I Have No Time, She Has All The Freedom

My life has turned into a living adaptation of Breakeven by The Script. Just another slack day at work. There is stuff to do, but nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. So for now, I shall just write.

Finally managed to install the drivers on my tv card, so I can watch things on there, which is pretty nifty! I also got the hankering to get in on some Just Cause 2 action, so I got the demo off steam, and wow, I was suitably impressed. It's just a shitload of open world chaos and fun! Looks like I'll need to get all up in that GTAIV and Just Cause 2 action when my next pay cheque comes in, haha! I just know I'll never finish all of these games. I prefer tv and movies, it depresses me less, and a passive activity is better for someone with depression.

Maybe I can take back what I said about staying home. It's better than being at work. Even if it does make me quite sad.

Why can't I find a doctor who will just prescribe me drugs willy nilly? Just so I don't have to deal with the pain of this bullshit. I recall a funny flash joke on Family Guy the other day where Dr Seuss featured in a fantasy sequence of Stewie and Brian, where he was reading from one of his books "once the drugs stopped numbing the pain, the sex became even more violent" - haha gold!

Worryingly, I've been getting these crippling headaches lately. I wonder what's causing them? It always seems to happen at work in the afternoon. I'll put it down to just being sick right now. Why has this blog totally become about you? It used to be about me.


Ever wonder what you're truly made of? What you could do if you had half a chance? But isn't every day a chance? You always told me that you thought I could achieve great things, and yet here I am, everyday, pining over you and just wasting every opportunity. Doing the brave thing is so hard to do sometimes. I wish I could make you happy. But then I wonder, could I really? Would we have been happy? Or would it have been hell, would we have hurt each other beyond repair? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TURNING YOUR BACK ON ME? I need to know. You say the dynamics have changed, but I wonder how, why won't you tell me how? The horrible thing is that I don't envisage myself becoming anything unless it's at your side. What power you hold over me, and how I let you, and how you just want to throw it all away. For what? I suppose that you talk to everyone else but me, and maybe him. Hell, I'd think that you probably even talk to him more than me. I guess I will see you when I see you. Heartbroken and downtrodden. I had so many things planned for us, so many things to give you.


Sigh.  Joaquin out.