The Fire Rises

And everything is burning up.  There's so many questions but no answers, even if you spend all of eternity in thought, nothing will become clearer.  You have to go out and actively seek out your answers.  Truth will shine a light on the unknown.  We will be all the better for the brightness.

I was reading that time exists for us to make sense of choices (at least this is from a humanistic perspective - I'm sure time outside of humanity is almost irrelevant on a smaller scale).  But we are not immortal, why?  Because if we had infinite life, choices become meaningless.  You can live out 100 years doing the wrong thing, or even longer.  Your actions don't really have consequences then.  So we don't live long, and the result is that we're meant to look to our choices to make sense and do the right thing, and eventually have better lives.  But to me, this only makes sense, this only has meaning, if there's life after death to reconcile it.  Or else all choices become irrelevant in the long term.  If the end sum game is nil, then everything is pointless.  We are searching for meaning in a world full of randomness and chaos.  Is that it?  Is that all there is?  There needs to be some sort of reconciliation, some spiritual accountancy.  There's nothing else for it.  I'm not even sure what I believe.  Hell, I don't even know what I don't know.

Been making some serious amendments to my dropbox files so that I can finalise some of my guitaring ideas.  But I think the biggest thing to do would be to actually record some of the ideas and start working on some overdubs and second guitar parts.  And then drums!  Drums baby. 

Is everything relative?  From all perspectives?  You have to figure it out, listen to what I tell you.  It's a great feeling to be blogging again.  It really has been too long.  But I'm worried that I'm running out of steam.  In the absence of good ideas going out, the rest of this stuff is basically gibberish.  But I'll work on it.  I really need to start using more of my brain power and hopefully the creative juices will start to flow again.

Here's to more of that.


Joaquin out.

There's Something Over There

And I don't know what it is.  It is freaking me out though, it moves in an otherworldly fashion. 

So yes, I'm back and it's about time.  Sorry I haven't been able to blog while away, I was meaning to, but the medication I was on after the surgery was just insane.  I was down for about 12-14 hours most days just unconscious.  When I was up, I wasn't able to stay vertical for very long at all.  I was having weird and obscure thoughts and I couldn't articulate anything.  I didn't even get a chance to watch movies or tv shows, or even finish reading my book.  I played the occasional game of Counter Strike Global Offensive and Chivalry Medieval Warfare, but that was really it.  Pretty much wasted time.  The drugs have been out of my system for a few days now, but I'm still adjusting to real life.  I could totally see myself as a junkie now.  It's a very different sort of lifestyle.  The only problem was that when I did have awesome ideas for blogging (and I had stacks), I couldn't really type any notes or even posts, and that sucks because there were some brilliant ideas.

Oh well, didn't even play that much guitar, but I did manage to get some new ideas down and consolidate some old ones so I'm happy with that sort of progress.  I wasn't looking forward to being back at work, and having been here not even a full day I can remember why.  I had things to do, but they're all done as of this morning and now the rest of the time can be devoted to blogging.  Thankfully I may have some stuff to say this time around.

So we finally have a huge mystery on our hands, the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight MH370.  For those not in the know, the plane departed from Kuala Lumpur, heading to Beijing.  It's a relatively short flight, and comparatively simple for an experienced commercial pilot.  However the flight never arrived.  It disappeared from ground radar and then appeared to fly a bit more.  Enter the crash search rescuers who have turned up nothing.  Now there are all these theories about how the plane flew for almost 7 hours more, and flew due West to the Andamans, or possibly even Australia.  But there's no trace of anything, none of the passengers or the pilots.  Theories have now shifted to a deliberate hijacking by either the pilots or someone else and then possible red herrings given over the radio, which occurred after the transponder was turned off.  This is incredibly interesting, as something like this has not occurred before.  I am wandering what the final outcome will be, and though I know the reality is most likely that the plane crashed and everybody died, I am somewhat hopeful that everyone is okay.  That sort of flight is something I could have potentially been on.

Can the tao be attained?  Or was it just a concept created just to mess with us?  It's like an asymptote.  You'll never quite get there but it appears to be so close in your grasp.  Can my life be changed?  Or is it just more of the same?  I feel like I've aged a decade overnight.  I could do with some more sleep.

I'll never understand people who believe the nuclear bombing of civilians was justified in Japan during World War 2.  People justify it saying that it avoided a costly ground war later on, but ground wars exist for the purpose of sparing the innocent.  You can't fight wars to deliberately target civilians, that's just not how things are done.  So America deliberately targets these civilians, not once, but twice and say it was required to save lives.  Yes, to save the lives of American soldiers later on, not Japanese civilians, I assure you.  Because if you think that way, then any military force is justified in carrying out attacks against civilians in any country under the guise of wanting to spare more lives in the future.  And you know how that one runs out the clock.

I think that's it for this return edition.  Hopefully more good stuff to come during the week.  I've gotta get out of here!

Disappointment still abounds!

Joaquin out.

My Secret

I'll post more when I'm off the drugs, or else this just won't end well.


Joaquin out.

