Countdown To Suicide

So the truth comes out. You never loved me. You regret it all and you wished you could forget it. You just want me to leave you alone and fuck off.

You won't even tell me what changed. Did he cheat on you? Did he leave you for someone else? Are those feelings of abandonment driving you to hate me so much? Well it hurts.

Breaking someone's heart is the worst thing you can do to someone. I did it to you. And now you are doing it to me. I acted because I had to do the right thing. You only do so out of malice.

You are so fucking wretched. How could you say those things to me? God, you are so evil.

And I'm so hurt. Hurt beyond anything I've ever felt before.

Girls wonder why guys are so heartless. Because girls break them. And the pain is so much for them to bear, they can never really put themselves out there again.

Been thinking a lot about death lately. I've just lost the will to live after all of this madness. I suppose I should start making my arrangements. That moment when you close your eyes and force all thoughts from your head and there is just a moment of clarity, of peace. Of nothingness. Is that what death is like?

Is God on the other side? I'm starting to worry, you know, that there is nothing after death. Just blackness. And that is quite fucked up. There has been so much injustice and pain in the world, and to realise that it is not going to be remedied really cuts me. Am I afraid of dying? No. I'm only worried for those that stay behind. Whether it is God - and I hope it is, because I seek peace and forgiveness, or nothing, it is all inevitable. Life is not worth living for me anymore.

Leaving you alone will make you happy? Well I can't, I just cannot live like that. So in order to make you happy, I will end my life. It is the only way I can get through this.

I will call you before I die. You will not answer. You will hang up on me with the phone I bought you because I wanted you to be spoiled. Then I will be forced to text you. How unclassy, it's so 21st century isn't it? I wonder how you will react. Will you even read what I said?? Or just read it, delete it and continue on your merry way? Like nothing happened? Like I was a fucking figment of your imagination?

This was the only time I believed in true love, in a soul mate. It was amazing and wonderful and it all blew up in my face like this.

I really dislike it when people disregard the dead, such as "oh they are dead, what would they care?" how do you know? Have you been dead?

Maybe I will meet your mother and I can tell her why I died for you. And I just cannot believe this is all happening. Well I guess I deserve it,

You fucking used me up and spit me out. Discarded like a piece of last weeks trash.

Fuck it. More tomorrow.