Akrasia

Do you know what that means?  It means weakness of will.  You take away the curtains of your ignorance and you get blinded by the light of knowledge.  Perhaps it's too much for you.  I'm slightly weirded out by all that's happening at the moment.  I can't take everything in.  Maybe I need a paradigm shift in how I view my own life.  Cause it strikes me, you know, it really strikes me that I am getting on in age and there is no going on.  There's no immortality.  When we're young and seduced by the promise and stupidity of youth, we delude ourselves into thinking we're invincible.  But just like everything else in this universe, we shall come to pass.  In order to exist, that's the price everything must pay.  The soreness permeates my being.

I've got half an idea to send my blognotes to my e-mail so I can finally complete some ideas, and also finally finish up my next (and long overdue) update to the Joaquin Rate List (JRL) which you can find (HERE).  For those late to the party, I set out quite some years ago to put together a definitive list of all the well-known women I found attractive.  It has been running ever since our first few months running this blog, and it gets updated whenever I get the opportunity.  It'll be due for an overhaul at some point, where I will put in some pictures to give you some idea of what I mean.  It's been a while since I've relied on the blognotes system.  In university, I carried around a notepad with me everywhere I went to jot down ideas, and they would go on to a notepad file on my computer that I could write up stuff in while I was blogging each night/morning.  Ahh I miss those days during breaks, where I would get up at 1, eat, exercise, then play guitar and play games until 4am.  I'd make time at midnight or so to blog.  Those were the days!  If I ever retire young, that's what I'm going to go back to.  Screw philanthropy!  Anyway, as life has moved on, I've forgotten about the blognotes, and instead I am now resorting to just writing up my posts during the day, e-mailing it to myself and posting in blogger.  When I'm on the move, I utilise blogger+ on the iPhone, which is a great app.  I'm sure I'm not even utilising all of its functionality, but I paid for it just so I could blog to here without much trouble, and a good, clean user interface.  It's fantastic.  But yeah, that also means that I forget a lot of great ideas that cross my mind (which scarily enough seems to happen when I'm about to fall asleep).  Let's not count those times I was not in this city and I was blogging very infrequently.  They were dark days.  Perhaps it was reflected in some of the posts?  Cause I remember how I was feeling, but I don't know if it was expressed anywhere.  Though in hindsight, I should have remembered to embrace everything that was there. Cause maybe that was a great time but I just wasn't appreciating what it was? 

There's just so much to do, and so little time.  I guess that's a perfect way of typifying life.  That's it in a nutshell.  Could I have made more of that weekend?  I don't believe so.  I read, exercised, played guitar, sorted out stuff on my phone and computer.  It was a relaxing and pleasant time.  I even slept in!  Wow!  Haven't done that in a while.  In fact I was getting less sleep on weekends for the past few months compared to weekdays, and you know that's not good for anyone, especially when your weekday wakeup time is 4 hours earlier than the weekend.  There's just so much I don't know.  But I'll keep searching for knowledge.  I can see for miles and miles.  But without understanding what's in front of you, it is pointless. 

Some people these days, sheeesh!  I just don't know, I really don't know.  Today, let's discuss intellectualism compared to morality.  Is there a difference?  Morality is concerned with doing what is 'right'.  But intellectualism may not always end up at the same end point.  In fact, intellectualism may even end up at what is considered 'morally wrong'.  Just because things have been thought through by brilliant minds doesn't always end up in the best interests of humanity, or others.  Sometimes moral reasoning can't even be intellectualised.  So in that, I think they're pretty distinct.

Ah wow, looking at my tasklist I've actually got a fair bit of stuff to get through, so perhaps I'll get some of that done before moving on to more blogging.

I could really do with a nap right now.  There wasn't anything I could do, was there?  I can see for miles and miles. 

Is there anybody out there who lives a life based on being in debt?  Never spend more money than you earn.  I can't even imagine it when there's things like interest on debt.  I've already gone into a spiel about my objections to loans for cars and homes, and the ridiculous amounts of interests that people pay on it.  Why would you pay more money than you have to?  Shop around for the best interest rates!  Get credit cards with built in interest free periods.  That's what you want.  That's what I have.  I won't give the banks one cent more than what they're entitled to, thank you very much.

Hey everyone, can we agree not to give any more money to Taylor Swift, ok?

Sometimes I really just want to go out there and just scream.  Scream at the top of my lungs.  Scream until I blow out my voice.  Scream until there's no more air left in me.  And then, even then, that wouldn't be enough to fix me. 

What really bothers me is that a lot of jobs require you to have a number of set years experience before they will even consider you for a role.  Everyone is doing things wrong.  Years experience is absolutely no indication of aptitude or skill for a job.  Places that promote based on experience and not performance are what's wrong with society.  We need to shake up how we think of things.

