I'm not even drugged out, and I am struggling. This is terrible. I just want to stay quiet and get on with things, but there's no motivation to even do that. I want to just waste a day. Just stay in bed and say fuck it, not contribute to anything in the world for just a day. This is no partnership. Shouldn't there at least be some sort of meeting of the minds? No, it's a manifestation of something else.
Just a weird situation. Did I see him? I think it may have been. But what was he doing there? There should have been a confrontation. I'm sure in my current physical and mental state, I would have gone down, and gone down harshly. But it would have been worth the rub, right?
Was it delusion? Was it vanity? Slowly losing sanity.
I should let you guys know that I don't queue any posts on this blog. So if I don't post for like 2-3 months, you can just assume I'm dead. At least that way, you can have a complete record of things. You can read from start to finish - how good would that be? A complete picture, for once.
This all just goes out to everyone, doesn't it? Everything is designed to test me, and to make me sick. Don't believe me. Don't even believe in me. The plot thickens. Something has to be done.
The issue is this: this way of life is killing me. The problem is that it's not killing me fast enough.
I wonder what ever happened to Liiv7? I enjoyed her youtube videos. I guess she grew up and lost the faith in what she was doing. But I guess that's the story of us all. Sigh, at least I only have 40 minutes before I need to get out of here. I'm just so tired and just so much crap to do when I get home. My life is just being taken up by silly stupid tasks that I just can't get away from. Why can't I die? I'm feeling older. I'm not invincible.
I've done a decent amount of work today, so I'm just going to laze away the rest of this afternoon doing research for my trip. I just wanna scream and be done with it. Nothing in the tank, not even running on fumes. Borrowed time, all of it.
I'm done.
Joaquin out.
