You Are The Cause Of All This Pain

And Celeste Buckingham can sing you the next part of the song.  What a waste of a day!  Had a 4 hour meeting in the morning, which was absolutely pointless.  We did not need to be there.  But at least I was able to get out of the office, and there was a free lunch, so yahoo!  At least it makes the day pass quickly, which I'm always down with.  But it also means that I didn't get too much substantive work done.  Some was done though!  Not a complete deadbeat here, haha!

It would be nice to go home and just relax, but don't get that opportunity for 2.5 hours at least.  Will just have to find a way to get through it all.

Oh man!  Had a really awesome session of guitar last night.  Was impressed with my memory retention on some of the other's old stuff.  Usually I have to keep those tabs open in dropbox while I play, but I managed to remember a hell of a lot.  Got my own rhythms going on my songs, and attempted to marry the lyrics to the music, which is always a pain in the ass, but I was getting somewhere.  There's hope for me yet!  Will get into it a bit more tonight.  Even told the other that his progressions were pure genius, and he was happy!  We will jam when I'm in his neck of the woods in a few months time.  It'll be good.

Was just struck by a weird memory.  Yayen posted some of his old pictures to facebook of when we were in High School.  He had an interest in photography and took some black and white pics with the school camera when he was doing a class.  There was one with me and 2 others in it.  One being Ben.  Ben died a few years later when we were in university.  He died in a car crash on a stretch of road that is relatively clear - he had a head on with another car when he was speeding (I believe).  I don't know what happened to him in that regard, because he was a level headed smart guy, but maybe he was just having a bad day?  Maybe it was just an accident with no explanation. 

Brings me back to another high school memory.  We had a walkathon where we had to walk 20km for charity.  When you're that young, 20km is a hell of a long distance!  It was a pretty gruelling day, but I managed to get through it.  But the interesting thing was that some people actually ran the thing, in an event organised by a sporty teacher.  I thought that was sheer madness, but I found out later that they didn't run the entire 20km, they ran a straight line to the destination, which was closer to 7km, and I thought that was a bit more manageable!  I could run that now!  I think that's when I first talked to Yayen.  He never was one to throw the first punch.

Ok, only 30 minutes to go until I'm out of here!  Looks like things are going to be busy for the rest of the week, which will be good. 

Hahaa, just had a wicked idea, but the execution of it requires some thought and planning, which I just don't have the time for anymore. 

Gosh, looking at my reflection in the window and I am so ugly!  Why am I even allowed to exist?  Hahaha!  Irony of a self-serving statement right there.  What on Earth is going on?  Hmm, well I'll try to have a good night?  Heading interstate again this weekend, so might not be able to blog on Friday night, unless it's from my phone, but we'll see.  I'll try my best.  Oh god, Sydney.  Where will I be?  Would be interesting!

Anyway, I'd better leave it there.  Take care!

Joaquin out.

Who Is Steering The Ship?

I don't know.  Hell, I didn't even know there was a ship involved!  I'm just me, a person.  Nothing to do with anyone or anything.  Just tired, tired, tired.  Woke up this morning and very nearly called in sick because I just wanted to stay in bed.  Probably wasn't helped by the fact that I also fell asleep last night in front of the tv while watching Mythbusters!  Damn, I wanted to know what happened.  Did the Build Team's improvised parachute work?  Guess I'll never know.  What the hell is going on?  I'm making a determined effort to get into bed earlier, which I'm doing, yet every day I'm feeling tired in the mornings.  Maybe my body got used to less sleep?  I remember back in the old days, I would have a Red Bull on Tuesday mornings with breakfast, because it would get me through the week.  Tuesdays hit harder than most, as I'm sure I've said many times.

A bit miffed that GTA5 is only coming out on consoles first!  What about the new Windows, man?!  I'm sure it would look great!  Bring it out on PC!  But maybe wait until I've finished all my other games first.  Shite, do I even have anything to blog about today?  Got a terrible 4 hour meeting that I've gotta sit through tomorrow.  It's going to be technical and boring and nothing to do with me.  I wonder how I'm going to last?  Well at least there's free food, haha!  That's how you can get through it!

Oh man, still 90 minutes to go until I can get out of here?!  Ahhh, I can't do this!  Did a fair bit of work today and now I'm just absolutely taxed out of it.  As per usual I just want to put on my warm clothes and go to sleep.  But I don't want to go home, still with that thing!  What does one more day bring? 

There was a good advertisement the other day about Aboriginal (indigenous) politicians, from an Indigenous Scholarship network.  The ad basically had the picture of an aboriginal man in a suit in front of an Australian flag, implying he was the Prime Minister, with a caption "this will never happen".  But the next page states that the education network believes that it can.  And that's wonderful.  But what I read in the Telegraph today was that the scholarship sets up indigenous students to study at very elite schools.  Ok that's fine, but what I have an issue with is that concept that you can only have a Prime Minister from an elite school.  I've said a million times that you don't need someone from one of those fancy private schools to lead the country.  It is a fallacy that they receive the best education, and that they're the best equipped to lead.  Most of the time they are pretentious snobs with only hubris in their hearts.  The sense of entitlement they have is truly sickening and disgusting, and they only get places because their parents have money, and they can set up networks to get jobs and opportunities, despite not having any head for true leadership or any aptitude for anything besides partying, drinking, drugs and sexual assault.  Harsh?  Yes.  But accurate.  I'm sick of that status quo, things need to change.  We need people who care, people who can do the job.

