and it was an enjoyable time.

Apologies for the lack of a blog yesterday, things have been busy at work, so no time to write anything. 
At least it's a short week this week and next.  Don't think I could put up with 2 full weeks in the current headspace that I'm in.  Probably heading interstate this weekend which will be good for some sleep time and movies.  Haven't watched anything in a while, and I could do with the rest.  That and some youtube, haha!  Lots and lots of youtube!

My body needs to heal.  Then again, so does my mind.  Yeah, I'm still hurting.  Aren't we all, in some way? 

Alright, 30 mins to go!  Not bad at all. 

Let's leave it there.

Joaquin out.

What You Put It In

Do you even know?

No, I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't.

I think with this we are now at 1,000 posts, so congrats to the blog and to the other and I for such a gargantuan effort. 1,000 posts!  My goal is to get to 1,095 posts, just so readers can read a post a day for three years.  That'd be pretty nifty, don't you think?

Not a lot going on with me at the moment.  Although I think that my guitaring skills are now back to where they were in university when I was playing 12 hours a day during my holiday break.  My fingers just feel more in 'sync' across both hands, and I am able to play quite fast, yet still being able to articulate clearly between notes.  Coordination has also improved, which is very welcome.  I wonder what it could all be down to?  I haven't really altered my training regimen in any way, it just seems to have been a noted improvement in my technique basically overnight.  I'm glad that guitar has been featuring as a constant theme throughout.

This shitty 3G reception on my phone is a joke.  Fuck you, Optus!  Everybody should just leave that carrier.  Killing my productvity.

The question is basically when will I have had enough?  Things are not going to end very well.  Just in one of those moods.  Maybe some more time till I feel better.  It could be anything, couldn't it?  Is there more to it than what I think?

Just so damn tired and out of it.  It's a nice day out there and I can't even enjoy it.

Following someone on blogger who seems to update their blog about 10-15 times a day.  How does anyone have the time to do that kind of hardcore blogging?!  I wish I did!  Haha, I'd have tripled output.

On top of everything else, I am monstrously hungry!  It always hits hardest on Mondays.  Do I even know what I'm talking about?  Blergh, maybe a good night's rest and I'll be feeling better hopefully.

What's the deal with the obsession against ageing?  There's a million anti-ageing treatments and what not, and the industry is thriving.  But ageing is inevitable, you will get older and you will also look it.  You need to stop being so obsessed with your appearance and recognise that you're going to die someday.  Whither and rot away like a piece of fruit left outside.  Once you accept that, you can stop freaking out and get on with actually living your lives.  It makes no sense really.  You cannot fight the facts of life.

Ok, just need to make it for 90 minutes before I can go home and eat.

What I'll never get is this new meme I've seen on tumblr about guys getting annoyed when they get 'friendzoned'.  For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past 2 decades, being friendzoned means a situation where you have a close relationship with a girl to the point where she regards you as nice and treats you as a friend, with no possibility of dating.  Usually girls don't date friends for fear of ruining the friendship, or making things awkward.  So essentially, the friendzone is not somewhere you want to end up if you are romantically interested in a female.  So, this meme was basically saying that you shouldn't get pissed off in the event that you get friendzoned because you should be doing things pragmatically and you shouldn't be rewarded for doing what's expected of you.  Well yes, I totally agree with that point, you should be nice to people anyway.  But when you get the instance (which is not that rare) of single women complaining that there are no nice men, then things become quite unsavory.  You can't complain there are no nice men if you have put them all in the friendzone, so that you cannot see them as a romantic partner.  Then you factor in the issue that women are attracted to bad boys for some inexplicable reason (like a moth to a flame) and you get behaviour that is just logically incongruous.  That should just piss you off.  Ok, guys should be nice for no reason, but if it's going to preclude them from having relationships with women, then doesn't it logically follow that men should be as nasty to as many women as possible?

Probably should stop addressing you.

What the hell ever happened to Ryan?  He shouldn't have dropped out of college, he was a smart kid.  Then again, you don't need college (or university for that matter) to get anywhere in life.  Always remember that.

Didn't get any gaming in on the weekend, and that's alright.  Just would have been better if I had got in some robotech and teknoman instead, but I didn't do too much.  There's a lot of things I'd like to play now (Heart of the Swarm, Saints Row 3, Dark Souls), but there's nothing like seeing a game you want on sale on Steam and just KNOWING that you're not going to buy it because you'll never play it.  Just a hazard of getting older.  Occupational hazard.  That is my occupation, getting older and doing nothing with my life.

Alright, got 30 minutes until I'm out of here.  What to do, what to do?

Is that why I blog so much?  Everything has been so internalised?  And I guess this is an extension of internalisation, or maybe it's my way of expressing myself now?  Not sure, that's pretty complicated.

Bah, struggling to stay awake here.

Anyway, I think that this has been a pretty good blog entry (for the 1000th), if you don't me saying so!

Take care of yourselves.

Joaquin out.

Bad Memories

But I still remember. I won't forget.

Abide By Me

Such words can cut deep, especially when they're in the past tense and asked why I didn't act in a certain manner.  It cuts very deep.  I won't let these things slide.

Damn, I thought I had something good to blog about earlier (or maybe even yesterday), but now for the life of me I just can't quite remember.  Been getting into new music and loving it.  Updated the music on my iPhone and deleted some of the tracks I tended to skip.  I think it's always good to go and update the stuff you want to listen to, or else you grow in danger of getting bored of the music you love.  And that's never a good thing.