Guitar is going sweet these days.  Even with a few days off here and there or just not getting into it as much as usual, I've been coming up with new ideas, and tabbing things pretty accurately from ear.  Not bad at all!  I need a week off or so to just get my stuff in order and finishing off some ideas.  I need to record!  I need to do overdubs, I need to add melodies and lyrics to things!  Ahhh! 

Let's get excited.

Joaquin out.

Nobody Did

Nobody did what?
Nobody did anything.
Oh, right.

I'm assuming this is what zombies feel like.  The tiredness and the unthinkingness is all encompassing.  Everything feels like a waste of time, and existence is its own punishment.  I just want this day to be done and to be resting at home by the end of it all.  You are reduced to nothing.  Everything was built up to be destroyed.

This sort of thing happens to other people, not me.  Not us.  But it is.  And there's nothing that can be done about it.

Well how annoying!  I should have known the pieces don't fit, and what's out there doesn't tell me what I need to know.  But I'm on the up and the forward.  If only the weather wasn't so bad.

I think about my own life and how meaningless it is.  And I think at the heart of it, your life is probably worthless too.  All of ours are.  Nobody cares what happens to us, we are irrelevant in the bigger picture.  We may like to think we are, but that's not the case.

How privileged we are.  To whinge and whine about things such as airlines who revalue frequent flyer points so that you get less value out of things.  Wow, people need to prioritise their lives.  There are people out there who have never even been on a plane!  People who will never fly on a plane because it's simply too expensive.  What is wrong with us??  I hope that in general, poor people are happier than us, while we are obsessed with chasing the fickle, frivolous things in life.  May they be the only ones who know what true happiness is.  The rest of us don't deserve it.

Is it sad that I'm growing ever more nihilistic as I get older?  To me fatalism and nihilism are one and the same.  And what's truly scary is that they are the only things that make logical sense based on all the current information we have in front of us.  How disturbing is that?

What are humanity's greatest achievements?  It's all null and void, because it's only worth something in the very eyes of humanity.  And since we're not all on the same page, everyone is going to have different ideas.  How can a species that can't agree on most things even survive?  How can we thrive??  There's no hope. 

I want to go home.  I don't want to be in this anymore.  I don't want to be in on this. 


Joaquin out.

A Tribble For Your Troubles?

I don't even have a tribble.  I don't want a tribble!  This is just an incredibly odd day.  I feel like I'm on drugs, but I can tell you that I'm stone cold sober, but my life is flashing before my very eyes.  It's going slowly and it's a very uneventful life. 

I really enjoyed Survivor during its first few seasons.  It was one of the first reality tv shows ever, and at the time it was a novel and unique concept.  I particularly enjoyed the antics of Richard Hatch, who knew from the first episode that he was going to win.  He was responsible for creating alliances.  He was responsible for strategy.  His confidence bordering on arrogance was sublime.  His balls at deliberately not winning the final immunity challenge will always be unmatched in my books, because at that point, he probably knew he had won.  I just feel bad that he had all those legal troubles after his win.  And now we are all bathed in way too much reality tv!!

I'm not whole anymore.  I'm broken.  Missing pieces.  It's all falling apart.  Gotta stop skipping out on living.  Everything has taken on a greyness, a dullness of infinite length.  On that note, I think I've exhausted all my good ideas this week!  But that's ok, I'll keep plodding along as I always do.  At least tomorrow is Friday, and I got paid today!  Always good to have money in the bank. 

What sort of world are we living in?  Everything is just chaos and random. 

Arghhh just over an hour to go until I'm done.  I just want to be totally done.  This is deliberate obfuscation. 

Goddamn it, I need to break these old habits.  They're not good for me.  They eat up so much time.

Hmmmm.  Half baked plans and ideas...

Joaquin out.

Cloudy Skies, Say Your Goodbyes

Or are we looking at the problem all wrong?  In fact, that question could be totally redundant if the basis for asking it is askew.  Perception of time is a weird thing for humans.  In fact, we probably interpret time the wrong way when compared to how time actually impacts the physical world.  It is an ongoing problem.  I guess maybe one day we can understand it, but it sure as hell isn't going to be any time soon.  Your perception of time differs from mine, as it does from any other person to the next.  How weird is that?  Well no weirder than actually existing as humans in this sort of universe.

