I Felt Like Him

It was here. Maybe not RIGHT here, but close. It could be though. This was the spot where he was gone. Never to rise again. I wonder what he was thinking? Was he even thinking?

Was it loneliness and despair that did him in? Did he even understand himself?

All we can do now is speculate. And I hope that I'm not him. Because he and I are a lot closer than we think.

I will rise again tomorrow. I'm sure of it.

Joaquin out.

You Gotta Go With What You Know

Sometimes you just have to. But that just changes your outlook on life, doesn't it? It could all just be down to something as silly as being in the right place at the right time. Maybe even the wrong place at the wrong time.

Yes I can blog while I'm away. Thank god for the wonders of technology (haha) because all I need on my phone besides music and the actual phone is blogger+. I don't really need anything else. The other stuff is just a bonus.

It's been a whirlwind, really it has. But I am so keen on going back home. Even for a few days it was a nice diversion. But maybe I could have achieved it in other ways. And maybe it's not the sort of distraction I needed.

It's never good when you rely on the words of others and they end up misleading you. There could be better ways to be open and honest with others.

Why be frustrated? Why be disappointed? Because there is some degree of newishness, even neediness which undersets the entire thing. It gets rendered in completely the wrong manner.

I'm lookin forward to going to the gym and working out again. I'm missing many things about home, including my guitar.

Lets stop there for now.


Joaquin out.

Hurtling Through Space Is Scarily Silent

What are we?  I mean the sum of us?  Are we just insignificant specs of randomly assembled matter, doomed to exist for only a short while, while floating on a massive blue rock in space, traveling really fast in the middle of nowhere, at some point in the cold, uncaring and empty universe?  Are we really nothing?  Or is something else at play?  Something unseen?  I don't understand this concept in religions that God is tied only to humanity.  We evolved from apes, so why is there no link to God and animals in any religious text?  Wouldn't God be apparent to animals if God was tied to life?  Cause it leads more credence to the idea that God is an invention of humanity to deal with the loneliness of existence and the issue of our predicament.  It's food for thought.

Today is my last day of work before I'm off, so just looking to relax and not do too much.  Not looking forward to 20 hours of travel ahead of me.

So Brad Manning was sentenced to 35 years in prison today for his part in the wikileaks scandal.  What a load of crap, the guy exposed war crimes!!  This is what's wrong with the government today, they are in such a haste to cover up their own mistakes (or even if they're not considered 'mistakes' they don't want the public to find out), they will circumvent pre-existing laws regarding whisleblowing to throw people in prison.  Good job, it's a good way to get people not to leak these atrocities.  I wish the world was more outraged about this sort of thing.  It's just not right.

And things are repeating themselves.  I like to believe in the cyclic model of the universe - that gravity eventually overwhelms all matter and we get shafted into a big crunch.  But eventually, there will be another big bang, because the pressures of such density are just too much.  And we go through things but in a different way.  Isn't that beautiful? 

2 hours to go until I'm out of here.  And to think, just this morning I had thoughts about the mysteries of the universe, and now I can't cope with anything.  How quickly things can change.  And that's what's stopping us, that's what's stopping me.

Cut my nails so guitaring is going well.  We'll see about tonight, cause I need to finish packing and getting all my crap in order.

And so it is, the wheel still turns.  As it always will.

I'm done.

This may potentially be my last post for a while, so take care folks!

Joaquin out.

What Would Albert Do?

I wonder how he is living his life.  Is he happy?  Did his life change?  I don't even know what that guy is doing anymore.  Not like it bothers me.  I read an interesting quote today, that anxiety gives birth to conservatism.  And you know what?  I think that is true.  Fear and ignorance tends to lead people down the dark road to conservatism.  What is needed is real bravery to inspire the right kind of leadership and proper directions that are required to make things better for everyone.  Not to be involved in gutter politics that ends up with everyone hating each other.  It always concerns me when things such as young conservative organisations crop up, because I always wonder how someone so young can be so cynical?

We are seeing interesting times in Western nations where if people are dissatisfied with their lives in any way, shape, or form, they are left to blame their leaders.  People seem to be so powerless in their own lives to seize their happiness.  What's more is that people are usually living okay lives, and are taught to believe that things are not going well, so they should be unhappy and find other people to blame.  It's good politics really, but piss poor leadership.  And it's bad for society in general.

