And so the marathon begins...

Another day has gone by, and now the week of doing nothing is over, and man what a week that has been. After I thought I'd be bored shitless for a week or so before I put my head down and start studying, turned out to be something of a welcome vacation. Waking up going thru the daily routeins, and then screwing my poor brain over a few last times before its put to good use gain. I think I've partied enough to last me the next couple of weeks. The last week has been one blur attached to another to create one big blur, and thats just how I would have done it again if I had a chance. Now all yerning is gone, and now I can study till I've reached the prize at the end of the rope.

One of my old buddies, came down from Brisbane as its stonefest here on campus for the next couple of days. Stonefest is the biggest music festival that happenes in Canberra and everyone seems to be psyched about it. As usual, after weighing whats at stake, and the fest, my responsibilities over shadowed what could be done, and I have decided to hit the books. As it is in, about a few days from now, I will long gone, on the home strecth. This time its gonna be a mission, but it should be a great feeling. Its been a while, actually, I don't think that I've done it since I've been here, that I actually have to go to Sydney and then decide what I want to do, as this time Jester is leaving before I am. I'll see you at home buddy, we'll have some good times.

I've been sleeping well for the last week or so, but I'm not sure if its because I've been sleeping, or because I've been so enibriated that bed was just the logical next step. Time shall only tell. Its funny, when there is a lot of time on your hands, or tend to forget, how hectic its actually going to be once you decide to get back into the flow of things. I shall do a good job with this, and now its at about the distance, that I should be able to just study till I leave Canberra in just about week and a half. Can't wait.

Somethings are ambigious about what the next portion of my life entales, but it shall soon be seens, and I seem to like it. Not knowing for the first time has made clam myself down. I'm sick and tired of what is planned and what needs to be done. A few months of sponteniety should be a welcome change.

Now there are a lot of other things to be worried about, what is going to happen to all my stuff? I swear the things I own, end up owning me. Can't wait to get rid of all this shit thats crowded my room here. It should be good, I always love packing up stuff, its the start to getting to somewhere else, and that is always a welcome change.

Anyways, I should stop procastinating, and start already. Stomach is yelling at me, so I guess I'll first go take care of that, then its going to be the very interesting text book for CMR, haha not! But it needs to be done. Take care folks...

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I know I won't be leaving here with you

Appropriate gratitude must be given where it's due and right now big props must go to the other for absolutely butchering the CMR assignment! This was the same assignment I only got a pass on a few years ago (cause I had a crap teacher), but the other has gotten a truly amazing mark. He also has one of the better tutors for that class (who actually knows what the subject is about), and such is the nature of the other's skill, he made points that the tutor disagreed with but argued well enough to warrant excellent marks, so that's just awesome!

I have my first Tuesday off for the semester (in the last week too) so I'm just gonna play some Rome Total War damn it!!! ONWARDS TO ROME!!!

Once again, super props to the other, and yes I still don't have any blog notes, so that's it for today!

Inversion Of A Major That Won't Divide Itself

Good to see the other is coming up with some gold posts - self discovery and introspection is only ever good for the self. I haven't been doing much as all my assessment is done. Spent yesterday at a friend's birthday party and thanks to the stupid weather in our city it was freezing after being absolutely boiling for the last few days and now I have a cold. Hopefully it'll clear up during my final week. I've started counting up and I have 16 study days for 3 exams, but they're placed at odd intervals so it should be interesting studying I should think.

We're coming up on 365 posts which means you could read a post a day for a year! Also, with us just having celebrated our 2nd birthday/anniversary, this will make for an average of just under a post every 2 days which is a damn good effort I must say. Some people are just absolute freaks. A few months ago I heard this dance song which I absolutely fell in love with. But thanks to it being late night/early morning and on radio, there was no announce of what it was called. I tried for ages to track it down but to no avail. Eventually now a friend who I regularly share songs with sent it to me randomly and I was shocked as I told her about this song yet she didn't know what it was (cause the lyrics are hard to decipher). Anyway I was just amazed and happy, the song is called Planet Funk - Chase The Sun. Been listening to a lot of Mastodon, they're simply amazing. I've never heard prog/sludge metal done so well. Their riffs are disturbing and the use of odd time signatures is just amazing, a true display of musicianship.

I didn't get to see Saffire, which I am majorly annoyed about!! Ditto for missing Tommy Emmanuel, Yngwie Malmsteen and G3 (most are on during exam time)! Those bastards, it's like they plan it just so I can miss it! I'll show them, I'll show them all!!