Do you want to know what is wrong with journalists in this day and age?  It used to be a respectable profession.  It was about exposing truth and keeping governments in check. But I recall I conversation I had with Camden (at least I think it was him, I don't know who else it could have been) where he said that he didn't like our journalism school because it was turning us into a bunch of tabloid writers, and I have to say that in hindsight I agree.  Everything was about dumbing the message down, making it more palatable to the public.  There were moments of brilliance in terms of investigative journalism, but we had to cut our prose and how we communicated in order to do well in the subject.  That's the thing, journalists these days aren't expected to be good journalists, they are meant to be social animals, making contacts and asking people inane questions.  That's apparently what sells.  You can't just be a good print journalist, you need to have a social media profile with an active following and so on, and I think that's a bit stupid.  There's no skills involved, they want you to talk to celebrities on the red carpet and distract people from real problems that are occurring in their world.  No wonder nobody likes journalists.  The sad fact is that while papers rely on ad revenue, concentrated ownership means that they will go for the shocking and terrible stories up front.  The system has failed. 

There's an issue at the moment where parts of the Racial Discrimination Act in Australia will be repealed.  To quicken my exposition here - some famous right wing lunatic (Mr Andrew Bolt) made remarks about Indigenous people that could easily be construed as racist.  In fact, in his columns, website and on tv he espouses a number of incredibly horrible views about decent, well-ordered society.  He appears to be a man who craves division.  He claimed that there was a limit to his free speech, and cried foul.  So his political chums have now gotten into power (the conservative government), and the attorney general has even stated "everyone has the right to be a bigot".  That's the sort of thinking which is holding us back, because it relates to populist, fear-mongering and ignorance inducing politics.  And you know what?  It works.  If it keeps governments in power, then why the hell not?  People are stupid.  Now a lot of people are arguing that this government is supporting free speech as a result.  I don't agree, free speech is not free if it is hate filled filth.  We need to re-examine what free speech is in relation to hate.  Just like a bunch of old white guys deciding about how to legislate for women's reproductive rights, you can't have them legislating for discrimination when they have never been discriminated against in their entire lives.  They belong to the chief group that does the discriminating!

I dislike the hypocrisy of the Australian way of life, because they pass it off as welcoming, but it's not.  It's a really insular nation that is situated in Asia, but likes to pretend that it's European.  The basis of all western civilisations is white guys getting on a boat, taking over a land and calling it their own.  To best fit in with the Australian way of life, I don't think refugees should seek asylum here.  They should just come and take it by force.  That's the Australian way.  They should create jobs and a cultural system that makes no sense to the current way of 'Australian life' and disenfranchise and discriminate against us.  That's the Australian way.  They will do it better than we do.  Then we become the minority, and then one day we will be gone, and we will deserve it.  That's the Australian way.

I'm feeling every bit my age today, in fact I feel even older.  I'm very sore, and that there's like a weight in the middle of my chest that's just pulling me down.  It's slowing my movements and I'm aware of it every second.  This is ageing.  This is dying.  But I am recovering.  What was before life shall remain after death.

What do you do with these half baked yet still awesome ideas?  They will get you the answers you need.  But not soon enough.  But there is something workable.

The subconscious mind is a weird and wonderful thing.  Dreams just take over you and they tell you weird things.  Am I wrong?  Am I insanely wrong?  Am I so wide of the mark that it can't be be accounted for?  There's only one way to find out.

Why would you say these things to me?  Time is meaningless.  I know what I feel.  I won't let you forget.

Sheesh, still got 3 hours to go until I'm out of here.  Better get busy with some work. 

I think I'm very close to paying off my university loans.  That's a huge achievement, and I look forward to getting more money from my salary.  Not bad for a guy who paid it all off himself.  Everyone else I knew was working earlier and could pay it off faster when interest rates were low, or they had parents or grandparents who paid their entire debt off for them.  That's insane.  There's no responsibility, and it's like an almost less insidious version of inherited wealth - a concept I absolutely abhor.  So a generation who got free education and low cost housing reaps all the rewards, and stiffs the next generation.  Well done.  We need to strike back and avoid the mistakes of the past.

In my lifetime, the cost of petrol has essentially tripled.  In fact, it's happened well within the past 20 years.  Is that reasonable?  I thought prices were stable, but there's so many elements that we're missing from the equation.  Regardless, there's a lot of people (or companies) out there who are making a lot of money.  I recall my parents telling me that earlier they paid $10 to completely fill up a trolley.  Now even $100 wouldn't get you anywhere close to doing that.  What's going on?  The cost of living has absolutely skyrocketed, but salaries for your honest usual working people haven't kept up in line.  And it's not right, because things such as interest rates and what not are tied into massive amounts of money that are controlled by so very few, ditto for the property market.  Something really sinister is going on.

Ahh wow, this is a really good post if I do say so myself.  I'm getting back into the swing of things!  Just you wait!  You'll see!!

I've been getting through things, slowly.  But still have an hour and a half until I can get out of here.  But let's call this one done.

Joaquin out.

That, This, There & Then.