I really need to cut my nails.  Didn't get to a lot of personal stuff yesterday, so not much guitar, which sucks.  In fact, time is running out before I'm done and out of here.  From a country perspective, as well as from a work perspective!  Got 90 minutes to blow before I can go home.  I'm looking forward to eating something and just vegging, but I know I have to pack. 

Sometimes it's fun just to read wikipedia and understand just how crazy and awesome things are in life.  We should all really get out there and explore it a bit more.  It's a great big world out there, and sometimes we get a little too rooted to the mundane.

I'll leave it here for now though.

Joaquin out.

Expectation: How Was It?

Is it just me, or are these posts getting later and later in the evening??

Nobody is going crazy.  I think I'm on the long road to recovery, but I really need it to be sped up so that I can go off and travel.  I'm off to Canada to visit a few friends.  Looking forward to a warmer climate and just relaxing.  Dont' think I have a lot on today, which is good because that means I can blog to my heart's desire.  The bigger question is, what do I blog about?

Got some absolutely brilliant guitaring in last night, while just fiddling around.  That's good, you know.  When you're just jamming and mucking about and awesome things start to happen.  That's how some of the best stuff happens.  I'm really keen to go and visit the other and get some ideas fleshed out.  Should also just record more stuff, but I gotta sort out my soundcard issues.  Maybe they're all resolved now that I've connected my speakers properly.  We'll see how that goes.

What concerns me in this day and age is that there is such a move from society to be dependent on technology.  You're usually derided if you're not on social media and what not.  But then you have things where places like Google and facebook, among others, give up your personal information to advertisers as well as the Government to mine your data for sales opportunities, and to determine if you have any information vital to national security.  And it's all a bit much, you know?  Like you're sort of being forced to give up your freedoms and right to privacy off the bat. 

Then think about the way Western governments have been conducting themselves over recent times.  Places like America and Britain used to be bastions of freedom (so long as you're not a minority), and now they actively undermine their citizens to continually promote the current status quo of power and riches for the very few.  That's the thing, this particular model has to fail, because it does not allow anything superior to overcome it.  It's a violent, self-serving thing.  But yet, people are all too willing to give up these freedoms and rights.  And what for?  To hold on to their lives?  And we have drifted forever closer to Orwell's 1984.  It doesn't strike me as right.  The Government has done such a first rate job of brainwashing/convincing people that to not think that way is unpatriotic.  A government worth supporting is one that recognises that it can be wrong, and it should be challenged when this has proven to be the case.  What really miffs me is that you would think the wider population has at least some semblance of common sense and that the Government is only fighting to ensure that only itself is protected.  They want to be seen as doing the right thing without actually doing the right thing.  It's more about expectations, not reality.  Wouldn't the citizenry as a whole decry this and do something about it until the problem is fixed?  Well you'd think so, but we are so intent on living bland, uninspired lives so that we can focus on buying more things we don't need to feel good about shallow things.  Insert Fight Club speech here.  Something is just not right with how we live as a nation.  It's like a disease.  I just wish I could be born well into the future, when hopefully all these modes of thinking will be irrelevant.

I want to just sleep.  Or start over.  And I can see it all happening.  I think it's all a ruse, maybe even a trap.  Sometimes you just have to remove yourself from the situation at hand.  I'm not comfortable with this.  Well at least until I know more.  But in my own stupidity, perhaps I was too late.  The numbers don't add up, and the odds are not in my favour.  Or are they?

Looks like I've got some interesting work to keep me going this afternoon.  But then what?  What's left for me at the end of the day?  Nothing good, I imagine.  But on the upside, at least there's less than 2 hours to go until I get out of here.  What is it when all you do is turn up to work just to watch the clock count down until you can go home?  That's not good! 

Transportation is meant to forever increase in efficiency and speed, right?  To fly across the world now takes about 15 hours from here, which feels like an eternity, and I'm dreading how it's going to be

I can't organise my fractious thoughts.  Scattered all over the planes of existence.  Some not all tangible.  They just float right through me.  Hell, they might not even belong to me.