I don't know if I'm covering old ground, but since Motor Ace broke up, Australian music has been in the doldrums (no, Jet is not a saving grace), but now two great bands are starting to show just how good we can be - The Casanovas and The Butterfly Effect. One a straight out good ol' rock band and the other is more progressive rock, kinda like a less intellectual and less skilled Tool but good none the less (less used 3 times in one sentence, I rock).

Sheesh, it's awfully early, but I must blog now or else I won't be able to tonight due to tv (The Bourne Supremacy is on and I haven't seen it before, and I loved the first one because of the realism), as well as F1!! I'm still hoping Macher can come through, win the race and have Raikkonen or Massa crash Alonso out, it shall be glorious indeed. Then I have school for the rest of the week so my blogging shall be curtailed slightly (although I do have Tuesday completely off). I downloaded the demo for Medieval 2 Total War (stupid I know, especially since I'm still conducting my first freakin' campaign in Rome Total War) and let me just say WOW! Looks bloody spectacular and it was utterly gorgeous (The Battle of Hastings was a delight, but I got my ass handed to me in The Battle of Pavia). But that's the problem, it looks TOO good, even on the lowest settings it just beat the hell out of my computer and chugged like a mofo which hampered my ability to lead properly or read any tactics. I'll have to update my computer considerably to play it well (which I want to do cause it should be enjoyed at it's highest settings) when there's a price drop after the game comes out. Hopefully that'll occur sometime in the holidays after I have totally finished my Rome and Barbarian Invasion campaigns. Speaking of which, I have played WAYYYY too much of that game during the weekends. I start at 12am, hoping to be in bed by 2am, but lo and behold it's usually 5am before I actually hit the hay because I always just have to go that extra step. As the House of Julii I have wiped out those pesky Gauls, in the middle of wiping out the Pavians on my Eastern front and am fighting a war with the Spanish on my Western front, it's tough stuff. As mentioned I took 2 serious defeats due to tactical errors early on against the gauls and I struck back with a vengeance. While sieging their last stronghold, they sallied forth with all their remaining army - approx. 1800 men, vs my finest (at the time) general and a miniscule army of 500 (about 200 cavalry, remaining foot soldiers). So you'd think I'd be terrified, but taking my cue from watching a crapload of documentaries on ancient warfare tactics and some common sense, I dished out a terrific crushing defeat on them.

Let me set the scene: I was at the Southern End in a Forest with two openings at the East and West side. I set my foot soldiers on the right side in defence mode in a column formation so that they seemed smaller to an opposing army until they were right on top of them. I placed all horse troops on the left side and began the battle. Straight away I rushed out and killed the first general and then their entire reinforcement army came in shoulder to shoulder stretching across the entire battle map. I set the order to charge and use my cavalry to sweep the screen West side to Eastside. I absolutely annihilated them and forced them to bottle neck to the East part of the forest, where my foot soldiers decimated what was left of everyone else! 40 of mine lost compared to their entire army being wiped out, it was gorgeous!

Another brilliant moment of strategy was against the Spanish, when they attacked with superior numbers against a depleted army, when I sent in reinforcements to the rear of the Spaniards. I got my first army to hide in the corner and just sent all reinforcements to charge from behind and absolutely destroyed them.

As you can probably tell, I have been getting too much of that game! Alright that's it for today folks, have a nice day!

I am no longer your bitch...

Woke up yesterday, yet unable to move, realized that I've found myself in a bind again for the Nth time. Waking up and realizing that you've been getting screwed left and right is not a good feeling. Especially when you realize that you've let them do it to you. This is about the time of year when I contemplate what is it all for, and why I am here. Everyone has a mission statement, and this is the time I evaluate where I stand. And I've realized that I'm so far removed that I don't recognize the person looking in the mirror anymore. So I took the journey that I so needed to take. The usual dosage, lots of music, lying down on the floor naked, and contemplating till I figure out what is wrong with me. This time it was more aparent than it usually is. Crystal isn't even that clear.

Life is all about choices, one wrong choice, and then you're not able to live that down ever in you life. I will base this blog around with lines from "Make Yourself- Incubus" this seems to quite clearly explain what is exactly wrong. "If I hadn't made I'd be more inclined to bow." This is true, I've never let myself bow to what other people have to say. I am always in control of what I want to do, and what I feel like doing. I will make or break myself, but it will be all me. As of late, I've sorta forgotten the non conformist pig that is the essence of me, and have become more inclined to bow, a conformist. This needs to be rectified right now, before I decide that self-combustication is easier than to go on living like this. I have over the last year or so become a few peoples bitches, and I've given too much importance to what they might think, and do exactly what they ask of me. And now it is evident that I have no say what so ever. This I cannot allow!

