I want to go to the place where dreams die

So I have been on an MJ bender as of late, which is fantastic, because with all the commotion, I have discovered even more great songs to get, in time.

I am still saddled with Cable internet, but that is ok because I should catch up on games, movies and tv shows before I even look at getting some ADSL2+. Then again, judging from how much stuff I have to watch and do, that is going to be a LONG LONG time away! Haha.

I seem to keep getting lost in trivial things at the moment, and that is not helping me get things done.

The exception to that is work. I felt I wasn't being productive, turning things around in one week to one and a half weeks. Apparently this is spectacular in the public service. I do rule.

Work is strange. I have had some real work which I liked. There's heaps of reports too! I'm also kept away from clients. I have a lot of autonomy in this role which is good, but I am lacking authority and power, so it's made up. I am enjoying pointless "busy" work tasks which eat up most of the day. Then it's home time! I also have a day of flexi leave saved up, so I am hoping to cash that in soon.

I am playing guitar and have some ideas ready to go. Just need to get some of my speed and dexterity back and then I will be feeling fine. So I have some chords back, but not the nice experimental chords I was playing around with when I was still good. Decent lead playing is still elduing me thus far though.

The other night I woke up at around 2am. I did so and then I just felt this terrible feeling of fear. I don't know what it was, and I can't explain it at all. But it was an odd feeling to be so afraid for so long over nothing.

So previously at work I had a massive space near the back of the office, with window views of the city. Then they decided to move us around for "team cohesion" and now I have a TINY desk right in the middle of the MAIN walkway that everyone has to use. Now everyone can see my monitor and I can no longer procrastinate or just stare into space (even though I'm actually thinking about how to do my work). It's horrifying. It's also quite loud, which is distracting. Oh well, until they move us again (soon hopefully)! A girl sits behind me, and because of the way she's oriented, she can ALWAYS see my screen and what I'm doing. It's like having someone looking over your shoulder 24/7 through your work day. Talk about Big Brother. The whole space is also claustrophobic, cause there's a massive pillar right next to me which just invades my workspace. I can usually stand claustrophobia, cause I like cosy spaces, but not things where I need to feel space!

So while I've been gone, my Lego has been broken up and thrown into a bag. Granted, I had not played with it in more than a decade, but still! It's my lego, I spent countless hours building that stuff, and it was a lot of fun and I guess my childhood memories are now in that bag too. I guess I had been avoiding the "getting old" moment. But with a quarter of a century creeping up on me, it's a bit hard to miss. Not much more of these ahead of me.

Anyway, I have things to do! Till next time folks, have a nice day!