Just Too Carefree For The Likes Of Me

After yesterday's brilliance, I am now short on ideas to blog! There
have been a few additions to the Joaquin Rate List (JRL), but until
the computer is up and running, I can't update it. The computer
repair guy is coming today to check out the problem, but I don't hold
out a lot of hope - he thinks he will need to take it back to his
place to fix it. This is annoying because my internet rolls over this
weekend, and I still have 20gig to go! That and I don't know what
sort of work is being undertaken, considering these guys charge on an
hourly basis. We'll see what happens.

Heading away for the weekend at this point, so there won't be anything
substantive from me at this point.

I just feel like locking myself in a tiny room and just playing mean,
mean blues guitar.

I've been watching Samurai X, and I gotta say, everything after the
Shishio arc absolutely sucks. At least I'm only 4 episodes from the
end. Then I can delete it from my hard drive.

And like I've said before, it's not so easy when the phone doesn't
ring. I don't even get messages anymore. Maybe I should just get rid
of my phone once my contract is up? I got a phone quite late, when I
was 18, and it has been nothing but a bane since I've had one. Just
another thing to carry that I probably don't need. I can always go
back to my Samsung YHj70 for my music. That was a good machine.

I'll never understand why NatCat stopped being friends with me. The
defriend on facebook was interesting, but she just cut me out totally.
What's even weirder is that I see her every now and then in the city
and when she spots me she seems all embarrassed and ashamed. It's
something I just don't get. I would have thought it would be
something that is relegated to just females, but guys have also just
stopped talking to me. I wonder what the hell it is?

Why am I so self-loathing lately? I can't do it. I just hate myself
so much. Such malice can't be good for me. Hell, it can't be good
for you either. Look at what I'm turning into! Goddamn, just sit and
look, it's not what I want to be! I just need out, out out.


So what the fuck? You say you're too busy to talk to me, yet I know
you just sit at home in the evenings doing nothing, or during the day
just sitting on google chat. Too busy talking to your asshole friends
who just want to sleep with you? I'm sure you have plenty of time to
entertain them. Guess it wasn't so hard for you to fall out of love
with me. I'm turning into a version of Gollum from Lord of the Rings,
and you are the one ring. How I love you and hate you. Maybe I'll be
a different person when you see me again.

But who knows, right?


Joaquin out.