Forestalling The Forewarning

Oooooh I like that one!  Just thought of it as I typed it.  Not bad, eh?  What is this existentialism in my life?  I don't need it!  I don't need this existence.  I'm gaining nothing out of it, nothing at all.  Wow, there's just so much to do!  I want to just sit back and relax, but there's just no time for anything.  Not even to live my life.  And I guess that's a good reason for just wanting out.  Out of everything.  What struck me about today is that the pressure points and stress at work are coming from things that really don't add value.  Things a secretary should be doing.  And there goes all my productivity, dealing with ancillary shit. 

Cripes, just looking at my expenses for November and it's horrible!!  SO MUCH MONEY is coming out of my bank account this month.  It's horrible!  How could this even happen?  It's all taxes, rent, bills - stuff I have to do.  That's incredibly fucked up.

2 hours to gooooo.  Yaaah!  I'm feeling incredibly tired.  Just get it done!!

Maybe I just need to take a break and calm the fuck down.

Everyone is just better than me.  And let's leave it at that.

Ah fuck, I'm losing the plot!!!  So many mistakes.  I'm not as great as I thought I was.  Maybe I can just try to have a breather tomorrow.  That would be a welcome change.  Maybe I can just focus and get things done. 

Everything now is plagued by self-doubt.  Was I always like this?  Or has it only recently come to the forefront?  And I'm frozen.  I'm the victim.  A victim of myself in a way.

Or does the good come with the bad?  I don't like that deal.

Joaquin out.