The Strength To Lift Your Own Ego

Does anyone possess that sort of strength?  I can't shake the feeling that I'm being lied to at every turn.  It all just seems a little bit suspicious.  I could seek answers if I had the time, and that's just something I don't have that kind of luxury.  Is it all just a red herring?  How could things change so quickly?  There are no signs there, so it all seems so ridiculously out of place, but definitely not out of character.  There are the usual haunts, but my patience has worn thin.  And for some reason I'm feeling really angry.  So angry that I found it difficult to sleep last night, and considering the crap I went through yesterday, I am not feeling like a million bucks right now.  Maybe a million Zimbabwean dollars, but that doesn't count for very much.

And so it keeps on happening!  No matter when the fuck I wake up, when I go to the gym, not more than 60 seconds before I'm about to get on the treadmill at the gym, some motherfucker just strolls right in and then gets in there just before me.  For fuck sake, why get up early?  Cause as soon as I am about to get on, some idiot who woke up late gets on it and just walks casually.  Goddamn it, it pisses me off so much.  It happens so goddamn much!  Ahhh!  I hope this isn't breaking point.

Guitar is going swell, there's some good things up the sleeve.  Made some new friends in the wide world out there.  I think it's time to do something for myself, because nobody should care what other people think.  But obviously other people haven't learned that lesson.  Was everything a mistake?  Then shouldn't they be rectified? 

I've got a little bit of work to do today, and I'll get on to it.  But for now, I'm content to just blog.

Is there anything important on my mind lately?  I'm not sure.  Who knows what the hell I'm thinking these days.  Least of all me!  Hahaha!  I think I've ventured into fatalist territory here.  All hope is lost.  What of it?  Am I just getting screwed over repeatedly?  From just waiting?  Cause it leads to silly decisions and judgements.  Hmmm there's just so many unknowns.  Well nobody knows anything.  We only thing we do, and that's the cause of the problem.

So what are you supposed to do about your problems?  How do you overcome?  Sometimes you just can't.  And there is no big lesson to be learned from the yuletide season.  All it does is lead the other way.  Away from everything you ever wanted to be. 

I'm feeling good?  Am I?  Am I really?  Am I even feeling anything?  Well with only 2 hours left to go until I'm out of here, I'd better think of an answer.

It's like I'm continually being forced to put up to do things I don't want to do.  It's become so normal in my life that it's almost a trope.  A sick sad joke.  It's like every day I am dying a little (hence the title of yesterday's post).  Another wasted weekend, another few days to notch on the belt of a wasted life.  Maybe I'll feel better later on?  Who knows. 

So the planet is 4.6 billion years old, but in the grand scheme of time, isn't that but a blink of an eye?  Or is it something more substantial?

Yeah, I'm just done with it.

Joaquin out.