It's grey and cloudy outside cause it's wet and cold, but I think it actually looks quite beautiful.  That being said, I wish I was still in bed.  Getting up in the morning when you haven't slept much is a matter of discipline.  Once you hear that alarm, get up.  That's it.  Just get up and you'll be able to get up.  It will become a habit and you will do it consistently.

Played guitar last night and absolutely loved it.  The other and I have some really good songs!!!  We've gotta finish some!!  They're too good to remain unused like this.

Hmm had pretty much of everything.  Just want to be gone.

Hmmm feeling sleepy too!  At least I've got no work to do.

Goddamn, it's only 11am?!  This isn't right, I have so long to go until the day is over!!!

Arghh!  Just want to play guitar and get better.  Not virtuoso knob twiddling nonsense, but just good enough so I can express the music that's in my head, that's all!

I don't believe it, I just don't.  I refuse to.

Got so much stuff on this weekend, and I don't feel like being social.  I just don't want to be that person.

Well at least I'm warm, right?  So much to complain about, yet so little to show for it.

What are you lashing out about?

Do adults really give up on their dreams?  Where did they start going wrong?  Do they just end up settling?  Is that me?  Perish the thought.

Can I just go on a First World product rant, if I may?  I am really hating Optus' 3G reception in my city.  It's so shit in Australia overall, but it's particularly bad where I am.  We're moving into 4G times, yet they can't even do 3G reception right.  I'm using an iPhone 4, so it's not an old phone, but these days I have to do a dance to get ANY 3G reception so that I can use any data.  That's cause I hardly use my phone as a phone, it's mostly a shitty netbook with substandard games.  Thank you, iOS.  I think I'm going to get a Samsung Galaxy S4 next!  I can't wait.  It'll be nice to get rid of this phone and head to a different carrier.

My other gripe is about Holden Vivas.  I've been reading up on the piece of shit car, since we're having problems with ours.  I've read that SO many people have had problems with the emission monitoring system in the Viva, yet the service people at Holden refuse to do anything about it.  They released a car that was faulty on to the market!  They should be sued for all they're worth!  It makes more sense when you realise that the Holden had a lifespan of a few years before they discontinued it.  Well that's because Holden KNEW they had released a faulty machine, which is potentially dangerous.  The car is known to lose power and develop a warning light for the emission monitoring system, and a few people (myself included) have had the car completely stall while it was moving.  That's entirely fucked up.  Holden should pay the price for this kind of blatant disregard for their customers and the public.  Complete piece of crap!

Alright, I better stop it here.  Take care of yourselves, cause I know I'm not going to look after you!

Fuck, I really have not slept enough.

Joaquin out.

The Life Of A Student

I'm glad that it's over.  I could not imagine having to put up with the classes, the travel, and the reading.  Oh god, and the exams!  How horrible!  I don't even know how I got through it the first time.  And other people were working to support themselves at that time during our undergraduate degrees.  I think it's silly to expect young people to study and work at the same time because their studies are obviously going to suffer.  Then there's post-graduate people now who have to mix full time work with sometimes full time studies, or part time studies and I cannot imagine the strain.  How do people do it?  I have so much more free time now!  Granted, I can't stay up late on weekdays anymore, but that's made up for on weekends where I'm free to do anything, as opposed to studying all weekend with some work on weekdays too.  I've done my time, I'm going to enjoy my life.

My hands are covered in blisters and bruises from weight training, but that's ok since it doesn't hamper my guitar playing, so I can keep it up.  And as I said earlier, weights have improved my guitar playing.
It's like I'm a stranger in my own body here.  Everything seems so unfamiliar. 

Finished a pretty heavy project at work, so it looks like I can sit pretty tomorrow, which is nice! 

Hopefully I can avoid the rain on the way home, cause I'm wearing a new suit and my umbrella isn't the best.

Things got busy at work, so I couldn't blog as much as I wished, but I'll aim to rectify that tomorrow.

Joaquin out.

The Roaring Forties

Not referring to the time period, more so the blast of antarctic wind to carry traders while on ships.

Are we talking about Kevin?  We are?  Ok, good, it's been mentioned then!

What is it about death?  Does it have to be so unfair?  Will I be allowed to get lost in my memories?  The good ones, I mean.  Will I be able to get lost in my dreams?  The best ones, I mean.  Or is that it?  Nothing.

What did I want to talk about today? 

Have I lost my ability to express what I see?  I can observe, that's for sure, but expression just seems to be lacking.  Not good, especially if I want to write lyrics to the songs I've got!

Feeling dead tired today.  Then again I guess it's my own fault for sleeping in a t-shirt when it's so cold.  I wake up in the mornings feeling very cold, so tonight it's definitely jumper weather! 

Why are the worst critics of women likely to be other women?  We live in times in which men are blamed for a lot of how women are treated (and most of the time, rightly so), but I think the biggest problem faced by women is other women.  Women aren't overtly critical of other women, for fear of being branded anti-feminist or a traitor.  But what they're thinking inside about other women, and the crippling fear that they're being judged by other women is just absolutely out there - but true.  Women are incredibly ultra competitive, and if threatened, they will lash out or act in ways to bring down their enemies.  Now I know they're genetically programmed to act in this manner, due to gene propogation and what not, but it makes no sense in a wider sense of the world.  I mean it's not an open market, all women are not in competition for all men.  In this day and age, at least, you are typically with the one person, so you're guaranteed security and forwarding on your genetic code.  So when you're already in a relationship, what are the chances of other women stealing your partner?  Very slim, not to say that it doesn't happen, of course, but it's still slim.  So why do women act out in such a fashion?

You know what hard andy I enjoy the most?  Fruit Tingles, hands down the best tasting and most flavourful thing I've ever had (in a hard candy form). 

