Don't Open Your Eyes, Don't Ruin The Surprise

Truer words have never been spoken.  It hit me this morning as I was lost in sleep, lost in dreams.  I was aware and awake but I knew it was early so I didn't want to open my eyes.  I didn't want to face the real world.  Especially since I'm so freakin' exhausted.  There's no time for anything.  It's work and then home, eat and it's time to sleep and I'm already running late.  Then in the mornings it's all rush rush rush to get into work.  Gym is going well.  I'm slowly building my endurance back up to where it used to be, but interestingly, strength is still where it was.  It's funny what stopping anything for a week will do to you, physically and in terms of skills with guitar.  I'm getting back into it.  I've changed my stomach crunch routine to a full situp routine and damn it's brutal.  I can't sit up straight anymore cause everything in my torso hurts.  It's needed I guess.

Yeah so I'm tired, and things are packed at work and home, but I'll get through it.  There's nothing else I can do.

Why do humans like to mock tragedy?  I know black humour helps to get over bad events, but at what expense?  Our humanity?  At what point does it become "too soon"?  Is there a set time period for keeping your mouth shut?  Who knows.

What can you do when even your dreams are hurtful?  They're not nightmares.  They're dreams because they're fantasy, they're illusion.  They hurt because they don't reflect reality.  It's even worse when they give you a sense of peace.  Stepping stones to a destination that can't be reached.  Or can it?  That's what's getting to me at the moment.
You have to seize the opportunities when they're open.  No delays, no overthinking.  Cause before you know it, it will be lost.  And you don't know when it can be regained.  I still have no idea what any of it means.  It's like the truth lies on the other side of a brick wall, and everyone is holding you back from even attempting to scale it.  Life is the greatest obstacle to the final objective.

Here we arrive at Wednesday, and I am looking forward to the end of the week to just sleep.  Or at least I hope so.

Lately I've been thinking about things and then they happen.  The bank owed me money so I was thinking about it last night, and then this morning I realise that the bank has paid me.  Then on the bus to work I felt something bad would happen and then I look outside and some lady just totally trips over her own shoes and falls over and faceplants into the pavement.  It was a recoverable trip, so I don't know how she could have done that?  Am I wishing these things or is it just a coincidence?  It better not be a wish, because I'm not getting what I want. 

Well I suppose I better do some work.  Haha, crap!  It's been close to 4 hours since I've been at work and I've hardly done any actual real work!  This isn't good, considering I have a million things to do.

What is this?  What is that?  When did life get so hard?  The freedom and lack of responsibility of the child, with the means of the adult.  Why can't we have that?  It keeps you on your toes, I suspect.  You can always think of a way out of it, but it's the implementation that's the hardest part. 

And that's it, you know.  That's time.  That's life.  The little people you grew up with in school, they get older.  They become adults, and it's hard to comprehend.  They get married, they have children, they get divorced.  Some of them die.  How does this happen?  Time doesn't stay static.  We will be tomorrow's dust. 

I'll have my thoughts, thank you.  I'm slowly getting there.  But one thing's for sure, I'm definitely going to bed earlier tonight! 

I'm over it, I'm not enjoying it.  I'm done with life.  I want to find out what's next.  And if that means nothing, then so be it.  Walking along two sides of the coin here.  I'm not happy.  I have no motivation.  Do I believe the things going on? 

Le sigh, 3 hours until I'm out of here...and counting.  I don't forget.  It's all right in front of me.

Joaquin out.