Blergh, I haven't played any games in a long time.  And what's more, is that I have no inkling to.  I just want to give up. 

Hmmm, I think with that, I'm done.

Joaquin out.

Hoes Before Bros

Or that's how it's meant to be, right?  Haha, I could be wrong.  But it's not me forcing this situation.  It's a combination of competing interests.  It's interesting what happens in any group of 3, with regard to information sharing and what not.  But it's even more confusing when you are definitely on the outer of the other two.  It's quite a spectacle to see what transpires when you know something about the other two and see whether it plays out to your expectations, or whether you're going to be completely surprised.  But I am on the outer for a reason, and I know why that is. 

With only a little bit of time to go before I face the firing squad, I am left wondering whether I will ever be able to be this crazy again.  My life has changed.  And sometimes I don't know if I realise that.  Hmmmm, Ahab and that white whale.  It's not the same, is it?  Maybe it's easier than I think.  But it is always nice to hear what I'm like, even if I'm a disappointment.  Four days till I'm out of here.  I'm just going to use the time to relax and just shut off for a while.  Or catch up on all the electronics related things I've always wanted to.  That'll be handy.  Then I don't need to worry about it here.  Maybe I'm concerned about wanting to settle for a bit of vanilla blandness. 

I really need to catch up on tumblr.  I'm a bit behind and I need to respond to people's messages.  I'm not really being challenged here.  My ability to think has just gone down to mush.  Oh great, and to top things off, it's raining!!  How am I supposed to get home??  It doesn't matter, I'll figure it out.  Even if it is freezing.

Ahhh the things I used to think when I was a kid.  What ever happened to them?  Real life came and destroyed me I guess.  Well at least there's only an hour and a bit to go until I'm out of here.  Do things make sense in the abstract, when all the rules are thrown out the window?

Man right now, at 4pm, I can tell you that all I want to do is go home and eat and stay warm.  I've got a headache and I'm just not feeling it today. 

Mucked around on guitar last night for not very long.  It was troubling to me that it felt entirely foreign.  Like I didn't know what was going on, or how to do things.  Hopefully that'll go away as I get back into a decent routine.  Ok, 45 minutes to go.  I can do this.  My sickness is getting a bit worse at this time of day, which isn't good. 

I'd better leave it here for today, I can't do this.

Joaquin out.

More To Come

Just haven't been well.

Haven't really wanted to do anything.

But I'll get more action in tomorrow.

Should be a relatively unbusy week.

So let's do it.

Joaquin out.

Happenings & Events

Isn't it strange how a series of actions can just totally turn things around?  You have a certain idea about the outcome but then things just completely fall by the wayside and it's like everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong!  I guess all you can do in those situations is laugh, right?  Well laugh and cry.  There's nothing else for it.  It's nice to be able to get back and blog, especially since I'm feeling so goddamn sick.  I only just got better, and now I'm sick again with something else cause people keep pushing me to do stuff.  On top of that, I'm just generally not feeling well.  I need to just stay in bed and rest.  But I won't get the opportunity.  I'm cold and I'm shivering, but I'm all layered up, and it's sunny outside. 

I've got work to do today so I'll have to balance that crap out. 

But ahhh it's all done now!  Yay!  All that's left to do with my day is blog, and that should be how things are!  Only have 2 hours to go until I'm out of this cesspool!  Ahh these cesspools just seem to follow me around. 

Do I have anything important to say?  Hmm well I was reading an interesting point about a Harvard study, which said that in some form or another, all humans exhibit discriminatory behaviour, even at a subconscious level.  They even have tests to prove it.  It's an interesting premise, but one I think probably holds true, sadly.  I'm going to try some of the tests (they're online), and let you know the results. 

And what of my own mind?  What's going on there lately?  What were you thinking?  Did you even stop to think?  Or is my own thinking just reactionary?  Is that why I am the way I am.  Ahh, Martin Solveig pumping in my head despite, listening to another song right now.  It has nothing to do with me, so why am I concerned? 

Oh man, I think I am dying.  This is crap.  Sick and I need to go overseas in a week.  Not just that, my clothes are starting to feel tight.  I need to get back to the gym, but it's difficult when you're sick. 

