What Is The Value Of Dreams?

Priceless. Though, I am starting to think that they are irrelevant, in that they have no meaning. It is just the brain unwinding and acting illogically while it's only running essential processes to keep you alive. But one thing I do find interesting is that the people you see in your dreams, whether you realise it or not, are all people you have actually seen in real life.
Your subconscious recreates them for you while you sleep. Isn't that so cool? I would love to know where all the people in my dreams are from. But I guess that is something I will never know.

Why does respite only come when I am not thinking of respite? That's no respite at all.

Strength of faith and mind to get through this.

What's the value of information? Like its one thing to know something, but what is its relative value? You would think that knowing who won the 1994 football world cup would be pointless, but what would you do on the off chance some drunken idiot holds you at gunpoint demanding to know the answer?

Knowing things is good. Especially that which you did not know before. But again, without relevance or the ability to act, you really are back to square one, and I ask, what's the point in that?

I'll let you in on a secret, I find the little tapping noises on my keypad for the phone very soothing. I really dislike typing on my phone on silent profile as a result. I'm sure I'm the only person in the world who likes that noise.

Perhaps I know more than I should, about everything. How did things pan out like this?

I'll let you in on another secret. I'm sick of this life. I can't live like this anymore. I really don't want to wake up tomorrow. I've lost all motivation to accomplish or achieve anything.

This is siege mentality. Trying to smash the fortress. The fortress of which comprises not just the physical but the metaphysical and the spiritual. Is it even possible? I guess time and isolation would get me what I want. Like some ersatz Morrissey. Please. I want this. I need this. It's all I have.

Don't fall in love. Just don't do it. You can pretend to, you can say the words. But hold back. Never let it take you over. Don't let it consume you. Never give it your all. Its not worth it. It's not worth your life. It's not worth what it can cost you. Cause it's everything. Live superficially. You stand to lose less.

The thought struck me earlier today that I have no real friends. Nobody I could really confide in and trust. I have people I can talk to about superficial stuff, but not real things that true friendships are meant for. And once again, I have got to rely on myself. And yet, I don't even have the hate to get me through. To see me through to the success of another day. To keep me grounded and driven.

This time. Next time.

Clued up messes of facts. I need a shower. All this pointlessness is making me feel dirty.

There is a light that has gone out. It's where my soul used to be. I don't need or want for anything anymore. It's all just negative space.

That's it for now.

Joaquin out.