I don't even know what's going on.  I'm just lost in a daze and I'm feeling ridiculously tired.  To cap it all off, I haven't been playing a lot of guitar lately.  I'm sort of lost and confused even while I'm just sitting here at my desk doing nothing in particular.  And to top everything off, my back is really sore and I can't turn my head from side to side properly anymore.  Sheesh, the spectre of time is the worst.  Do you recall a game called Spectre 7 on Mac?  That was pretty cool, and some pretty sweet vector graphics, I played a fair bit of it in my time.

I think everyone needs to wake up to a good view every day.  It makes all the difference.  And while there are friends who are living it up and having a good time, I'm stuck here in this misery.  The status quo has to be overcome.  No, it must be overcome.  Or else this life will have been wasted.  At times I just wish I could escape it all and get the bigger picture of things.  Away from everything.  Just step outside of existence even.

What can you do when even the data sets could be fault?  I've been suspecting this for some time, because what I've seen makes no sense.  Is it all just wrong?  Because any work that occurs from there is all just a fallacy if I'm not working with the right stuff. 

Look at how birds flock together in flight.  It's all just so organic, there has to be some order to it.  Something unseen is going on.  You can make algorithmic models that mimic it, but they don't quite capture the beauty of birds changing direction in flight. 

I was reading that one thing that has defined humanity and the rise and fall of nations is the increasing distance at which we can fight.  That is very true.  There was originally hand to hand unarmed combat from our prehistoric times.  Then with the advent of tools, we increased the distance and became dominant.  Then throwing rocks, leading to spears, javelins, slings, bows, matchlocks, pistols, guns, rifles, missiles, airplanes, nukes, and probably next up is satellite laser strikes from outer space.  The issue is one of danger to the self.  Why go up and put yourself at risk in the face of an enemy who can beat you, when you can strike at a distance and ensure you can hurt them at no personal risk to yourself?  We need to stop putting human ideals on everything, we're not the be all and end all.

If there is a God, why don't the animals know about it?  Surely God would have revealed itself to them?  Why would we be the only ones to comprehend it?  Gosh, I lack so many fundamental skills.  I'm not really a human, am I?  This would all make a lot more sense if I was actually in Third Rock from the Sun.  Just cleaning house and decluttering the mind.  Need to get back to the peak of it all.

Damn it, I had some good ideas to blog about when I was out to lunch, and now that I'm back at my desk I have completely forgotten what I meant to say.  I really need to work on improving my memory.  If people can memorise entire decks of cards, then surely I can remember one particular discussion point.  Time to train the mind as well as the body.

Hmmm, I don't think I have anything else to say today.  At least there's only 2 hours to go until I get home.

Is there anybody who can help me?  Is there anybody who can facilitate me getting what I want?  Perhaps.  Perhaps.  There is a point, but it's not enough to go on and there's no time.  There's even half an idea.  In fact there could be two half baked ones, which could be a full idea!  Hahahaha.

I've found that having stopped using tumblr for a little while, I now have so much more time on my hands.  It's brilliant. 

What I don't understand is celebrity chefs who are famous for operating a restaurant, and then they go nuts, get some media exposure and then go open about 20 restaurants - nothing to do with the theme of the original restaurant, but a smattering of things ranging from fine dining, to asian, to cheap takeaway!  What the hell?!  It also sucks for people who want to go to these places, because that chef will never be there, not even at their original restaurant, because they are far too busy!  And that defeats the purpose of going to see world class chefs in their restaurants.  So what's the point?!  Grumble, grumble.

I'm done for today.

Joaquin out.

Largely In Opposition

To the entire proposal, no matter what it is.  What a crazy weekend.  It was never going to be good.  I just wanted to go home and rest and relax.  I'm about to leave for home on Friday when I get a call out of nowhere from a friend I haven't seen in ages.  They want to go out for a little while.  I figured that would be ok.  But cue 5 hours later, and many drinks later, and I am absolutely wasted.  Doesn't help that I need to go see another friend that night.  I got to his place eventually and I stayed for a couple of hours before getting home and passing the hell out.  The rest of the weekend was spent trying to recover from that.  Blergh, I'm no spring chicken anymore I can tell you.

I've just found out a really odd fact.  Apparently Toyota programs its firmware into its stereo so that you can't access the Bluetooth menu while the car is in motion.  Even if the passenger is the one who is fiddling with the setup!  Isn't that a really weird thing to do?  I can understand if it's solo cause they don't want people to have accidents, but the car is smart enough to realise that there is another person sitting next to the driver, so does it not realise that perhaps maybe the other person is the one touching the stereo?  And I thought the idea of the nanny state was bad, it's turning into nanny companies! 

I'm in a relatively zombie mood today.  Made a less than stellar return to the gym this morning after about a month off, and wow, I was near death.  I went down in tempo because I knew I wouldn't last, but even then, it was an absolute struggle.  Was on the verge of giving up and passing out, but I am here.  Let's see how tomorrow goes with weights, but I will also dial that one down.  I'll keep it like this until Thursday, and then I'll ratchet back up for Friday and Saturday.  Time to get some fitness back.  Holidays, injuries and laziness have gotten the better of me lately.  Gotta change all that.