And yet it could have all been so different.  Just displaced by time.  Or maybe the outcome was always inevitable?  There's still more left, and maybe resolution was possible.  But that's the keyword, WAS.  I don't get such opportunities anymore.  Are people really that silly?  There could have been something else at play.  And for the moment I am still without certainties in my life. 

It almost feels like I'm facing the firing squad again.  But under an entirely different set of circumstances.  How incredibly odd. 

I'lll eave it here for now, though.

Joaquin out.

I'm Serious, I'm Serious

What a strange and restful sleep.  I slept relatively early, but when my alarm for the gym went off, I couldn't be assed getting up.  Despite feeling rested, I wanted more.  So I slept in and didn't care!  Hahaha, I'm sure it'll come back to bite me since I will be pigging out today, and I'll be traveling for work tomorrow, with no opportunity to go to the gym.  Maybe I'll try if I get home early.  But anyway, I'm sure this is all stuff you don't really care about!

I could really do with a laugh.  Just a deep laugh.  In just over a week I'm heading overseas for a quick blat.  It'll be good just to get away for a while and just rest.  Don't really have any plans in particular.  Some of life's moments.  Rather than just the same old crap over and over.  That would be nice, you know.  Or maybe I'm already resigning myself to that sort of life?  Did my dreams die along the way?  And in that, has a part of me died as well?

Is anything ever a big enough mistake?  What is it with people saying things just in hope and wishes, and when they start to come true, they already start backing off?  It's an interesting thing, because they become speechless and will do anything to stop talking about it.  What a world we live in.

I wish I could be everywhere at once?  Is that the only thing we're afforded when we're dead?  Only then we can be everywhere at once, but we can't interact with anything, and that's the price we have to pay.

Alright, two and a half hours to make something out of this crap.  I'm already feeling that I'm going to take a hardcore nap when I get out of here, which is not good.  I have a brutal early morning start to catch my flight, so I need to sleep properly. 

You've got to rise above it and be bigger than it all.  But what is it all for?  Self satisfaction?  There are just too many big questions, and no answers!  What do we do? 

I'm feeling a little weird and introspective today.  I'm not sure why. 

Anyway, I'd better leave it here.  Potentially no blogging tomorrow, but we'll see what happens.

Take care of yourselves.

Joaquin out.

Crumbling Into A Million Pieces

And here I am, broken and twisted, I don't even resemble a human being anymore.  Just a defeated shell of what I was.  Even failing at my own existence here.  And there's nothing left to do except wait out the clock.  And what of promises made?  Lies told.  Feelings, thoughts and whispers that were and then weren't.  My face is falling apart, especially when you factor in the dreams.  The dreams when all is ok and we can all just get along and carry on.  They're very troubling and disturbing. 

It's all a bit strange really.  Cause things just continue on, and you wonder what else is going on behind the scenes.  When things are available to you, do you make use of them?  There are some weird people out there, and some decisions just don't make sense.  What was said?  I could find out.  The shadowy curtains of deceit seek to obscure the truth.  And we can all just go strolling on to enlightenment.  Are people really that stupid?  Yeah, I think they can be.  We all can be.  Things are definitely happening in that spectrum.  Could life be so easy?

It was interesting this morning listening to the radio that scientists are asking for cooking classes to be compulsory for children, so they can learn to eat healthy and not eat out all the time.  What in the hell?  What is with the Western world's fascination with children cooking?  Outside of any developed nation, kids are NEVER preparing their own meals.  Why?  Because their parents will find the time to look after them (I maybe generalising here).  There is far too much focus on parents working - through no fault of their own, sometimes it's just to sustain a decent level of living - that they cannot be home to have proper family time.  And then these kids are left to fend for themselves.  But damn, when I was a kid I never ate out, I didn't have the money for it.  Kids these days, so spoiled!

Haha, speaking of spoiled, my bank spending account is so precariously low that I may actually be close to zero.  That has never happened in my entire life.  When I opened by bank account when I was back in primary school (as part of some endorsement deal the bank had with schools), there has always been money going into the account.  Whenever I spent, I made sure to top things up before spending more.  But goddamn, these last 2 weeks in particular have been hell.  Some people just have no concept of saving and only spending where necessary.