With that juicy tidbit of information out of the way, I've realised that I have 3 hours until I can get out of here! 

Have been avoiding youtube lately, because it eats into so much of my time at home, but I think tonight I've earned some fun time.  It's all about watching Korean shows and Girls' Generation!  Nothing wrong with that at all!

I wish I was good at maths again!  I regained some good aptitude for it with my last job, which revolved around finance and numbers, but I've definitely lost those skills now.

Alright, 2 and a half hours to go until I'm out of here.  What to do with my time though?  No idea.

My work is almost done, so next week should be relatively free.  Hmmm, feeling epically hungry right now, just out of nowhere!  Hate it when that happens!  Just kind of sneaks up on you.  Oh well, at least it's only 2 hours till home time. 

What I find strange is that ever since I've started alternating my cardio and weights workouts, my knees have been feeling better.  I think hardcore running was bad, especially when it was everyday. 

Asuka Langley Sorhryuu was on the right track.  I should listen to her words more often.

My ear has gotten much better, to the point where I can transcribe a few songs, which is a hell of a long way from where I started off!  Haha, I remember playing an open G-chord very slowly and with great difficulty when I started, and wondered how I would ever get better.  I think it's just a war of attrition.  The longer you spend with an instrument and just playing, the better you'll automatically get, after time, of course.  So just stick with it, you'll get better.

Anyhow, that's it.

Joaquin out.

Trollio, Trollio, Wherefore Art Thou, Trollio?

Just had the weirdest thoughts after I woke up today.  Well I woke up a fair bit before my alarm went off (this seems to be a regular occurrence on weekdays for some reason), and the first thing that entered my mind was that "you will die".  It's weird being aware of your own mortality, especially at such a random part of the day.  But not just that, it was the thought of "you will die and there will be nothing, no memory, no consciousness, no transformation into anything else, not even darkness, it is just non-existence" and that was just a depressing thought.  It all comes back to this argument of what life was like pre-birth, where there was no existence, and you had no consciousness.  Is that death?

If that's the case, how fucked up is society?  There are so many poor people, so many abused people, those who suffer on a regular basis.  Those whose very existence is suffering, the sick, the diseased, the starving with nothing better to look forward to except death.  And in that, there's nothing.  Oh how fatalistic and existentialist of me?!  Nevertheless, these are important questions.  I'm worried, I'm concerned.  But there's nothing you, me or any of us can do about it.  Isn't there so much injustice in the world?  We don't deserve to survive.  We fucked things up a long time ago, and now things have gotten out of hand.

Maybe it's all just on my mind because of my loss of faith.  Well I'm hoping it's temporary, I'm just asking some questions.  It would be nice to rediscover it and get back into things pell mell, but damn it's been hard.  Then again, I guess it was all my own doing anyway.  Perhaps I just don't want to be judged.  What unfortunate luck to be born now, what unfortunate luck to be born in the past.  Why not the future?  I want to see what's in store for humanity, whether I contribute to it or not.

Wearing a raglan undershirt today and holy moly, it makes such a huge difference to staying warm.  The temperature has dropped considerably over the past few days and I'm basically just staying indoors to avoid the elements.  If only I could just stay in bed!  Haha, damn, I probably should have taken my holidays now!

Getting work done at a relatively quick pace today, which is definitely refreshing compared to the trials of yesterday!  Okay, having said that, I'm now feeling ridiculously tired again.  Goddamn, I need to start getting to sleep earlier, and to stop waking up before my alarm goes off, cause I'm just stuck in bed worrying how long I can stay in bed before I have to get up.

Where are we all going?  There are so many things going on in the world.  If you actually stopped to consider all the things that were going on around us, you would cease living superficial lives.

In an interesting turn of events, it seems that doing weight training has helped my guitar playing immensely.  When I was doing free weights, my guitar playing suffered, but I've found that weight machines have improved my dexterity and speed, as well as my stamina across my 6 string playing.  Well I'll be damned!  Good for me, haha!  I've changed up my gym routine, so instead of just cardio everyday, I'm alternating between cardio and weights on different days.  What's worrying is that I haven't come up with any original music for a while.  Hmmm, might have to learn some new chords.

Feeling just a little bit disconnected from everything.  This life even.  Semi-Charmed Life.

Just 4.5 hours to go until I'm out of here.  At least I'm getting things done!

Ahh, just 2 hours to go now.  But I'm feeling cold and tired.  Can I not just get into bed??  Well I could if I was at home, but if I was actually there, I would have to refrain from going to bed to make sure I actually sleep tonight.

Come on!  90 Minutes, I can do this!  Haha, most of these days I guess you're just counting time and passing it with me, right?

Oh man!  Just got bad news.  How do you deal with silly decisions like that?  I don't even know.  I think it's time to get out of this job.  This place is killing me.  Hmmm don't really feel like working now.

What am I supposed to do for 60 minutes??

I wonder what's next for me?  I mean I can't do this for the rest of my life.  Holy shit, I'm going to be 30 next year.  Where did my life go?  That's basically 1/3, IF I'm lucky.  If I want to do what I want to do, then I've really gotta get a move on.  Or else I'm just going to turn around and my life will be over and it's all just too late.

Whatever happened to Chris?  I mean after they fired him?  I ask myself that question a fair bit, and I have no idea.  We just fell out of contact, and I haven't heard from him in years.  Just add him to the list of people I never saw/heard from again, I suppose.

Whatever is going to happen to me?  Well not that I'm being fired, just overlooked.  And it seems to be running rampant in places like this.  Time to make my own way.  Think I'll just have to quit.