24 hours in a day.  How many minutes?  How many seconds?  Where is all that time going?  What's going into every moment?  I'm left in the dark.  Left out in the lurch.  Something really weird is going on.  Can I get to the bottom of it?  Everything in whispered hushed tones, vagueness as always.  Left to guess.

The other raised an excellent point a while back that society is now defining people as consumers and not thinkers.  I'm inclined to agree with that.  Think about who we are as a society, and how people are essentially brought up to believe that consuming and showing off their consumables is the only key to happiness.  We go to school not to learn, but to get fancy pieces of paper so that future employers can be impressed.  Then we spend so much of our lives trying to pay back the loans for that piece of paper, and then we earn money to do things like buy houses, clothes, electronics, cars.  Then you retire, and potentially only really live at that moment, if you're lucky to live that long and have saved up some money.  And then you're dead.  It's all about consuming.  Never reflecting or thinking, and I think that's what's missing from most people's lives.  You have to have that element in order to be happy.

I was reading that most of the younger millionaires are all salespeople.  Well surprise, surprise.  I don't understand this world.  These are sales people!  They move products to people to part with their money and earn commission.  That's not right.  There's no skill or innovation or talent in what they do.  They are leeching off the people who actually do the hard work.  The smart money would be to remove all sales people and just bypass third parties directly to other people.  That's a better way to work things.

I was reading today that Sartre believed that the self is defined by other people.  If you existed in a vacuum, you wouldn't really have understanding of what you are.  Your understanding of who you are is relational to how other people interact with you, and who your friends are.  Who strangers are and so on.  There is no concept of the self without these interactions.  Then what is death?  Death is a solitary activity.  If there is something after that, it would also be solitary would it not?  Maybe that's all death is, the experience of of breaking down the self because there are no interactions anymore, and you become something other than the self.  There was a great idea about death and how children viewed it on the second last Family Guy that just aired.  Stewie came to a very good realisation.  But the athiest view of things makes me incredibly uncomfortable, because it detracts from responsibility to help people from other nations who are really struggling.  There's a lot of injustice in the world, but you want to focus on having a good life for yourself.  That's something that doesn't sit right with me. 

I was also reading that there is a separation of the consciousness from reality.  There's always something that actually keeps the real you distinct from the world outside.  Where you don't really engage with things.  It all strikes me as being food for thought that everything is really just a massive hoax.  This isn't reality.  It's all just faults in how our brains operate and get fooled so easily.  None of this is real.  It's as binary as these very words in front of you.

I've changed my phone over to a 4s, and it's running very nicely, especially with an update to iOs 7, being 7.1  It'll do me nicely until I decide on what phone I want to use later on.  Is hope exciting?  Because it's crushing to me. 

Let's just finish up this day.

Joaquin out.

First In Line, But Ain't Got The Time

Yet all we are doing is just waiting, wishing, hoping.  Nothing changes.  I recall a lyric that I really like that has been translated "the more things change, the more they stay the same" and I think that is probably right.  The external things can all be different, but it's the internality of it all that never changes, regardless of the circumstances. 

Didn't get a single bit of guitar in last night, in fact I was incredibly busy just looking up internet plans and phones.  It's nice to get your head involved into a big project to get your mind off things.  Even if it's just for a few hours, it keeps your mind busy, even in the face of mind boggling options.  But I'll get to the bottom of things!  I'll make a choice!

Is philosophy junk?  It could be.  It's what separates us from the animals, because we can afford to be introspective.  We can think about the external fictions and realities of our lives.  But philosophy dies with humanity.  If we don't exist, it doesn't exist.  And we are nothing in the bigger picture.  We like to think we are, but that's simply not the case.  Philosophy is not a science, it cannot be ordained to be factual in the same way.  Then why do we bother researching it?  Why do we give degrees in it?  It's an interesting concept.  But it's not practical.

Had a weird experience this morning when I woke up at 5am with the overwhelming need to pee.  So I got up and went, and then when I got up 2 hours later, I needed to go again.  What the hell?!  That's never happened to me before in my entire life.  How is this happening?  It's not good, it's a sign of getting older.  I don't want broken sleep like that, and of course, needless to say I'm feeling pretty tired right now.  Doesn't help that I need to be out and about tonight. 

I'm just worried and perplexed.  And I still have stuff to do this afternoon!!  I don't know what it is lately, but I'm just not finding wonder in the world anymore.  There's no fascination or beauty.  I can tell some things are nice, but on the whole, it mostly isn't.  I'm just not interested.  There are so many problems that need to be resolved.  And yet here I am just sitting here focusing on the trivial.  Where are we headed?