Alrighttttt, only 40 minutes to go till I'm out!  I can do this.  Shame to hear about the result of the Malaysian elections.  Saru explained the situation to me, whereby everyone wants the opposition to be in power, but endemic corruption has resulted in widespread voter fraud.  Malaysia practices a system whereby there are a number of unevenly populated electorates.  So, hypothetically, 10 electorates of 1,000 people hold more power than 5 electorates with 10,000 people (stretching this hypothetical, but you know what I mean).  Therefore, there's plenty of opportunity to create mischief.  What I don't get is that the opposition comfortably won the popular vote, but due to the intricacies (and vaguearies) of the system, they have still lost, considerably!  Not a good sign, especially with the inevitable protests that have to come now.  Just hope it doesn't lead to violence, but hopefully there will be change just around the corner.  Not a good sign, especially if we are aiming to relocate to Malaysia at some point of our lives.

Thinking of taking a quick overseas jaunt next month to see a concert, as well as to potentially visit Sez.  We'll see if it can happen.  Gotta lot of ducks to potentially line up if it's all to happen.

Hmmm, might keep it there for today. 

Joaquin out.

Smiling Like An Idiot

While all these things are happening!  Like holy fuck!  Seriously?  Am I just going to sit here and let all these things happen?  Feeling so powerless.  It's so goddamn cold!  Ahh I want to be back in bed with my beanie and hoodie and not giving a crap about the world.  So cold that I can't get anything done.  Just sitting at my desk and shivering!  What the hell is the EER of this building?  Like negative 10?  Always freezing in winter and boiling in summer. 

Upset and powerless, isn't that always the way?  I don't want to go home, I don't want to go home.  Do you see me little birdy?  Another weird day of weird posts, but things are quite busy at work, so I can't really get into a groove and focus on things I'd like to blog about.

Last full week in the office for a while.  Travelling for work the remainder of the month.  Better than being stuck at work, I suppose!  At least I get to see more of this country and can get some exercise and food in.

I'd better keep it there for now.

Joaquin out.

Decayed Decade

Where the hell did the last 10 years of my life go?  It was over in just the blink of an eye.  And yet I know my entire life will be exactly the same.  I was here, and then I just...wasn't.  Time doesn't stop for anything.  But one day, I hope it does.  Maybe we can take up residence next to a black hole?  As close as can be without crossing over the event horizon, cause I don't imagine that would be good for you.  At least time will slow down for us, but it's all relative.  What's on for the next 10 years?  Oh god, what about over the next 2?  They will be the most important of my life, I feel.  Best make something of it, or else it's just this.  This this this.  Blergh.

It's nice to get things done which have been sitting on my to-do list for about 4 months.  But it's all done and I can sleep a little bit easier.  Well that being said, I didn't sleep very well last night.  Was restless throughout the night and this morning I was just damn tired.  I slept in and didn't bother going to the gym.  So of course now I'm feeling flat (and cold) at work.  Not a good way to get through things.  Man I really should have gone!  I'm regretting it now. 

Ergh, lady!  Don't try to own it if you don't know what you're doing.  It makes the rest of us look bad!!  4 hours until I can get out of this hell hole, but at least I'm taking lunch today, so when I get back it'll be just 3 hours.  Maybe 2 if I can leave a bit later on.

The thing I can't stand about this country is the misplaced arrogance and sense of self-entitlement.  Australia and Australians are notorious for thinking that they're the best, while not wanting to admit to any flaws whatsoever.  Any criticism is met with cries that other countries are worse, or flat out denial that anything is wrong.  Take this bullshit nationalistic pride.  Essentially you can't be Australian unless you're white, have the accent, and your family has been here for at least 2 generations.  Ethnic people will forever be ethnic, and Indigenous people are just regarded as forgotten and ignored.  Then they have the gall to complain that the country is being taken away from them by Asians and other ethnic groups, as well as refugees!  Folks, you came to this country illegally yourselves, then made up a ridiculous law that had complete basis in racism, facism and ignorance to say that the land was unoccupied, so you were allowed to claim it (this was only overturned over 200 years later).  But that still hasn't changed the mentality of the people, who remain blissfully unaware of the troubles facing these minorities and marginalised groups, or who openly fear and criticise and criminalise them.  I think on that basis, they deserve to have 'their' country taken away from 'them'.  A country belongs to all the people who occupy it.  You can't claim ownership of it, because it claims ownership over you.  People don't want to pay additional taxes to fund a disability scheme to help give dignity to people's lives, because they think the Government owes them.  What complete utter bullshit!  Let's remember the words of JFK here!  The world really is becoming a nastier place.  Yet everyone thinks they're doing the right thing.  God help us.

