First Day Last Day

It's been a long time coming.  Can I make the most of the 90 minutes I have left?  Sometimes it just happens without a reason.  At least I knew my time was coming.  Where does life go from here on out?  Do things change?  I'm not scared.  I'm not afraid of things I've already experienced.  The sauce isn't worth the squeeze.  The squeeze isn't worth the juice, and other stupid things.  Other people are going through the exact same thing.  I'm not bothered. 

It's been a while since I've blogged, but that's because I've had so many things on.  Work, changing jobs, study.  Just general exhaustion.  I just want to sleep and never wake up, ever.  But in good news, the other has gone back to Bangers town for a little while this month.  I've encouraged him to blog, but with the internet over there being so slow, who knows if it's even a remote possibility.  We'll see!

Somedays you just want to hope that plans fall through and you can just go home and relax.  Some people are just too intimidating.  I've got nothing.  Like literally nothing!  There's nothing you can do in that kind of situation. 

Who knows?

I wonder.

Joaquin out.

You Can't Build Momentum

You just get bottlenecked and nothing will ever eventuate.  But I have to go and try my best.  The wheels are in motion, but not enough of them to give me what I need. 

Yeah, I think it was you.  It would make sense.  Fuck it, I'm going to leave work early today.  I've done enough today.  I don't want to see anyone.  I don't want to go anywhere.  Just let me be nothing.  This is all an accident.  A sick accident.  I shouldn't be here.  There's been a major mistake.

I've slipped through the cracks, and here I am.  My existence was an accident.  It's a hard thing to come to grips with.  But here I am.

Joaquin out.

All Bent Out Of Shape

Am I morphing into some weird gunky substance?  Sorry to return to the dream diary state of things, but I had some absolute doozies last night.  A house party or housesitting where I had a gun pulled on me, only to talk down the person and make friends with them!  Then I was hanging out with a friend from High School who I haven't seen since that time, and his brother was skydiving with some other people.  We saw them, and their chutes failed and they all crashed into the ground.  We took a truck to go and help, and despite some major injuries, they were all alive.  Then I woke up at like 5am and I could not go back to sleep.  I need to try and sleep earlier and get some semblance of fitness together.  I'm not altogether healed, but I hope it's enough to allow me to get moving again.  I'd like to be awake and motivated for my day.

My work computer is a pain.  It's slow, and the GPU fails every hour or so when I've got more than 2 tabs open.  Sorry, but in order to work I need to multitask!  Work computers, outside of IT are never good.  I wonder why companies don't really make the investment in better processing power.  I'm excited for the Raspberry Pi!  A cheap processor with power that can operate the new Windows?  That's excellent.  I can't wait.  I think I've pretty much stopped doing all I can with crazy graphics processing.  I just need to have something that can run a browser and a word processor and handle external media.  Done and done.  Save some money, and get things done!  Not bad overall.  Or maybe I'll just get an Intel NUC.  Who knows.  There's a massive price differential, so we'll see.

Ok, I've got things to do, so I'll get on to that.  Most people are afraid to be themselves.  Why is that?  It's refreshing when you meet someone who is true to who they are, warts and all. 

Last night was a bit of a fail, and I'm sorry for that post.  But I got absolutely nothing done.  I wonder why.  I need to stop blowing so much time on nothing.

Well hey, at least I get to leave early today.  Only 2 and a half hours to go.  And now it's down to under an hour.  I have been scarily productive today.  It's almost worrying.  I'm sure tomorrow will be a return to old form.  I just have to sleep early and get going.  Hope my legs hold up under the pressure. 

Here's to it!

Joaquin out.

The Defiance Of No Way!

I think I have pretty much given up.  I'm done.  I can't do this.  What's worse, is that I don't even know what this is.  I don't even know what I'm giving up on.  All I know is that I can't do it.  Doesn't matter what it is, I just don't want to deal.  No, I can't even.  I don't feel well.  Tuesdays are two hundred times worse than Mondays.  You can at least live in denial on Monday, but the body responds on Tuesday, and you pay the price for it.  I'd like to get back into binge watching tv.  That would help my current frame of mind.  Got things to do.  I'm getting through it! 

3.5 hours.  This can't be right.

And I'm not.

Joaquin out.

Fortune Favours The Few

Not even the brave.  Not even the cowardly.  It is random and strange in appearance.  What a tiring weekend.  I didn't even do anything worthwhile.  BUT I did manage to replace my cooked hard drive.  All is well.  All was backed up and easily able to be restored.  Got some good guitaring in, it's nice to be able to play again.  So productive, if not entirely restful.  All I want to do when I get home today is sleep.

Gosh, where did January go?  I thought I'd get more out of it in terms of relaxation, but it has been nothing like that.  It just went by so quickly.  Probably not helped by all my late nights.  I should make a more concerted effort to watch more things.  My external hard drive is actually running out of space.  That's not good news at all. 

Why has yahoo changed its layout?  It was a good source for American news and politics, and the cookies were good in that it tailored content based on previous clicks.  But now I can't access comics, and stories are basically packed all over each other.  Most news sites have gone to horrible layouts.  I guess it is all about trying to become more 'buzzfeed' like in trying to clickbait people, and passing off opinion and self help articles as news.

It's been a while since any major political system in the West has had an inspiring leader don't you think?  It's more about lying to the public, breaking promises, staying in power and populist notions of selfishness and fear. 

I look at my task list and realise I have nothing to do.  Great.

I think that she knows.  Not that it bothers me.  Why am I impatient?  It's just another day.  But it's not a complete thing.  Argh, now it's all just getting a little bit too difficult.  This weekend, next weekend all mean the same thing.  Maybe both worlds can collide and it can turn out better than last time.

Just being here was a true test of mental strength.  I was so tired, I didn't want to come in.  But I'm here, I'm here damn it.  My pens are all dry, how am I supposed to write?  That's okay, I have my trusty keyboard, and I can blog.  That's the best.

The other is going to be overseas in Bangers for pretty much all of Feb.  It'll be my goal to get him to blog while he's gone.  It'll be like old times, hopefully. 

Now we get down to business.  With 4 hours left on this clock!!  Having blazing fast internet at home has ruined me for internet anywhere else.  Hahaha, I know, first world problems, right.  Maybe I will attempt to take it easy this week.  Or at least today.  I have no idea what's going on with me.  Now I'm looking forward to meetings because at least it will help pass the time until I'm done. 

This is really stagnation.  I can't figure out what's going on.  There's something that makes me all incredibly uncomfortable with everything. 

I'm done.  Yeah, I think I'm done.

Joaquin out.