I slept well last night, despite the dreams.  Even getting up early wasn't too bad.  It's going to be nothing compared to my super early start on Thursday when I have to travel again, but luckily that's just a day trip for a very short meeting.  Even made it to the gym, and goddamn, it has been a while since I've done weights, so I am definitely not feeling the love right now, but I'll get back into the swing of things.  I am damnnnnnn hungry though. 

Why aren't people getting back to me with my answers?!  I need to know so I can move forward!!  Ahhh! 

Gotta have all my stuff in order!  It's good to get important tasks out of the way, isn't it?  Well at least it's a short day for me.  There's always so much going on behind closed doors here.  I wonder what?  I don't care for that crap, I do my work and then at the end I expect to be given what I ask.  And that doesn't happen. 

I'm done with it.

Joaquin out.

Zombified And Electrified

I cannot being to explain how tired I am.  Being interstate again this weekend has severely fucked me up, and I did not sleep at all last night.  Needless to say, I am feeling like death right now.  Also didn't get back into my routine so there was no gym.  I'm definitely not with the program this morning, and I doubt I will be for the rest of the day.  Compounding everything right now is the fact that I'm also getting sick again - after just recovering at the end of last week.  What total bullshit.  I did not want to go, but I was forced against my will to travel and I'm very pissed right now.  Add to that I have left my expensive and warm jacket interstate, so I'm freezing my ass off here back home.  Oh well.  Them's the breaks and I'll deal with it.

But the sheer willpower required to stay awake is incredibly draining.  I don't know if I can make it through the remainder of the day without having a complete and utter physical breakdown at some point.  Guitar went stunningly well last night.  In fact, I'm a bit shocked at how well I played, despite not playing for several days.  It's funny how stuff like that keeps happening to me.  Play for ages and rehearse and I play like crap, then out of nowhere I'll play like a virtuoso, after not having even seen a guitar for a week.  Weird, I tells ya.

It's cold and it's raining and I just want to go back to bed.  But I've got things to do!!!  Ahhh!  Ok I better get on with it.

And with that, I don't think it's possible to have any blog material on any intellectually stimulating topics today.  For that I'm sorry, but I'm struggling here!  Things are interesting, to say the least.  I'm a bit happier, but there's still an element of unknowingness there.  Perhaps things are not as difficult as it seems.  But then what of the others?  Possibly more?  None of it is a sure game.  But it does keep me up at night.  And what does it take to live a life without fear? 

Oh crap, and with that, I have nothing to do!  Literally nothing to do for 90 minutes now until the end of the day.  So unfulfilled.  Maybe it's just the lack of sleep.

This place is funny in terms of leave.  Even if you have it in bucketloads, they're really reluctant to let you have it, even during periods of little work.  I wonder why that is?  I've had problems before.  I guess some people know too much and others know too little.  It balances out.

Do I need to smile?  What else is there?  Things just tend to go unanswered.  Boy I'm really struggling here!  30 mins to go, I can do this!!  I've still gotta drive home and make sure I don't pass out until mythbusters is over tonight. 

But I'll call it here.

Joaquin out.

Truthfully Ignorant

And I'm back.

Not feeling well though so it's gonna be short one.

It's an interesting realisation when you know nobody really cares about you.  When you're just gone and it all just continues, no big deal.

Ah so fatalist.

But I'm done, I'd better get some rest.

Travelling again for work this week.  Blergh.

Take care, folks.

Joaquin out.

Catch Me

Cause I'm falling.

Indeed it was a red herring. That just leaves other questions.

And dreading what the dawn of the day brings with it.

But there will always be time, so long as you're aware of the things going on in your life.

And it's time to take charge and do my own thing.

Got to help the other with his taxes for another year which is pretty cool.

Alright Id better leave it there.

Take care folks.

Joaquin out.

The Strength To Lift Your Own Ego

Does anyone possess that sort of strength?  I can't shake the feeling that I'm being lied to at every turn.  It all just seems a little bit suspicious.  I could seek answers if I had the time, and that's just something I don't have that kind of luxury.  Is it all just a red herring?  How could things change so quickly?  There are no signs there, so it all seems so ridiculously out of place, but definitely not out of character.  There are the usual haunts, but my patience has worn thin.  And for some reason I'm feeling really angry.  So angry that I found it difficult to sleep last night, and considering the crap I went through yesterday, I am not feeling like a million bucks right now.  Maybe a million Zimbabwean dollars, but that doesn't count for very much.