And that's that.

Joaquin out.

Are You STILL Here?

Yes, and it's causing me all sorts of strife!  It's not like I went anywhere.  It's way too cold to be up and about.  Not just that, I had 3 hours sleep on Saturday night, and I thankfully didn't try to sleep on Sunday during the day.  So needless to say, I'm a little out of it right now.  Everything is spinning and I'm just fatigued and confused by everything.  I've already mentioned the cold, and it's absolutely brutal.  I need an undershirt!  But none of them fit me because they're so big.  My brain is just not working today.  I'm just going to attempt to sit at my desk and slowly shiver, while also slowly getting work done.

Ok, now I'm struggling to stay awake here.  Ahhhh!  I need some caffeine, but then I won't sleep tonight, which will just make everything worse.  And I'm not even one of those coffee swilling types.  Well I'm slowly getting there, one piece of work done.  Now on to the meatier thing.  But at least I can brainstorm and hopefully get a good blueprint for some actual hardcore work tomorrow.

Been watching pointless stuff on youtube and chewing through my monthly data allowance.  Hoping I don't get shaped for the second consecutive month. 

Wish I had something worthwhile to blog about, but the day is going slowly, and I'm still struggling to get by, ahhhhhhhhh!!  That's what I could do with, just a nice scream and going to bed until tomorrow.

Thought I'd feel better after lunch and going outside, but I'm actually feeling a little bit worse.  What's even more scary is that I'm still able to get work out of the way. 

Got some pretty hardcore guitaring in over the weekend, and I'm very happy that I did.  All original stuff, my ear has gotten so much better.  That's all it takes, just playing and more playing, and learning whatever you can. 

Thankfully only have under an hour to go until I can get out of here.  Looking forward to eating something. 

It's a here!

Joaquin out.

Haha what a rubbish post!

She's A Cat Burglar

Drinking chai lattes.  How appropriate!

As you can tell from yesterday's post, it was a bit of a rush job, since I attempted to get it done in my last 40 minutes of work, but I kept getting interrupted, so everything was quite disjointed and unfinished.  But today is a little bit different, just need to work on a discussion paper and take it easy so I should be able to blog well.

Finally sorted through my new music, and I gotta say that I'm thoroughly impressed with a lot of the stuff I got.  Macklemore, old and new Kaki King, new Matchbox Twenty, Rush, even new Van Halen, and Mandy Moore have been fantastic.  Mandy Moore especially, has come into her own as a singer songwriter, who has really left the teen pop mould behind.  Very mature, often dark, witty lyrics and great delivery.  I wish she commanded the same sort of sales that she used to, but at least she has legitimacy now.  It took a hell of a long time to sort through, but I'm glad I did, as I have music added to my iPhone and of course to my computer.

Feeling quite tired today, but at least it's Friday, so I can sleep as soon as I get home for as long as I want!  It's also vanilla coke and good game night.  Should be relaxing!

Could I figure it out?  You should have been smarter.  But that would be wrong.

I've got 2 and a half hours until I have to go home, so let's see what I can come up with?

Damn, well time flew by, and now I've got only 80 minutes until home time!  I think today I wanted to talk about prisoners and prisoner's rights.  Now, I'm quite anti crime and I have no sympathy for criminals generally.  However, I am of the firm view that prisons are not really there to rehabilitate offenders, but merely to punish them, which defeats the purpose of having prisoners go in to learn their lesson and come out to reintegrate with society.  If people have committed a crime and are truly remorseful and can mend their ways, then by all rights, they should be allowed to re-integrate with society.  However, we know that prisons are overcrowded and that in general population, white collar criminals are mixed with hardened repeat offenders.  And I think therein lies the problem.  Society is too tough on crime.  There should be absolutely zero tolerance for it, because if we take an example of a person who has just committed a crime and ends up in prison, they will be abused and integrate with criminals.  When they have reached their point of no return, they will basically just give up on being good and being accepted by society.  So when they get out, the urge to commit more crimes is with them, as they don't really have anything to lose.  The incentive to re-offend and not get caught is higher than trying to be good once released, because you don't do the appropriate amount of time for the offence.

And that right there is a flawed system.  They don't have any rights. 

I'll keep it brief for now.

Joaquin out.

I Thought It Meant Something Else

Or at least it did, in another language! 

Today is a strange day.  Like it's a good day to be alive, but am I really feeling it?  I'm not sure.
Things have been pretty busy at work, hence no real stuff to blog about in-depth, but I've still gotta write, otherwise things will start to decline sharply.

Got some decent guitaring jams in last night, but not as much as I had hoped.  Oh well, there's always tonight.  Got really lost in this awesome track that the other created, which is a pulsating guitar and driving rock track, which is quite heavy.  But I play bass on it (for the first time), and background guitar on the bridge, but in the solo the other and I actually play two simultaneous guitar leads!

I'm out.

Joaquin goneee!

Talla-Hae

Well at least maybe if I knew what I was doing.  Early morning starts are the absolute worst, especially after my legs are not feeling 100% with the program.  At least I can spend all day stretching it out.

Had a great time jamming to my own tracks last night.  A while back, when I was using a different soundcard (I think it was a soundblaster live USB input one), I could connect my guitar lead straight into the line in input and record directly into Adobe Audition (hacked to full version, of course).  But most of the time I would use my old hewlett packard mic and just play my old Jordin electic but not wired into anything.  So needless to say, the sound quality was pretty poor, and I also had tabs as a backup in the dropbox folder that the other and I share.  I think that's definitely a skill that all guitarists (and musicians) have to learn.  Just playing along to other music.  It makes you a better player, and you learn how certain notes interact with chords, and you start to construct riffs and passages and licks that you can transpose to other keys, and just play at different speeds.  I had a great time!  Some unique ideas coming out, and I should start with some new stuff.  But lyrics are just as important, and I haven't written any in god knows how long.  It has literally been years, and that's terrible.  I also need to try better, because I need loads of work on lyrical melody to fit with chords and rhythm structures.  It's a very complex thing.