That brings me to dominant groups, or the power holders. It doesn't matter weather they like you or not. At the end of the day, they will think of no one else but themselves. And that is a fact of life and history. Be it parents, bosses, whoever it may be. At the end of the day, you'll always be the one bending if you do not start with not looking for aproval and do your own thing to start with. I've spent a lot of time, trying to get on the good side of some perticular people, but it didn't matter now did it? It would have been the same weather they liked me or not, I will still be the last person they will think of. Unless they need something, then they call upon me, as I am bound to do it. I've merely become a pawn, and its not right. I will step back and make myself.

I've also left too much of my hapiness dependant on other people. And this is flawed from the start. Only if I had seen this from before. Only person who can make you completely happy is yourself, and once that is accomplished, others can aid to it. And if that is acomplished, then they cannot bring you down. In the power struggle, I've abandoned my ship altogether. No more, its time to take the power back. I will no longer expect the dominant group to do anything for me, and not depend on their decissions anymore. I will take it as its not going to happen anymore, and hence never be disappointed in the first place. It is much safer, and I will find other things that I can do on my own. I will make myself, and if I fuck me??!!?? I'll fuck me in my own way...

I've become soft, I've become dependant, and I've become completely helpless. Its time to take the power back. The day starts with me, and it will end with me. I am more powerful than anyone would like to ever admit, maybe not in the traditional sense of it. But I will be the one to make me. And as another year passes, and that time of contemplation is over, I am again aware of what I need to be. There is no need for any massive change, just a mere change in attitude, and a willingness not to just give in. That I have been reborn with as of last night. So I wait for the next 12 months till I am back at this spot, and then I will evaluate myself as to how I've gone about fucking myself over. Untill then I am in control, and ready to take it all on. I have my arms open and will to take what may come my way, because I am no longer afraid of myself. The day starts with me, and it sure will end with me...

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Back To You...

Yes, I have returned! I apologise for my absence but I have been working on some last minute assessment pieces for classes where the exams are worth a fair bit, so it's a good idea to get the best mark possible in the other assessment items (if you want a good mark overall that is). But I am done! Absolutely NOTHING pending until exams.

Have no fear though, I have been reading the posts lately and they have been good reads. I have missed so much, and on top of that, I haven't even updated my blognotes! So I have absolutely nothing to talk about so let's just wing it and see where I end up eh?

The other's package finally arrived, which is awesome! The last package the other's brother sent took MONTHS to arrive. I was worried that I would get it after he'd left to go overseas but luckily it arrived with plenty of time to spare. That reminds me, exams are fast approaching and I'll soon have to resort my 24 hour insanity (that is studying for 12 hours, sleeping for 12). I'm sure it will be abrogated because of Win's stupid idea to have Quizmania 5 nights a week now and they don't even follow a bloody good timetable, because there is some weird variation in who presents.

I have been addicted to Rush's Working Man as well as The Who's Substitute. Awesome solo in first song and brilliant bassline and clever biting lyrics in the second song.

Those weird ass flashbacks have returned. Many posts ago I referred to these. Where I am suddenly dreaming awake and I am in places where I don't know whether I've been when I was really young or just dreamt about when I was younger and I seriously don't know if they're real or not. Pretty disturbing if you ask me. Oh exams, I wish they were closer, but in a way I don't, because I need to study and study hard damn it!

I was worried about my guitar work for a while there. As mentioned, I hadn't used a pick in a while and it wasn't good for my hybrid picking. But lately I have been noodling with pick and fingers so I'm starting to feel right at home again. Once the holidays start I can start warming up properly with co-ordination exercises and be back at 100%.

I'll leave it there for now folks. Have a nice day!

Untitled

Well what do you know?? I'm back, and after a good nights sleep. Well I'm on a timer now, just too my sleeping pill, so i have about thirty mins, before my system shuts down. Hopefully I wake up for my group meeting tommo unlike today... Haha I swear sometimes you sleep and its a problem and others you dont sleep and its a problem...

I was reading over some old blog posts from a couple of years ago, and it was quite a good experience reminicing about the past. And also to see how I've changed over the last few years... Life is always a trip, and sometimes we stop noticing how things are changing, and its strange to reflect on how they have...