Days Move Away From Me

Time it just keeps going on and on.  Why can't we seize the seconds and live so much harder and faster than we ever have before?  And in that we don't have to pay the price for existence.  Not just that, how come humans cannot live longer?  There are so many things which live much longer than we do, but I suppose on the balance of the evidence, most things live a lot less than we do.  So I guess that's something?  Why does time have to be a force in the universe?  Why is it also so poorly understood?  If only it could be manipulated like light or gravity.  But here we are, and there you go, and only that remains are memories.

Today is my last day of work for a while.  Too bad I have to get a medical procedure done to earn that.  But I'll take what I can get, even the insane swelling and pain that accompanies what I gotta do.  Crap, do I have anything to say?

Probably not.  We'll see how things go while I'm at home.  Maybe I was too young for that.

What is this blog?  Where are we going?  Well the other started this up in 2004 because blogging was a relatively new phenomenon then.  This was before social media took off in other forms such as tumblr, instagram and facebook.  It was just a place to express our thoughts and feelings, whether on point, or totally abstract.  It's also an opinion soapbox.  It is whatever we want it to be.  There's no theme.  It just continues as is, and that's the way I envision it going in the future.  At least until it becomes untenable to keep up with, or I'm dead.  One or the other, haha!

I think I'm done with this day.

Take care folks.

Joaquin out.

Flying Towards Rapture

And yet it's I who has been captured.  What are your expectations?  I read an interesting point about Roger Ebert the other day.  He was a lifelong athiest and skeptic, but after enduring many painful medical procedures, he was on his deathbed and started saying strange things to his wife.  She thought he was hallucinating because of the amount of medication he was on, but apparently he wrote down "this is all an elaborate hoax".  That's pretty awesome.  I wonder what he could have meant.  Perhaps the truth was made clear to him towards the end. The rest of us aren't in on it. 

I'm in a strange mood today.  I'm still injured so I can't do anything.  Decided to sleep a bit early last night and sleep in this morning.  For some reason I still feel more tired than usual.  That's when you know you're getting older, when sleep doesn't really feel restful or relaxing anymore.  I guess that's the struggle as we all try to cling on to life.  It sort of feels like I'm still sleeping, and everything now is a dream.  This is not reality.  Everything has an air of fakeness about it.  Altered perceptions, altered realities. 

Got in some great guitar last night, things are slowly improving on that front.  I need to write some more new ideas and finish some old ones. 

It's great to finish a huge project!  It's a relief cause it was a massive time killer.  At least I can devote time tomorrow for writing some blog stuff.  Tomorrow is my last day of work for a while and I'm looking forward to it.

Just a book and a couch.  That's all I want.  I really think I've exhausted most ideas for posting on here.  Well until I start using blognotes again to keep track of my memories and thoughts when I want to say something good.  But as I've said before, that's ok since I won't be blogging for a couple of months later in the year as I go over old posts and attempt to make some tags. 

But for now?  Definitely all out of ideas.

Joaquin out.

Toffed The Boffins

What a very strange weekend.  I don't recall doing anything.  Anything at all.  I sat at home, didn't watch any movies or tv shows, and I didn't even really play that much guitar.  In fact I barely played at all.  Not good.  Hmmm.  But in positive news, I decided to make gigantic headway in terms of getting all the films I wanted to watch.  I've had a big list going for several years of films, new and old, that I've wanted to see.  Ever since I started working, watching films has not been a priority and I have been falling further and further behind on new releases.  People who go on and on about films are usually met with a blank stare when they talk to me about them.  But this weekend I put about 30 films on uTorrent for download, and I'll be sure to get several a week.  Haha, but of course that's entirely far removed from actually watching the stuff.  But this will help, no doubt.

This body really is falling apart.  I'm incredibly tired for one, and I've managed to pick up an injury to my leg which makes exercising a bitch.  This isn't so good, when I need to get my wisdom teeth out in a few days and there'll definitely be no exercising after that.  I shouldn't have watched a video about the extraction cause that stuff is borderline torture.  Seriously, the only difference between a stone mason and a dentist is the paycheck.  A lot of it is grinding, pulling, scraping.  It's all so medieval in execution!  Crazy stuff. 

Those big digital eyes watching whatever you're doing.  It's all speculative.  I think the recent stuff was all a red herring, but the older stuff, I think it may be staring me in the face.  It doesn't gel with what others say.  The problem with facts is that I can really only verify it with my own eyes.  Things should have been thought about, rehearsed and perfected.  But it was all jumbled and nonsensical. 

I think I suffer from a fear of missing out (FOMO).  Until recently, I didn't even know such a thing existed, but there are more and more articles on it everyday.  It's probably exacerbated by social media, where I feel that I have to see every single post, or I may miss something good.  And that's a huge time killer for me in terms of getting anything else (or anything useful) done. 

Looks like things are going to be busy until I'm gone, but I'll keep blogging.  It's heading up to March, which means we are just a mere 6 months away from the blog intro/retrospective!  It'll be grand!  I'll be aiming to get through each post and start tagging things to better link stuff together for readers.

But that's it for now.  90 minutes!  I can do this!!!

Joaquin out.