And so it keeps on happening!  No matter when the fuck I wake up, when I go to the gym, not more than 60 seconds before I'm about to get on the treadmill at the gym, some motherfucker just strolls right in and then gets in there just before me.  For fuck sake, why get up early?  Cause as soon as I am about to get on, some idiot who woke up late gets on it and just walks casually.  Goddamn it, it pisses me off so much.  It happens so goddamn much!  Ahhh!  I hope this isn't breaking point.

Guitar is going swell, there's some good things up the sleeve.  Made some new friends in the wide world out there.  I think it's time to do something for myself, because nobody should care what other people think.  But obviously other people haven't learned that lesson.  Was everything a mistake?  Then shouldn't they be rectified? 

I've got a little bit of work to do today, and I'll get on to it.  But for now, I'm content to just blog.

Is there anything important on my mind lately?  I'm not sure.  Who knows what the hell I'm thinking these days.  Least of all me!  Hahaha!  I think I've ventured into fatalist territory here.  All hope is lost.  What of it?  Am I just getting screwed over repeatedly?  From just waiting?  Cause it leads to silly decisions and judgements.  Hmmm there's just so many unknowns.  Well nobody knows anything.  We only thing we do, and that's the cause of the problem.

So what are you supposed to do about your problems?  How do you overcome?  Sometimes you just can't.  And there is no big lesson to be learned from the yuletide season.  All it does is lead the other way.  Away from everything you ever wanted to be. 

I'm feeling good?  Am I?  Am I really?  Am I even feeling anything?  Well with only 2 hours left to go until I'm out of here, I'd better think of an answer.

It's like I'm continually being forced to put up to do things I don't want to do.  It's become so normal in my life that it's almost a trope.  A sick sad joke.  It's like every day I am dying a little (hence the title of yesterday's post).  Another wasted weekend, another few days to notch on the belt of a wasted life.  Maybe I'll feel better later on?  Who knows. 

So the planet is 4.6 billion years old, but in the grand scheme of time, isn't that but a blink of an eye?  Or is it something more substantial?

Yeah, I'm just done with it.

Joaquin out.

Can't Blog, Dying

But more to come tomorrow.

I'm done.

Joaquin out.

I'm Starting From The Top

Which is different to most other ways to start, don't you think?  Because everyone else starts from the bottom. 

No, I'm not even starting from anywhere.  Just not starting!  Not in the race.  Not even spectating.  I was off somewhere else wasting my life.

I'm back home which means I can blog again, but today was quite a busy day, so maybe not much to talk about this time around.  We'll see, though.  Cause I've got an hour or so until I need to be done. 

My trip was good, it's always good to get out of town for a while.  I enjoyed movies and music and just generally flying. 

So the questions have to be asked.  And when the roll of the dice occurs, what of it?  More opportunities?  The chance to do all that which I could not do?  People don't talk to me, and then they are just gone.  Out of my life.  What a strange turn of events.  Is there anything more to say?  Maybe, if all these ropes holding me down were gone.  And what's your perception of time?  Is an eternity measurable? 

I'll guitar well tonight.  I shall exercise and I will return to the gym tomorrow.  And these dreams.  Well that dream.  How interesting.  Is that what I want?  If it is, then I'm ok with that. 

If passion leads to purpose, then perhaps I will always be drifting.  Because I don't know if I feel strongly about anything.  I'm sure my mind can change at a moment's notice.  I'm looking forward to 13 months, because that'll be the blog intro/retrospective.  A special 10 year anniversary.  It'll be grand, so mark it in your calendars now, haha!  I'm sure you're all hanging out for that. 

Just ordered some books from the book depository, because I want to see how quickly the books come.  Not a full complement of things (because I have about $500) worth of stuff in my wishlist, but just enough (about $50) to get a decent order. 

