Friday Suicide

I think if I'm ever going to kill myself, it will be on a Friday. It just seems so apt, really. I remember once in High School I was walking home from somewhere which was quite far from my house. It started to rain and I thought "oh how great". Everyone has this sense of upbeatness and elation about Friday before the weekend hits. I find it a strange event, like an expected anticlimax. I get bored and lonely on a Friday. It seems right to die on a day like that. I guess each to their own, right?

I'm exhausted from wrestling my personal demons here. I'm starting to act out, but I guess all seems right if it is all about a change of occupation. Haha, stakeouts in the dead of night! I've been lied to by everyone! When the hell did that happen? I'll get to the bottom of this, no matter what it takes. You're not there. Wouldn't be the first time all of you lied to me. Voices trailing off, lights left on with no car and late night messages. How interesting, I want to know what the truth is. Or perhaps my own paranoia has gotten the best of me and I've just gone batshit insane already. I need to get a hold of it before Feb rolls around, because I have some important stuff to do. But tomorrow is not February...

What I love about blogging lately is the unbridled honesty that I can say everything with. I think it's a bit closer to me. Or maybe a bit closer to what I want you to think of me.

Joaquin out...