We are a lost generation...

Its time for another episode of KnavesBox... KnavesBox is now officially my new company, that comprises of just me, what do I do under that name, whatever the hell I want to... Its just something that I will keep as a title for whenever I need a title... Makes me feel important... We all know that thats definately not the case...

Caught up with a few friends of mine who I have been alienating for a while, and it has been hard to admit why, but once I got that out of the way, it was quite evident that, that is why they are my friends... The fact that they never gave up on me, and never will has motivated me even more... Motivated by the lack of doubt... Doubt can kill a person, second guessing is not someting that should be indulged in unless its a financial decission... In that instance you might save some money, but doubt will eat you alive and anything that crosses its path... Please give me a way to take out doubt from my head... One thing I am sure that these aflictions are definately our the window, because there is no doubt in my head that, that chapter has been written and published, and kept away for the historians to dwelve over... The past is history, literally, look at the horizon... There is a beautiful sunset to behold... Follow me into oblivion... I'll spark an inspiration in you...

Language is arbitary... It is a tool we all possess, and hold so dear, yet every chance it gets, it seems to get us in trouble... One thing can mean a million things, and how you read a sentence can the conotated meaning behind everything... Again, our minds are evil, the doubt will undoubtedly lead you to a conclusion that was never implied... As Kedis says "Take a screw, and twist my language, dont forsake me, I'm contagious" I'd rather not use language, and let our bodies have a chat, but its something we cant live without, and inevitably will get us in trouble, especially if doubt is present...

After talking to fknrat for a long time, I realized that I am finally at peace with myself... I've been screwing up for too long and I have no doubt that I am out of the deep end... And that complacancy can be a killer too, gotta watch that... Make eveyone know how much they mean to you, and let them feel it... The other thing that was evident after talking to him, was that we both agree that Dhaka is one of the worst places to be for any young adult with time on their hands... The crowds here are screwed up, and the free flow of chemicals is killing my generation... It is a sad situation, and I for one an worried, and scared, very very scared... There were a lot of good heads in my generation, and I've seen too many go down hill, we should change our name for this generation not the "MTV generation" but now we will call it the "Lost generation"... Our minds are the biggest assets that we poessess and we have lost a lot of the good ones... The world my friends are doomed... I thought our generation was going to make this world a better place, lower povery, create greater acceptance, fight for world peace, and live like we were meant to live, but that is not the case, the drugs have spoiled us all... Our prespectives are so skewed that an inclined plain looks flat... I am saddened to my core, my heart is filled with sorrow at the moment... Lets look at terrorist for example, there have all been drug fucked from the start, and it is killing us, REALITY it seems is not important to people anymore... Hitlers army, had their own drug... One of the favorites here among the kids... kept them so wound up that they followed the rule of one of the most insane people in the history of time... The american army uses dogs to sniff for opium inorder to find the musilm fundamentalist, as they asways have traces of it as they are completely hooked on it... If this is the result of our generation, what is to be of the next one?? In the 60s it was a downer, aka weed, pot, dope, mary jane... that too was screwed up, but at least it didnt have people so wound up that they did crazy things, they just became pacifists, and that I dont think holds so much problems for society... Stopped the Vietnam war didn't it... But still that is just as bad... We need to stay in reality where we exist as one, not a plain where mind and body are dicontimized... Without facing reality how can we fix the world that we live in?? Open your eyes!!! I think we owe it to ourselves, and for a better world for our children, lets not pretend we are helping it by showing materialistic gestures, but in reality that only helps so much, we are falling in a downward spriral, and someone needs to rescue us...

The other has been very supportive of me, and will be there to make sure that I am on track. Even kept him out of the picture on a lot of things, and it is life a lode had been lifted knowing that he knows, and that he will be there for me. Thanks dude, someday I will make it up to you... And I am sorry...

I remembered the first song I ever wrote last night, while contemplating about how screwed up this place is getting... So here is the chorus from that song, hold great meaning for me, I hope it teaches you something too... Song was called burnt, and writen in high school... So here goes:

Everytime I try to break free,
Someting takes a part of me,
Cause in my head I thrive to find,
A lonely place that will be kind,
These aflictions might be a thril,
But I am sure that its gonna Kill...

- Knaves (Burnt 2002)

Finally I will end this post with a short blurb that my good friend Subhan and I wrote after our exams, and it is worthy of a post...

D day... The 22 of June... A day that will live in infamy! The day two simple minded individuals can be known to have achieved the culmination of their blissful self truth... So live... extrapolate the ignorant misconceptions before your inevitable entrance into the unequatable abyss...

- Subhan & Knaves 22 June 2006

And I shall leave you with that thought, hope to blog again tommo, and will have less depressing reflections, as I am truly morning inside, a part of me feels dead... Saddened... Hasta Manana (with the ~ above the n that is)...

Is That A Rubato Phrase?

Ahh it's excellent to see the other returning to his supreme blogging goodness. Now I finally have some motivation to do my own post. So what can you expect this time around? The latest update to the Joaquin rate list, finally!! I know it's been a long time coming and the number of updates is now enormous (14), but all the picks deserve it.

I haven't been up to a hell of a lot really, just watching more World Cup soccer and that's about it.

Oh oh oh!!!! Saw the final episode of Six Feet Under and it was AWESOME. The last 20 mins of that episode HAS to be the finest television moment in history. It was so good that I had to download it so I can watch it whenever I damn well please.

