Life Sometimes Just Sucks

Well, sorry about not being around. Had a lot going on, and now its time for me to get back to my posts. Two days till I am to fly out of Dhaka, and back to the land we call Canberra. My girlfriend is supposed to leave in about 2 hours, and I am sitting in her room, while she sleeps. What a bad day today, couldn't have ended in any worse way. Firstly, her visa application got rejected, and now she has to apply again, as some of the documents were not correct, so keep your fingers crossed on that one. I'm really bummed about that one. Secondly, her dog died infront of us, after battling for her life for the past week or so, so everyone in the household is quite upset about that. Finally, she had severe stomach pains, so we had to take her to the doctors at midnight. And now at 3 she just woke up, and shes not feeling any better, lets she how she does. One and a half hours to go. What sucks is that I didnt even get to talk to her before she leaves, and I wont see her for another 5 months. I haven't been home for the last god knows how long, and so as tommo and then the next day is my flight, I have to be home, so it would seriously suck even more if she were to stay back, and then I don't even get to say goodbye. Sometimes life just sucks, and I guess we just have to deal with it. Its been a good vacation, why wouldn't it be?? I got to spend a lot of time with my girl, but if she wasn't there and I didn't get to be with her, then on the whole, this vacation has been really bad, just way too much bad news and bad experiences. Car crashes, people dying, nothing just seems to go my way. I used to survive on luck, on everything I did, it usually had its own way of working itself out, but I feel now that my luck has run dry, and only bad karma to behold. This year infact has been bullshit.

Now that I stop to think about it, its all bad Karma, for all the bad things that I have done, and for all the pain and suffering that I have caused. I probably deserve the punishment, but I feel that its unfair that the other people in my life have to suffer the concequences aswell. So its probably a good idea to just stay away from me, everything that I touch seems to just go to the shits. Hey, the other, has anything bad happened to you recently?? How long can this go on for?? I think its time that this came to an end, and restore my happiness?? If anyone has any remedies, let me know...

Not looking forward to going back to canberra, eventhough I didn't have a great time here. Yeah, life is much better when I am with my better half, and that is probably the only reason I want to stay here, but that is not the reason why I don't want to go back to Canberra. There are parts of my life that I am ashamed of, and definately not proud of. I have left all of that behind, and will be out of my life, but as soon as I get back, I have to just for a short time step back into that world, and it is going to be painful to be reminded of those times, and all the pain that it has caused. On top of that, I have 2 weeks of work to catch up on, find a job, and do a mountain of crap that I do not want to have to deal with. Life has just gotten too hard, yeah yeah, welcome to the real world you would say, but its just gotten to hard to handle. There is only so much one can take. But it brings me back to a quote that I have been quoting for the last 6-8 weeks from the author of the alchemist, "when there is no way of changing the past, we should only concern ourselves on how to move forward." Yet it seems like a hard task at hand. I want to lock myself in my newly aquired mental institute dorm room (this dorm in the past used to be a mental pententiary). Solitude is probably the best thing to do, why cause anyone else any pain, or make my self available to any more bad times?? I am safe with me for the time being. There are things to look forward to in Canberra however, I get to meet, and stay with a really good fried of mine makster X, as his parents just moved into Canberra, and god damn it will be good to see him. I get to meet the other, and this time around hopefully meet up more often then not, and have our old gaming sessions, jams, and the routein lunch at oportos... These are the things that make me feel like life is worth living, without the people in it, the peoples lives that I affect, I would have called it quits a long time ago, life is just not as grand as it used to be, and I hope I feel like it is again sometime soon. For now the blame lies on me, and I deserve the bad karma.

Finally, I have so much stuff to take back with me, that I am seriously just have no idea how that is going to happen, so I am probably going to have to leave a lot of things behind, and I guess thats ok, as long as I take back the things that other people have requested me to bring for them or take for other people. Once a word has been given, its a crime to break that trust... On that note I will end this for now, why stay up anymore, I am just going to sleep, it hurts a lot less when I am asleep, at least there I get what I want, at least I think so...