Maybe life is changing.  And not all we guess to be true was right.  Sometimes we are just so far off the mark, everything seems irrelevant.  Well perhaps it's good for the soul to be wrong? 

And the stories we tell to other people are nothing but trivialities.  And time is just running on and on.  But what I ask you is whether time should be recognised as the fourth dimension?  I mean isn't it relative, and based on the observer?  Therefore there is no objective measure of what it could be.  But this is not a scientific argument, it's more of a philosophical one. 

And there it goes, the last vestiges of my youth.  Adulthood embraces me with cold hands.  And in that cold embrace, my dreams are given up to die. 

I read a really good quote on tumblr the other day that adults just live in a daze until they wait for disease or accidents to strike them down.  How right that is.  But I wonder why?  Everyone is just so dead inside.

Anyhow, I'd better leave it there.

Joaquin out.

Prolific Comeuppances

It's really weird that I haven't been to the gym in about a week and a half.  But I will be making my return tomorrow, along with a big ass trip to the other side of the country for work.  Things should be interesting.  I wish I had a book to read, but at least there is my music, as well as movies on the plane.

Isn't it strange that when you're home and doing nothing you tend to pig out??  How crazy!  I feel very slow, fat and lethargic!  Anyway, time to change all that around.  Byaaah!  Hahaha!

So no blogging till I'm back mid-week.  Well I'll see what I can do phone wise, but no promises!

You folks be good!

Joaquin out.

Piqued Interests

It is when people say one thing to other people and something else to you.

That difference in how people are treated is always interesting to analyse.

The question is why.

Anyway, I just thought I'd mark post number 1096!!  You know what that means?  A post a day for 3 years!  That's pretty damn cool, if I say so myself!

Ok that's it for now.

Have a good weekend folks!

Joaquin out.

The Descent Is Always Worse

I'm really looking forward to getting out of here.  I should have taken another overnight trip later in the month, but I decided to be a nice boss and let someone else go because they wanted to.  I will instead do a day trip instead that day.  But I still have my overnighter at the start of next week and I'm looking forward to just getting my work done in peace.

I'm very pleased with how my guitar playing has been going lately.  I probably did experience a loss of motivation in the middle of last month, and it was impacting how I played and what I was playing.  But these nights I'm getting through 8-9 songs per day and I couldn't be happier.  But what's the point in playing if nothing is going to come of it?  That's the thing, something could come of it.  Because there's good stuff.

What I'm concerned about is that in a matter of a few weeks we started living from pay cheque to pay cheque.  How did that happen?  Oh yes, I know.  Financial irresponsibility on behalf of someone who isn't me.  Some people just have no bloody idea how to manage things.

At least it's Friday, right!  I'm just going to veg out and play guitar.  After my standard Vanilla Coke, of course.  Foiling plans like a genius!  Hahaha!  It doesn't work, it couldn't have worked.  What is it about human nature that always leaves us wanting more? 

Got a raging headache at the moment and all I want to do is go to bed.  But I've still got 5 hours of this crap to get through.  And I can't breathe!  I'm so bloody congested. It's a load of crap really.  For some reason, when I woke up this morning I was insanely hungry.  Like I hadn't eaten in days.  I couldn't tell you how good it was to finally scoff down breakfast, but I know that for most of the world's people (a lot of them children), they won't get the same opportunity for such a meal at the start of their day, no matter how hungry they are.  May the poor eat the rest of us alive.  Just through sheer numbers, they should take what is owed to them.  They work, too.  They fight everyday for survival, and for the rest of us, it's so easy and all we do is fight to justify our first world problems.  I've read reports and articles that state that humanity creates enough food and materials to feed, clothe and house everyone in the world.  Yet so many go hungry and homeless.  It's just that we create so much for profit that most of it goes to waste.  And that makes me ill, it really does.  We try to acquire more, and yet we are never truly happy.  All this greed and envy - now you can understand why I can't stand old money.  So much unearned wealth.  Anyway, when the numbers overwhelm, they have every right to take everything.  We should have helped, yet we ignored them while they were starving and dying of basic diseases, and they should just devour us.