God I am so hungry, but I have to wait 40 or so minutes until I can actually eat something.  Blargh!

Still watching Robotech and Teknoman on a regular basis, and I'm so happy!  It's not just great tv, it's just great tv, period.  I'm just concerned that despite both shows having a general anti-war tone, that Robotech tends to glorify it a little, as Rick Hunter gradually becomes a fully fledged soldier and becomes indoctrinated into the whole military industrial complex.

Good to get some work done, but I'm really looking forward to getting home and eating something.  Short week has messed everyone up in terms of alertness and motivation to get things done. 

Blargh.  What a waste.

Joaquin out.

Fever, Of The Yellow Variety

Ever since I've gotten into Girls' Generation, and especially visiting Malaysia again, I've seen a very heavy attack of the yellow fever.  Haha, ok yes so it's probably pretty derogatory thing to say, but for lack of a better term (can you imagine the PC: preference for asian women instead), I'll just continue with it.

I never used to find Asian women attractive, nothing cultural or even racist about it, I just did not find any attractive, and good lord, I did try.  Then out of nowhere, it just hit me and I'm falling over myself here.  Preferences and biases change as you get older, and most of the time for the strangest of reasons.  Funny how the world, and even your own psyche works.

It's not like I'm now experiencing an Asian fetish or something like that, it's just that now I am recognising and celebrating the beauty of women of Asian descent.  Not to the exclusion of others, certainly not.  Women of all races can be attractive, and generally, what I tend to find attractive, others do not.  I'm not like anyone else.

Wish I could have expanded on this in some depth, but I need to play some guitar and watch some youtube.

Ok that's it for now.

Joaquin out.

Can There Ever Be A Return?

A return to normalcy I mean?  I doubt it, I very much doubt it.

After the genius of yesterday's post, I know I cannot top it.  So what to do, what to do?

Ahh now the question remains how I can get through the 3.5 hours of work remaining!  3.5 hours until the end of the week and I can go home and relax with some vanilla coke and some tv!  Got a lot to catch up on.

Hahah I recall a quote on a friend's tumblr along the lines of "i'm more concerned with the speed of my internet connection than I am with the direction of my life" and I thought that was spot on, and hilarious!  I know the direction of my life currently is not what I want.  And I'm definitely concerned with the speed of my connection, I was so happy when my net rolled over.  I'm hitting up youtube like it's nobody's business!

Think I've finally cottoned on to what was causing my chest pains - the weird way in which I sleep.  I had my arm up on my side, leaving my shoulder in heavy contact with the mattress, so that was probably what was causing my erratic chest pains.

Caught up with Rossco for lunch, which was weird to say the least.  Don't think he's really caught on to the whole idea that the whole friendship fell apart because of him and his actions.  I tried, but oh well!  Don't think I'll be seeing him again.

I prefer light lunches, I really dislike the feeling of eating so much at lunch that you feel stuffed for the rest of the day.  I eat a light breakfast and a light lunch and can then do a heavy dinner (if needed), or a regular dinner with some dessert. 

Things look beautiful outside from this window.  Maybe it was just the music.

Looking forward to more guitar shennanigans tonight, I'll get back into it heavily over this weekend.  Luckily it's a long weekend and I can put up with a short week next week, and it's pay week!  What more can you love?  Ok under an hour to go now, I'm sure it should be great.  I'm feeling inspired, and I have been working on a new breakdown that I was hoping to put into a new song.

I'll leave it here for now.

10 or so posts away from 1,000 posts!  Not bad, eh?  Hahaha, only took about 9 years!

Joaquin out.

Things Move Forward, I'm Staying Back

Just woke up with too much pain and tiredness to get to the gym this morning.  As a result, I slept in like a mofo and was a little late to work.  Oh well!  Hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow and I'll be back with the program.

Hmmm things feel like I've been sidled out of work here.  Does that not bode well for me?  We'll see.

There's too many balls up in the air at the moment.  What if you can't catch any of them?  You're just stuck there and terrified of the consequences.

Ah yes!  I recall that I was going to go on a rant about the anti-war movement.  I think if you are truly anti-war, you have to be anti troops as well.  I really hate people who say "oh I don't support the war, but I support the troops" because that argument doesn't hold water.  The conservatives have done a bang up job of saying questioning anything is a form of treason and unpatriotic.  What a load of shit!  The American war of independence was caused by people questioning the unfair status quo.  That's something I admire.  And don't say the system now is fair - try being an elderly disabled muslim African American lesbian woman.  You'll see what the definition of unfair is.

The whole idea of the armed forces is to kill.  People go in, and they attract a certain type - alphas, a little unhinged, overconfident, mostly poor, uneducated - people who can be easily brainwashed into dehumanising other people, so that they can take pleasure in killing others.  Humans aren't designed for that sort of reprogamming and horror.  Why do you think so many soldiers come back from duty and start going crazy and killing their partners and themselves?  It's not normal to put a gun in someone's hand and say "kill these people who have done nothing personal against you" and then expect them to come back and have a grip on reality!  Most armies, especially in the West, have not fought a war on their own soil in a very long time.  Therefore, these armies are not 'defence forces' but rather 'aggression forces', and don't talk about pre-emptive strikes, or protecting your own interests on foreign soil, because if you use that argument, it is perfectly valid (and justified under such skewed logic), for enemies to do the same thing to you.  Each side thinks they are right, so everyone is screwed.

