Oh man! Everything is feeling mighty weird. I shouldn't have come in this morning. I should have just stayed in bed and slept it off and felt better for tomorrow. Wouldn't have thought it would come back to haunt me on a Wednesday, but here I am. I need to be fine for Friday, or it's game over. Maybe I can catch up on some sleep, that would be ace. In some ways, I don't want things to change. But as I've been told, the good things never last. They always change. They just have to. Nothing is constant in the universe. It is all open to evolution.
Can I even be honest with myself? I don't know. I hope I'm not chasing past stupidity. Things have to be different. I think I'm stronger now. I wish I wasn't, but I am, and that's something I have to live with. Phew, well that's one headache out of the way. Time has slowed right down. It's not going fast enough!!
Is this all new? Or is time just really shaped by our perceptions? I ask because of phenomena like deja vu. If we have done it all before, it can't be true, because time is linear right? Well it's meant to be circular. Otherwise information would have to be destroyed at some point, and I don't think that's the case. What if the universe was like a bathtub. Information is being created all the time. There's stacks of data all over the place, but for balance to remain, and the water not to spill over the edges, it needs to be drained - like with black holes. Information can be preserved, but it needs to be cycled in order for the system to remain balanced. Does that make sense to you? But going back to my earlier point, what if time and deja vu was just a construct of human perception? Time is really nothing? That would be so weird.
I really wish I had something good to write about. It just seems like all is just boring. I'm feeling a hint of relief, but I'm still totally not with the program. Is my life so worthless that I could be hit by a truck tomorrow and nothing would change? Yeah I feel like that's it. I would just be erased from history. Maybe that would be appropriate. I don't think I was supposed to be here in the first place.
I really need to change what I do when I get home. Too much time is wasted on just doing nothing. I should be more productive. I can't believe it's only Wednesday. I want this week to be over. This is a life of no meaning or relevance. I don't think I'm going to ever find it, either. So why bother? These are all shallow experiences. I don't recall the last time I actually felt something. I think things all the time, but feeling things is entirely different. Just forgotten. Cast away into the wind or the ocean. Here's the 64 thousand dollar question - what am I going to do with the remaining 2 hours I have until this day is over?
Maybe tomorrow will be better? But that all depends on me waking up.
Joaquin out.
