Never thought that the fire was going to burn us...

Sometimes life is just strange... The colors of the lights look different, the feeling in your stomach just seems to throw you off. Life is kind of like that right now...

Time goes by so fast, that we forget about the past so quickly, its a little bit scary. People who were so close to us once become memories, that slowly become harder to remember. We don't even do this intentionally, those that we do are alright. Pain of a high school ends, and we move on with our lives, to go find bigger better things. We all go our own directions to the distant parts of the world, in search for what we are all looking for in life. So caught up with our own lives, however insignificant our lives feel at the time, it is the only thing that we are thinking about. The people who you spent everyday with, slowly melt away with the rest of the horizon. Did we take the time to stop and look behind? Did we ask how that person was doing, did we think we were all invincible? I'm pretty sure that I often did. Days flew past, many times I've thought about a good friend, but put off communicating with them just for another day. The other day that never comes by, the other day that gets lost among many other days. Slowly we drift further and further away from our past. We move on to new places, new lives, new goals, and that takes up all of our time and attention. It has become normal in our societies to look forward, and never to stop and think of how we got there. This life has gotten too fast for my liking, I'm not sure how to slow it down. There is so much that needs to be done, and only 24 hours in a day. So many friends I have to get in touch with, but so little time. At least the internet is getting us closer together, or is it? There are a whole bunch of people who are on my messenger list, who are online 24/7 just like me, but we never stop to catch up... This seems like a crying shame... We need to make sure that we are all alright... We come to believe that everyone will be fine in their own world, everyone carries on, everyone will float on... But every now and then someone falls, and we wish we were there to catch that fall... Why is it always an after thought? I'm not going to feel guilty about it, I'm going to try and learn, and be a better friend...

This all has been brought up, because I just found out that over the weekend, a close friend of mine from high school decided to call it quits and end her life. I don't quite know the details, and I'm not going to go looking for it, her not being here anymore is loss enough. I haven't really been in touch with her over the last few years since high school, and that is really a shame. Putting things off for the next day, now the next day doesn't exist. For the past few years, I've had this feeling of invincibility that nothing can go wrong. So many bad choices in life, but I am still here, now fixing those mistakes. Never thought that anything could happen to the people that I know. I've been brought back to reality. Sometimes it hard to keep in touch, but we all have to make the effort. There have been many deaths around me, and I've heard of a lot in the last few years, but I don't think that any of them affected me as much as this one. Friend of mine, I hope you have found the peace that you've been looking for. We'll miss you...

Postmodernism is a topic that has really been interesting me lately. I remember when I was doing my bachelors, it was a topic that I tried to understand, but never quite got the grips of it. Maybe because I was buying too much into the modern concept, and didn't want to question what I thought was working. Years later, I've realized that there are flaws in most of what we believe in, and there maybe there are no real solutions, or there is no real. Most of the material that talks about these issues are quite hard to digest, and probably the reason why I'd skipped them before. But it all makes sense, or well there is no real meaning to anything at all. This morning, most of my class didn't want to turn up, as they thought this topic was a pain in the ass, and the writer was a pretentious bastard. Which he might be, but makes a good point either way. By the end of the class, most of them figured out that I actually liked this stuff, and they were ready to kill me. Hahaha it was one of the highlights of this semester so far...

I'll leave you with these thoughts, nights have started to get longer again, and I'm quite pleased... But I've got to start sleeping by 2 am...