I don't really care if soldiers die, the way I see it, that's their job.  You're paid to kill other combatants, or to die, one or the other.  It really grates when I read stories of soldiers letting loose and just killing civilians left right and centre.  That's the problem - in order to psyche up these people to kill, they need to understand that the 'other' or the 'unknown' is to be feared and killed. 

So it's hypocritical for people to say they don't support wars, yet still support the troops, because the troops enable the wars.  Without armies to back governments, or to carry out wars, governments would be less likely to be involved in this sort of behaviour.  After all, it's not them who pays the price, it is the soldiers, and they don't really care about them.  They may act like they do, but that's just to keep up appearances.  If you take away the supply for soldiers, the demand will decrease.  Nobody in their right mind will fight a war if they don't think they can adequately defend themselves, or inflict enough damage on the enemy.

I don't agree with picketing soldiers funerals, because that's incredibly messed up and mean.  But I certainly think you're an idiot for saying "I don't support the war, but I support the troops".  Without the tools to inflict such horror, wars don't happen.  Innocent people don't die on a mass scale.  The current wars are unjust, and anybody in their right mind wouldn't fight in them (at least from the West), because it serves no purpose for them.  So if they are told to fight, they should not.  Yet they do, because they will say that they're ordered to.  Well guess what?  The Nazis tried to pull the same stuff at the Nuremburg trials, and it didn't work for them.  When going 'with the flow', doing the wrong thing is still the wrong thing, regardless of how many people support it, or whether nobody speaks up to stop it from happening. 

It's alright to support the war, I'm not saying otherwise, I'm just saying at least be consistent and don't be hypocritical with your comments. 

Ok, that rant's over, hope it made sense.  I just get so worked up about these things because I just look at what happened to Bradley Manning and it's incredibly infuriating.  The Government likes to say that the army is all about mateship and courage and what not, but Manning exposed crimes against humanity, and war crimes and various other things, yet the Army is in a massive rush to tear him down, and have the people call him a traitor to the cause.  How dare you?  If you believe in war that anything goes, then you're a monster. 

Next rant - feministas or feminazis.  For the uninitiated, it's the term used to describe militant or deafeningly shrieking style feminists who say that basically all ideology at the moment is phallocentric.  Don't get me wrong, I support feminism, women are not afforded equal treatment in Western society, let alone anywhere else.  What I don't like is the idea that these extremely well educated, middle/upper class white women judge foreign cultures on their attitudes to women.  Wages for women in the West are far down compared to men.  Yet they still want to say that things here are perfect and that it should be the ideal model.  Things are messed up everywhere!  I'm also not a fan of writing by authors like Clem Bastow and Clementine Ford, who, despite their impressive pop culture and media writing, tend to view guys as essentially women-hating sexual miscreants in waiting.  That's definitely something I take issue with.  It's insidious because it's all incredibly very accusatory "if you look at a woman, you are molesting her" and all this other stuff.  I mean, come on!  Yes, women's issues need to be discussed and drawn to the attention of everyone.  But that sort of screeching doesn't go well to alleviating the stereotype of women as over-emotional hysterical creatures.  There is a great tumblr gif about an over-reaction to just an innocent interaction, but I don't know where it is anymore.  Not all guys are animals, and they shouldn't be guilted into thinking they are when they've done nothing wrong. 

There was a story in the news this week about a young man who was assaulted by police while at the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.  Basically he was in handcuffs when he was hit repeatedly in the head and slammed into the ground.  I'm not one for police brutality, since I think police think too much of themselves and that the law doesn't apply to them.  So of course you're getting every fool and his dog complaining on social media about police brutality (especially since this was filmed on a camera phone and then went viral), without realising crap like this happens everyday, and more often than not to indigenous members of society.  So everyone is up in arms about this thing, then today it comes out that the guy in question actually tickled a girl from behind (who was unknown to him).  He was obviously drunk, so she would have been afraid and she reported him to the police who came to arrest him.  Oh, all of a sudden he doesn't seem so innocent now, does he?  If only the hysterical screaming masses who feel disenfranchised by what happened to this guy could battle against the feminazis, I would have a grand day.  Pays to listen to the whole story and get your facts before freaking out about things on social media, isn't it?  The dude deserved a beating, but perhaps not at the hands of the police.  Maybe at the hands of the feminazis?

Those were not good times, so why have they come around again?  Damn, this was a great entry!  Just over an hour to go until I can get home.  Not bad, right?  Haha!

That's it, I can't focus any more.

Food for thought.  Anarchy inside my mind.

Joaquin out.

Wednesdays Hit Harder

They certainly do.  I've always told the other that Tuesdays are worse than Mondays.  The body can adjust to Monday based on pure adrenaline, but by Tuesday, you're out of gas and you're struggling to get into things.  That's why I hate Tuesdays more than Mondays.  But today, being a Wednesday, I'm just feeling like my ass has been kicked in.  My body is just feeling all sorts of sore, which is strange, considering I have not had the time to do weights since I've started work again, but I'm able to do cardio.  So maybe that's what I needed?  Weights keep my weight low and they help alleviate the stress on my body from the strain of exercise?  Who knows.  I might have to change everything up next week and see how I pull up.  Either way, it sounds like the same of a good pop song.

I'd just love to rest and put my feet up, but I can't do that!  Terrible! 

