Yet the drudgery of it all continues. Sometimes I wish I was never alive. Not dead - there's a clear difference. A complete lack of existence compared to being alive, just to lose existence anyway. Why? Why did this body have to be mine? Why did I have to inhabit this consciousness? Couldn't I just not be? And it's these things which keep me up at night. It's all just a bit too much. Why, why why? Why me? Why not someone else? So that I wouldn't even know what I was missing. There had better be something else in the end.
From here I can see the shadows move. Life is moving on when I wish it did not. I'm looking for convergence. Not for my own life, but for everything - all lives. Compress it. Have I turned into Ultimecia from FF8? Who knows. Everything, all of it, at once.
The lines on my face are showing. The softness of youth fades away to the harshness of time and decay.
I don't get this new version of iOS - when I send an e-mail from the app, the plane whooshing noise (usually to signify that your mail has sent), is heard before anything is sent! It makes the noise, then it makes the connection, then it sends. What strangeness! They have to patch that, cause it's really disturbing!
Oh man, I can't believe it's only Thursday! It's a short week, too! It already feels like Friday. I don't know how I'm going to come in tomorrow. And I really don't want to nap tonight. Better rest up though, going to test drive some cars on Saturday.
Arghh, I'm trying to avoid falling asleep at my desk here. An interesting factoid for you: we are receiving a lot of hits from our 2004 period lately. I wonder what's spurred it on? I've had a look through the posts coming up in the analysis screen, and it doesn't really relate to any topics that the public would be after, or maybe so you would think? Probably just spam bots trawling for data. But interesting, nonetheless.
It's getting cold again and I can't cope. Ever since I got sick last year, I've found it really difficult to maintain body temperature. I'm always feeling cold or hot. Never comfortable. Wonder what that is?
Time wasted can never be gained back.
Can I keep blogging, always? To be honest, right now I don't see a time in the future where I'm ever not blogging. In which case, let's all just continue on as business as usual. But maybe one day it will just stop. But until then, read on.
2 hours to go until home time? How am I supposed to do this? I'm also ridiculously hungry! How can I put up with this? I could really do with some sleep.
What I'll never understand are films related to people who have everything but are forced to realise that maybe they don't. They are popular, well liked, have steady relationships, and are successful with their careers. But through various trials and tribulations, they realise they aren't happy with such a supposedly shallow existence and seek to actively change it. But that really annoys me - the things they have are what we are taught to strive for! What more can they change about their lives in order to be happy? Don't give me that shit, because films like It's A Wonderful Life make people realise they are lucky and should enjoy their own lives - which is a good lesson. But other films which tell you to seek out more are just complete contrivances. People who aren't happy with their lives can't relate to films like that, because they don't identify with characters who seemingly have everything they want, yet aren't happy. Way to alienate the audience - films like Any Questions For Ben take note!
Just had a very good idea!
Anyway, I find it really odd that people find it difficult to get into the public service. Firstly, why is it so hard? I think it's a question of attrition, just like any other job hunting exercise. You'll get something eventually, as long as your application is decent quality. The other question is why would anyone want to work there? It's not a good workplace, it's just full of terrible management, terrible practices, and awful bureaucracy. Why would anyone sign up for that? The opportunities in the private sector are so much better. Well at least at high end places. That's what you should aim for.
Net rolls over tonight and I have a gig up my sleeve! Hell yes, can't wait to waste some bandwidth and continue with my youtube exploits.
So what's the deal with social media? Well my deal at least? I use facebook, twitter and tumblr, and I suppose this counts in a way. This is by far my favourite medium, but followed quite closely by tumblr. I get news, humour and personal interest stuff on there that I can just enjoy. Twitter is mostly not funny and doesn't really cheer me up. Facebook is boring, my friends don't seem to be doing anything interesting, or at least they don't put it up on there anymore. So I should just use this and tumblr!
Anyhow, I'd better leave it here.
Joaquin out.