There are so many bloggers out there with better clarity of expression than me.  They're good writers.  I've actually gotten worse as I've gotten older, I think I'm starting to lose the plot.  Things are muddled.  I'm getting word salad.  Well it was a good run while it lasted.

I'm done for the day.  Shine so brightly, but gone too soon.

Joaquin out

Questions To Thrive

Is that really the case?  I think it's more the answers that make you thrive.  Then again, it could be the right questions that help you thrive, if you're willing to consider and think things through, you don't even need to find an answer.  And yet here we are still stuck in an endless cycle of questions and answers.  Or questions with no answers, and a lot of answers, but nobody has even thought of the question.  The one I am most keen on, is there any point to it all?  I guess we're all so preoccupied with our own mediocrity and pointlessness to do anything else about it. 

Is life or even the universe in a state of flux?  Or is it really just static?  Since we go through life at a million miles a second, how can we really perceive that we haven't done this all before.  That we aren't going to do it all again.  There must be a point where after the big bang, every possible scenario gets played out.  Staticness in the true sense of the word cannot be a real thing, because we know everything changes, even if those points of perceived staticness do occur again from time to time.  Is this post even going anywhere?  I'm sorry about the randomness of everything, because things have just been really busy and I have completely lost my train of thought as I've typed this.  I'm sure it was going somewhere.  But that doesn't matter, I'll have more to blog about tomorrow, with hopefully some more time. 

I need to formulate an escape plan...

Joaquin out.

Plus One

Are we really living relative lives?  Is everything relative size?  How can such large bodies displace gravity?  Hell, and other bodies displace time!  What a power.  What an ability.  Or maybe it's just a function of size.  The multiverse is not a proven scientific fact.  Until it is (if it is), then I don't think we can present it as anything but a theory.  Otherwise you're just being irresponsible, and you might as well give credence to silly theories like intelligent design.

There are just so many options out there.  You need to find out what cost savings work for you and whether you can get the same level of service (or better) for even cheaper.  That's where the smart money is, because every dollar counts in the end. 

I'm concerned whether I've been discovered.  Things didn't load up yesterday like they used to.  There was no lag between opening my mail system up and when the messages appeared.  Although none of the messages appeared to be read.  Perhaps I'm just overthinking it.  But still that's never happened before!  What an interesting day to have that happen.  What a craptacular evening, I went to bed way too late and I didn't even get a chance to play a single note on guitar.  Now I'm definitely not feeling the love, and I'm down one day on some much needed practice.  Doesn't help that my nails are again coming back out like claws.

I've really gotta get out of here before it's too late.  Would just love to drop everything and run.  Here's some food for thought.  We can't predict the future with certainty, right?  Well picture this, if we throw a dice up in the air, we don't know what side will land face up.  But things like the size of the dice, it's weight, it's rotation speed, atmosphere, impact angle with the ground can all be calculated.  If you are aware of all the variables, then you can tell with a reasonable degree of certainty what side will land face up.  But until that dice is released, you don't know.  So up until a point, can mathematics predict the future?  Perhaps only once potential energy becomes kinetic energy.  You just have to know the numbers and what's relevant.  Maybe if the numbers were better could get predictions as soon as the dice was released with certainty.  Imagine that.  But until that dice is released, it's impossible to tell.  Maybe a perfect allegory for your life?  Mine too!

I've reserved today for just blogging, but I get in and there's just stuff to do all over the place!  Very very annoying I tell you!  But at least I can multitask.  I'm thinking of changing our internet.  For a cost saving of 5 dollars overall, we can get 40gig more data quota per month!  How cool would that be?!  I can finally start using the internet like a regular person!  Who woulda thunk it?  Hahaha.  Not just that, but I'm also planning on changing phones to take advantage of 4G.  Which is crazy, because it's $20 per month cheaper than my current plan which is just crappy 3G on my crappy phone.  But now the question is whether I go for a Galaxy S4 or an iPhone5C?  Hmm decisions, decisions.  Ok just over an hour to go until I'm out of here and I am looking forward to it. 

It's all so secretive from right under my nose!!  But it wouldn't be the first time, right?  I think it's time for a change.

Joaquin out.

The Fire Rises

And everything is burning up.  There's so many questions but no answers, even if you spend all of eternity in thought, nothing will become clearer.  You have to go out and actively seek out your answers.  Truth will shine a light on the unknown.  We will be all the better for the brightness.

