Intrinsic Faults Trapped In Vaults

But what do you do when there's nobody to blame, not even yourself? I write (or I type) and the signals tell the monitor what characters to display, and where they should be. I can write (or type), and delete words and add others in. This is all very artificial. Everything you read on here is artificial. I am the holder of truth. The narrative is controlled by me, and you have to take what I say as gospel. Because if I maintain what is truth, you can be alienated and placed on the outer for not believing in my truth, or what I claim it to be. Isn't that somewhat troubling to you? It is to me, and I'm the one in charge here! So I can't even imagine what it must be like for the readers of this fine blog.


And I don't want to win the grand prize, I'd settle for the consolation prizes. There's just too many unknowns and I don't think I'm trying hard enough. Existence itself is taxing enough without having to actually attempt anything. As always I'm in the wrong place. There's nothing to test me because I want to pass with flying colours. But I know everything is just attrition and probability and chaos. So you put yourself back in the ring to duke it out with everything that comes up against you. One day you have to be victorious. That's just the law of nature. Do you want it so bad, it hurts? Hmm the question is do I know enough? It's all a matter of aliveness.


Democracy is a flawed system. Of this you should already be aware. My favourite quote is "democracy is two lions and a sheep deciding what to eat for dinner". How very apt. But it's true. Let's take the recent election of Clive Palmer to Parliament in Australia. For those not in the know, Clive is a mining magnate, worth a few billion dollars who has no real political acumen, and has espoused really troubling views that border on insane conspiracy theories. But people voted him in! He goes on variety shows and talk shows and makes a real ass of himself with his stupidity, but people still want him to represent them! What does this say about the people? I guess if you can buy yourself into Parliament, people will take any bait you offer, hook, line and sinker. But here's the thing - educated people will say that it's up to the citizenry to vote and the biggest numbers win. But the citizenry won't educate itself, they like to believe in easy fixes, and they want to espouse the conspiracy theorist views because they are not living the lives they want (ie. where everything is handed on a silver platter to them without having to work for it). That's the issue. The idiots will rule. There's simply more of them because they keep breeding and dragging everyone else down with them. That just shows the system is untenable. It's gotta collapse sooner or later. Or else educated folk will be a thing of the past, or they will be marginalised, and the idiots will believe they are operating under an infallible and perfect doctrine. And you know what the downside of that is? In order to change how the world works, you'd need to have a revolution, and the dumb people would riot and probably win. Smart people don't fight, they don't fight wars because it's not logical. So we're pretty much just doomed. Unless someone out there has the guts to change the status quo and really make the world better for everyone, not just those who think they are entitled.


I was reading in the paper that phobias may be genetic memories at play. Genetic memories are essentially where traumatic experiences from your ancestors are coded into their DNA and passed on to the next generation. These memories aren't latent, because they are altered somewhat by chemical changes to DNA over time due to environmental changes, as well as increased exposure to radiation. Who knows? Maybe this is the basis for the belief in past lives? Haha, yes this does hark back to a post I made earlier on the topic of atoms and matter and what not. But what an interesting concept! Of course it only works if the traumatic experience happens before you can conceive children. But wow! Can you really code your memories into your DNA? How gorgeous. Because that technically means you could die and the matter that comprises you would still have bits of your memory coded into it. If you go deeper, perhaps all our ancestors and all of us are joined together at the core of all matter, where all the rules break down. How romantic and ironic!


So I'm pigeonholed and stuck now. Nowhere to go. Walking in the night, the darkness envelopes me and I become one with it. I am blind to my self, blind to my own thoughts. Instinct becomes reason first and foremost. There's no need to question it. Act and react. That's what it's all about.


Women are obsessed with dick sizes! They say they don't care, and that's what they'll tell their partners, but as soon as a man acts like a jerk, they will say he must have a small dick and he must be compensating as a result. Therefore you could say that they really do actually care!


Wow, this has really taken on a whole other life. I don't think I have any more to say. Hopefully I get this weekend to myself where I can just relax and let loose.


Am I motivated by anything? Not really. I just want to go home and go to sleep most of all. Nothing grand. Who wears pants on their waist? I have always worn them on my hips. They're just far more comfortable. Which makes it all the more surprising that something like hipster pants actually exist.


How can you feel homesick when you are not attached to any place on Earth? It's weird. I need to see what else is out there. There's no groove to my melody. Guitaring is going well, but I should return to my own stuff, not play other people's music. Now that I've fixed up my soundcard issues, I should work on recording my stuff and adding some dubs in.


There's nothing out there for anyone. I'm getting crazy and tired. Just fatigued, like my body is coming apart at the seams, and my mind is imploding on itself, and anarchy reigns everywhere. What else is there? Ahh man, I gotta make it 2 more hours before I can get out of here?! This is nuts! It should all end earlier.


The thing about the internet is that it has attracted a new breed of complainers. They feel good about complaining on the internet because they feel so powerless in their real lives, and they feel that by complaining on the internet that they are actually doing something about the problem. But this also means everything is a problem.


On the advice of Randall Munroe (creator of xkcd), I checked out OGLAF, and I have to say it's brilliant. It's subversive, it's hilarious, it's random. All the hallmarks of a really good webcoming. Check it out, but warning it's not safe for work or for polite company. It's almost bordering on pornographic in places, but still utterly hilarious.


Maybe it's all about establishing rhythm and momentum. When I die, I just want to be buried in the ground. No real grave, totally unmarked. Only those that know me should be able to find it, and when they're gone, that's it, my body will be lost forever.


Do you ever find that some people look very similar? Even across different racial groups, you'll find people who look exactly alike despite their skin colours (or even genders). Why is that? I think it's a cellular/DNA link to common ancestors. It shouldn't really come as a surprise that people will look like common ancestors when you realise that of course we had less people at the start of humanity's evolution, but as we have more people, of course people's appearances are going to become more and more diverse, but through it all, you'll still see traces of those ancestors.


I'm done with today. Hope you've enjoyed the jump.


Joaquin out.