This brings me back to a thing which has just started happening in a lot of big cities - yarn bombing.  Essentially it is where people put knitted scarves or hats on statues in public areas.  For no reason!  Isn't it sad that it's the middle of winter in a very cold city, with a high population of homeless people, and people are just putting these things on statues?  What disgusting behaviour.  People are literally dying, and people are giving away warm clothes to statues.  Just for the sake of a picture on instagram.  It just speaks volumes about who we are as a society.

What I really disliked the most about journalism was that they really drilled it into you to re-write sentences as short, sharp and precise.  As such, a lot of beautiful prose just went out the window.  Now, when I'm trying to write creatively, things are just blunt and brutal.  I don't like it!  They've take my creativity away from me!!  Damn you all to hell!!!  To hell, damn it!!

I'm looking into some travel later in the month and I may have to transit through America.  Wow!  What an unwelcoming place!  Even transiting, you have to undertake a Visa Application waiver, and go through a full on application.  What the hell?!  What an uninviting place!  Technically airports are not attached to the 'real' land of the country. It's technically an International area, so to have to force that sort of requirement on people is ridiculous.  And that's not it!  They can still refuse you entry and send you off if they don't like you!  This got me thinking about American foreign policy and how messed up it is when you consider how they police their own borders.  Their border protection motto is 'securing America's borders' - well that's lovely, I find that hilarious considering they like to invade the borders of other country's and kill their citizens. 

But going even further, I'm not sure about this strategic alliance with Australia.  We play an important role for the US in terms of policing South East Asia and a bit of the Pacific.  We have a lot of US military and intelligence installations in the country, and we've recently allowed a US military attachment to stay permanently in the North of the country.  That's just a bit weird.  I don't think the US really does anything for us.  If worse came to worse and Australia went to war with an Asian neighbour, you bet your ass the United States would not help us.  They wouldn't send reinforcements or anything like that.  They would probably send aid, it's not in their interest to get involved in that sort of conflict.  Taking it to its ultimate conclusion, if for some weird and obscure reason, Australia was destroyed by a nuclear power, do you think the United States would retaliate on our behalf?  Absolutely not.  They are looking after themselves, and that's ok, but Australia and its citizens need to understand that.  It is also undermining the work going on to carry out strategic alliances in the part of Asia that we're in.

Damn, this has been a pretty good and productive blog, I'm very impressed!  Hahaha, what started out as just a nothing post has grown!  Isn't that how it is for pretty much anything?  Well it's just 20 minutes to go until I'm out of here and I cannot wait! 

But I'll call it here.  Take care, folks.

Joaquin out.

I Guess Not

Want not.  Who knows?  It's interesting to find out what you've been missing out on.  You just have to ask the questions sometimes, even if people are reluctant to give answers.  Am I running out of time?  Is there even an objective?  Sometimes it is more about action than anything else. 

A bit annoyed this morning because there was no hot water, so I had to have a cold shower in the middle of winter, while I'm still trying to recover from being sick.  Needless to say, I'm not feeling so great right now.

What I'm really miffed about is how Amazon can be so huge, yet they can't do free delivery to Australia.  While places like The Book Depository (which is owned by Amazon) can still do free delivery to Australia, and then generally ship much faster!  It just makes no sense to me.

Hmmm you know I don't think I have anything of merit to blog about today.  But that's ok, cause it's our blog and we can say what we want!  Even if it is just me. 

Two hours to go on this madness?  Mannnn how am I supposed to do this?  I can't do anything that I want anymore!  It's always a case of 1 step forward and 9 steps back.  The fallacy of progress is what keeps us rooted to the spot.

I really do miss being out and just exploring.  You can't really do that in your own place, because you feel like you're just part of the grind you know?  Not really achieving anything or accomplishing anything.  Where is the motivation?  I read and reblogged a great quote on tumblr about how lack of motivation leads you to question your own self worth.

What is this?  Is my life devolving into some American Beauty type life?  I'm nowhere near Lester's age!  How is this happening?  Maybe it's all for the better?  Don't question it, just go with it.  And there it is, just the lack of control.  Things are just happening and I just get older and older and bam, it's just all over.

Oh Lust, Caution.  What a message.  Good film.

Ok that's it, no more napping in the evening.  I gotta sleep properly!  Back to gym, back to fitness and health.

Anyway, I'm done.

Joaquin out.