I was reading that time exists for us to make sense of choices (at least this is from a humanistic perspective - I'm sure time outside of humanity is almost irrelevant on a smaller scale).  But we are not immortal, why?  Because if we had infinite life, choices become meaningless.  You can live out 100 years doing the wrong thing, or even longer.  Your actions don't really have consequences then.  So we don't live long, and the result is that we're meant to look to our choices to make sense and do the right thing, and eventually have better lives.  But to me, this only makes sense, this only has meaning, if there's life after death to reconcile it.  Or else all choices become irrelevant in the long term.  If the end sum game is nil, then everything is pointless.  We are searching for meaning in a world full of randomness and chaos.  Is that it?  Is that all there is?  There needs to be some sort of reconciliation, some spiritual accountancy.  There's nothing else for it.  I'm not even sure what I believe.  Hell, I don't even know what I don't know.

Been making some serious amendments to my dropbox files so that I can finalise some of my guitaring ideas.  But I think the biggest thing to do would be to actually record some of the ideas and start working on some overdubs and second guitar parts.  And then drums!  Drums baby. 

Is everything relative?  From all perspectives?  You have to figure it out, listen to what I tell you.  It's a great feeling to be blogging again.  It really has been too long.  But I'm worried that I'm running out of steam.  In the absence of good ideas going out, the rest of this stuff is basically gibberish.  But I'll work on it.  I really need to start using more of my brain power and hopefully the creative juices will start to flow again.

Here's to more of that.


Joaquin out.

There's Something Over There

And I don't know what it is.  It is freaking me out though, it moves in an otherworldly fashion. 

So yes, I'm back and it's about time.  Sorry I haven't been able to blog while away, I was meaning to, but the medication I was on after the surgery was just insane.  I was down for about 12-14 hours most days just unconscious.  When I was up, I wasn't able to stay vertical for very long at all.  I was having weird and obscure thoughts and I couldn't articulate anything.  I didn't even get a chance to watch movies or tv shows, or even finish reading my book.  I played the occasional game of Counter Strike Global Offensive and Chivalry Medieval Warfare, but that was really it.  Pretty much wasted time.  The drugs have been out of my system for a few days now, but I'm still adjusting to real life.  I could totally see myself as a junkie now.  It's a very different sort of lifestyle.  The only problem was that when I did have awesome ideas for blogging (and I had stacks), I couldn't really type any notes or even posts, and that sucks because there were some brilliant ideas.

Oh well, didn't even play that much guitar, but I did manage to get some new ideas down and consolidate some old ones so I'm happy with that sort of progress.  I wasn't looking forward to being back at work, and having been here not even a full day I can remember why.  I had things to do, but they're all done as of this morning and now the rest of the time can be devoted to blogging.  Thankfully I may have some stuff to say this time around.

So we finally have a huge mystery on our hands, the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight MH370.  For those not in the know, the plane departed from Kuala Lumpur, heading to Beijing.  It's a relatively short flight, and comparatively simple for an experienced commercial pilot.  However the flight never arrived.  It disappeared from ground radar and then appeared to fly a bit more.  Enter the crash search rescuers who have turned up nothing.  Now there are all these theories about how the plane flew for almost 7 hours more, and flew due West to the Andamans, or possibly even Australia.  But there's no trace of anything, none of the passengers or the pilots.  Theories have now shifted to a deliberate hijacking by either the pilots or someone else and then possible red herrings given over the radio, which occurred after the transponder was turned off.  This is incredibly interesting, as something like this has not occurred before.  I am wandering what the final outcome will be, and though I know the reality is most likely that the plane crashed and everybody died, I am somewhat hopeful that everyone is okay.  That sort of flight is something I could have potentially been on.

Can the tao be attained?  Or was it just a concept created just to mess with us?  It's like an asymptote.  You'll never quite get there but it appears to be so close in your grasp.  Can my life be changed?  Or is it just more of the same?  I feel like I've aged a decade overnight.  I could do with some more sleep.

I'll never understand people who believe the nuclear bombing of civilians was justified in Japan during World War 2.  People justify it saying that it avoided a costly ground war later on, but ground wars exist for the purpose of sparing the innocent.  You can't fight wars to deliberately target civilians, that's just not how things are done.  So America deliberately targets these civilians, not once, but twice and say it was required to save lives.  Yes, to save the lives of American soldiers later on, not Japanese civilians, I assure you.  Because if you think that way, then any military force is justified in carrying out attacks against civilians in any country under the guise of wanting to spare more lives in the future.  And you know how that one runs out the clock.

I think that's it for this return edition.  Hopefully more good stuff to come during the week.  I've gotta get out of here!

Disappointment still abounds!

Joaquin out.

My Secret

I'll post more when I'm off the drugs, or else this just won't end well.


Joaquin out.

Days Move Away From Me

Time it just keeps going on and on.  Why can't we seize the seconds and live so much harder and faster than we ever have before?  And in that we don't have to pay the price for existence.  Not just that, how come humans cannot live longer?  There are so many things which live much longer than we do, but I suppose on the balance of the evidence, most things live a lot less than we do.  So I guess that's something?  Why does time have to be a force in the universe?  Why is it also so poorly understood?  If only it could be manipulated like light or gravity.  But here we are, and there you go, and only that remains are memories.