I am sick and tired of people and their egos and prides... It can be good soemtimes agreed, but sometimes it needs to be P(*#^@$. Yes precisely, had to get that out of me. There has always been problems in my life, and somehow or another they are always retraced to something to do with pride and ego. I swear they are one of the worst human qualities there ever was.

What is it with people thinking they rule the world when they dont? Is it just me, or does more and more people think they rule the world. I am sick and tired people. Its not a good attitude, change that. No one is going to believe that you do, they will just look over it, and think to themselves, hahah whos he kidding??!!?? Hehe jester will tell you, I don't take crap from anyone, and hell if I'm about to start now!!! Don't tell me what to do, thats my job to figure it out...

Anyways people, I'm gonna head off to bed, its calling my name, knaves, knaves, come to bed, I need you....

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This too shall pass...

Yet again my plans fall through, and I'm still sitting around trying to grip on what it is that I have to do now. As you all know, I've been waiting on my girlfriends visa to get through. Well guess what, it didn't, and for the most fucked up reason. The rason givin is that she didn't provide them with something that was infact turned in with the appication itself. So now shes going to appeal the case in another country. Hmmm now all i can do is say whatever, and see where it takes on... The so called objectivity that the Australian Embassy claims to use is flawed, as if it were objective they have not a single reason to make any such comment. The superiority complex of these people is self evident, and they need to learn sometime that just because they're from a particular country does not in any way make them better. This complex has gone so far that they have decided in Bangladesh to not deal with the people who are applying at all, they have hired, locals to do the job, and they just sit back and make dissisions on a whim. You people seriously disgust me. And as a friend of mine said today, when it comes to immigrations, the only thing worse than a pompus foreigner is a person from you're own country. Their superiority complex is even higher, and whats more, they arn't even from another place alltogether... I demand some justice, but as we all know this world is far from being just, so why expect any of it...

The sleeping cycle has just gotten so screwed up as of late, that now I had to take some medical advice to see if I can infact fall asleep somehow. And I know as well as my doctor that its all because of anxiety, but there is only so much that can be done about that. So now I am on some heavy duty sleeping pills, and have to go see the "shrink" once a week. Haha this is going to be a lot of fun...

Sometimes, as go on by in life, you see a sign somewhere that makes sense all of a sudden, as if it was a message sent from somewhere else to tell you what you want to hear, and to remind you that its not all futile. I was walking down to the bus station to go into civic today, and on the bus stop it said "This too shall pass." Maybe it has nothing to do with me (Which would make more sense) or maybe I needed to see that so it was all part of a master plan. I just wish if there is a plan, to not make it so hard for me that I find it hard to get by, its hard enough as it is. So maybe it will, whatever it is, it shall pass, either my sleeping pattern, my worries, my dreams, hope, whatever...

I am seriously sick and tired of this hegemony. Its always there, and its a constant that never seems to change. The rich get richer, and the powerful use it to their advantage. Weather it be parents who decide what they feel is right, and enforce it on you, because they know you will have to respect it. Or it is our learders telling us what we should do. And in some surcumstances the deciders tell you that you are just not good enough. Its a plague, a cancer that destroys all simplistic thought, and all the innocence that lies within this life. Back to the primitive, fuck all your politics. Oh what I would do to become a kid again...

technorati tags:Australian, Embassy, Bangladesh, Sucks, Balls

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Supreme Lifestyle, The One I Used To Hate...

Another year, and another disappointment. Oh well, shumacher definately had a good career, that jackass spaniard better appriciate it, no credit to him. A little angry, a little disappointed. Once race to go till his career is over, and I guess not everything has its fairy tail ending...

I've come to decide that when it rains it pours. Things are not going as planned at the moment, but what can you do, there is only so much that you have control over. Life has its tendency to push you to your limits. I'm driving a 300kmph and holding my head high, at some point I should reach race speeds...

Anticipation is the root of all disappointment, well said by alien ant farm. Been listining to them a lot lately, and I really like what they have to say in general, no out of the world bullshit that a lot of the bands out there throw at you. I guess its because they don't have things as easy as they would have hoped they had. Story of my life. Thankfully their bloody label finally decided to release their third album, and its one with some really good songs. I like em. If you get a chance give "Supreme Lifestyle" a listen. Thats somewhere most of us dont belong. Your solitude is welcome, welcome, your attitude is welcome, welcome...

As usual insomnia has got me by the leg. Its my problem I know, I'm always so anxious and panicing about things, that its bound to happen. I wish god gave me some peace, but for now I'm still looking for some peace. I'm scared my poor brain is gonna pop!