One of my favourite moments from my holiday was when I was in Sungei Wang Plaza (or it could have been Low Yat Plaza) in Malaysia and just bumming around and I went to some Mecha Toy Store, and they were playing Girls' Generation and I was loving it!  They actually sell Girls' Generation merchandise there, which you don't get here.  I'd love to have that here. 

It's so cold here!  I think I'm getting sick, I wanna go overseas again! 

Hmmm lately I've been getting these absolutely wicked chest pains from time to time.  What's up with that?  Am I just going to drop dead?  Well I guess that's the price I pay for not doing anything about it and getting it checked out.  My risk, I suppose.  Would be strange to die before 30, but hey, dems the breaks, right?

Flashing images of the other city.  The place I used to live.  Would things be so different?  It would be different now, that's for sure.  Argh, all so frustrating!!

Ok, my work here is done!  But what am I supposed to do with the remaining 5 and a half hours of the day??  At least I still have lunch to look forward to, and an hour meeting, so that's 2 hours of the way.  Only 2 hours at my desk otherwise!  Sounds good, I can just keep writing.

There was a pretty big issue the other day that I wanted to blog about, but now I've forgotten it, so you'll have to forgive me.  What else can I possibly write about?  I don't even know.

Didn't get to guitar properly last night, which sucks.  Will aim for a good session tonight, cause I want to revisit my stuff, damn it!!

Was I going to go on a rant about hipsters?  Or about racism?  I'm not sure.  Hmmmmm.

When I try and think of a topic, I'm usually able to think back to a blog post that already talks about it, which renders my points redundant!  And I don't really want to repeat myself.  Maybe it would be an idea to go back through all of our posts and edit them to add tags in.  But as I'm sure I've mentioned before, I don't tend to tag consistently, so even two posts with the exact same content could be tagged entirely differently!  Hmmm, we'll see.  That's an arduous process, perhaps one best saved for my next go with the blog intro/retrospective.

Ok not bad, only an hour to go until I can get out of here. 

Before you ask, no, the theme of the blog is not going to change, not ever.  I don't think this is a theme that blogger even allows.  The other constructed this theme by hand, so to recognise such glory, the theme won't change, unless the other changes.  Well first of all, the blog is the other's, I was invited!  But now I've co-opted the whole thing.  Pretty nifty!  But that being said, I think I could stand to add a bit more colour/flavour/flair just in terms of how the blog presents.  Not just pages and pages of text, but maybe some pics, some videos here and there, just to break things up.

Ah there we go, chest pains again!  Is it my heart?  Just muscular pain?  Ahhh.  Oh well, no complaining, it'll just happen - if it's going to happen.  Something will happen.

Oh that's right!  I wanted to rant about the anti-war movement!  But I'll start with that tomorrow.

For now, let's leave it there.

Joaquin out.

Change It Up!

Tight pants are society's means of keeping your junk in check!  Ahhh ow ow ow they hurt!  I've got a feeling this is going to lead to problems later.  Maybe it's just my underwear?  Maybe I need a larger pair.  I'm not sure!  It's a fine line between snug and strangulation!  Can't wait to get home and get these pants off, that's for sure!

Getting through my music at the moment, and I'm very impressed with Rush and Soundgarden, who survived a massive cull, but artists like Jane's Addiction, Tonic, Creed, Garbage, Vertical Horizon and Beady Eye got absolutely slaughtered.  On average, these artists only had 2-3 good tracks per album, which is ridiculous!  What's with the obsession with blandness?  All the music sounds the same, there are no hooks, no catchy melodies.  Maybe I'm just a single chaser, but hey, there's nothing wrong with that.  We're free to choose the music we want.  Still gotta get through Kaki King, Mandy Moore, Slash, and Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds and then I'll be done!  Can finally update my external hard drive and my iPhone.  Hopefully those guys, as well as Daniel Merriweather and Matchbox 20 can score one for good music.

Have I been in the house too long?  Thank you, Morrissey.

Slowly getting back into the swing of things at work, but just taking it easy for now.

Stupid 3G!  Especially from Optus.  Their coverage is so shit, I can't believe that they're allowed to operate as a telecommunications carrier.  Just appalling.  Next to them, Telstra look like bastions of great service.  And holy crap, that is saying something!

We've had over 14k visitors to this site, which is quite amazing!  Not just that, we're creeping up on 1,000 posts, which is a huge achievement, considering we've had some pretty lax years in there.  Glad to have you all aboard for this journey, and hoepfully we (or at this point, I) can keep this up for your entertainment.

Hmmm, I'm feeling tired now, and I still have 2 and a half hours to go till I can get out of here.  Not good.

I just want to change absolutely everything about me.  I mean just look at me, terrible.  I hate myself.  I really do.  I want to put this here so that I can remember it.  Scan this stuff google, I know you're taking notes.

Been getting back into Teknoman and Robotech.  They're ridiculously good shows!  A bit dated now, yes, but the dialogue in Teknoman is excellent, and the brutal warfare themes of Robotech never fail to hit home.  I just can't get over what a tossbag Rick Hunter is, and how annoying Minmei is!  Breetai never gets enough credit!  The guy is a strategic genius!  And he respects the enemy.  He is impressed whenever the humans do something narly.  Good on him!

What's going on with me?  I don't know, I really don't know.  It's like I'm two people.

We'll keep it there for now!

Haha.

Joaquin out.

Work Sucks (I Know)

Well I knew going back was going to suck!  But at least I didn't have to do too much.  200+ e-mails all sorted before the morning was out.  But goddamn, after just 3 hours at work I was ready to throw in the towel!  It felt like an eternity just to get to 11:30am!  What the hell?!  How am I supposed to make it to 5:30?  I think tomorrow will require the use of some chemical stimulation to get me through.  If only it wasn't just an energy drink, haha!