Today is my last day of work for a while.  Too bad I have to get a medical procedure done to earn that.  But I'll take what I can get, even the insane swelling and pain that accompanies what I gotta do.  Crap, do I have anything to say?

Probably not.  We'll see how things go while I'm at home.  Maybe I was too young for that.

What is this blog?  Where are we going?  Well the other started this up in 2004 because blogging was a relatively new phenomenon then.  This was before social media took off in other forms such as tumblr, instagram and facebook.  It was just a place to express our thoughts and feelings, whether on point, or totally abstract.  It's also an opinion soapbox.  It is whatever we want it to be.  There's no theme.  It just continues as is, and that's the way I envision it going in the future.  At least until it becomes untenable to keep up with, or I'm dead.  One or the other, haha!

I think I'm done with this day.

Take care folks.

Joaquin out.

Flying Towards Rapture

And yet it's I who has been captured.  What are your expectations?  I read an interesting point about Roger Ebert the other day.  He was a lifelong athiest and skeptic, but after enduring many painful medical procedures, he was on his deathbed and started saying strange things to his wife.  She thought he was hallucinating because of the amount of medication he was on, but apparently he wrote down "this is all an elaborate hoax".  That's pretty awesome.  I wonder what he could have meant.  Perhaps the truth was made clear to him towards the end. The rest of us aren't in on it. 

I'm in a strange mood today.  I'm still injured so I can't do anything.  Decided to sleep a bit early last night and sleep in this morning.  For some reason I still feel more tired than usual.  That's when you know you're getting older, when sleep doesn't really feel restful or relaxing anymore.  I guess that's the struggle as we all try to cling on to life.  It sort of feels like I'm still sleeping, and everything now is a dream.  This is not reality.  Everything has an air of fakeness about it.  Altered perceptions, altered realities. 

Got in some great guitar last night, things are slowly improving on that front.  I need to write some more new ideas and finish some old ones. 

It's great to finish a huge project!  It's a relief cause it was a massive time killer.  At least I can devote time tomorrow for writing some blog stuff.  Tomorrow is my last day of work for a while and I'm looking forward to it.

Just a book and a couch.  That's all I want.  I really think I've exhausted most ideas for posting on here.  Well until I start using blognotes again to keep track of my memories and thoughts when I want to say something good.  But as I've said before, that's ok since I won't be blogging for a couple of months later in the year as I go over old posts and attempt to make some tags. 

But for now?  Definitely all out of ideas.

Joaquin out.

Toffed The Boffins

What a very strange weekend.  I don't recall doing anything.  Anything at all.  I sat at home, didn't watch any movies or tv shows, and I didn't even really play that much guitar.  In fact I barely played at all.  Not good.  Hmmm.  But in positive news, I decided to make gigantic headway in terms of getting all the films I wanted to watch.  I've had a big list going for several years of films, new and old, that I've wanted to see.  Ever since I started working, watching films has not been a priority and I have been falling further and further behind on new releases.  People who go on and on about films are usually met with a blank stare when they talk to me about them.  But this weekend I put about 30 films on uTorrent for download, and I'll be sure to get several a week.  Haha, but of course that's entirely far removed from actually watching the stuff.  But this will help, no doubt.

This body really is falling apart.  I'm incredibly tired for one, and I've managed to pick up an injury to my leg which makes exercising a bitch.  This isn't so good, when I need to get my wisdom teeth out in a few days and there'll definitely be no exercising after that.  I shouldn't have watched a video about the extraction cause that stuff is borderline torture.  Seriously, the only difference between a stone mason and a dentist is the paycheck.  A lot of it is grinding, pulling, scraping.  It's all so medieval in execution!  Crazy stuff. 

Those big digital eyes watching whatever you're doing.  It's all speculative.  I think the recent stuff was all a red herring, but the older stuff, I think it may be staring me in the face.  It doesn't gel with what others say.  The problem with facts is that I can really only verify it with my own eyes.  Things should have been thought about, rehearsed and perfected.  But it was all jumbled and nonsensical. 

I think I suffer from a fear of missing out (FOMO).  Until recently, I didn't even know such a thing existed, but there are more and more articles on it everyday.  It's probably exacerbated by social media, where I feel that I have to see every single post, or I may miss something good.  And that's a huge time killer for me in terms of getting anything else (or anything useful) done. 

Looks like things are going to be busy until I'm gone, but I'll keep blogging.  It's heading up to March, which means we are just a mere 6 months away from the blog intro/retrospective!  It'll be grand!  I'll be aiming to get through each post and start tagging things to better link stuff together for readers.

But that's it for now.  90 minutes!  I can do this!!!

Joaquin out.