The Road To Nowhere & Crazy Times

Well fuck. Holy fuck. This should have come yesterday, but last night my body just gave the mcfuck up and I passed out.

Yesterday was a fucking odyssey. Did something I probably shouldn't have done, and I knew it, but I did it anyway.

I have never driven so far before, especially in one day. Especially on roads I've never been on before. 600kms in a day. Some of those roads were ridiculously insane to drive.

I slept poorly. Then I stayed in my car the whole time. My back is now seriously fucked! I've never had back pain before!

It was a true test of my stamina, I had not slept, I only ate breakfast, and I had many many hours of nothing to do. It was bloody 12 hours straight in the car! It was an 18 hour day! Jack Bauer, kiss my ass! My legs still hurt, they feel like lead weights. My body is in painful recovery.

I don't know how I'm alive. The numbers would dictate that I should have had an accident on the way. How utterly reckless. What's more is that I failed in my ultimate objective. There were times when I thought it could have been pulled off, but I lacked the time, but even then, I was foiled at the last possible moment. Fucking roundabouts and speed cameras!!! Thwarting my attempts! If that car hadn't had gone when it did, I would have been able to drive on ahead. Now I am basically back to square one. Well, almost.

I could have broken my resolve, but I chose not to. I'm just a bit angry and upset at the moment because in the end I failed. Who knows how long the day could have been. Fucking crazy times, I don't know if I could do it again. But I just need more time. And I need to take a bit of a risk. Fuck! Now I'm just upset! Stupid roundabout! Should I have just driven straight? But too much time had passed. We'll see what happens in time, I suppose.

Had a really vivid dream last night. I don't recall the last time I remembered my dream with such great clarity. But then again that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I'm finding it impossible to sleep lately. Doesn't matter if I sleep late or early, I will inevitably awaken early, I think of you straight away, and there is
too much stress and sadness and despair and pain to be able to focus on anything else, and I cannot sleep again. Now I'm all stressed and pensive, damn it. It still stings, you know. It was both of our fault. Why can't I have more time??

Getting very heavily back into guitar. It's not like I didn't play before, but I'm totally devoting myself to it now. Just trying to remember all the songs I've learned so that I can always play them when I want. Should also probably properly learn my own material so I don't need to have the tabs open when I play the damn song!

I have a confession to make: I've never seen Starsky and Hutch (the new version with Ben Stiller), but I still do the "Do It" joke, and people still understand me. I don't get why it's so funny?

I remember when I started working that Weevilyn (haha) would always pick me up on starting my e-mails like this:

Dear Whoever,
                         Blah blah blah.

She would always get loopy about the indentation. But that's how you're meant to write letters! It flows naturally for the line of sight. But in the end I did relent and have been writing it like that ever since, except on those odd occasions where I have to actually hand-write a letter.

Holy moly I'm tired. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep at work, which is not good, considering I have a meeting in 20 minutes. Who the hell schedules a meeting so late in the work day?? Haha I think I did have a microsleep.

Oh well. Here's to more of the same.