Offended Affronted

I'm still struggling to feel anything.

Life is just going, you know. It's just happening. I can't seize it. I'm too caught up in despair and isolation right now.

I can't get over it, I don't want to.

I'm so fucking tired, but I can't sleep. The mind just goes a mile a minute.

Just trying to chase that feeling - that one I mentioned the other day. Closing your eyes and stilling the mind, and finding that moment of peace and clarity. Of nothingness. Darkness. Is that death? If so, I want it.

Staring blankly out the window, I don't want to be here. I just can't concentrate. I can't do any work.

Other things aren't really acknowledged as they should be. I guess I tuned out.

Going on a training course tomorrow, and I've just figured out that one of the other attendees took a job that I had applied for a few months back. This should be interesting. Especially in the current frame of mind that I'm in.


Fuck off, I didn't want to see your name. Not like that. On something else completely unrelated. Fuck, why is this happening? I hate you so much. How could you do this to me? Say I disgust you? That you don't love me? That I lied to you and manipulated you? Damn it, you didn't do anything you did not want to do. Did you ever love me? Or did you just suddenly wake one day and realise that since he left you, you wanted to be with him and consider him better for you than me? What's going on in your life?

I've had enough of this bullshit.


Joaquin out.