I've had enough for today.

Joaquin out.

Defragment My Mind

Please?  I've noticed that with all these fragmented thoughts and what not - the reality of which you are seeing on this blog, the harder it is for me to concentrate on real tasks for an extended period of time.  I wonder what's going on with me?  I'm just losing my focus.  Perhaps I should make a concerted effort to blog about particular topics in-depth, as opposed to a stream of consciousness thing that I'm used to. 

At least I'm not making the same mistakes again!

With all this cold and lack of sleep it feels like my body is shutting down.  All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep.  It didn't help that I lost my beanie while I was sleeping and then I woke up in the middle of the night absolutely freezing, which continued on to the morning.  Also had a strange dream where I called in sick for work and stayed home.  It actually made me very happy!  Haha, wow!  I'm so easily pleased.  Maybe I'll give that a go sometime.  I'll just make a conscious decision to waste the day.  It's not like I'm wasting my life...oh wait a minute!  Hmmm, I really don't want to do any work today, but things are so busy that I don't have a choice. 

Oh wow, I can see the moon from here!  From my desk, amongst the great blue sky (yes it is day time), I can see an outline of the moon.  It looks amazing.  I wish I could go and take a picture but I can't because I'm too busy, and the camera on my iPhone wouldn't have the clarity to do the shot any justice.  I wonder what it would have been like for the Apollo crews that got to the moon?  What a journey. 

Ok my work is pretty much done, and yet there's still 3 and a half hours to go until I can get the hell out of here.  What the hell am I supposed to do??! 

Well at least it's Thursday, right?  Only one more day of this crappery to go.  Then the all too short weekend.  Then of course back to it in full force next week.  And the week after.  And it never ends.  It just continues like this forever and ever until I die.  Good times.  If all we are left with in the end is memories, then I am pretty much screwed, because I have nothing.  Then I wonder, am I the only one feeling this way?  Or are so many people caught up in the fallacy of living life at a superficial level?  Hmm, still 2 hours to go.  I can get through this.  I've sat through much worse with nothing to do.  I'm prepared.  Just one of the perks (is it even a perk) of being me?

Alright, I better keep this here, I've got other stuff to work on.

Joaquin out.

The Dalai Lama And Queen Don't Agree

One wants it all, and they want it now.  The other doesn't not care for want, just enlightenment.  Yet both as famous as each other, haha!  What a world.

How in the hell can I make the same mistake twice in a row?  Oh well, learn and move on.  I'm just tired and frustrated and over it, frankly.  I don't feel like doing any work, but unfortunately, it's quite busy today so it looks like I'll still need to do stuff.  Ahh, can't I just sleep at my desk for a little while? 

I'm not here.  I'm barely here.  None of this should be happening.  Why?  Walking a very fine line of existence and life.  I can no longer read my own writing.

Where was I?  It's disturbing when you can't tell if memories are of real events or just fleeting dreams.  Hmmm, should I blog this weekend?  Do I even have time?  Not really, I'm out of time.  We all are.  This life is meaningless.  Irrelevant.  Why pretend that it is anything other than arbitrary?  Silence is golden.  Silence is scary.

2 more hours of this shit?  Oh please!  How am I meant to cope?  Just the way I am right now!  Shutting off part of yourself.  The part that cares and is open to the world.  That's not doing wonders for me right now.

And hello, who are you?  Hey you!  Yes, I'm talking to you!!  Don't pretend you're not there.  You could at least acknowledge me! 

Nothing on the agenda for tonight.  Of course not, when is there ever?  But at least it's just 90 minutes away.  This intersection reminds me of another one.  Hmmm, they don't pay me enough for this!

Ok, only gotta make it 30 minutes more and I'll be set.  Not bad at all.  At least it's been busier lately.  Then again it's been busy with pointless busy work that I shouldn't really have to do. 

The sun is going down.  I'm giving up.

Future proofing if I may?  I think overpopulation and reduction of resources will lead to another world war.  At least that war will be fought for actual survival, as opposed to stupid differences in political ideology.  But how does a nation fight a war in such a manner?  Do you just attack out of the blue one day?  Surely in instances where you are fighting for the survival of your nation, you ignore the rules of warfare and things like the Geneva convention don't matter?  I think we'll see a different means of waging war.  Civilians and non combatants will be directly targetted in order to inflict maximum casualties, to ensure land and resources are freed up for any invader.  But even then, let's just say that Earth exists as one country.  There's got to be a point where the population is unsustainable.  What happens then?  Well obviously civil war, or the population moves to other planets, or we just die.  There has to be a particular point where humanity has to start looking to interstellar travel as a means of re-population.  Because we've already messed this planet up, so we need to get off and destroy another planet when we get the chance.  But we're still stuck in our petty, jealous ways.  Ahh, I want to be around to see what happens!

There's a hotel right next to my work and I'm always paranoid that people are watching me through the windows.  The office is well lit, so at night you can see into the office spaces. 

To future disappointments!

Joaquin out.