The latest series of 24 has started here and it is just bloody insane!!! I think they need to kill off Jack Bauer, it's the only way they can make the next series seem interesting. It's off to a grand start, but I am missing my dose of Elisha Cuthbert.

Anyway, as promised here is the latest update to the patented Joaquin rate list. You can find it here:

http://dropc.blogspot.com/2004/12/great-fun-to-be-around-you.html

Have a nice day folks!

Shoot This...

Well as the other has alredy led you to believe, yes, its true, we are done with our exams, and fuck it feels good to be done with that shite!!! Its been the most screwed up last few weeks of my life. I know, youre thinking that I've probably had a worse time back in 2003 and 2004, but I have to say, at least there was not so much anxiouty or pain involved. When one doesn't care, it doesn't matter as much, but this time it felt like a shard of salt stabbed into my heart, and as the salt desolves releases the agony of futility... When it seems like everything is futile, thats when you know you've hit rock bottom...

There are a lot of things that I got up to in the last few months, that I am not proud of. To those involved, no I havn't forgotten what it ment, but I have to disassociate myself from the life that I had chosen, as it screwed up the life that I hold so dear. Someone once asked me what my life was worth, an answer that is not easily quantified, but ambiguity has become cristalized, and now I can give him an answer. There are things in my life that mean more than I do to myself, and for that I will pour every last drop of blood and sweat, and thats what my life is worth. Its not my life thats worth anything, its everything and everyone interconnected that is worth anything, invaluable, the world worth is not sufficient when weighting their value. Blinded by the curtains of my own mind, tripping into the abyss...

So for now, I will head on forward and try and rectify the prison of solitude which i have grafted for myself... Till tommo, ciao...

Every boy's the same, since I've been the 7th grade...

I apologise for the lack of updates lately, but as I have mentioned, I have had exams and have been studying furiously for them. Anyway, I'm on holidays now, so you can expect a good flurry of posts over the next 32 or so days while I attempt to clear my massive backlog of blog notes. I don't care about anything anymore, there are no obligations so I can just procrastinate to my heart's content...and watch a crap load of world cup soccer while I'm at it.

The other should be done with his stuff soon and has promised an update as soon as he is done. I hate to say it, but it must be said. Fernando Alonso is too good. Too good the point of not being human. I think he may in actual fact be Satan. It makes perfect sense! How can a car with slow straight line speed be caning everyone by so much?! If it was the car, Fisichella would be doing well too, but obviously it's the driver, and Alonso must be assassinated for all intents purposes. I'm not that worried yet though, I think Schumacher still has a good chance. I'm hoping that Raikkonen joins Ferrari next season, then he and Macher will destroy ALL who oppose them.

For any of those who have to use epoxy resin for super glue, don't inhale the stuff or get it on your hands. I had to try and fix an earring with that stuff today and now I just feel nauseous, it's truly terrible stuff I tell you. You know it can't be good for you when you have to mix two different compounds out of the packet in order to use the final product!

I should be able to graduate from one of my degrees this year! I'm going to be so happy when I do, cause I can just throw it at people to make myself feel better.

I'm on cloud #9! Justin King's CD is going to be out in August and I'm going to be one of the first in line to buy it dammit! Ditto for Kaki King whose new CD should also be out soon. Speaking of guitars, I'm looking into buying 3 acoustics in the near future. Just any cheap Steel string as well as a classical nylon string guitar. But the third guitar I want is probably a Martinez Roundback, which is a straight knock off of the Ovation synthetics. They look wicked and play like a dream (and Kaki King uses the Ovation...but I can't afford those).

I have to renew my hatred of wikipedia! It's such a damn good site, but it's incredibly addictive. Once you go and look something up for your own interest, you'll find another 10 things which relate to that which also interest you and so it continues until you can't breathe anymore!! It's a very good time wasting tactic, I throughly enjoy it. It's funny, because you always end up in a completely different academic field to that of which you started.

One of my favourite shows of all time is back on tv, finally!! Mile High!! Yes, that trashy Brit Dramady about the staff of a small budget airline. It's as good as ever, I love it so much. It typifies British tv for me.

You know what's strange? Sometimes when I'm wide awake, I have these crazy Butterfly Effect-esque moments where I start dreaming while I'm awake. Well not entirely, it's not day dreaming. But I keep re-living dreams I had in my youth about places which bear an eerie resemblance to places I've been since I've attended university. It's really pretty disturbing really because I know I'm awake and dreaming, but it's like I'm in two streams of consciousness and I have to try hard to bring myself back.

I hate centrelink. For our international readers, you can liken it to Australia's version of social security. If you've ever had to deal with them, you know they're almost as inept as the Department of Immigration. We went in there the other day and we alerted them to our presence. 4 hours later they finally saw us. Apparently they didn't register us on the computer when we arrived so all these new people kept getting ahead of us. Needless to say, I was very pissed off indeed. That wait was seriously a messed up ordeal. It really makes you question yourself, it was akin to being on the last immunity challenge on survivor where it's all about stamina, after 39 days of living in a remote place, to see what you're made of. I almost went insane, asking myself the craziest questions. I do think I'm now capable of killing people, I just know it. How scary is that? Haha, a 4 hour wait has changed me as a person, how grand is that?

Anyway, I shall update the Joaquin rate list for my next entry because my backlog is HUGEEE. Have a nice day folks!