As a result I was not able to wake up properly this morning and couldn't go to the gym. It also didn't help that I had the weirdest dreams. Friends with a bunch of people I've never seen before and interacting with people I hadn't seen in a long time, like 15 years or so. It's all poison for the mind.
Back to other pressing matters, I have to make a decision about this job by the end of the week, and I still have no clue what to do. I don't really want to have this conversation. So many risks, so many pros and cons. It doesn't help that I'm too tired to think properly. I've been enjoying guitar, even though I have been playing popular songs and brushing up on my chord memory, and not really focusing on my own stuff. It's a shame, cause I really like going through and consolidating ideas. There's nothing that beats the pleasure that comes from combining two separate ideas into one really great idea. I still need to get a loop pedal so I can accompany myself.
What concerns me about the entire games industry is that it appears that everything is annualised and created to cost consumers more money. Remember the old days when your Sega Megadrive or Super Nintendo lasted like 10 years or so while they kept creating games for it? Now the focus is on graphics and processor performance and not so much on fun experiences or compelling story telling. These days, consoles barely have shelf lives of 4-5 years before they are being replaced in their entirety. Then you also get games that are annualised, like the Call of Duty series and what not, and gamers are just burnt out. They're not getting their full value from the $80 or so they put down on these games, especially when game companies expect them to buy multiple games over the course of a year or so. Time constraints are also a major problem as people get older and have more responsibilities at home, and that's not good for game folks because these are the people who have the disposable income to buy the stuff. These days I can't really put down the several hours per turn to play some Total War, but I can spare a few doses of 10-15 minutes to play a few rounds of Counter Strike Global Offensive or Chivalry Medieval Warfare. Cause there's no buildup, you just go for it guns (or swords) blazing, and after some hardcore intensity, the match is over and you can go back to living your life. Reminds me of my old school days of playing Unreal Tournament during College or University as stress relief. I'd play assault maps and just thrash everyone. Haven't played that in a while, but I guess it's not AS fun on new computers because it runs so smooth. I enjoyed the choppy and stilted action from my old PC, those were good times. 2-3am during holidays just going nuts in front of the fan to cool the faulty computer cooling while getting my Unreal Tournament on, ahhh those were the days.
Life just moves too fast. There's no time to stop and smell the figurative roses. Everyone turns into vultures, and they're all too prepared to feast on the corpse of success at the expense of everyone else.
I'm hating this, I'm really hating this. I think I'll turn it down, there's just too many complications. Story of my life, right?
Hmm, I'm kind of reminded of a quote which I'm sure I've botched up somewhere.
Is that it? Is this it? Am I watching my dreams die right in front of me? Somewhere I guess I just lost my way. But what point was that? I guess where I was born. None of this should be happening. It could be worse, though!
I think I'm done for today. I don't want to check my e-mail after rejecting that job offer, but I know I have to, in order to send this to myself so I can actually blog later on tonight. Blaaargh.
Ok, no more typos! Gotta start proofing my own shit. And I'll also have to finish blood meridian! Damn you, Cormac, damn you! Addictive writing.
Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Joaquin out.