It's strange being back, I can tell you that.  I should have quit while I had the chance.  I've gotta get out of here, that's for certain.

Everything feels like it's trapping me and tying me down.  It's only begun to hit home of late.  I wonder what's going on?

I'd just like to be sprawled out somewhere with my music on.  Is that too much to ask?

I should really be practising guitar a little bit more.  Haven't played my own stuff in a long time, and I've actually forgotten how a fair chunk of it actually goes.  Not good.

Not sure how long I can actually hold out here.  It all just feels a bit different.  It doesn't feel right.  Maybe I'm just totally going about things in the wrong way.  I've just been looking at everything from the wrong perspective.

Rise above it - what do things like that even mean?  I know what I'm thinking about!  How long?  How long...

Not really able to string together anything coherent at the moment.  Not that it should matter.

Quite pleased that I was able to get moving on the Joaquin Rate List (JRL), and I can't think of any more updates for the future.  We'll see what happens!  Time moves on, and people get removed, and people get added.  My next plan is to have a companion JRL post, which will contain pictures of all the additions to the JRL, which I think will be quite well received!  I wonder how many hits that will get in comparison.

Anyway!  Things are just going on without me.  Do you recall how Steve Martin's character felt opted out of life in Father of the Bride?  That's how I feel.  Sort of co-opted out of my own life!  When the hell did that happen?  Oh yes, I recall when.

Perhaps I shouldn't say what I mean, or mean what I say.

A key reason I'm unsettled is probably because I'm frustrated.  We all know why.  Are things going to change?

Tumblr has been getting too much love from me lately, so for that I apologise.  This is my first love!
Ok, alright!  Just gotta make it 90 minutes and all will be ok.  Just need to make it to home and not fall asleep before bed time!  Arghhhhh!

Let's keep it there for now.

Joaquin out.

What's Waiting For Me?

Last day off, and here we go.

The last two weeks have been pretty much a big waste of time.  I may as well have gone back and had some time off later.  That doesn't matter, I still have time up my sleeve, but for what?  And when?

Been shaped on my internet - 60 gigabyte a month just isn't enough!  Now re-learning what it's like to be back on dial up speeds.  But that's ok.  I'm patient, and I only need to last a few more days until my billing period rolls over.

I should get to sleep soon to make sure I have everything in working order when I get back.  I wonder what's waiting for me?  Hopefully a whole load of nothing so I can just be lazy and continue with blogging.

Anyway, I'd better leave it there.

Joaquin out.

So This Is?

It's certainly not Christmas.

Summer is over, and just like that, it's a distant memory.

Much like I am.

Grrrrr, that's all I can say right now.

Things will not be ok until I make them ok.

So many goddamn soccer mums driving poorly at peak hour, trying to run into my car - fuck them!  Learn to drive, or keep putting your kids at risk.  I won't shed a tear when your shithouse driving results in your children's deaths.

My 2 weeks of being a househusband are over.  More respect for housewives, being asked or sometimes just expected to do all the chores.  Sheesh!

Better sleep, gotta be up early.

Joaquin out.

Oridago Noriji Marayo!

Hahahahah, just cause I'm listening to that song at the moment.

I figured why not just sort through all the new music that I've downloaded and just listen to the new stuff while I type?  Sounds like a good way to get two things done at once.

Definitely not looking forward to going back to work on Monday, after 5 weeks off to remind myself how much work sucks.  I'd much rather be overseas again, just eating and walking around shopping for nothing in particular and not giving a fuck about world events.  Nothing impacts me.  I just want to be left alone, with nobody to answer to.

At the moment I'm just moving forward with the new Alter Bridge stuff.  I liked the first album, but the second album wasn't all that good in my opinion.  But apparently the third one is meant to be their best effort.  So far it sounds pretty good, I like it!  Let's see how the rest of it is, and the other albums I've got.

Ahhh orange, orange, orenji, where have you been?  Tasty to get rid of the foul taste in my mouth, and the scent that invades my nose and reminds me of better things.  I can't be exposed to that other smell.

It's also dawned on me that that when I return to work that I won't be able to blog for a while, until I'm back on top of everything.  Cause I'm sure I won't have much down time for a while until I'm back up to speed on everything.  But I do this for me, not even for you, so that's that.

Caught up so much in my own past that I am blinded absolutely to the future.  How can anyone live like that?  I'm so unsure.  I just need more time.  But the clock keeps ticking and it all just leads to inevitable fate.  Do I even hold destiny in my own hands?  Can I shape my own life?  Or am I just a slave to time?

Life just goes on, regardless of whether I want it to stop, or not.

Will I get my way?  Just by sheer force of will?  1:30am and I'm questioning my own existence.  Hell, it's not the only time.

All these things I have grown to hate.

Perhaps a return to what I once was will bring me solace again.  But is that even possible when the memories burn like fire?  I have to believe in my own greatness.

One album out of the way, on to the next one.  Some songs got it, others just don't.

Give me the light.

Some interesting songs lately are calming me down and making me happy.

I just want to be gone again.  I think I've reached a crossroads in my life, wow at 28!  Not even a midlife crisis, unless I'm going to be dead relatively soon.  It's now or never.

Where are we going?  I've got a feeling this year won't be as hectic last year in terms of blogging quantity, but I guess all we can do is wait and see.  I have no idea what's going on with the other.

This is enough drivel for one night.

I'm going to play guitar.  My own stuff tonight.

Joaquin out.