Facebook is bloody awesome, been having a lot of fun on there these days, a lot of activity among my friends and a lot of pictures of high school. My those days seem so far away. I'm also looking forward to getting back home, and it seems that jester may be traveling with me, and I like the sound of that. I'm starting to wonder if jester and I shouldnt take a short trip around australia before heading home, as this will be the last time that hes going to down in these parts as he should be moving to malaysia.. But for now I'm trying not to be too anxious or get my hope high about getting home, due to some friendly advice... "Don't put things up on a pedistal, it may leave you disappointed..." - chippie...

Sometimes I think early warning systems are useless, we always tend to ignore them anyways. I think we would all tune in more into our own warning systems and listen to them before we have to call in "mayday, mayday"... Have a good one people...

technorati tags:Alien, Ant, Farm, Attitude, Supreme, Lifestyle

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Today's the day, I pray that we make it through...

There are some inanlieable truths in this world that we should just not question. One for instance is that time changes everything, and two when a girl tells you, you can be honest, know damn sure that you can't do that! It will only get you in trouble if you think that you can defy any of these rules. Things will change...

Life has been the usual, over the last few days thought, been feeling really lathargic, and feel very demoralized to do anything. You wake up and you have that feeling in your head that something is just not ok, can't put your finger on it, but you know some factor to your life is just not alright, and then you enbark on your mission to correct everything that seems out of place...

How time changes everything. Been socializing on facebook for the last while, and its cool to see how the people you grew up with have changed. These changes are not noticable when you are around the people over the time when they change, but when the change is in your face all of a sudden, it just takes you back, by surprise... Some have changed the way their hair falls on their faces, and that makes them look completely different, and damn couldn't recognize them. Some changes are for the better, and other not so much, but everything does change. But one thing never changes, hopefully, how you feel about those people, they are your friends, and mean the world, been there together through the good and the bad, and some of those completely evil times...

Now that time has come closer to exams, as the others will concur, time just seems to be going way too fast for your own good for some reason. As everyone around you struggles to get done what has to get done, I am happy to have most of my work done before hand, and its my job to try and make their lives a bit eaier, if I can help them in any way. As Subhan and I were talking about a few days ago, it just seems that this time of the year is the most demoralizing time of the year. Most of us are just sick and tired of uni, and thing that has to do with it, and just can't wait to get out of this place for however long we can. But then again as chippie says, don't look forward to something so much, that it may disappoint you that things arent going as planned, and that you just want to be back at the Uni bar and want to have your glass of Thooeys Old with me. There might be some truth to that, but we'll never know till me get there. There are so many things we attempt to predict in our heads, but at the end of the day, chance plays a much bigger hand than you have. And you just have to get there to figure out those truths.

I would like to apologize for my absense for the last bit of time, but as I said, there has been a lot of other crap happening, and I thought I'd endulge in some good times, before there is not time to have any, and exams is all that in my head. As it is I'm missing "Stone Fest" this year again for the second time in a row, but hopefully next year we'll go and have a blast. It just so happens that I got what I wanted, early exams, and so I can't go, and since I wanted it, and I do still want that, I should just not complain.

Today I feel useless and meaningless, completely disposable, and its a feeling I get when I'm down low. Things you do kick you in the ass sometimes, intentions can be skewed depending on who is listening to you, even if your intentions were not as hurtful as they may have taken it. Anyways, another day where I jsut want to go to sleep. Catch you guys soon, hope life is treating you a little bit better than I seem to be feeling right about now. And again, I am my own worst enemy...

technorati tags:Facebook, Friends

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Lord of the rings by George Lucas

Thought this was pretty funny....hehe, they put jarjar in Lord of the rings.....lol

The sand's in my eyes but I can still see you

Do you want to know why the last few days have been awesome? I have Fridays off, and Monday was a public holiday. Tuesday my morning class is cancelled so that's effectively 5 days off! I have just been doing my work for that speech at a slow rate (but still decent) and listening to a crap load of music and watching tv, that and playing a hell of a lot of Rome Total War.

As a direct result of this, I also have nothing to report! I think I may do an update to the Joaquin rate list sometime tomorrow.

I have been reading up on the Copyright Amendment Bill and it's looking good! The Government has finally caught up on the use of new technology and are accepting it, as opposed to trying to outlaw everything because it can only help us. However there are still some holes here and there, especially when some statutory rules are applied strictly. Well with the lack of anything better to say, that's it for today folks!