When you can just stay in bed and be happy? In warmth, and take life at my own pace. To do what I want to do. That would be the fantasy, but here I am, at work, being bored with nothing to do. It's much better to be lost in dreams. At least my back is on the way to being back to 100% again.
Just no time in the day to get anything done, and when you factor in that my work hours are so much better now compared to how they used to be, yet I'm still coming down to the same net result. No time! Don't get the things done that I want to. It never was really my own time was it? Living in borrowed time, as for now, as for always.
Edging closer to another milestone. Has my life passed by so quickly? The lines on my face grow. This body is not the same, and I'm in the process of losing hope. This is despair. Youth left me. Dreams die. Why bother? Why even bother with anything? If it's not soon, it will never be. Then what of my life? Just another wasted one.
And I can never see any happiness. It's just not part of my thought processes.
Thinking, thinking, thinking. I've got a bad feeling about this. Is it even possible? Who knows, right?
Been listening to a lot of new music lately and enjoying it immensely. Always a good time.
Do I have anything to blog about today? I can't think of anything after yesterday's ranty post. Well at least we can return to disjointed and nonsensical for today.
Feeling awfully tired today. How am I meant to get through until the end of the day? It's only 11:20am!
These are questions you can ask me.
Crazy what is happening in Boston at the moment with the bombing at the marathon. Was silly enough to read the comments on yahoo.com as well as ninemsn.com.au - where the absolute worst in humanity gets together to celebrate their own hatred and fear and conspiracy theories. Both sites are really just the toilet of the internet. Ninemsn has at least incorporated a facebook style system, so if you make a comment, people can pick up your name and your picture. But yahoo is a bit more anonymous. There's a lot of assumptions and hate-filled invective flying around on both sites and it's really just astonishing to see how quickly people fly off the handle - yet even more disturbing to see how many people celebrate their madness. I hope the people making these comments are found out by their employers and families and castigated for it. When the Oklahoma City Bombing occurred, the entire world was filled with the same sort of hatred and xenophobia, but when Timothy McVeigh was found to be the culprit, all of a sudden the world stopped caring and seemed so shocked. Here was a white jock boy fighting for white supremacist causes, and conducting a bombing which resulted in mass-murder, yet was not labelled a terrorist. That's right, you need to be muslim to be a terrorist. What a load of shit. Timothy McVeigh was a terrorist, simply put. But he was never charged as such, and we only saw racial profiling and human rights abuses after the September 11 attacks. What hypocrisy. Let's go spread some democracy to some foreign countries by killing scores of innocent people while stealing their natural resources and profiting off the carnage. The world is a sick place. That's not justice, that's every bit as bad as terrorism.
What I really hate is how Western media perceives other cultures. Yes, we know the Iranian and North Korean governments are a bit whacky and war hungry. But the people who actually live in those countries are nothing like the government. They just want to go about and live their lives happily. But the media would have you believe that they are also war hungry people who hate the West and no sympathy should be given to them if the military bombs them like cowards from the air, or from cruise missiles many kilometres away. They're just regular people! Here's the thing, the media makes it sound like injustice can only happen to Westerners. If you're a part of a minority in the West, or you're from another country, then general principles of fairness and equality do not extend to you. Bad things are just 'bad things' and a reality of being where you live. But injustice apparently only happens to Westerners. What a crazy world we live in. Such entitlement.
So while looking up new phones, I looked at my iPhone 4 (8gig) and realised that I've only had it just over 2 years. The last set of phones I had before that served me 4-5 years a piece! Technology is just so replaceable, especially as innovation carries forward at an alarming rate. But guess what, we are all replaceable too. It is only our friends and family that regard us as being valuable. But we are not really valuable to society. In fact, the more our numbers grow, the more of a burden we become on everything around us. Each generation gets replaced by the next one, and we are forever wiped out. Resigned to the pages of history (or wikipedia), if we're lucky. For the rest, there is a void that gets filled very quickly so that we are not missed at all after a while.
Oh my god, it's only Tuesday!!! Still 3 more days of this crap to get through? Even then, the weekend doesn't really bring that much respite because I'm always busy. Busy doing crap I don't want to do. Where is that point? That point where I lost control of my life and just became this? If you told me this a long time ago, I don't know what I would have done. This shouldn't be happening.
Been reading about the National Broadband Network in Australia. For those of you not in the know, Australia has one of the slowest internet speeds for a developed country. The issue is the sheer size of Australia, as well as the fact that the majority of people here live on the Eastern seaboard. Our internet network is based on old copper wiring which was only ever meant to be used for telephones, and certainly not the broadband traffic it's now clogged up with. Ergo, we have very slow internet, and coverage is not so good. The Government is throwing many billions of dollars into a National Broadband Network in order to upgrade infrastructure, and to speed up access quite significantly. They say this should lead to more opportunities in terms of education and research and work, which I would definitely agree with. But when you factor in that the majority of people who have internet use it for private use, then most of these people will use it for just regular youtubing and downloading music and other stuff (e.g. piracy)! This doesn't really increase productivity, because let's just say if I wanted to get some songs, I'd have to wait a few minutes for one to complete. By having a faster connection, all that means is that I can download a lot more things. I'm not going to finish downloading my original song and then get on with the job. Since the internet is so addictive, with things like blogs, and social media and interactive entertainment, I think it just means we will be plugging in more and enjoying more content. Well that's just what I think anyway.
Ok, a tad over 2 hours to go until I can get out of here. But what am I even looking forward to? I don't even know.
Hmmm thought I had another good idea to blog about but it's left me. I used to have a lot more stuff to write about, as you can probably tell when you look at posts from when I was in university, and probably a bit more intellectually inspired. I can still post stuff like that, but probably not as often. As you can tell, I'm a bit more confused and unsure these days compared to then. But that's before I took the hit. Maybe I'm just tired, maybe I'm just getting older. Maybe I just need more sleep. But the problem is that I can still function without it. I don't want to be here. I want to be out looking, searching. The heart stings less then.
Oh my god! Still 90 minutes to go? That's not good!! Time is running slower! We must be nearing the black hole. That from which we do not return.
Wow, I really do have the ability to ramble on and on! Should focus on making my writing short, sharp and precise. But this is a blog. I wonder if there's anyone out there who actually reads our posts chronologically and word for word? Are people actually hanging out for this stuff? I would be shocked, but it wouldn't be the first time.
There's definitely time for some hardcore guitaring tonight. My own stuff!! None of this cover bullshit.
And the clouds have opened up and the sun shines through. But I'm too preoccupied to even care.
In my research for phones (I'm most likely going to get as Samsung Galaxy S4) I've come across all this hilarious talk of ios vs android fanbois. As we know, iOS is a pretty rigid system, and you have to work with what you have. But Android is fully customisable through widgets and what not. I think your choice says a lot about you. iOS is a great, well designed system, and people like me are good at being able to get the most out of what they're given. But Android can be customised to suit your needs, and there are no limits in terms of what you can do. The customisation actually scares me a little. There's so much you can do! I just want to have a phone that works, with all my favourite apps up the front!
Ahhh, there we go, the clouds come rolling back in and the darkness takes over. Will it rain? I hope so.
Was that a sign I shouldn't have stuffed it up?
Hmm, I guess we will see.
Let's leave it there for today, folks. Take care.
Joaquin out.
